Bullies Love and Lies

by liberty freer

  He grins. “It’s just a kiss, Emma.”

  Warm lips meet mine, mixing with the salty wetness from my tears. The camera clicks. I keep my eyes closed as Ryan gets what he wants. It’s just a kiss, my mind repeats. I keep my eyes shut as Silex’s lips leave mine, and Ryan whispers near my ear, “Don’t fuck with my family. You will lose every time.”

  I keep my eyes closed as they leave my room. I wish I could keep them closed forever.

  Chapter 18

  My alarm wakes me the next morning, but I’m not feeling like school, so I shoot a text to Robbie and go back to sleep until noon. Even with the recommended amount of sleep an adult should get, I feel exhausted, and I can’t stop replaying what happened last night.

  Maybe Ryan’s right about a simple kiss on the lips being no big deal. My friends back home have all kissed each other, usually while playing a game like spin the bottle or truth or dare. Families kiss each other lovingly. Giving Silex a quick peck shouldn’t have been a big deal.

  I hate that I cried, and Ryan probably enjoyed seeing me upset. He better back off now that he has his stupid fucking pictures.

  Ready to drown my depression with food, I drag myself to the kitchen. I grab a box of breakfast bars from the cabinet and then plop down at the bar. I’m going to eat this whole box of—I look down at the label—blueberry breakfast bars.

  “Well, hello, sweet girl.”

  “What are you doing here?” I open the box, glaring at Silex as he saunters in like he owns the damn place.

  “Thinking about your sweet kiss,” he says, and then frowns. “Why’d you cry when I kissed you?”

  I feel myself turning red with embarrassment. Ignoring him, I peel away the wrapper from my sugary treat.

  He drops down on the chair next to mine. “I don’t think I’ve met anyone who didn’t want to kiss me. I turn girls away all the time.” He chuckles. “Well, I don't turn them away; I take a rain check.” He leans closer. “You’re sexy; I’m sexy. What’s the big deal?”

  I turn to look at him, our faces only inches apart. Silex is right; he is sexy. His hair is tousled in a way that makes you want to run your fingers through it. He’s got a great body, perfect face, and pouty lips.

  I almost tell him it’s because I don’t know him, but I had known my friend Alex Rodgers for five years, and when he tried to kiss me, I turned him down. I don’t have much practice. I like being good at what I do, and I hate being embarrassed.

  Kissing Sully was scary at first, but it was easier to push myself to do it because he was a stranger. If I fucked up the kiss, I wouldn't have to see him again. I wish I didn’t have so much anxiety over kissing.

  Silex trails his fingertips from my wrist to the edge of my short-sleeved shirt, causing goosebumps to break out over my skin. “I can see you’re attracted to me. What's the big deal?”

  My lips part, but I can’t form words.

  “Hey,” Silex says, brushing hair away from my face. “Sorry about last night. I didn’t think—"

  “Silex, did you call Jordan yet?” Ryan asks, cutting Silex off.

  Silex and I don’t break eye contact. He’s apologizing? Lenny never apologized when he made me kiss him. Even Jessa acted like it wasn’t a big deal when I told her about it. She said he probably did me a favor, and at least he was hot.

  Silex winks at me before turning to look at a shirtless Ryan, who’s glaring at us from across the bar. “I was just getting ready to call him.”

  I’ve never seen Ryan without his shirt. I try not to stare at the sculpted muscles that make up his torso or how his arms seem so much bigger when they aren’t covered. This is the body of a football player.

  “Like what you see?” Silex whispers near my ear. “Maybe a good hate fuck is what you both need.” Silex smirks. “But I bet you don’t even know what that is, do you, Emma?”

  I erase the confusion from my face and focus on shoving food in my mouth. Hate fuck? I’m imagining a man and woman beating on each other while they have sex.

  “Shut up, Si, and call him. Party starts at eight.”

  My gaze snaps to Ryan at the word party. I quickly look away, but I know he saw the fear in my eyes.

  “There’s a truce,” Ryan says. “Just stay upstairs.”

  “Or you can come to the party,” Silex says.

