by Katie Ashley
“Who?” I questioned, my heartbeat accelerating in my chest.
“No, it’s silly.”
“Tell me.”
Her dark eyes stared into mine. “Jake,” she whispered.
My heart shuddered to a stop before restarting. I fought to catch my breath as the voice of reason echoed through my mind. Tell her, Noah. Tell her about the ring and the song lyrics. But I couldn’t—my mouth felt cemented together.
A nervous laugh escaped Maddie’s lips. “Yeah, it’s stupid, I know. I mean, we were just good friends and all. Plus, I wouldn’t have been too much fun at the after prom parties.”
Dammit, you coward! Tell her! the voice screamed in my mind. I drew in a ragged breath. There was no turning back now. I had to tell her the truth. “Maddie, there’s something I need to tell you—”
“All right all you single ladies, move to the center of the floor. Maggie’s gonna throw the bouquet!” the DJ’s booming voice echoed over the sound system.
“Come on, Maddie. Let’s go try for it!” my cousin, Isabella, shouted, grabbing Maddie by the elbow and dragging her away.
I rolled my eyes up toward the glittering lights. Dammit! Just when I was about to come clean, a freakin’ bouquet toss stops me.
With all my mom’s family and friends, there were quite a few single ladies itching to grab a symbolic nod towards matrimony. The band leader gave a drum roll as Mom turned around. Then on the count of three, she hoisted the large bouquet over her shoulder.
Total chaos ensued as there was a mad dash. Snatching and grabbing women even knocked two of my cousins to the floor. With them down, the bouquet sailed easily into Maddie’s open arms.
Even though we weren’t officially together, I couldn’t help muttering, “Oh shit!” under my breath.
Alex glanced over at me and laughed. “You’re in for it now, cuz!” he joked. Although I hadn’t said a word about how I felt about Maddie, I knew he could see right through me. But at the same time there was something else I wasn’t telling him and that was about Jake and Maddie. He’d probably think I was a giant tool for not coming clean with her.
My thoughts were interrupted when a chair was brought to the center of the dance floor. Mom sat down as Greg knelt down before her. With a sly grin, he dipped his head halfway under her billowing dress and slipped her garter off with his teeth. All his friends, my uncles, and male cousins hooted and hollered. I, on the other hand, threw up a little in my mouth. Greg took it from his teeth and swung it triumphantly above his head before tossing it into the eager crowd.
Even though I was a single guy, I sure as hell wasn’t going to mow out people to win my mother’s garter. It was way too creepy. Thankfully, Greg’s best man ended up getting it. He twirled it around his finger, winked at Greg, and then drunkenly leered at Maddie. I dragged her away before he could insist on dancing with her as was sometimes customary.
After the bouquet and garter toss, Mom and Greg left to get changed. Once they finished, they would be leaving on their honeymoon. While we waited on their grand exit, Maddie and I ate some cake. As the sugar rush danced over my body, I glanced across the table to find Maddie staring dreamily in the space. “Hey,” I murmured.
“Hmm?” she asked.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded. “Oh, I was just thinking how romantic the wedding was and how wonderful it is your mom found such a great guy after being alone for so long.”
“Yeah, it was nice.”
“I sure hope I don’t have to wait until I’m in my thirties to get married. I think twenty-five is a good age, don’t you?”
Frankly, I’d never given it much thought. I’d certainly never considered a “perfect” marrying age or anything. “I guess.”
Maddie raised her eyebrows. “Don’t you want to get married?”
“Sure, I do. I just haven’t given much thought to when.”
I thought about Jake and the ring. Eighteen was a long shot away from her model twenty-five. I still couldn’t fathom in my wildest thoughts the idea of Jake’s settling down—least of all at eighteen or nineteen. Maybe he had intended a long engagement. Or maybe it was like Jason had suggested—Jake had just bought the ring with the hopes of bagging her and then bailing. But the more I’d learned about the real Jake, the less I thought his motives behind the ring were insincere.
Thinking of him proposing, I asked, “What if you weren’t twenty-five? What if you were younger?”
