Don't Hate the Player...Hate the Game

by Katie Ashley

  Yeah, it was true in the last few weeks that Jake appeared to be changing, but it would be hard for me to say I saw some ‘spiritual warrior’ in him.

  Pastor Dan continued on. “I’ll never forget the smiles he brought to the faces of the children on the Pediatric Oncology floor, or the pride he felt when he helped rebuild homes in Mississippi damaged by terrible storms.”

  I turned back to Alex. “What the hell? He told me he went to Mississippi to hook up with this college girl he’d met through Jason,” I whispered.

  Alex nodded. “Same here.”

  I didn’t dare look around at the other guys. I knew they were all experiencing the same “WTF?” moment I was, and if I saw their faces, I might lose it and start laughing hysterically.

  Admittedly, in the last six weeks Jake had suggested he was turning over a new leaf. Making a vow to give up drinking and partying was one thing. But to work with sick kids on the cancer floor and rebuild homes in Louisiana was completely out of my realm of understanding and belief.

  Pastor Dan did manage to hit upon some “truthful” things about Jake. He mentioned his gift at sports, his charming smile, and his ability to make girls swoon. I guess saying swoon was as g-rated as Pastor Dan could make it. I guess deep down he knew that Jake was a manwhore, but I’m pretty sure he would never admit it. I’m not sure why he ever let a guy like Jake spend so much time with his very unworldly daughter.

  “And now, Mr. and Mrs. Nelson have asked my daughter, Maddie, and myself to sing Go Rest High On That Mountain.” Pastor Dan motioned behind us where I assumed Maddie was sitting.

  At the mention of Maddie’s name, I straightened up on the pew. She came by me in a cloud of Noa perfume. I waited to see who would be joining them on the piano or guitar, but no one did. They sang the entire song A capella, and it was amazing. Their voices blended with such harmony that you felt like you were listening to seasoned professionals—not just a preacher and his kid. As a musician, I was floored, as a grief-stricken friend, I was totally moved, and as a red-blooded male, I was moved in an entirely different way by Maddie.

  By the time they finished, the chorus of sniffling had returned. “Now we shall move on to the Rolling Hills Cemetery where Jake remains will be interred,” Pastor Dan said.

  The funeral director motioned for the congregation to rise. Then he motioned for us. We all quickly hopped to our feet and started down the aisle. As I glanced at the faces, I was amazed at all the different groups of kids who had shown up for the funeral. I’d heard Dr. Blake had made an announcement that all students attending the funeral would be excused without penalty. I don’t know if some of the kids were there truly because of their feelings for Jake or if they were really there just to get out of school.

  As we came out of the double doors, sunlight blinded our eyes. Even though I was outside in the fresh air, I still couldn’t get the sickening sweet smell of funeral flowers out of my nose. We were ushered to the car the funeral home provided for us.

  The moment we pulled into traffic, Blaine cleared his throat. “So, uh, that was a nice funeral, wasn’t it?”

  All of stared at him. I guess he was one of those people who couldn’t stand silence. I decided to take pity on him. “Yeah, it was.”

  “Noah, I gotta ask something,” Andy Hiller said.

  “What is it?”

  Andy looked at the other guys before he responded. “Uh, did Jake really do all that stuff that Pastor Dan said, or was he trying to make Jake sound better—you know cause he died?”

  Alex and I glanced at each other before I responded. “I really can’t answer your question. I mean, Jake never told me about any of that stuff, but Pastor Dan is a religious dude, so he wouldn’t have lied.”

  The other guys nodded their heads in agreement.

  “Maybe there was a lot about Jake that we didn’t know,” Alex suggested.

  “He seemed pretty straight forward to me,” Tyler Mitchell mused.

  “Yeah, parties, girls, and good times—that was the Jake I knew,” Blaine replied. He looked around at the other guys and shook his head. “I’m not sure I’d even want to believe that Jake Nelson was doing all those things Pastor Dan claimed he was doing. Hell, I liked him just the way he was!”

