by Katie Ashley
“I think I need to request prayer for you!” I called over the music. The truth was I needed a prayer request myself.
Maddie grinned. “I was that good, huh?”
I threw my head back and laughed. “Oh yeah, you were very good and very bad, too.”
“So, you still think I’m still the Pastor’s Little Princess?anymore?”
“Nope, I think you’re more of a very naughty virgin tease.”
She cocked her head. “Hmm, maybe I like that.”
“Now wait a minute,” I began, giving her a look. “you have always worked not to conform to society’s ideals—you’re your own person, remember?”
“Yes, I remember. And one night singing a little karaoke to prove a point doesn’t mean I’m abandoning everything I am, Noah.”
“Are you positive? Cause if you’re not, I’m going to feel like I had some responsibility in all of this The last thing I need is to feel like I’ve corrupted you.”
Maddie smiled and leaned forward, sending her tits enticingly close to my mouth. “I’m positive. I’ll be back to my boring self tomorrow.” She made a sign across her chest. “Scout’s Honor!”
I tried not letting my gaze hone in on where she’d touched her chest. We were interrupted by one of the frat boys stumbling over to our table. “Babe, that was seriously awesome. We’ve got a party coming up on Saturday night. Would you wanna come and you know…perform?”
Maddie flushed the color of her pink tank top. “Um, no thanks,” she quickly replied.
“Whatever.” He hesitated for a second. “Well, could I get your number?”
“No!” Maddie blurted.
“Okay,” the guy replied before slinking back to his table in defeat.
I winked at her. “Charming college guys—my, my aren’t we Miss Popular tonight?”
She giggled nervously. “You’re never to tell anybody about this, you swear?”
“Oh, I don’t know if I can do that. It might be too tempting.”
“Noah,” she protested, playfully swatting my arm. With my leg almost asleep, I shifted her weight over to my other leg. That caused her to lurch forward, and her lips were inches from mine. We both froze, staring into each other’s eyes. When she licked her lips, I groaned. “Maddie…” I murmured as I started inching closer and closer to claim her delicious mouth.
Suddenly, she jerked her head back and scrambled out of my lap. She bolted so fast from the table I barely had time to call her name. I dug my wallet out of my pocket and threw some bills on the table as she scurried out the coffeehouse door.
Wait, what the hell did I do? Her eyes and body language told me she wanted the same thing I did. Just as I reached the door, I skidded to a stop. I knew why she’d bolted. Someone on the stage started singing The Pet Shop Boys version of You Were Always on My Mind, and I knew with absolute certainty.
Maddie was once and for all the one.
***
The stifling May heat hit me when I got outside. I scanned the sidewalk for her. “Maddie!” I shouted. I hurried back in the direction of the movie theater where we’d parked. I found her slumped over on the hood of my Jeep. Her body rose and fell harshly with her sobs.
“Maddie,” I said. Tentatively, I reached my hand out and touched her shoulder. Before I knew what was happening, she had wrapped her arms around me. “Shh, don’t cry,” I murmured into her hair. My arms tightened around her, pressing her against me. She felt like absolute and total heaven, and I never wanted to let her go. But in a way, I wanted to hold on as long as I could since things were about to change between us when I told her about the ring.
“It…was…our…song,” she replied, in between sobs.
I fought the urge to say, “Yeah, I kinda knew that.” But if I did, then I’d reveal what a major ass I was for not telling her about the ring.
“It was?”
“Um hmm,” she whimpered.
“Whose song was it?” I questioned, wanting to hear her at least vocalize it.
“Mine and Jake’s,” she replied in a whisper. I closed my eyes as my emotions rocketed through me, causing me to shudder.
Maddie pulled away from me and wiped her eyes. “Jake sent it to me one day after we’d been working on poets who wrote about Courtly Love. You know, how they couldn’t have the person, so they had to tell them how they felt in words, rather than actions.”