  “Everyone there thinks you’re a whore, but maybe you like that sort of attention,” Ryan says. “Come or don’t. Just don’t bother me.”

  I shove more food into my mouth, wishing they’d go away.

  Oh, shit.

  I work my tongue and throat, trying to bring the piece back up.

  Nope.

  My hands fly to my throat. I try coughing, but I’m not able to. I can’t breathe. Jumping up from the chair, I dart toward the bathroom.

  Arms wrap around my middle before I can leave the kitchen. I’m pulled against a solid chest. A fist digs into my upper abdomen, thrusting up. That doesn’t help. It just hurts.

  “Come on,” Silex’s voice growls near my ear as he thrusts up again.

  “Not like that,” Ryan barks.

  The arms around my waist disappear only for thicker ones to replace them. A fist pushes into my abdomen and thrusts up. Black spots dance in my vision. I’m going to die. Another thrust and the piece that was lodged in my throat flies out. I stare at the triangular-shaped piece of food that’s landed near the refrigerator.

  My legs give out, but I don’t fall to the floor. The person holding me supports my weight. I suck in air, my throat making a weird sound as I do.

  “Fuck, Ryan. Is she okay?”

  My hair is brushed away from my face as Silex assesses me. I’m jostled and realize Ryan’s trying to get me to stand.

  “S–sorry,” I stutter.

  The arms disappear, and I sink to the cold tile, not quite steady. I thought I was going to die. That tiny piece of breakfast bar almost killed me.

  “You did that on purpose,” Ryan growls.

  I cough, clearing my throat. “What?” I croak. “You think I choked on purpose? Are you insane?” I push myself up to stand on shaking legs.

  Ryan towers over me. “You’re attention-seeking, thinking this will get me to care for you or some shit.”

  “You’re nuts.” I attempt to move past him, but he catches my wrist and yanks me back a step.

  “Did you forget about the pictures?” he whispers near my ear.

  I’m frozen. I hate that fear freezes me. I hate that angry men trigger me into being a scared, defenseless child.

  My shoulders relax slightly as Sully comes into view, his gaze sliding to the hand wrapped around my wrist.

  “Emma about died,” Silex says a little too cheerfully.

  “You okay? What happened?” Sully asks, getting between Ryan and me.

  “She shoved her face full of food and choked,” Silex says, pushing off the counter to stand next to me.

  “We took CPR classes last week at school. You must have heard me telling my dad about it. Thought you could play the damsel in distress?”

  “Shut the fuck up, Ryan,” Sully snaps over his shoulder before turning back to look at me. “You okay?”

  I rub the tender area above my abdomen. “I’m fine.”

  “I think I gotcha too high the first time,” Silex says. “Panicked a little myself.”

  “You performed the Heimlich maneuver on her?” Sully asks him.

  “I tried. Ryan had to finish her off,” he replies.

  “Do your ribs hurt?” Sully asks, laying his hand right below my breasts and pressing lightly.

  “See if there’s a bruise,” Silex says, reaching for the hem of my shirt.

  “Can you idiots quit hovering? Shit. You’re both so desperate to get your dick wet now that she might be around for a while,” Ryan snaps. “Come on, Si. We gotta make a run.”

  I back up, needing space. “I’m fine. Really.”

  Silex winks. “Come to the party tonight. I bet you could use some fun af
ter all that,” he says before following Ryan into the garage.

  Sully frowns. “You planning to come to the party? I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  “Why?” I ask even though I had no intention of going.

  “Ryan needs time to cool off.”

  My blood heats. “I shouldn’t do things I like in case it pisses Ryan off?”

  Sully crosses his arms. “I’m not saying that. I’m saying Ryan needs space.”

  “Let’s all do as the psychotic man-child dictates,” I say, narrowing my eyes. “No wonder he’s such a dick; he's used to everyone groveling at his feet.”

  Sully’s lips thin. “Things are tense, so I’ll let that go.”

  “You’ll let that go?” Anger mixes with the fear coursing through my body from almost dying. Tears burn my eyes as my emotions threaten to spill over. I’m in a losing situation here. Ryan thinks I tried to kill myself to get sympathy. He says there’s a truce, but he’s going to think everything I do is a ploy to manipulate. And here’s Sully, the faithful brother who will continue to baby Ryan. “Whatever, Sully,” I say, a tear slipping free as I push past him, heading for my room.

