The Devil as the Monk
Page 3
1. I’m fine, I’m fine! I’m fine now. In fact... Strange as it is to say...
5. Yes.
3 nods and smiles as well.
They all look at each other with the strangest friendliness.
2. What?
3. Are you spooked?
2. What the fuck is it?! Why are you three looking at each other like that?
5. We feel refreshed, don’t we?
3. As though we’ve been washed in the gentlest waters.
1. ...my soul! I haven’t felt this young in years! Oh! I want to cry and I can’t quite explain why! Suddenly...! Oh! It came so sudden!
4 looks a bit sour.
5. Don’t be jealous, boy.
It’s hard for 5 to talk. He’s just woken up from a beautiful dream.
5. With time and training....
4. With time and training what?
5. Oh. Yes. You’ll be attuned to it too.
4. But what if I never hear the sound? What if I turn out like him?
2. Then that’s all the better for you! You won’t look like a ridiculous moron!
The monks begin to overcome their strange calm. They come down a little bit back to Earth.
5. You can be a skeptic even at these times?
3. Look at her! How serene she looks now.
1. But not at all passive, either.
4. Oh! This girl is something special.
2. Morons! All of you are morons! You’re gullible idiots!
1. Gullible? But what is she selling us that makes us gullible?
2. Because...! Because...!
3. You’re jealous.
2. Of what?!
5. You want it to be you surrounded by the light.
3. Perhaps It would have visited you instead if you weren’t so eager to leave.
2. ‘It?!’ What’s ‘It???’
1. We don’t know.
2. Oh please! Do you really expect that after one night of being here, something would come visit her? What about us? Any of us? We’ve all been here for years! Why--
5. This seems beyond the scales of justice. Or any human perception of fairness.
1. Indeed.
2. ‘Human percep....’ But why this awed reverence?! She’s swindling you! Look at her! She knows she’s won!
3. Yes. Look at her. Go on. Really take a look. How could she be the cause of any of this?
2. ...I don’t know! She comes from below where they invent all sorts of technologies. We’ve been away for so long, we are all ripe for tricking. We don’t know what they have down there. Robotics and gizmos and--
5. You’re burning with jealousy!
2. I’m not jealous! I just don’t think that after one night something like this would happen to her.
3. But it is happening!
2. She doesn’t deserve--
1. I think this is beyond anything we’ve ever taught.
1 recognizes a new humbleness within himself.
2. ...so you’re renouncing the order now?! Because of this piece of shit??? I spit on you, I spit on you, I spit on you all!
5. I see you don’t spit at her.
4. He’s afraid.
2. Fuck you!
1. I’m saying we ought to reconsider things.
2. Well I’m saying--
3. Look! It’s gone!
The beam of light disappears. At once, Epiphany falls unconscious to the ground. She begins to twitch a little.
5. What should we do?
3. Would it be profane to touch her?
But 4 doesn’t even think. He dashes straight towards her.
4. She needs help!
1. Be careful! She could incinerate you!
4. I don’t care! She needs a proper bed. And she needs to rest.
2. We’ve no beds around here, boy.
4. Then we need to build her one.
1. Agreed.
2. ...what?! Now you’re building her a--a--a throne???
3. It’s not a throne, you--
2. Well then! Let me sit outside in the sun. I’ll be cross-legged and humming. Hummm, hummm, hummmm. Perhaps then you’ll treat me like a king. All it takes is a little bit of light. After all these years--
5. That’s what you wanted? To be treated like royalty?
2. Whatever you say! I can’t believe this. You’re all morons.
3. Well I’d rather be wrong and side with myself than be right and side with--
2. Yeah, go fuck yourself.
5. So much rage! Where did this come from?
1. Enough! We must attend to the girl. That’s what’s important here.
“That’s what’s important here.” “That’s what important here.” “That’s what’s important here.” It repeats over and over in 2’s head.
The monks carry her away carefully.
3. Won’t you come with us?
“That’s what’s important here.” 2 thinks about those words.
3. Hey! Hey!
2. Huh? Oh.
5. Leave him be. Leave him be. Come on. Let’s go!
They leave with their “precious cargo.”