I fought an exasperated snort. Jesus, Jake was even deeper than I’d ever fathomed. Here I was thinking he’d just heard a jam, liked the song, and decided to charm her by making it theirs. Oh no, he’d searched out a song and related it to literature—an even more surefire way to melt Maddie.
God, what a player!
But then the more I thought about it, it almost seemed like a way of keeping her guessing. He could keep her at arm’s length, but at the same time appear as a hopeless romantic. It caused the blood to boil in my head, and if the asshole hadn’t been dead, I would’ve killed him myself for doing that to her. Once again, it was like my best friend was a total stranger to me.
As if she were reading my thoughts, Maddie shook her head. “Yeah, but what’s a song right? It’s about being with the person totally and completely, not just being on their mind.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
She smiled ruefully at me. “I mean, I don’t think he ever really thought of me in that way. Sometimes the way he would talk to me or look at me made me think it, and then sometimes late at night when we’d be talking, he’d say things like how much he cared about me—oh and he did kiss me once.”
I felt like I was in a club and the music had screeched to a halt. “He what?”
She nodded as a red flush entered her cheeks. “Yeah, it was right before he left on Spring Break. He came by my house. I told him to be careful and have fun—just not too much fun,” Maddie said with a smile. “Then when he got ready to go, he turned back to me and he—he kissed me. I didn’t question him about it—he didn’t mention it the entire time he was gone until that last day.”
“What did he say?” I questioned, softly.
“First, he said he’d bought me something that he wanted to give me. He said he’d had it for a month or so, but the right time hadn’t ever come up. Then he said he’d been thinking about our kiss. And that there were things he wanted to tell me. But he got another call and had to go.” She looked up at me with tears brimming in her eyes. “And then he was gone.”
Tell her now, you asshat! I drew in a deep breath, but Maddie brought her hand to my chest. “It’s okay, Noah. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I mean, whatever it was that I felt for Jake or what we had together—it’s in the past. So, let’s talk about something else, okay?”
What could I say? No, wait a minute, I need to tell you that Jake didn’t wanna just kiss you again, but he wanted to marry you. But I didn’t. The words just wouldn’t come, so I merely nodded my head and opened the door of the Jeep for her.
I drove home feeling like an absolute tool.
***
The next week flew by in a whirlwind of graduation activities. We didn’t have school—we were officially finished. GPA’s and class standings were tallied, and I wasn’t too surprised to find that Maddie was going to be the Valedictorian. Mom was thrilled that I’d managed to graduate with honors, but I was thrilled I was graduating period.
We spent the mornings marching in and out of the “god dome”, the mega-church in town where all the county high schools held their graduation ceremonies. We’d nicknamed it “the god dome” because it was roughly the size of the Georgia Dome. The Senior Advisors, Mrs. Clarke and Mr. Duncan, religiously timed us and made sure everything was going to come under an hour.
Maddie effortlessly gave her speech. And for one so shy, her voice echoed throughout the “god dome” flawlessly. I only hoped she could keep her nerve throughout the ceremony. Of course, there was one part she did falter on. That was when she mentioned Jake. Several of us had gotten permission to wear black
armbands in memory of him. His parents planned on attending, and his mom was going to accept his diploma during a special part of the service.
In the end, the whole ceremony was a blur, and before I knew it, I was tossing my cap up with the rest of my classmates.
I waded through the crowd towards my family. Showing a unified front, my mother and father were sitting together. My family took up about three rows considering both Alex and I and one of my other cousins, Brittany, were graduating.
“Congratulations, Noah!” Mom shouted over the roar of the crowd. She hugged me to her and kissed me on the cheek.
My dad was grinning behind her. “Way to go, son,” he said, sounding like the proud—rather than prodigal father.
“Thanks,” I said.
Across the aisle, I saw Josh. He beamed and waved at me. I waved back.
“Ready to go eat?” Mom asked.
“Sure,” I replied.
At first, Mom had wanted to rent out a room at the country club to celebrate my graduation and my cousins. But Grammy wouldn’t hear of it. She’d been up since four am cooking, and we were all going to pile into her house like we did at Thanksgiving and Christmas.
