Witch Grannies - The Case of the Lonely Banshee

by Gary J Byrnes

  The wall of water reached the island and swallowed them up.

  Emily was tossed about like a ragdoll. She held her breath, worried about banging her head off a rock.

  But now, when she looks back on it, she can only smile.

  Out of the chaos, a smooth, grey shape appeared. It lifted her up, higher than a salmon can only dream of, far above the deadly wave, up where the sun loves.

  She was riding on a dolphin’s back!

  ‘Yee-haw!’ she cried as she saw that Malcolm and Granny Annie and Granny Smith and all the other witches were also riding dolphins.

  They all leapt into the sky, so high, their dolphins smiling, cackling like witches. The island below was covered in frothing water, the river level suddenly twice as high as before. The broomsticks flew up on automatic pilot, away from the water, after their owners.

  The dolphins splashed back onto the surface, which was bubbling like a cauldron. But they could handle it. They swam to the shore, found a quiet place so that each passenger could safely get onto dry land.

  Emily got onto the grassy bank first, glancing back to her dolphin saviour, saying Thank you, turning around to see the Boss there with his rifle, an evil smile on his twisted face, the gun pointed straight at her.

  He fired, but not at Emily, at her dolphin.

  The bullet made a sound like thunder on a bad day, splashed into the water. The dolphin jerked around at the last millisecond, avoided the deadly, hot lead.

  The Boss pulled back on the bolt to get another bullet into the breech and ready to fire. But he wasn’t fast enough. Eleven witches stood around him now, each with their right hand outstretched, energy flowing, covering him in an unearthly glow.

  A flash.

  A funny smell.

  The Boss became a giant prawn, the biggest ever, maybe a foot long, a dolphin’s favourite snack.

  ‘I’m the Boss Shrimp!’ he thought. ‘I’m on top of the world!’

  But before he even hit the ground he was whisked into the river, where the leader of the dolphin pod was waiting, her mouth open.

  And that was the end of the Boss.

  The dolphins called to each other: The wave is racing away, we must catch it, back to the salty estuary! Dolphins love to ride waves, so they said their goodbyes and off they went, surfing joyously down the river.

  Emily said ‘Wow!’

  Malcolm said ‘That was amazing!’

  Granny Annie said ‘I could do with a cup of tea about now.’

  ‘And a ham sandwich,’ added Granny Annie.

  So they used magic to build a fire, hang a kettle over it, butter some bread, slice some ham and prepare a lot of mugs with teabags.

  They sat down on the grass, exhausted but happy, and waited for the kettle to boil.

  CHAPTER 30. THE SALMON OF KNOWLEDGE

  The salmon emerged from her hiding place after the dolphins had gone and the flood of water had subsided. Everything balanced out. The river took care of that, pushing the flood waters onto the shore or downstream.

  Then her old boyfriend appeared at her side.

  ‘Is it time?’ he asked.

  ‘For the eggs to be laid?’

  ‘Yes. How do you feel?’

  ‘I feel... ready. Yes. It’s time.’

  So they found a gravelly patch in the shallows and she laid her eggs and he helped her and it was lovely. A thousand baby salmon would emerge in the spring and the amazing cycle would begin again.

  ‘What now?’ he asked. ‘Will you come back to the Great Salty Ocean with me so that we may have another Mighty Adventure?’

  ‘No,’ she answered. ‘I am tired. You go. I will stay here.’

  So he went, down after the dolphins and she rested in the shallows. She felt weak, but so happy.

  And her life ended.

  Just like that.

  ‘What’s this?’ said Granny Annie.

  The others gathered round, gulping down their tea and finishing off their sandwiches.

  ‘She’s a beauty.’

  ‘Finest salmon I’ve ever seen.’

  ‘She’s dead, poor crater. Let’s cook her up while she’s fine and fresh.’

  So the salmon was gently lifted from the river. Granny Smith took a knitting needle and gutted the fish, then put her on a stick and over the fire.

  ‘Malcolm, will you keep an eye on the fish while we fly back to the All-Seeing Eye? She’ll be worried. Don’t touch it until we get back, mind,’ said Granny Annie. ‘First taste is for Emily.’ Why, she did not say.

  ‘Okay, but..’

  But they were gone, up into the air before he could say that he still had his shell communicator.

  So he sat on the grass and watched the salmon slowly roasting over the crackling fire.

  The salmon’s skin was sizzling, and a great bubble appeared on it. Malcolm inched closer to the fish, savouring the smell, enjoying the heat from the fire. he prodded the blister with his finger, just because it seemed like the right thing to do. But it was hot, so hot. His finger burning, he stuck it straight into his mouth. Reflex.

  And the knowledge of the Universe flooded into his brain.

  The banshee emerged from the water then.

  She bowed.

  She smiled.

  She was a beautiful young woman again.

  She told Malcolm that she wanted to ask the witches’ permission for Edna to stay with her down below. It was what Edna wanted. She could return to the land above the waters any time she wanted but, for now, she needed a rest.

  ‘And she might be a help to ye, down there,’ said the banshee.

  ‘As long as she’s happy,’ said Malcolm.

  And he knew that she was.

  When the witches returned with Emily, Malcolm was sitting on the grass like a Buddha. For that was what he had become. He had taken in all the salmon’s knowledge in that first taste.

  ‘You were on the news,’ said Granny Smith. ‘You won. Your clones made the Government promise the extra penny in the pound, sorry euro, for education. But you knew that, didn’t you?’

  Malcolm nodded. ‘All knowledge is there for the taking, Granny. Read. Listen. Experience.’

  Emily smiled. She was happy at how everything had turned out. It was interesting.

  ‘Well you’ll have to experience something new fairly pronto, Malcolm. There’s a big problem, a very big problem, up on the Hill of Tara and we’ve all got to fly there straight away. Are you up for that?’

  ‘Try and stop me,’ said Malcolm, standing up in a fluid motion, his right arm extended, the broomstick flying right into his palm.

  ‘Well let’s go,’ said Emily riding her broomstick up into the bright blue sky. She turned to Malcolm. ‘Can’t catch me, smarty pants!’

  And east they went, to the County of Meath.

  THE END

  ###

  The Witch Grannies will return soon.

  Book One, The Case of the Evil Schoolmaster, also available.

  www.WitchGrannies.com