Counting on Love

by R L Burgess

  “No, I’ll be working offsite. Get me on the mobile if you need me.”

  “No worries. Have a great weekend, Reyna.”

  “You too,” Reyna called over her shoulder, already heading down the corridor.

  Thankfully traffic was light and she slid into a parking space behind the school in record time. She would just get there before the bell if she moved fast. Whenever possible she liked to be waiting outside his classroom with the other parents when the bell rang, and she knew her parents did this when they picked him up too. If she didn’t quite make it in time, he would go and play on the monkey bars with some other kids until she arrived, but she imagined it was nice for him to see a friendly face waiting for him.

  Reyna hurried through the leafy school grounds, smiling at a few parents she recognised as she made her way to Holden’s classroom. She really didn’t know enough of them, but that would all change when her new restructure came in to play.

  She thought back to her conversation with Linda Macintyre that morning. Linda had a selection of candidates for the General Manager position, ready for Reyna to review. If she liked the look of any of them on paper, she could progress to the interview stage. Linda had emailed the list to Reyna with their respective résumés, and Reyna looked forward to going over them tonight. Now that she had decided on the change, it couldn’t come quickly enough. She just needed to hold on for a little longer. Patience, she reminded herself, coming to a halt outside Holden’s classroom just as the bell rang. She still had the board of directors to select. But at least she could feel movement, a sense that she was on the cusp of a big change.

  She hung back as children streamed out of the classrooms, keeping her eyes peeled for Holden. When his classroom seemed to have emptied but he still hadn’t appeared, she felt a tug of anxiety. She hoped he hadn’t been hurt and ended up in the sick bay. Usually they called her if there was an issue.

  And then he was there, standing on the steps of the classroom, chatting earnestly with somebody who was hidden by the doorway. As Holden took a step backward the person he was speaking with moved forward into the light and Reyna found herself looking up at the slim figure of Zoe Cavendish, her light brown hair swept up in the familiar butterfly clip. As if in answer to Reyna’s confusion, Holden suddenly looked over at her, pointing and waving. Zoe, apparently following his direction, looked over to where Reyna was standing, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand.

  “Aunty Rey,” Holden called, cantering down the steps toward her. “Look! She used to work for you.”

  Reyna’s head spun as Zoe followed Holden over to where she was standing.

  “Hello,” Zoe said simply, a polite smile in place. “Small world.”

  Reyna blinked, words stuck in her throat. Her mind was at sea. Zoe looked pale, a slightly haunted look behind her smile. “What are you—” Reyna began, but Holden jumped in, dancing around her excitedly.

  “Zoe’s been in this week doing the money program with us. I told her my aunty was good with money and how you have your own money house and everything, and she said she used to work for you! Isn’t that so cool?”

  “Holden was keen for us to say hello,” Zoe added.

  “Can I go and play on the monkey bars for a bit before we leave? I’m learning a new trick and I want to practise it.”

  “Sure.” Reyna ruffled his hair, catching his bag as he shrugged it off his shoulders and raced over to the playground. “You’re here with your new job?” Reyna asked, feeling stupidly slow. It was if someone had erased all the words from her mind and left her with an empty canvas.

  “That’s right. We’re doing the schools in the southern region first. This is actually my first school.”

  “And you’re here.”

  “I’m here.”

  “How’s it going then? The job, I mean. Is it everything you hoped it would be?”

  “And more.” Zoe hugged her arms around herself, as if she was cold, even though the sun was shining brightly.

  “Well that’s great.” Reyna found herself glancing over to the playground to check on Holden.

  “I’d better let you go,” Zoe said, following her look.

  “No, I… He’d be happy doing that for hours. I just like to keep him in my line of sight. In case he breaks something.” Reyna gave a self-conscious smile. “I’m not one of those helicopter parents or anything, but you should see the way he throws his body around. It’s as if he thinks he’s made of rubber.”