Maddie shrugged. “As long as I was in love, it wouldn’t matter how old I was. Sure, I’d like to finish college and all, but when the right guy comes along, it won’t matter if I’m twenty or forty.”
Okay, dipshit, do it. It’s the perfect time to tell her. But once again, I was a selfish bastard and kept my mouth pinched shut. The prime moment once again passed me by. I was then interrupted with Mom and Greg saying their good-byes amidst a flurry of birdseed and bubbles. Mom hugged and kissed me bye. “I’ll call and check in on you every day, sweetheart.”
I laughed. “Mom, I’m seventeen. You don’t have to do that.” When she nibbled on her bottom lip, I said, “Don’t worry about me. You just got have fun with Greg on your honeymoon.” The moment those words left my lips I cringed.
“Okay, I will.”
Greg and I gave each other one of those awkward man handshakes. “Have a good time,” I said.”
“Thanks.” Greg patted my back. “And thanks again for coming around about me—it means so much to Maggie, but it means a hell of a lot to me too.”
My mouth gaped open in surprise. I hadn’t anticipated him saying something like that. “Sure man. I’m glad too,” I finally replied.
After Greg and Mom left, the reception wound down, and it was time to go. My conscience weighed heavy on me that I hadn’t come clean about Jake to Maddie. Even when I was alone with her on the way home, I still didn’t tell her. I mean, hell, it should have been a fucking cake walk. I should’ve been able to turn to her and say, “Maddie, Jake was in love with you. So much so he wanted to marry you, and here’s a ring. Have a nice life.” I don’t know what it was that made it impossible.
Maybe it was the sweet smell of her perfume that drove me wild with longing. Or maybe it was way our hands brushed against each other sometimes when I shifted gears. Or maybe it was how much I enjoyed having her with me—just the two of us like we were meant to be together.
So I just couldn’t find the words. And I began to wonder if I ever would.
***
It was Thursday night, and Maddie and I were coming out of the movies. We’d spent every night together that week. Monday night we’d studied for our finals. I’d even been a good boy and gone to church with her on Wednesday night. It was getting serious. Way more serious than I’d ever bargained for. It wasn’t about Jake anymore. It was about me truly being in love for the first time in my entire life.
Yeah, I was also a giant ass for scamming on my dead best friend’s girl—or at least the girl he had feelings for. I tried defending myself by thinking about how Jake treated her—hiding her away, only acknowledging her as a friend. I tried not to think about the carat of commitment or the song lyrics. If I did, it just made me seem horrible.
I was lost in my thoughts as we walked down the sidewalk. “Earth to Noah!” Maddie said, waving her hand in front of my face.
“Huh?”
She grinned. “Didn’t you hear me?”
“I’m sorry. I was thinking about something else.”
She cocked her head at me, and her smile widened. “Yeah, I thought so.” She stopped walking and motioned towards the coffee shop on the corner.
“Oh, you want to get something to eat?” I asked.
She rolled her eyes. “No silly. Look at the sign.”
I stared past her to the window. “Thursday Open Mic Night” I looked back at her. “So?”
“Why don’t you give it a try?”
I raised my eyebrows. “You want me to go in there and sing in front o
f a bunch of strangers without any preparation or my guitar?”
Maddie nodded. “Yeah.”
“No, I don’t think so,” I replied and started walking on.
“Oh come on, Noah. You’re too talented not to give it a shot,” she called.
What Maddie didn’t know is that I’d seen that sign before. I’d probably walked past it tons of times and thought about going in. But in the end, I was too much of a chicken shit to do it. It was one thing to play at Mom’s reception when I’d practiced until the callouses on my hands gave testament to how I’d perfected the song. Just like I had no issues playing around my group of friends.
Strangers was another thing all together.
When I turned around, Maddie was smiling at me. “Come on, Noah.”
“Fine,” I huffed before I stalked back to her. “Don’t say I told you so when you’re embarrassed to be seen with me after my performance!”
“I seriously doubt that,” she said, as she opened the coffee house door for me.