  A chorus of “Damn rights!” rang through the car. Next to me, Alex remained silent, obviously overwhelmed by the drama of the ‘Two Jakes’. I kept my mouth shut as well, and so did Bubba, aka Sean and Ryan. I guess we all realized that driving home the point about Jake’s transformation would be meaningless to this crowd.

  The cars wound around the circular main road of Rolling Gardens. It was a relatively new cemetery in town that was close to the interstate. High on a hill overlooking a pond was a mausoleum that held “Cremains”….a term I’d never heard of until Jake died.

  The driver parked the car. While the other guys hopped out quickly, it took every last shred of strength and sanity to pull myself from the tinted glass limo. Once I put my feet on the ground, I fell back against the side of the car, shielding my eyes from the intense sun. Why the hell was it such a cheerful day outside? It was almost like the weather was mocking the emotions I felt. Dark clouds should be rolling in on the horizon while icy pellets of rain beat down on my back. Lightning, harsh and jagged as the pieces of my broken heart, should cut across the blackened sky.

  Instead, a cloudless, cornflower blue sky stretched overhead. Birds chirped happily from their perches in nearby trees. It was all a fucking sham.

  I drew in a ragged breath. So this was it—the final finish of Jake’s funeral. I wasn’t sure I could stand idly by as they put what was left of my best friend into a mausoleum vault. Mr. Whitfield walked by us, reverently holding Jake’s urn. Suddenly, my mind wandered back to Jake’s “cremains” littering the floor of the funeral home. I wondered how in the world Mr. Whitfield had gotten Jake back in there. I hated to think of him whipping out his Dust Buster and vacuuming Jake up.

  Tugging on my suit sleeve, Alex jerked me forward from both the car and my morbid thoughts. The massive crowd enveloped the marble mausoleum. Once everyone was assembled, Mr. Whitfield gave a nod, and Jason and Jonathan stepped forward. They both said a few words about their brother. It was mainly funny stuff that had the crowd roaring with laughter about Jake’s antics. After they finished, each of us pallbearers took off our boutonnieres. One at a time, we walked over to the open vault and laid out flower next to Jake’s urn. Then we stood and watched as the vault was closed. A marble tile already bore Jake’s name, birth and death dates, along with a saying: The life of one we love is never lost. Its influence goes on through every life it ever touched. Yeah, that summed up Jake pretty well.

  When the crowd started breaking up and heading to their cars, Blaine stopped me. “Hey man, you’re coming to the party, right?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I’ll see you in a little while.”

  “Good deal. Alex, you comin’?”

  Blaine and I both turned to Alex who continued being uncharacteristically quiet.

  “Uh, no, I gotta go make sure my passport is being renewed—you know, for our trip.”

  Since freshman year, we’d all been planning on going to Brazil—Rio De Janeiro to be exact—when we graduated high school. My Aunt Eva’s family was from a small village outside of there, and Alex didn’t get to see his Brazilian relatives much. There were five of us going: Alex, Jake, Blaine, Tyler and I. Jake had been thrilled by the prospect of what he deemed ‘international ass’. Now, there would be only four of us unless we invited someone else.

  “Bummer. Well, I guess I’ll talk to you later,” Blaine said, then went off to talk to some of the other members of our group.

  I cut my eyes over to Alex. “What’s up with the bullshit story?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You took care of your passport renewal months ago. You did it when I went to get mine, remember?”

  Alex shuffled on his feet and refused to meet my gaze. “Oh yeah, that’s
right.”

  “So what the hell is going on?” I demanded.

  “I just don’t think it’s right—partying and drinking right after Jake’s funeral. There’s something kinda disrespectful about it, okay?”

  That wasn’t exactly the answer I expected from him. But I understood what he meant. Jake would have thought we were both pansy party poopers, and I’m sure if it had been me that had died, he would have been leading a full charge to the nearest beer keg.

  “Yeah, that’s okay, cuz,” I replied.

  Alex looked relieved. “So we’re cool?”

  I smiled. “We’re always cool, man.”

  “Good,” he said. He saw where his mom was waving at him. “Shit, I guess I better go. Talk to you later?”

