by Ruby Dixon
I look down at the hand she has on my arm, and I want nothing more than to take it and raise it to my lips. To feel her soft skin against my mouth. But O'jek appears, spear at hand, and B'shit turns away from me. I bite back a sigh of frustration and move to join D'see and the others. I'rec smirks as I approach, clearly thankful that he has a competent partner instead of an attractive one.
"Oh, don't frown so," D'see tells me with a cheerful laugh. She holds the spear out to me. "I'm not much of an adventuress, but I am an excellent cheerleader. We'll still have fun today. You do the bloody stuff and I'll cheer you on. It's a perfect team."
I am a good hunter. I truly don't need D'see's help to find or bring down a kill. But a perfect team? I feel as if my perfect partner is behind me, standing next to O'jek.
Truly, he could not ask for a better female at his side. D'see is my friend but…she is not B'shit.
And it is not the same.
16
BRIDGET
After a few hours in the snowy foothills, it becomes clear to me that I'm not half the huntress I think I am.
I like to think that I'm competent. I've learned to hunt like most of the other women here, so I can take care of myself if I ever find that I'm stuck alone somewhere. I know how to set a trap with sinew cord, I know how to dig a pit, and I know how to throw a spear. I can follow a trail left in the snow. I can't use a slingshot or a bow like Sessah or Farli, but I'm decent, I think, overall.
Clearly I am mistaken about that, though.
As O'jek drags me over hill and valley, our pace utterly brutal, it occurs to me that whoever I went out hunting with in the past—Nadine and Penny, Zolaya and Raahosh and Vaza…they were taking it easy on me. O'jek is fiercely competitive and he has no time to waste with coddling me. He moves like lightning through the snow, and I'm forced to gallop behind him with my snowshoes, trying desperately to keep up. Running after someone while wearing snowshoes? Not an easy task.
As we pause at the top of a ridge for O'jek to pick up a scent, he looks back at me. I'm positively dripping with sweat, my leggings soaked from kicked up snow. I'm panting as if my life depends on it and leaning heavily on my spear.
"Do you need to go back?" he asks, frowning.
It's the only thing he's said to me today. I can hear the dismissal in his tone, and it makes me bristle. "Of course not."
"Do you need help?"
“Do you need help” is such a triggering phrase for me. In my experience, asking for help just ends up backfiring and shooting me in the face. My mother was convinced you were only strong if you could handle shit on your own. If you asked for help, she'd do her best to throw it in your face and make you regret that you ever asked. Like the time I asked my mom for help with my homework and she wrote all my teachers, bitching about how they couldn’t teach someone as “slow” as me. Or the time I got my period during a Thanksgiving dinner party and I asked her for a tampon. She immediately went out and told everyone how I'd “bled everywhere” and that we had to leave.
Mom didn't believe in showing weakness. Not to my father, not to the world, not to anyone. You didn't ask for help, because that gave people ammunition.
So I bristle when O'jek asks that. "If I want help, I'll ask."
His eyes narrow at me. He turns around and heads down the side of the steep slope, leaving me with the choice to turn around and go back, or to follow after him. Okay then, fine. I head down after him, half-sliding down the rocky slope into the valley. Once O'jek reaches the bottom, though, he grunts and just stands there.
"What is it?" I ask.
My partner looks over at me, then turns back to the snow. "Someone has been here recently." He points at a distant set of tracks, a pattern of divots in the snow a short distance away. They look half covered by the fresh snowfall, which means “recently” could be days ago.
"You think there won't be any game here?"
He shrugs, sniffs the air, and then crouches low, slinking forward like a hunting cat, his color rippling. Again, I have no choice but to follow. I bite back my irritation and go after him, keeping a few lengths between us. I can't help but compare O'jek to A'tam. A’tam, who finds a reason to laugh at everything, who's flirty and fun—except when he's being a possessive dick. But spending a day with A'tam can be fun. I think of all the nights in the pottery cave, where we just talk as I work on the clay, and the hours seem to pass so quickly. Why did I pick O'jek as a partner again, I wonder. This has been a completely miserable experience—
I take a step, forgetting to use my spear to test the ground in front of me, and then I'm falling forward. I let out a shriek as I plunge into the snow-covered pit, my legs tangled up with a skin. My head smacks against the hard packed snow and I bang my nose and lip against it like an idiot. I roll onto my back and stare up at the gray sky, my head throbbing and my muscles aching.