  Chapter 19

  The sound of happy people downstairs is making me feel like a loser as I stalk my friends online yet again. I should have taken Sully up on his offer when he messaged me an hour ago saying the movie room was off-limits to the party if I wanted to watch a movie with him. I was too upset to say yes.

  I scroll through pictures of Jessa’s brother Daniel’s sixteenth birthday party. Eddy’s photobombing every picture, which is just like him. Everyone seems to be having a great time.

  The pain from losing them has created a deep ache that I know will never go away. They were my family, and because of the actions of one, I’ve lost them all.

  I grab my phone, feeling the urge to call Jeff. If I could sort things out with him, everything would go back to normal. I have the first four numbers dialed before I toss the phone away from myself. Fuck. I can’t. I pull a sweater over my tank top and then dart from my room and away from temptation.

  Multicolored lights dance around me as I creep down the stairs, hoping that nobody recognizes me as Ryan’s whore sister.

  Entering the living room, it’s unrecognizable. The furniture has been removed, and pink, green, blue, and white lights come from every direction, making the room look like a club. I’m jostled and my toes are stepped on as I push through the crowd of dancing people. I see Sully by the basement stairs, talking to a beautiful girl with long brown hair. Her jeans are skintight, and her top is low cut, showing off big boobs. She has the kinda body I’d kill for.

  She lays her hand on Sully’s arm and throws her head back. She’s laughing but I can’t hear her over the music. He’s smiling, his shoulders moving up and down and then he bends down and whispers something in her ear. She nods her head, Sully opens the door to the basement, and then they disappear down the stairs.

  I tear my gaze away, hating that I watched them for so long. Sully and I are friends. He can talk to whomever he wants to, and that’s all they were doing, talking. I can’t help the tiny voice in my head that’s telling me the reason he didn’t want me to come to the party is because of that girl. I’m one person among hundreds here. What could I possibly do tonight to get noticed by the almighty Ryan?

  Nothing, that’s what.

  Making it into the less crowded kitchen, I see that the bar is stocked with different types of alcohol. My mouth salivates as I grab a bottle of whiskey. Foregoing a cup, I take a swig straight from the source.

  “Damn, girl. You look like you’re having fun.”

  A blond-haired boy is leaning against the bar with a smirk. His eyebrows are a few shades darker than his hair, highlighting his uniquely colored eyes. The edges of his irises are blue, but bursts green come from the pupil.

  Fun. I silently mouth the word. “Yeah, but not enough fun. I gulp down another shot, this one warming my head as well as the rest of my body. I haven’t had a few drinks or fun since… since Jessa’s cousin Eddy had a pool party at the beginning of the summer.

  Blond boy pulls out a small baggie of colorful pills. “Pick a color.” He grins.

  I eye the bag. “I don’t know.”

  “This is guaranteed fun.” He jiggles the bag. “Fun, fun, fun.” He laughs. “Seriously. They just enhance everything, totally safe.”

  Fuck it. Holding out my hand, I say, “Pink.” Because anything pink can’t hurt you, I internally rationalize.

  He drops the pill into the palm of my hand. “What’s your name?”

  “Emma. You?” I stare at the pill for a second before tossing it into my mouth and swallowing it down with a mouthful of whiskey. I think I might be self-destructing tonight. I take another swig, liking the head change I now have.

  “I’m Jones. And damn, how do you shoot it straight like that?”

  “I come from a long line of alcoholics.” I wave the bottle in the air. “Whiskey’s in my blood.” I’ve mostly stayed away from drinking, not because I don’t like it, but because I like it too much. Once I start, it’s hard for me to stop. I love the way alcohol makes me feel invincible; my rational mind knows I’m not, but drinking shuts that part of my brain down. Hence why I avoid it.

  Jones steps next to me, smelling like beer, weed, and danger. “Do you go to school here?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. “I have an apartment in the next town over. I’m here with my cousin. Do you go to school here? I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”

  “I’m new, and I fucking hate it here.”