We partied long into the afternoon. My uncles had even allowed my dad to come, and I was glad to see him and my uncle Mark talking like old times over steaming plates of fried chicken, green beans, corn, and okra. It was a surreal feeling seeing him sitting there. He was still working overtime to make things right between us. Although I knew he wanted to desperately, he hadn’t pushed me about bringing my step-mother or introducing me to my half-sisters who were seven and five. That was just going to have to wait. I was quite ready to go there yet.
At four, Alex found me through the crowd. “It’s about time we left.”
I nodded as that familiar feeling of grief fueled dread entered the pit of my stomach. “Hey Mom, we’re going to the cemetery now.”
“Okay, sweetie.”
Mrs. Nelson had asked for all of Jake’s friends to meet at Rolling Gardens around four. She was going to have Jake’s cap and gown along with his diploma sealed into the mausoleum, and she wanted his friends to be there for it.
So Alex and I climbed into my Jeep and headed down the road. I couldn’t help shaking my head at how it wasn’t supposed to be like this. It should’ve been Alex and me riding along the highway with an inebriated post-graduation Jake. The corners of my lips curved up as I thought about how stoked he would’ve been to be finished with school. I could almost picture him standing up in the back, hanging precariously out the side of the Jeep and screaming at passing traffic like an idiot. But instead, the backseat was ominously quiet.
FUCK! It shouldn’t have to be this way. We should have had the radio blaring, been singing along at the top of our lungs, with our futures burning bright ahead of us. Instead, only Alex and I had futures left. Once again, the burning ache raged its way through my chest, causing me to rub my heart over my shirt. “I think I’d rather be shot than have to go do this,” I admitted.
“Yeah man, I know what you mean. I don’t know why there has to be so much shit in life you have to do when you don’t want to,” he mused.
“I guess the closer we get to being adults, the more we’ll have to do it,” I said.
“Maybe you’re right. It sure is a pisser though. I mean, your whole life you want to be older. Old enough to drive, to smoke, to drink, to graduate, and to go to college. Then when you finally make it, you find out it all kinda sucks!”
I laughed. “You got that right.”
There were already several cars at the cemetery. I wasn’t surprised to see Maddie and Pastor Dan. We’d talked about going, and I knew Pastor Dan was going to say a prayer.
Mrs. Nelson smiled as she saw Alex and me walking up. Jason and Jonathan stood behind her, but Mr. Nelson wasn’t with her. Figured, that the Asshole wouldn’t come. He’d probably thought it as stupid idea.
Once we were all gathered around the vault, Mrs. Nelson cleared her throat. “I just want to thank you guys for taking time out of your parties and celebrations to come be with us. I won’t have this opportunity again—I will imagine Jake graduating from college and how his life would have turned out, but it won’t be tangible. This diploma and robe are real. I especially want to thank Maddie for all the time she spent tutoring Jake. I don’t know if he would have made it without her. I want to thank all of you for being such wonderful friends to Jake. He loved you all, and we love you too.” As she began to choke up, she nodded to Pastor Dan.
He smiled sadly and stepped forward. “If you’ll all bow your heads please,” he said. We obediently lowered our heads and waited for his voice to echo through the cemetery. After he finished, a chorus of “Amen’s” rang through the cemetery. Several of the girls including Maddie wiped the tears from their eyes. Jason and Jonathan took the cap and gown and diploma and gently eased them in beside Jake’s urn. Then a cemetery worker in a blue jumpsuit stepped forward. His nametag read ‘Earl’. He wiped his face on a red bandana and then started sealing the vault back up.
We all stood around in reverent silence for a few minutes. Mrs. Nelson nodded and turned to us. “Thank you all again for coming. We love you.” She motioned for Jason and Jonathan. They both took one of her arms and led her down the hillside to the car. I exhaled noisily with relief.
“Tough day, huh?” Maddie questioned behind me.
When I whirled around, she once again took my breath away. Her long dark hair cascaded in waves over her shoulders and down her back. I had to hold back from reaching over and running my fingers through it. Her dark eyes held a sadness that only I could fully understand. “Yeah, it’s been a rollercoaster for sure. You hanging in there?”