A fucking pit trap.
They're marked. They're always marked. I must not have been paying attention, too distracted by O'jek's surliness and thoughts of A'tam. My legs are tangled in the skin that was put over the pit to fool any prey, and the snow piled atop hid it so well I didn't realize where I was stepping until it was too late.
Rookie mistake, Bridget.
I sit up, wincing, and notice that my ankle is killing me. It throbs with unholy heat, which doesn't bode well for the rest of my hunting. I try to get up, and my back spasms, so there's that, too. I groan, lying back down and lifting my ankle. I give it a little flex, and a flash of pain shoots up my leg.
Definitely a problem.
"Are you all right?" O'jek's voice sounds a little echoey, and when I look up, he's at the top of the pit. I'm about six or seven feet down, judging by things, and half-covered in snow. He squats down by the lip but makes no move to get down and help me.
Of course this would happen when I'm with O'jek.
I manage I feeble thumbs-up. "Just great."
"If I send down a rope, can you climb back up?"
I bite my lip, shifting my weight, and my back gives another fierce spasm again. "Eventually? But I'm gonna need a moment. My back's acting up and my ankle hurts."
He makes a sound that seems like impatience. "Do you need me to go get the healer?"
"No," I say immediately. The last thing I want is to be carted in to camp like an invalid and have everyone staring at me. "I'm fine."
"But you cannot get out of the pit."
"I can," I snap. "Just give me a moment."
He lowers his rope and then waits at the top. "Every moment we sit here is a moment someone else is hunting—"
"I know!"
"Then get up." O'jek dangles the rope right in front of my face. "Or tell me to get the healer."
I glare up at him from the bottom of the pit. "Why don't you just go on without me?"
He hesitates. "This is what you want?"
Of course it's not what I want. But because I'm as stubborn as a donkey, I shrug my shoulders. "I'll dig my way out once my back eases up." It's just snow, after all. I can dig my way out. It's not like I'm truly trapped.
O'jek doesn't look sold, though. "I do not like this idea. You are a vulnerable female."
"Do you want to win or not?" I throw back at him.
He rubs his jaw, crouching beside the pit and thinking.
"Look, I'm out of commission for this round. We haven't caught anything. Just go, all right?" I wave a hand, indicating he should leave. "If I'm not back at the encampment at sundown, you know exactly where I am."
"But…" O'jek frowns fiercely. "Are you sure you are not hurt?"
"Just my pride." And my ankle. And my back. "Just go on, okay? Win that knife."
He hesitates again, then nods and leaves the edge of the pit. I close my eyes, willing everything in my body to stop hurting long enough for me to dig my way out. When I open them again, though, I don't feel any better. My back is clenched tight. My ankle hurts.
And now, because I'm a stubborn asshole, I'm alone. I chased off my part
ner.
Way to go, Bridget. I clench my jaw, sit up, and whimper at the sharp pain that shoots up my body. Not my finest moment, clearly. I should have taken O'jek up on his offer for help…
But I can just imagine him carrying me back to camp, a scowl on his face at how useless I am. I think I'd rather die out in the snow, alone, than go through that. My pride can't handle it.
The good news, I tell myself, is that someone will come for me after sundown. Which, given how slow I'm moving, seems entirely likely. I put a hand to my face, fighting back a groan. Why me?
17
A'TAM
Nothing is more alarming than running across O'jek on one of the trails and B'shit is not with him.
