Tell Me No Secrets: Secret Baby Romance Collection

by Jamie Knight

  By far, the most surprising part of the day was when Billy, after a solid ten minutes of walking without incident, wanted to be picked up, and Lila let me do it. Scooping him up into my arms, making him giggle. I could see Lila out of the corner of my eye and could have sworn that I saw her smiling. It was a brief moment, but it happened and gave me a small glimpse into what she might actually be thinking.

  “Would you like a ride home?” I asked as we walked out of the gates to the parking lot.

  “No, thanks. I mean, it would be great, but I’m guessing you don’t have a car seat,” Lila said.

  “No,” I said, not having thought of that.

  “It’s okay, Aria will be here soon.”

  “Okay,” I said, ready to get back into my car.

  “Would you like to go to the park tomorrow?” Lila asked, catching me quickly.

  I walked back over, smiling at her. “Absolutely! Can I bring my dog with me?”

  Her lips dropped open. “You have a dog?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What breed?”

  “He’s a French Bulldog pug cross,” I explained.

  “Sure, I guess,” Lila said, without much enthusiasm.

  I waited with them until a very familiar silver car pulled up in the spot next to us in the lot.

  “Night, Daddy,” Billy said with a baby wave.

  I took this to mean good-bye. I waved back and got into my car. I gave a moment’s thought to subtly following them so I could see where Lila and Billy lived. It took about two seconds to dismiss the idea. It was far too stalkerish. I was never that guy, and I had no intention of starting. Things were going well, and I didn’t want to ruin it.

  Lucky was there to greet me as per his custom, and I picked him up and hugged him. My pup accepted this happily. His curly tail wagging so hard it looked to be at risk of falling off.

  “We’re going for a big walk tomorrow, buddy.”

  Lucky started yapping excitedly. The word “walk” the only part of the sentence he seemed to pick up on. I couldn’t leave him in that state and got his leash for a reasonably long walk to give him a workout, not wanting to tease the poor little guy. I ran him until we were both tired and we went home for an early night.

  Chapter Ten - Jinx

  Morning really couldn’t come soon enough. Having learned from the previous day, I had my outfit picked out the night before and showered before going to bed. Preparation made things smooth and easy. Or at least it would have been had Lucky not decided to play a rousing game of chase when I tried to put his leash on. After nearly half an hour of trying, and failing, to catch him, I was struck by inspiration. Taking a dive that would make an Italian soccer coach proud, I writhed around on the floor, feigning grievous injury. Loyal pup that he was, Lucky came running out of his hiding place to see if I was okay and lick my pain away if needed.

  Dog secured and everything else ready, I went gingerly down to my car and drove as fast as the speed limit would allow to the park, Lucky and I both singing along with The Germs as we went.

  Despite the slight setback, I still managed to not be late. I wasn’t particularly early but close enough to show a semblance of responsibility, something of paramount importance when it came to proving myself to Lila. I didn’t know if she was ever going to take me back. She was still pretty cold, but there were hints that she still loved me despite herself.

  “Oh, he’s adorable!” Lila gushed, seeing Lucky as we walked up to her a Billy on the playground.

  “So, we’re told,” I said, playing it cool.

  “What’s his name?”

  “Lucky.”

  “Like Austin Powers?”

  “Like Joe R. Lansdale. He invented a type of fiction called Lucky Story-telling. It’s a sort of hybrid thing in which desperate genres are brought together into a seamless whole. I like to think of it as taking different yarns of a tale and knitting them together into a sweater.”

  “That actually makes a lot of sense,” Lila said, thinking about it for a while.

  “Puppy!” Billy said, with great enthusiasm.

  “Yes, honey, see the nice puppy?”

  Billy reached out and patted Lucky’s furry little head, the pup seemed to take the whole situation pretty well.

  “Shall we?” I asked, holding my arm out for Lila to take.