  “I know what you mean. This is the first time I’ve ever really spent time with kids, and they’re pretty full on. Awesome, though. I love the crazy questions they come up with. One kid asked me to help him work out how long it would take for him to save his first million from his paper-round.”

  “Aiming high! I like it. I’m pretty sure I had similar thoughts as a child.”

  “Definitely one to watch,” Zoe replied with a grin.

  “So you’re loving it then?” Reyna asked, allowing her eyes to finally connect with Zoe’s. A jolt ran through her and she quickly looked away again, returning her gaze to the playground.

  “I am. I have a great team and everyone’s worked really hard to get the program up and running.”

  There was a pause while they both watched Holden dangle precariously from the monkey bars by one leg. Reyna sucked in her breath.

  “It must be hard to watch him do that kind of stuff and not try to stop him,” Zoe said.

  “It is. I can’t think how many times I’ve wished I could ask my sister how she would handle things, but of course…”

  “You can’t,” Zoe finished.

  “I can’t.”

  “I hear there are some changes afoot at Azoulay House. It sounds like you’ve been pretty busy yourself over the last month.”

  Five weeks. But who’s counting. “I have,” she agreed. “I’m restructuring.”

  “That’s great,” Zoe said, her voice sounding far away.

  Reyna turned to look at her again, catching and holding her gaze. “I hadn’t realised how tied I was to my work until, well…what happened with us. I realised I wanted things to be different.”

  “You did?”

  “Zoe,” a voice from behind them called out. They both turned around to see Holden’s classroom teacher standing at the top of the stairs. “I need to lock up the classroom in a sec, got a staff meeting to get to. Are you right to come and pack down your stuff?”

  “Of course, I’ll come straight up,” Zoe replied and turned back to Reyna. “Holden is a great kid. I’m glad I got to meet him like this. Everything makes more sense now. Nice to see you, Reyna. Take care.”

  “And you,” Reyna managed, as Zoe turned and jogged up the steps. Reyna wished she could call her back, but what was there to say? Nothing in her world had changed. Yet, she reminded herself. It wouldn’t be long now.

  “Aunty Rey,” Holden cried from the monkey bars, causing her to turn in alarm. “Look at me.” He was balancing on one foot at the top of the rungs, arms out in the air.

  Her breath caught in her throat. “Nice one,” she replied, fighting her instinct to tell him it wasn’t safe, to warn him that he might hurt himself. “Hop down now, darling, we’re going home.”

  They listened to the radio in the car, Holden singing along to the pop songs he knew in his sweet falsetto. Reyna giggled to herself, listening to him squeak out the high notes. When they got home, Holden raced for the kitchen.

  “Can we make pancakes for afternoon tea? Sometimes I used to make them with Mum after school and she let me have syrup on them.”

  “She did? You’ve never mentioned that.” Reyna was always torn between trying to re-create the things that Sarit and her husband had done with Holden and then thinking that was a terrible idea. “Do you think you would remember the recipe?”

  He shrugged. “Sure. It’s pretty simple. I think it was just flour and milk and eggs. And syrup. Do we have syrup?”

  She rummaged through the fridge and re
trieved an almost full bottle of maple syrup. “That’s a yes on the syrup. Let’s do this.”

  Under his careful direction they mixed up the pancake batter, spooning it into a sizzling pan and flipping them when they bubbled. When they had a small stack made they set them on the kitchen table and began to eat them.

  “I like to roll mine up like this,” Holden said, struggling to roll the pancake into a cigar shape without tipping out all the syrup. Reyna followed suit.

  “So tell me about what you’ve been doing with Zoe at school. What’s the program like?”

  “It’s pretty cool, actually,” Holden said, nabbing another pancake and tipping a healthy slug of syrup over the top of it. “They’re teaching us how to budget for things and how to save and stuff. I think I’d like to save up for my own goalie gloves for soccer next year.”

  “That’s a great idea. I guess we haven’t really discussed pocket money. What did your mum and dad do about pocket money?”