“That’s what’s important here.” 2 begins to behind indulge his rage.
Bang, bang, bang!
Suddenly he’s smashing the walls.
Bang, bang, bang!
He threatens to do away with the hut with his very hands. Bang, bang, bang! He kicks and hits and tantrums. Bang, bang!
2. Well...! Come to me! Go on! Come to me! I’m not afraid! If you’re real, come to me!
But ‘It’ doesn’t.
ACT II
SCENE 1 - BETWEEN TWO TREES
Epiphany wakes up to find herself high up on a hammock.
Though it’s nothing like the straw mat she was supposed to be laying on, she fails to question it.
Yes, she fails to question the sudden comfort. The open air, the evergreen smell. All of it. She even fails to question there are four monks beneath her, openly praying to her figure.
Instead, she focuses on the fact that they’re there.
It’s woefully late in the morning. She promised she would be up by dawn. But she never woke up! She slept right through the sunrise.
And now they’re here and they’re probably going to kick her out. Look at them down there.
3’s a little bit of an authoritarian isn’t he? He’s probably especially itching to kick her out.
But that’s not fair, is it? To be forced to leave after one mistake? One teeny, tiny mistake? There’s not even a rooster up in these parts of the world. How could they expect her to get up? Cock-a-doodle-doo! That stuff’s important when you’re so used to it.
Look at them kneeling down there! Is this what they do before they give people the boot? They pray that their god incinerates the offender?
They don’t even have boots. They have sandals. They can’t kick her out. Sandals don’t hurt the arse much. She’ll withstand their toes.
EPIPHANY. ...umm!
4. Psst! She’s stirring about!
3. She’s up! Look! She moves!
5. But is she fully conscious?
1. Miss…?
EPIPHANY. Oh!
Epiphany can’t help but blush. She’s awfully embarrassed. They gave her a chance and she blew it!
Maybe she won’t withstand their toes after all.
EPIPHANY. I can’t look at your faces!
3. Turn around, turn around! You heard her. She doesn’t want to see our faces. Turn around!
They don’t dare question her “command.” At once, they turn their backs.
It’s awful silent for a few moments.
Epiphany bashfully peeks through her fingers.
EPIPHANY. ...oh!
It’s awfully funny to see their tushies. Quite the unexpected sight.
Epiphany can’t help herself.
EPIPAHNY. Hee-hee! That
’s funny.
1. What’s funny?
EPIPHANY. No, no, no! I didn’t mean it that way.
5. You heard her! “Not that way.” She didn’t want our backs to her. Turn back around!
3. But lower your faces! Hide them!
They don’t dare question her “command.” At once, they turn back around.
They bow.
EPIPHANY. I didn’t want to sound disrespectful when I said it’s “funny.” It’s just--
3. She thinks we’re being disrespectful. Apologize, boy!
4. Sorry!
She thinks they want her to apologize.
EPIPHANY. ...oh! Yes, sorry! Jeez, I’m so sorry.
They think she wants them to apologize.
1, 2, 3, and 4. Jeez, I’m so sorry!
EPIPHANY. Are you mocking me?
3. Oh no! She’s not pleased by the anemic effort! Louder!
1, 2, 3, and 4. Jeez, I’m so sorry!
EPIPHANY. OK then.
She scratches her neck. This is sort of odd.
But what the hell? They’re monks. “Odd” is kind of their job.
EPIPHANY. By the way, when I said, “that’s funny....” You see.... Hmm. It’s just that the rituals of others--they’re kind of funny when you’re not used to them. Travel to a foreign country and you’re bound to laugh and laugh at all the everyday stuff ordinary people do. Well, ordinary people to each other. But to you, the locals are all...they’re all like tigers and clowns! And elephants and...like purply sheep! Do you get what I mean?
The monks whisper among each other.
3. What is she on about?
5. Be quiet!
1. She’s expounding her wisdom.
3. But it’s not very straightforward, is it?
5. No, it isn’t. It will require much interpretation.
1. Years of study.
EPIPHANY. I can’t quite hear you up here! But I hope you understand me.
1. Years of study!
EPIPHANY. Yes, yes. I know! And I was supposed to start today. But I woke up late. Gosh, I’m so sorry.