I see him in the distance, and he raises a hand to acknowledge me. I wait a few moments, scanning the snow behind him, but there is no sign of B'shit anywhere. Did she give up and return to camp? No, I realize. B'shit does not give up on anything. She is tenacious, like a young kaari. She locks her jaws and stays put, no matter the outcome.
I do not like this.
I turn to D'see, handing her my spear and the two dead hoppers we have found this day. "Take these. I must talk to O'jek."
"I'll just stay right here," D'see agrees, moving to the nearest rock and sitting down upon it. She adjusts her yellow furs, tossing her mane and squinting at the landscape. "My goodness. How did I not realize an ice planet would have so much snow?"
I have the same question, but I cannot be distracted. I jog away from my partner, heading toward O'jek. He carries only his spear, and he has no kill as of yet. "Ho, brother," I call out. "Wait."
O'jek pauses, and I can tell it bothers him to stop. "I am behind and the sun will go down far too soon. I cannot stop for long, A'tam. Speak what you will and be done with it."
"Where is B'shit?"
He sighs, as if he expected that question and I will not like what he says. "She fell into a pit."
"What?" I cannot believe what I am hearing. "And you left her?!"
"She told me to! She said she was fine and she would walk back to camp herself." O'jek's expression is indignant.
"She is stubborn! Of course she would tell you that!"
"What was I to do?" He gestures at his surroundings. "She yells for me to leave her. She will not climb out of the pit, yet she says she is not hurt. She told me to leave her, to go and hunt for the rest of the day. I tried to take her back to camp but she would not." He shakes his head slowly. "You know how she is."
I hate that he is right. I do know how she is. Like a cornered kaari.
It does not matter. She is my female, and she is fragile, even if she will not let others see that she is. I think of her, lying at the bottom of a pit, and my heart feels as if it is ice in my chest. "Which way?"
O'jek points at the nearest hill. "That way. Past the hills. The valley with the gentle sides."
I nod. I know the one he speaks of. It fills up with snow easily and I have dug a pit trap there myself. I rub my mouth, glancing over at D'see. She waves at both of us from the rock, her bright furs impossible to miss. I look over at O'jek. "D'see is your partner now."
"Can…we do that?" O'jek looks baffled. "Is that allowed?"
"I do not care. She has two kills. They are yours now, if I can trust you to take her back to camp safely. I am going to find B'shit." D'see will be upset, but she will understand. "You will stay in the contest this way."
He nods. "Of course." O'jek reaches out and touches my arm. "You know I would not have left her if she did not insist upon it."
I swallow back my anger. He is a skilled hunter. He should know better. But I nod, because I know how impossible my B'shit can be when she is angry. I know O'jek is not cruel, but he is competitive. His eagerness to win would overwhelm his frustration with B'shit and if she told him to go, it would be far too easy to listen.
It does not matter. It is in the past.
I am going to find my mate and bring her back to camp. I do not care if I am out of the contest.
All I care about is B'shit.
I race as fast as I can through the thick, powdery snow. I move quickly, but it never feels quick enough. What if B'shit has been discovered by predators? What if she is shivering with cold? What if she is hurt and did not tell O'jek?
When I find the valley, I am so relieved I cup my hands to my mouth and call out. "B'SHIT! Answer me!"
A pause. My heart feels as if it has stopped in my chest.
Then…
"For the last fucking time, my name is Bridget!"
The sound is hollow, but strong. I grin. That would be her. She sounds more angry than afraid, and my heart leaps in my chest with relief. I race toward the sound of her voice. "Call out again," I bellow. "So I can find you."
"I swear, how is it that you guys can learn everyone's name but mine? What did I do to earn this?"
I follow the sound of her voice, scanning the even white ground. The snows are thick in this valley, and if a pit was marked, it is entirely possible that the stick used to mark it has been covered entirely. O'jek should know better than to bring B'shit here, though. She is not as experienced as him with hunting. Her nose is not like that of Shadow Cat, either. She would not pay as much attention to her surroundings because as a human, she goes by what she can see and hear alone, and neither of those senses are as strong as my sense of smell.