  “They used to give me five dollars a week, but I had a big list of chores I had to do to get it. Maybe we could do the same here but without the chores?” He looked at her with large, hopeful eyes.

  She shook her head with a grin. “I think the chores part sounds kind of important. People don’t usually just give you money for no reason.”

  He sighed deeply and focused on rolling up his next pancake. “Okay, that’s what they said. I can do the chores.”

  “And what else have you done in the money program?”

  “It’s mostly maths, which is weird ’cause usually I hate maths, but Zoe is a fun teacher and it doesn’t feel like maths when she does it. And we’re doing the difference between need and want, like how you need food but you want lollies, even though they’re food as well, and how to split your money up so you have enough for the need stuff.”

  “Wow. Big stuff.”

  “Yeah, I think she’s coming back tomorrow too. I can tell you what she says if you like. Do you know how to budget?”

  Reyna suppressed a smile. “I do. That’s something I’m pretty good at.”

  “I thought it would be. Because of your money house. How much money do you actually have at the house?”

  “You mean Azoulay House?”

  “Mmm, hmm,” he mumbled through a mouthful.

  “We don’t actually keep money at my work. It’s more like we help other people work out what to do with theirs.”

  “Like what Zoe is doing with us!”

  “Exactly.”

  “Did she do that at your work too?”

  “She did.”

  “Why did she leave?”

  “I guess…she wanted to try something different.”

  “But it sounds exactly the same! Were you sad when she left?”

  “I was.”

  Holden nodded, his eyes serious. “It’s the worst when people leave. Aren’t you the boss? You should have just told her not to.”

  “I wish I could have,” she replied, watching him scoop the last mouthful of pancake up into his mouth and wipe his hands on his trousers. His mop of curly black hair bounced around his head, his creamy olive skin and dark eyes a picture of childhood. “But it doesn’t work that way.”

  “Did you at least tell her you would be sad if she left?”

  Reyna pursed her lips. “I don’t think I really did, no.”

  His brow wrinkled in confusion. “But why not? Maybe she would have stayed if you’d told her you wanted her to.”

  Reyna was saved from answering when her mobile phone suddenly broke into the latest pop song from across the room. She raised an eyebrow and he grinned. “I changed your ringtone to something cooler.”

  She grabbed it, Samira’s name lighting up the screen.

  “Hiya.”

  “Hi, Rey. The boys want to know if Holden would like to come for a sleepover on Friday night and come with us on Saturday to the adventure playground in Mount Martha? We’re heading out first thing Saturday morning so we’ll be gone most of the day. I know you’re pretty busy with work so I thought you might be happy for a bit of time to yourself?”

  “Sure, let me just check with Holdy.” Reyna waved the phone at him. “Jessie and Gideon are inviting you to sleep over tomorrow night and then spend the day with them at the adventure playground in Mount Martha. Would you like to—”

  “Yes, yes, yes!” Holden jumped up from the table doing a little victory dance.

  “No surprise, it’s a yes,” Reyna said with a laugh into the phone.

  “Excellent. Pack him some trousers. They have a zip line there and the boys tell me if you’re wearing shorts you get a wedgie.”

  “Right. Will do. When shall I bring him?”

  “The boys have karate straight after school, so how about just before dinner? They’ve begged for pizza and a movie and we gave in.”

  “Sounds great,” Reyna said. “See you tomorrow.”

  They rang off and Reyna filled Holden in on the plan.

  He tipped up his plate, licking it clean of syrup and making happy noises. “Dad and I went on a massive zip line once,” he said. “Jessie and Gideon are right. You do get a wedgie if you’re wearing shorts.”

  The next day as Reyna dropped Holden at school, she looked anxiously around for Zoe. His questions had spun around in her mind throughout the night, as she tossed and turned in bed. Why hadn’t she told Zoe how she felt about her? Maybe they could have worked it out together. By morning she had decided that if she saw Zoe when she was dropping Holden off for school, it would be a sign. She would tell her everything—how she couldn’t stop thinking about her, how she ached for her, how she had never been touched, emotionally or physically that way in her life. If she saw her.