It was dark inside except for the tiny stage, which was bathed in glowing light. Great, I couldn’t see the people heckling me, but at least they’d be able to see me.
Maddie jumped on the waitress the minute she came over to take our order. “How do you participate in the Open Mic night?”
The waitress glanced at her watch. “We’re only doing a couple more numbers. It turns over to karaoke at ten.”
Maddie nodded. “Well, my friend here is really talented, and he’d like to perform.”
The waitress sized me up and down. I flashed a toothy grin and said, “What’s up?”
She stared at me like I was a moron. “Looks like you’re short a guitar,” she mused.
“Yeah, I wasn’t really expecting to do this tonight.”
“All right, you can borrow Jimmy’s. You’re up in five minutes.”
Maddie clapped her hands together. “Thank you so much!”
When the waitress left, I shot Maddie an exasperated look. “Seriously, you don’t have to be so excited about me making a fool out of myself.”
“I’ve never seen you act so unsure of yourself before.” She shook her head. “Stop beating yourself up. You’ll be awesome, and I know it.” She then grinned slyly at me. “And deep down inside, you know it too!”
“Whatever,” I grumbled. For the millionth time.
The performer on stage finished to a round of applause. Jimmy, the manager, took the stage, and I fought my gag reflex. He motioned me forward, and I took a huge gulp before rising out of my chair and making the pilgrimage across the stage. I stood at the edge of the stairs waiting on his cue.
“For our next performance, we’d like to welcome,” Jimmy paused and put his hand over the Mic. “What’s your name again, kid?”
“Noah. Noah Sullivan,” I called.
Jimmy nodded. “We’d like to welcome Noah Sullivan to the stage.”
The coffeehouse erupted in applause. It looked even more packed from the stage. I clung to Jimmy’s guitar as I strode across the stage. I eased down on the stool and tried calming myself. I mean, I don’t know what I was being such a pussy about. I’d sung at a funeral in front of hundreds of people. I’d be a total dipshit if I couldn’t handle a measly crowd of fifty.
I adjusted the microphone. As I stared out into the crowd, I cleared my throat. “Um, I’d like to do a song by one of my favorite bands, Lifehouse.” I caught Maddie’s gaze. “I’ve had a lot going on in my life lately, and it kinda sums it up for me. So here’s Storm.”
My fingers began strumming the familiar chords. “How long have been in this storm? So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form,” I sang clearly. Closing my eyes, I then focused in on the lyrics. I couldn’t help thinking how much the song meant to me because of Maddie. She had caught me when I’d fallen and saved me from the epic storm of grief just like the lyrics said. I wasn’t drowning in sadness anymore. Instead I was drowning in her—her smile, her beauty, her giving heart and beautiful spirit.
But in the back of my mind was crippling fear. As soon as I told her about Jake, I was going to lose her. The thought alone was almost too hard to bear. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to actually happen. I already cared too much, and she wasn’t even mine.
When I finished the last chords, I opened my eyes. I’d done it. I’d actually survived an Open Mic night. The clapping started slowly at first and then it exploded all around me. My head jerked up, and I stared in amazement out at the audience—some of them even got to their feet.
Jimmy met me on stage. “Hey man, that was awesome. What would you think about singing here sometimes?”
My heart thudded in my chest. “Really?”
He nodded. “Yeah, you’ve got some pipes for real, and I’ve never seen the audience connect with someone like they did with you.”
“Yeah, sure,” I said. My cheeks were starting to hurt from grinning.
Jimmy pulled the microphone to his lips. “Let’s give one more round of applause for Noah Sullivan. Check back with us ladies and gentleman because you’re gonna see Noah playing here regularly.”
Before I could get back to the table, Maddie met me in the aisle. She practically lunged at me, throwing her arms around my neck and pressing against me. “Oh my gosh, you were so awesome!” she shrieked. As she pulled away, she kissed me on the cheek. “You’re my hero!”
I laughed. “Whatever.”
“No, you are.”
“Because I sang on stage?”
“Yes, and because you faced your fear and did something you’d never do.”