She nodded.
I smiled. “By the way, you did a great job on your speech today.”
“Thanks. I was afraid I would choke up,” Maddie said, with a grin.
“Nah, I knew you’d do great.”
We were interrupted by Blaine. “Hey, Noah. Hi, Maddie,” he said.
“Hi,” we both echoed.
Blaine turned to me. “Listen man, I’m having a bon voyage party tonight. I’d really like to see you there.”
I eyed Maddie before I said, “I don’t know. I mean, we’re leaving for Rio on Sunday morning. I have a lot to do…”
Blaine snorted. “Yeah, I know, but that’s why you really have to come.” He glanced over Maddie. “Duh, where are my manners? You should come, too, Maddie.”
She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Really?”
Blaine grinned. “Yeah, why not? You can make up for lost time.” When Maddie gave him a blank look, he said, “You know for all the times Jake invited you to our parties and you never came.”
Maddie nodded. “Thanks, Blaine.”
“So I’ll see you two at my house?” Blaine asked.
“Um, yeah, maybe,” I replied.
“Good deal, man.” He snaked his arm around Maddie’s shoulder, and I stiffened. “Listen pretty lady. Noah doesn’t sound too convinced, so I’m trusting you’ll work your sweet magic on him and get his boring ass to the party.”
Maddie laughed. “Okay, Blaine. I’ll try.”
“Awesome! See you guys later!”
When Blaine was out of earshot, I threw a wary glance at Maddie. “You aren’t serious about wanting to go, are you?”
“Yeah, I think I am.”
I sighed. “Do you even know what goes on at Blaine’s parties? It isn’t Bible Study and worship music.”
Maddie shot me a death glare. “I didn’t think it was, Noah.”
“I just don’t think you’d like it, that’s all.”
“Well, I think I would,” she countered. She stood before me with her arms folded across her chest, a determined look etched on her face.
“But why now after all these years?”
“Because I want to have a little fun, okay? Today is graduation day. Four years of working my tail off to earn the coveted Valedi
ctorian spot. Doesn’t that earn me the right to party a little?”
I scratched the back of my neck. “Well, maybe.”
Maddie barreled on. “Plus, I’m leaving for six weeks of missionary work on Sunday, and in case you didn’t notice, I’m standing in the cemetery where we just interred Jake’s cap and gown. I think I could use some down time.”
“We could go for ice cream,” I suggested.
She shot me a truly heinous look. “All I’m asking for is one time, Noah. One time to say I actually attended a high school party.”
I groaned. “If you seriously want to go, I’ll take you.”
She grinned. “Good. I’ll tell my dad.”
“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! You can’t tell your dad you’re going to a party at Blaine’s. He’ll never let you out of his sight.”
“Duh, I realize that. I’m going to tell him you’re taking me to the movies, and then I’m going to spend the night with Mandy.”
My eyes widened in horror. “You’re going to lie to Pastor Dan about where you’re going?”
“Yeah.”
“What about that speech you gave me awhile back about them trusting you and all?” I shook my head in disbelief. “I think I’ve corrupted you or something.” Although a large portion of me was doing a fist pump of pride at Maddie’s new rebellious behavior, the other part felt horrible that it was because of me that she wanted to do some naughty things. I mean, she’d definitely been making an impact on me for the better, but I shouldn’t be leading her astray.
Maddie laughed at my expression. “Noah, I don’t think one little white lie isn’t going to kill me!”
“It’s not just a white lie. What about the other night at karaoke?”
Her eyes widened in horror. “You promised not to ever mention that!”
“I’m not mentioning it…I’m just reminding you,” I replied, lamely.
Maddie shook her head. “I don’t need reminding.” She glanced over to where her father stood. “I’ll meet you back here in just a minute, okay?”
With a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach, I watched her practically skip away—the virginal good girl off to lie to her holy father. Oh, shit, this couldn’t be good.