  She kept her eyes peeled, nearly tripping over a small boy who had stopped to tie his laces in the middle of the path but didn’t catch so much as a glimpse of her. Holden had thought Zoe would be back in their classroom today, but her sinking heart told her Zoe had probably moved on to the next school. And who knew? Zoe had probably moved on to the next relationship. Having given Zoe no indication of her feelings, she was bound to have written her off as a crazy ex-boss, glad to be as far away from Azoulay House and its CEO as possible.

  As Reyna left the schoolyard, she couldn’t help but scan the grounds one last hopeful time, but there was no sign of the slim, athletic figure. She had missed her chance.

  Her day dragged. A quick glance through the résumés Linda had sent her last night had yielded two potential candidates for the General Manager position, but now she had to wait for Linda to contact them and set up the interviews for her. She had an awe-inspiring list of potential names for her board of directors, but after she sent Linda the names that particularly resonated with her, there was again nothing to do but wait to hear back. She tried to focus on the Sydney briefs, but her mind constantly flicked back to the colour of Zoe’s eyes, the feel of her mouth, the heat of her skin, the taut line of her belly. Reyna finally gave up, shutting her laptop and heading out of the house for a walk.

  With an hour to spare before she was due to pick up Holden, and a fresh spring day unfurled before her, she decided to take a roundabout walk to the school, putting in her headphones to listen to music. It was a rare treat to have this kind of time to herself, but the heaviness in her heart made it difficult to enjoy. Come on, she urged herself, trying to buck up her spirits. When did she ever get to just wander about in the sunshine? She and Holden hardly ever had the chance to walk home from school, even though it was only a twenty-minute walk, because Reyna never had the time to walk there in the first place to pick him up. But things would be different next year, she thought, inhaling the scent of plum blossom on the air. Things were going to change.

  She reached the school with half an hour to spare and found a seat at a picnic bench in a patch of sunshine near the front gate. Switching to a podcast, she tried to relax on the bench, closing her eyes as she listened to a women’s business podcast she enjoyed but seldom had time fo
r. She smiled to herself as the presenter made the point that most people listening to her show would either be too tired to take on board the advice or too busy. She usually fell into both of those categories. She would pay for her lack of industry over the weekend, but knowing that Holden would be off with the boys meant she had an entire extra day up her sleeve to catch up, and she forced herself not to worry.

  A tap on her shoulder caused her to start, her eyes flying open as she spun around.

  “Hi,” Zoe said, standing before her with a nervous smile.

  Reyna pulled the earbuds from her ears and stood. “I thought you had gone.”

  Zoe’s face tightened, a hurt look crossing her eyes.

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” Reyna said quickly, putting her hand on Zoe’s arm. “I was worried I wouldn’t see you. I hoped I would.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes.” She dropped her hand from Zoe’s sleeve, suddenly unsure of herself. “I wanted to talk to you. I…” Reyna cursed as the bell rang. She shook her head. “I have to go and get Holden.”

  “Of course. It was good to see you. I’m glad we got to say bye.”

  “It doesn’t have to be goodbye,” Reyna said, before she could stop herself.

  Zoe narrowed her eyes. “It doesn’t?”

  “Have dinner with me tonight.”

  Zoe looked at her incredulously. “I’m sorry, you want me to have dinner with you tonight?”

  “Yes. Please. If you’re free? Holden is staying at a friend’s house, so we could go out or you could come to my place.”

  “Come to your place?”

  “If you’d like to.”

  They stared at each other for a moment, until Reyna became aware of the stream of children pouring out of the classrooms. “I really have to get Holden,” she repeated.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “Okay, I’ll have dinner with you tonight,” Zoe said hesitantly.

  “Good.” Reyna kissed Zoe softly on the cheek. “Come for seven. I’ll text you the address.”