I rolled my eyes and grinned. “All right, come on, let’s sit down and get something to drink.”
“Okay.” We ordered two coffees and eased back in the chair to watch the karaoke performances. As the waitress brought our order, a girl and guy were rocking a serious duet. Leaning forward on my elbows, I cocked my head at Maddie. “You know, you’re kinda a hypocrite.”
Maddie lowered her coffee cup and gazed wide-eyed at me. “What?”
“You pushed me into getting on stage when you know good and well you’d never do it.”
“Why do you say that?”
I rolled my eyes. “Because I know you too well, Maddie.” I motioned towards the stage where the guy and girl were goofing off. “You’re just not the type of girl to do that.”
A wounded expression came over Maddie’s face as her shoulders drooped a little. I sighed. “Now don’t be that way. There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“You really think I’m not brave or cool enough to do that?”
“Well…” I watched the girl shimming for a moment. “Nope.”
She sat there for a minute, staring into her Caramel Macchiato. “So, basically all you see me as is this goody-two shoes virgin, right?”
“No, that’s not how I see you,” I protested.
Maddie shook her head. “That’s all anyone sees! But I have so much more depth than that—even Jake could see that.”
“Yes, I’m sure he could.” She pouted into her coffee. “Maddie, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. You’re so above caring what people think, that you should just ignore me, okay?”
We sat in silence for a few seconds. Then she drew her shoulders back and smacked her hands on the table. “Fine, I’ll prove myself to you!”
When she stood up, I choked on my coffee. “Maddie! Come back here!” I hissed.
She gave me one final death glare over her shoulder before flouncing over to the stage. She leaned over and whispered something in the DJ’s ear. He nodded and handed her a notebook. She peered at the pages before pointing at one.
The song ended, and the couple bowed and started off the stage. “Well, ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to welcome a lovely lady to the stage.
I would’ve imagined Maddie would have worn an expression like she was going to piss herself, but instead, she grabbed the microphone and stared confidently out into the crowd. A couple of guys whistled
at her to which she had the balls to wink at. She nodded at the DJ, and he started the song.
An erotic bass thumped out of the speakers, and it took me just a second to realize what the song was.
Doncha by the Pussycat Dolls.
Maddie met my incredulous gaze and arched one eyebrow at me, showing me she had very deliberately and deviously picked a song to give me what for. Oh shit, this wasn’t going to be good.
When the rest of the crowd recognized the song, they roared with pleasure. Next to the stage sat a table full of frat guys who’d stumbled in for coffee to sober up. Fuck, this had train wreck written all over it.
Maddie started off solid in her singing. Her movements were a little wooden—for a millisecond. Then it was like she was channeling her inner-Pussy Cat Doll. But that was nothing.
Slowly and deliberately, she started unbuttoning the shirt she wore over her tank top. I shook my head in disbelief. As she shimmied it off her shoulders, she didn’t miss a beat. She eyed me before tossing it off stage. It smacked me in the face, and the frat guys cheered.
I had never seen anything so sexy in my entire life. Talk about lady in the streets and a freak in a bed kinda situation. By the second chorus, she started tiptoeing off the stage. Holy Hell. She was coming for me. When she pointed at me, the crowd roared. As she slid into my lap, I couldn’t help but laugh. If she wasn’t careful, she was going to ignite a different kind of response from me. I fought to jerk her closer to me and bring my lips to hers. I wanted to thrust my tongue in her mouth while running my fingers through her hair.
Luckily, Maddie began to laugh, and my horny thoughts momentarily passed. When the song ended, Maddie didn’t leave my lap. Another eager singer took the microphone from her and hurried to the stage. A sheen of sweat had broken out over Maddie’s face and body, and she had a sexy glow radiating off her. It was hard not to lean over and lick a sweaty trail up her neck.
“So what’d you think of that?” she asked breathlessly. Her erratic breathing caused her ample chest to rise and fall, thrusting her boobs closer and closer to my face. At any moment, my dick was gonna call me out, and there would be no hiding it from Maddie.