O'jek's scent is all over this valley, and his footprints, too. B'shit's is mingled with his and my jealousy stirs. I do not like their scents mingling together, as if they belong to one another. That is my female. I know she picked O'jek just to prick at me, and now she is hurt and abandoned by him. My anger and frustration stirs, and by the time I locate the pit, I am irritated with the games we play. I move to the edge of the pit trap and gaze down at the female who refuses to be my mate.
B'shit leans with her back against the side of the pit trap, against the packed snow. The tip of her nose and her cheeks are red, and when she looks up at me, there is no gratitude in her eyes. "I suppose you're here to throw this in my face?"
Why does she think I will fling things at her when I am here to rescue her? "I will throw nothing in your face," I tell her. "But this would not have happened if you were with me."
"Nothing in my face, huh?"
I gesture at the pit. "Were you not paying attention?"
"What, like I'm supposed to know that there was a pit here?" She glares up at me. "If you're here to laugh at me, get your laugh over with and then go back to your partner, all right? I don't want to deal with the bullshit today."
I ignore her words. "Are you going to stay down there all night?"
"Maybe."
With a sigh, I squat beside the pit. "Do not be stubborn. Let me help you climb out. I will throw down a rope for you, B'shit—"
She makes a sound of rage in her throat, her hands clenching to fists next to her face. "For the fucking thousandth time, that is not my name! Why can't you just say my fucking name?"
And she bursts into tears.
I go utterly still. I…made her cry? Because of her name? "Why are you upset?" I try to make my words gentle, but I am confused. "O'jek said you were not hurt."
"What, so I can ruin the game for him and he can hold it over my head for the rest of my life? No fucking thanks." She swipes at her cheeks angrily, still glaring up at me as if it is somehow my fault she is weeping. "Just go away if you're going to be like…this, all right?"
I gaze down at her, trying to understand. Something about this does not make sense. I am not the cleverest of hunters, but I feel as if the answer is obvious…and yet I am missing it. B'shit sits at the bottom of the pit and she has not moved. There is a pile of snow to the side of her, and it looks as if she is digging at the side of the pit within reach.
"I am going to throw the rope down to you," I try again.
"No." Her mouth purses up into that angry expression I know so well.
I grow even more suspicious. "It will be dark in a few hours
, and cold."
"Then leave me your cloak. Otherwise, just shut up about it."
"You are going to stay out here all night?"
She shrugs and looks away, and sniffs.
As I gaze down at her, she swipes at her cheeks again and I realize more tears are leaking down her face. She does not want to be here at night, then. Why does she just not admit what is wrong if there is a problem? "Are you…hunting for animals at the bottom of the pit?"
B'shit gives me a withering look.
I gesture down at the pit. "Then what are you doing down there?"
"I'm taking a break, all right? Just…go away."
"Why are you taking a break down there?"
"Why won't you leave me alone?"
"Because you make no sense, that is why." A new thought occurs to me and I tilt my head, gazing down at her. "Stand up."
She ignores me.
"If you are not hurt, stand up and show me you can move around." An injury is the only reason I can think as to why she will not leave the pit.
"Go away," B'shit tells me again, her voice wobbly. She sniffs again.
I realize in that moment that she is injured…and that D'see would be very mad at me for how I am handling this. Did she not give me very clear instructions for how I am to talk to B'shit for when I saw her again? I am to compliment her and ask for things, to tell her I want to word her. Instead, I have made her cry.
Truly, I am bad at this. Guilt surges through me and I clear my throat, determined to try again. "B'shit…you are very beautiful today."
"What the fuck?" She looks up at me as if I am crazed.
I nod, hating that her eyes are reddened and swollen. Her nose is even brighter red, and I wonder if she has been crying since before I arrived, and now I feel even worse. She needs me, and instead, I am just making her even more upset. "Your braids are attractive. And your figure is very nice, even if you do not have a tail." I think for a moment and add, "And I like your teats."
She stares up at me, bewildered.