  Jones laughs. “You hate Colorado or…”

  “I hate this house and everyone in it,” I say, but that’s not true; they hate me. Well, Arden and Sully don’t hate me, but I’m sure they will soon. It’s only a matter of time before Ryan gets to them.

  “Who lives here?” he asks, pouring vodka and then a splash of orange juice into a red cup.

  “Ryan,” I growl. “He’s an asshole.”

  Jones laughs. “I’ll be sure to avoid anyone named Ryan.” He runs his hand through his soft, thick hair. “Who’s your favorite superhero?”

  I laugh. “What? Um… Spiderman.”

  Jones cocks his head to the side. “Really? Hm, I wouldn’t have thought that.”

  I pop a brow. “And why’s that?”

  He shrugs, smirking. “I thought you’d pick Thor.”

  I scoff. “Thor? He’s good, but he’s an arrogant god. If you’re asking who the best superhero is, you have to consider everything, not just strength.”

  “And what attributes led you to Spiderman?”

  “Peter Parker was your average Joe, and then it all changed. He’s relatable. We get to see him work through his anxiety, insecurities, and—”

  Jones smirks. “Is that all?”

  “He’s funny, strong, kind, humble.” I cross my arms. “Let’s face it, he’s the whole package.”

  Jones chuckles. “Spiderman’s my favorite too.”

  I uncross my arms. “But you said—”

  “Most girls say Thor because he’s played by that actor with the accent. I can see you know your superheroes,” Jones says approvingly.

  I lift a shoulder. “I used to collect cards and comics.”

  Jones grins, grabbing a bottle filled with blue liquid. “That’s awesome. Me too.” He pours both of us a shot. “Here’s to superheroes.”

  I raise my glass in salute before downing it. It’s strong but has a yummy citrus flavor.

  “What kind of music do you like?” Jones asks, and I’m reminded that I’m at a party.

  The sound of the party comes flooding back. I had blocked it all out. I close my eyes as the base from the other room makes its way through my body. My hips sway from side to side. It’s almost like I can see the music. Each vibration is a different color. My eyes pop open. “I feel really good.”

  Jones laughs. “I told you.” He runs his fingers through my hair, causi
ng a shiver to wiggle up my spine.

  “Whoa,” I breathe, leaning into his touch. “How does that feel so good?”

  Jones trails his fingertips across my neck as he slips his body behind mine. His hands move to my swaying hips. We move together, my body lighting up at the contact.

  “Come on.” I grab Jones by the wrist, pulling him with me.

  The lights in the living room dance to the beat of the music. Jones wraps his arms around my shoulders as we move into the group of dancing people. Their energy is fueling mine to new heights. Jones pulls my back against his chest. His hands rest on my hips as my body moves on its own, ass grinding against him. A sensual moan slips out.

  I don’t have time to be embarrassed. The beat of the music won’t let me. The dance floor is so packed that there aren’t more than a couple inches between people, and I fucking love it. Jones and I move together in perfect synchronization. He’s the ultimate dance partner. His fingers inch up my shirt to explore my stomach. Fuck my life. I want to feel like this all the time.

  After a few songs, my mouth becomes dry, and I tell Jones I need a drink. He leads me back into the kitchen where he fills two cups with vodka and cranberry. I chug half of the sweet concoction in one go.

  I grin. “That was so much fun. Thank you. I needed this.”

  The French doors are open, letting in a breeze that cools my damp skin. A few people hover on the patio, and a few more are in the kitchen pouring drinks, but nobody seems to have noticed me yet.

  Jones licks his lips and smiles. “You’re a good dancer. Most girls can’t keep up with me.”

  “My best friend and I danced all the time. Our school held dances every weekend. There’s something about being able to let go when the music drowns everything out and the beat takes over. I love it.”

  Jones traces a circle on my bare shoulder with his finger. I forgot that I pulled my sweater off while we were dancing, leaving me in a small gray tank. I adjust the top where it’s showing off a little too much cleavage.

  “I want to kiss you,” Jones whispers in my ear, causing me to tingle everywhere.