  “Yeah sure.”

  ***

  The Monday following the funeral, I decided there was no time like the present to get busy, so to speak, with my detective work. I had no idea in hell how I was supposed to find her. So, I decided to start with the most likely of suspects or one of the girls who knew Jake the best.

  On and off again Girlfriend #1 Avery.

  I met her at her locker after first period. “Hey, Avery.”

  “Hi Noah,” she said, in her usual voice devoid of emotion.

  “Listen, I was wondering if I could come over this afternoon.”

  She raised her eyebrows and peered questioningly at me. Geez, I guess she thought now that Jake was dead, I was gonna start hitting on her or something.

  “To talk. Just to talk.”

  “Yeah, that’s fine. How about right after school?”

  “That’s good.”

  “Okay, see you then,” she replied and slammed her locker. She walked off down the hallway holding her head regally like a queen. I sighed. This wasn’t going to be easy.

  The rest of the day went by in a slow haze. Maybe daze was a better word. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. We were in the home stretch towards graduation, and most of us were feeling the burn out. That coupled with Jake’s death meant we didn’t give a shit about anything anymore. I knew my college acceptance was good to go, and there wasn’t much I could do to screw it up.

  When the bell rang at the end of the day, I bolted out of my seat and practically sprinted to the parking lot. I made the familiar drive through the tree-lined suburbs of Governor’s Ridge, one of the richest areas of town. Avery lived a house you might see on an episode of Cribs. Her parents even had one of those crazy televisions in the bathroom mirror. It’s insane. She’s an only child, and her dad is some multi-millionaire. I’d been to her house for parties before. But the house was most memorable to me because I’d had a pretty hot hookup there with Avery’s cousin from out of town during our February break.

  As I pulled into the driveway, the opening dum, dum music from Law and Order played in my head. I could see it flashing across the screen now: Tuesday. 3:45 PM. The home of Avery Moore.

  God, I seriously needed a life.

  After she let me in, Avery led me upstairs to her room—in the East Wing of the mansion. I couldn’t help but remember the comments Jake had made about Avery’s pageant crowns and trophies. He always teased her by calling her Honey Boo-Boo, even though Avery was the farthest thing from a redneck diva. He’d always snort back a laugh and say, “Man, the second you step in Honey Boo-Boo’s room, you’re blinded by the light radiating off the rhinestone tiaras.” Then he’d grin his wicked grin and say, “Sometimes it’s kinda sexy because you can almost catch your reflection in the trophies while you’re doing it!”

  He hadn’t been lying. Well, at least about the tiaras. From the looks of it, Avery had participated and won every single pageant imaginable since she was a toddler. One entire wall of her room was dedicated to her winnings. It was intense.

  “So what did you want to talk to me about?” Avery asked.

  “Jake.”

  “I thought so.” She sat down on the leather love-seat and motioned for me to join her. “Noah, I’m really sorry about what happened at the funeral home—you know with the urn and all.” She shook her head. “I don’t know what came over me.”

  I snorted. “I do. It was jealousy.”

  She pulled her shoulders back and then shot me a death glare. “Yes, I realize it might initially appear like jealousy, but you have to understand that I was also under a lot of stress at the time. Do you know what it’s like to love someone like Jake?”

  With a smirk, I replied, “Well, no, actually I don’t.”

  She dismissed my smartass comment with a wave of her hand. “I did love Jake. And I know he loved me…in his own way. It’s just when he died, everyone…” She glanced at me. “Every girl was fighting for a piece of him. I just wanted to protect mine.”

  “I’m not here about that night, Avery.”

  “Yeah, well I just wanted you to know that.”

  We sat in silence for a few minutes. Time was ticking, so I cleared my throat. “So did you guys have a special song or something?”

  She gave me an odd look. “Why do you ask?”

  “I just wondered. You know, I’m just trying to gather as many memories as I can of him,” I replied lamely. Damn, I sounded like a complete tool. Peeking up through my shroud of hair, I tried to gage whether Avery believed me. Her skeptical expression spoke volumes.