1. Gosh, I’m so sorry!
EPIPHANY. It’s a lame excuse. I know, I know. I just don’t know what happened. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. I’d like to be one of you. I really would.
She waits a few moments for a response. It never comes.
EPIPHANY. ...I will admit you’re intimidating! And I do feel awful guilty. So whatever you’re doing works. I want you to know that. ...but....
She giggles.
EPIPHANY. If I’m to be perfectly honest, the effect is sort of ruined by the novice boy. I’m sorry to single you out, but it really looks like you’re having some sort of itchy fit! And like you want to stand up!
3. You heard her!
5. RISE!!!
4. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!
3. Now is not the time to be a coward!
1. If you will be smitten, then do it proudly! Allow yourself the bliss of lightning!
4 tries his best to stand tall and proud.
EPIPHANY. I didn’t mean to get you in trouble! Aww man, I’m so sorry!
4 repeats after her.
4. Aww man, I’m so sorry!
EPIPHANY. An echo chamber!
3. It’s a command!
5. We must do it at once!
From the ground, the monks begin moaning and groaning in unison.
Nervous as ever, 4 moans and groans as well, albeit in his own way.
EPIPHANY. You can stop!
They do.
Now, before she rhapsodies and drones on, keep in mind all of the other monks are huddled together. All of the monks are close to the ground. There’s comfort in that.
4, on the other hand, stands tall and away from everybody. He can’t help but feel like a lightning rod. He can’t help but feel that everything she’s saying is directed at him.
EPIPHANY. You can stop. Because I understand, I really do. The silent treatment. Yes. I understand that. It works.
I was told once that what makes Judgment so dreadful is the terrible silence. That it’s a giant cavern with you right in the middle. And you know God is somewhere watching. He’s somewhere in the dark. Perhaps he is the dark. Who knows?
He’s silent. In whatever corner he hides, he’s silent. Never says a word.
And yet for an eternity, you’re waiting for him to say something. Anything! At any moment! Yes, the entire time, you’d on edge.
“Any second, he’ll excoriate me for my life on Earth!” That’s what you’re thinking sixty times a minute, sixty minutes an hour.
And you sit and you sit and you go through all of your misdeeds. You go through all your various evils in your head. And you judge yourself and it’s so very awful. Because you know He knows everything.
Even the time you were a little slow in killing the bug! You wanted the bug’s death to be quick. Quick, quick and painless. But it was up against the carpet and your slipper was too soft. You felt it squirm right beneath your feet and you were too disgusted to do it the favor it deserved. And so you half-crushed it and exponentially raised its suffering.
Well even that small childhood incident becomes too much to bear.
You are so sorry. You are so sorry you ever breathed.
Oh! For the first time, you truly understand that to exist as a human being is to exist in sin. For the first time, as you weep and weep, you understand you committed an atrocity by being born. That you are solely responsible for all of the evil in the world. You and you alone!
And in that moment, God realizes you are on the path to forgiveness. And he releases you into purgatory.
He’d throw you in Hell, by the way, if by the end of it all, you hated Him instead of yourself.
4. Ooooooh!
The monks whisper among themselves.
5. Should we touch him?
3. No, let him be!
5. ...is that really the afterlife?
3. It’s the worst thing I’ve heard and makes me want to cry.
1. Fool! Who are we to question God? We are His property!
She can’t quite hear them, but she assumes she knows what they’re saying.
EPIPHANY. Yes! I see you muttering among yourselves. I had the same reaction. It’s ridiculous. Laughable, almost. A clear ploy to get you to eat your Wheaties and be kind.
The monks whisper among themselves.
3. We don’t have any Wheaties up here!
5. What do we do?
1. Eat the dirt!
They do.
EPIPHANY. It’s one of many reasons I left: I hoped to learn something better up here. I didn’t like hearing about any of that judgment stuff--that sitting in a cave for eternity business.
...but the way you’re punishing me for getting up late! It’s too familiar. Too rooted in guilt, my friends. Please let me be. Please forgive me.
...I can’t accept this silence! I can’t bear it anymore! Talk to me! Talk to me! I’m not afraid. If you are truly holy men, talk to me!