  We walked down further into the park. Finding a bench near the duck pond, Lila put down Billy and I took Lucky off his leash. We watched as they sized each other up and slowly started to play. Billy laughed gleefully as they played chase, the baby keeping up a good pace with the puppy despite mostly only being able to crawl.

  Things remained civil and even cozy between my ex and me. She hadn’t glared at me once, and I hadn’t given her any reason to either. On top of which, our son and my dog were getting along famously. Everything seemed perfect.

  The park was the second in a string of family dates over the next couple of weeks, including Lucky where possible. I really started bonding with Billy, who was calling me daddy without the “goodnight” first. I also felt like I was getting closer to Lila. She seemed a lot happier than she had when we first found each other again. It was difficult, but I held myself in check, trying my best to keep things friendly, without crossing the line and expressing my true, much more sexual feelings when I was around her.

  Before our next get-together, I stared at myself in the full-length mirror as though searching for the secrets of the human soul. I dressed mostly for the hot weather, making sure there was nothing scry of vulgar on any of my clothes, as Lucky ran circles around my ankles, barking his happiness. It was almost as though he knew where we were going. He had hit it off with Billy, and they were becoming best friends. I just had to say Billy’s name, and Lucky would start looking for him, apparently under the impression that he was hiding somewhere in the apartment.

  I had managed to get into Lila’s good graces over the past few weeks that she agreed to join me at a music festival held in the park. I’d had my ticket for weeks, and it was no big deal to get another one. As fate would have it, the band that Chris’s bother was in was playing the festival, and he happened to have two free tickets that he asked if I wanted. I could have hugged him were we not at work, and he wasn’t my boss. It still seemed inappropriate even for a notoriously casual office where half the staff wore band shirts on a regular basis, and there was a full ping-pong court as well as vintage arcade games in the break room.

  Sliding a first pressing of Ixnay On the Hombre into the CD player set below the tape deck, something else that had taken a lot of explaining, I did my best to relax, getting into a near zen state of consciousness.

  It was a beautiful day. The sky was just about as sunny as my disposition. Something reflected by my shirt that day, which was bright powder blue with a prancing unicorn under a rainbow. If I was a donut, I would be a jelly-filled vanilla dipped with rainbow sprinkles.

  “Oh, wow,” Lila said, catching sight of my shirt.

  I did a little happy jig.

  “Silly daddy!” Billy laughed, clapping his hands.

  “No argument there, kiddo,” I said, standing up straight.

  “Do you mind taking him?” Lila asked, handing the toddler over.

  “Not at all,” I said, barely stopping myself before I added, “honey.”

  Lila gently passed Billy over to me as I gave her our tickets, my hands then somewhat full. I had thought well ahead and unfurled the blanket from the wicker picnic basket I had brought along, claiming our place near enough the stage to hear the music without hurting Billy’s little ears, and in the pleasant shade of a big tree.

  My beautiful blonde date wasn’t wearing much in the way of clothes, opting for a flowing, sleeveless summer dress and a pair of flip-flops. I stole several peeks at her beautiful body. If Lila didn’t like this, she didn’t let on.

  “Hungry?” I asked.

  “A bit,” she admitted.

&nbs
p; Digging into the basket, I laid out the three-course lunch I had made. Including apple juice for Billy and soft apple cider for Lila and me. While I had been afraid at first, I didn’t go tumbling off the wagon after one drink. If anything, the impulsively downed scotch made me less likely to want to drink. My pallet had been cleansed, making me able to realize how genuinely disgusting it tasted. At least to me. Though, to be fair, I was a lot more geared towards sweet flavors as opposed to bitter or sour.

  “T-this is amazing,” Lila said, sounding genuinely staggered.

  “I do my best,” I said, unable to keep from smiling.

  I could tell that Lila was trying to hold herself back. I got the impression that had she been alone, she would have been digging into the food with a lot more gusto. I really had tried my best and was happy that she liked it so much. My forethought had gone so far as to put some good things into the blender, making a sort of smoothie.