  “I’ve heard a rumor, Noah.”

  “You have?”

  “Yeah, about something that was found in Jake’s possessions.”

  Oh shit. “And?” I prompted.

  She narrowed her eyes determinedly at me. “I want it.”

  I eased away from her since she appeared like she was ready to pounce. “Well, Avery I’m not sure it’s yours—”

  Avery stared at me in shock. “What do you mean it’s not mine? They’re pictures of me!”

  The world around me tipped and then spun at her revelation. Finally, I replied, “Wait, what?”

  Avery glanced down at her hands folded in her lap. “We were fooling around the weekend after New Year’s. I let him take some pictures—you know of me.”

  When I got what she meant, I gasped. “Um, okay.”

  “He may have deleted them, but I just want to make sure.”

  “Oh,” I replied, my chest deflating.

  “So you think you can get them for me?”

  “Yeah, um, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

  She sighed with relief. “Good. The last thing I need is for them to fall into the wrong hands and end up on the internet or something.”

  “That would suck,” I said. She still hadn’t answered the song lyrics question. “So it’s a real bummer you guys didn’t have a special song—you know that meant something to the two of you.”

  Avery rolled her eyes. “I guess that’s because Jake only listened to ridiculous rap music without any deeper meaning than ‘I want to screw you nine different ways’.”

  At her totally exasperated expression, I ducked my head to avoid laughing in her face. Geez, she had such a stick up her ass that I wondered how Jake had ever managed to spend more than ten minutes with her—especially considering for the latter part of their relationship he wasn’t getting any from her. He’d respected her wishes when she’d told him she couldn’t handle a physical relationship anymore. Now that I looked back, it was probably one of the most decent things he had ever done with a girl.

  I stood up from the couch. “Yeah, I guess I better get going. I’ll get those pictures for you as soon as I can.”

  Her eyes widened as she shook her head wildly back and forth. “I don’t want to keep them. I want you to delete them!” she shrieked.

  Holding my hands up in defeat, I replied. “Okay, okay, I’ll delete them.”

  Avery exhaled noisily. “Good. I’m glad to hear we’re on the same page.” She then followed me down the winding staircase into the marble floored foyer. She smiled at me. “Thanks Noah. You know, for being a good friend to me and Jake.”

  “Sure. And thanks for letting me
come over.”

  “Yeah, anytime,” Avery said, listlessly before closing the door behind me.

  I walked to my Jeep, content in the knowledge I could cross one girl off the list.

  ***

  After I left Avery’s house, I ended up back at Rolling Hills Cemetery. It was like an unseen force was drawing me there. I didn’t want to believe Jake had that kinda power from the grave, but I went anyway.

  I made the slow drive around the circle to the mausoleum. When I got out the Jeep, I noticed someone was sitting on the grass in front of the building.

  It was Maddie.

  At the sound of someone behind her, she sighed. “Daddy, I said I’d call you when I was ready to come home.”

  “Um, it’s Noah,” I muttered.

  She whirled around, her face flushing a little. “Oh, I thought you were my dad.”

  “That’s okay.”

  “I didn’t expect anyone to be here.”

  “Yeah, me either,” I admitted.

  She nodded and motioned for me to have a seat on the grass next to her. I eased down and stared at the vault holding Jake’s remains.

  “Hey, I didn’t tell you how great you sounded the other day at the funeral. That song was really beautiful,” I said.

  She smiled. “Thanks. You sounded great, too.”

  “Yeah, I guess Free Bird was an odd choice of a funeral song, but—”

  “It was Jake’s favorite,” she murmured. “It was exactly what he would have wanted.”

  I flicked a random blade of grass with my finger. “Maddie, I’m trying to understand all this stuff that’s been going on. You know, the ‘two Jakes’.”

  She nodded. “He had a hard time with it, too.”

  “He did?” I asked.

  “Of course he did. Don’t you know how hard it was to be two people? The guy everyone expected him to be and the guy he really was deep down?”

  It felt kinda strange to be having this conversation with Maddie about my best friend, but there was a part of me that was desperate for answers.