  Lunch was surprisingly and pleasantly intimate, with long, warm looks from both me and Lila, our hands touching longer than was strictly necessary when reaching for the same thing.

  “Is that —”

  “Blink-182?” I asked when the bassline for “Dammit” started up over the PA.

  “Yeah.”

  “Indeed,” I confirmed.

  “How?”

  “I pulled some favors,” I said with a shrug, “go on, I’ll watch the little ones.”

  “A-are you sure?” Lila asked, still looking towards the stage.

  “Of course,” I said, having planned it the entire time.

  She got up and wiped her hands, giving me a very generous view up her dressed, which I could only assume was intentional and, kicking off her flip-flops so she could move better, nearly ran to join the mosh pit.

  “Mommy go,” Billy squealed.

  “Indeed,” I said.

  It was getting dark when things started winding down. Dante Street Massacre was up doing one of the more symphonic of their Symphonic Metal songs. The crowd swaying and holding each other really into it like I had seen at Wacken heavy metal festival a couple of years ago when Chris had gotten me tickets.

  “Bedtime,” Billy said, gently patting my shoulder. He was yawning, and I knew it was time to go.

  As we packed up, Lila stopped and gave me a look. “Would you like to come back with us?”

  Her words practically lifted me off my feet. “Sure. I even have a car seat now.”

  Lila called Aria to call off the ride as I got the basket and baby loaded into the car. Switching over to something a bit more age-appropriate in terms of driving music, figuring that Billy didn’t understand Norwegian, I followed Lila’s directions back to their place.

  The house was really very impressive. Particularly considering the housing market at that time. I figured that she must live with Aria and maybe a couple of other people to afford rent.

  I pulled up into the driveway and went around to open Lila’s door before getting Billy, who was already half asleep. He lay flat against me, his cheep pressed into my shoulder. I tried to keep my eyes off of Lila’s gently wiggling hips and beautifully curvy ass as she lead the way up to the door.

  The house was empty when we went in. I had expected to at least see Aria and get around that awkward social roadblock, but no such hindrance was presented. It was just the three of us. I couldn’t help but feel really at home. I got a brief glimpse of what it might be like if we were actually a family with our own house. The only thing that would make it perfect would be to have Lucky running around in the backyard with his own yard.

  “This way,” Lila said, leading me down the hall. The room was small, yet had a bed as well as an antique crib squeezed into it. The crib had a picture of me from a few years ago tapped to the inside of it.

  Leaving me standing there holding our son, Lila slipped out, leaving us to it. Lila and I might not have been together anymore, but I was bonding like mad with our son.

  “Night, Daddy,” Billy said, waving his hand in front of my face instead of in front of the photograph.

  I leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, making him squirm and giggle with delight. It really was nice to see him so happy. I also noticed how he looked even a little more like me when he was smiling.

  “Silly, Daddy.”

  Yes, I was. Both silly and his daddy. I decided right then and there to become a proper dad and be in my son’s life. Not just as a part-time dad but for real. I had a job with regular hours and didn’t tend to take my work home with me. Other than Lucky, I had no other responsibilities and would have a lot of time do dedicate to him. Which I was sure would make things easier for Lila too.

  I had to find a way to get us all back together. Life was rarely so perfect as to allow me to get back with Lila and have full access to Billy, but I was still willing to give it a try. To that very day, I always wore the medallion I had gotten at First Communion, bearing the likeness of St. Jude. Patron Saint of Lost Causes.

  I watched until Billy was asleep and slipped out of the room, which Billy and Lila clearly shared, trying not to think about how rough their lives must have been up until that point. I was still trying to hatch a plan for us to be a proper family, which I honestly wanted more than anything.

  I found my way back to the living room, where Lila had already poured herself a drink and was sitting on the couch, her lovely legs crossed in a very enticing way. I took a breath and went to sit with her, curious about what might happen next.

  Chapter Eleven - Lila

  I had been astonished at how Carl had been acting all day. He had always been kind and gentle. However, I hadn’t been expecting the level of responsibility and forethought he had been showing on our outings. He was terrific with Billy, who really seemed to love his father.

  I had known the house would be empty when we got there. Irene was at her usual weekly bingo game, which she attended like clockwork. I had begun to worry that she was getting addicted, but Aria’s grandmother always pointed out that she had been doing it for years, and it was one of the few pleasures she had left since she quit smoking. I found it difficult to argue with this logic. Not only because there wasn’t a single known instance of bingo giving someone lung cancer. I really wasn’t in much of a position to say anything anyway, being a guest in her house.

  I tried to do my best to help out and pull my weight, even though Irene never seemed too concerned. We had known each other since Aria, and I had become friends, and it was more like she was my grandmother as well. Which would go a long way in explaining why she let me and Billy live in her house rent-free for the last year with no question about when we might be leaving or suggestion that we should. It had been a rough go, but I was finally starting to enjoy my life.

  “I suppose we should be getting to bed, too. We both have work in the morning,” I said.

  It was as strong a hint as I could give, but Jinx either didn’t get it or was ignoring it. I knew he wasn’t dumb, so I figured it was the second one. Instead of leaving, he sat down on the nearby comfortable chair. I both hoped and dreaded that he might try to sit with me on the couch, but he seemed to be trying to keep things friendly between us. I had made it pretty clear that I wasn’t interested in getting back together. Doing everything short of blasting Taylor Swift at him. Something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, let alone the man I once loved.

  I still loved Jinx even if I wasn’t willing to admit it. He had been so tender and responsible with Billy over the last couple of weeks. My ex could have just been trying to get into my good graces, but it didn’t feel that way. I could see he could be a great dad given the chance. Something that made me want him even more. Having my former lover treat me with a friendly distance was really painful, despite the fact that it was pretty much what I asked him to do.

  Despite the hints to leave, I really didn’t want Carl to go. I wanted him to stay and take me right there on the couch. That was the part that scared me the most. I guess I d
idn’t really know what I wanted, but in my heart, I knew what was going on. The pain from what had happened before and the fear of getting hurt again was holding me back from really going after the man I loved.

  I had to change the subject in my mind to something less risky. “What kind of involvement do you want in Billy’s life? I assume you want more now than we have been doing with our family dates.”

  Jinx nodded. “Honestly yes, though that’s not to say it hasn’t been fun. It’s given me something to look forward to other than work.”

  “Oh, well, that’s good.”

  He leaned towards me. “Yeah, I’ve really liked it, though if I’m honest — which I’m really trying to be, as much as possible — I would like a lot more than a few hours here and there. I want full time.”

  “Oh,” I said, trying to sound calm, though I was hit by a pang of cold fear, afraid that he might sue for custody.

  I unwillingly flashed back to how Conrad, Jinx’s father, had treated me when he first found out I was pregnant with his grandson. Carl was still around then, in body at least, his mind was somewhere else entirely. Billy’s grandfather was pretty insistent on how my son should be raised, citing how well Carl had turned out as proof of his method. Except that it was being around him that had lead to Carl going off the rails and any goodness there was in my ex had come from direct rebellion against his father’s example. Something Conrad didn’t seem to fathom, sure he was the god-king of the city, if not the world.

  I tried to go along with it, continuing to work as a Blackjack dealer as long as I could. Though when it came closer to the time for Billy to be born, I had what could be called a moment of clarity and left it all behind. I was in a shelter for a while but then I remembered that Aria also lived in Vegas and decided to give her a call. She really did save me from a fate worse than death.

  I remembered what I said to Carl about how I wouldn’t have run away. What bullshit. Running way was something we both had in common, and honestly, if he hadn’t gone into rehab, I would have left him eventually. His leaving and me running from Conrad were two the best decisions we had made.