Absolute Zero: Soldier of Light Chronicles Book 2

by Ireland Gill

  “Oh, now, who are you kidding?” he jabbed. I pursed my lips as he walked up to me. “Ev, I just meant that you didn't have to worry about any pressure after we got back to the room. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable, as if I were expecting anything more than just that kiss.”

  My glare subsided, and the feeling of stupidity slowly started to wash over me, taking its form as the tomato-red hue that colored my entire face. My expression softened.

  “Evika,” Hayden said, “by all means, I had no intention of trivializing that kiss with what I said. I felt more in that kiss than I've ever felt in my entire existence, and I want you to know th---”

  I grabbed his neck and pulled him to me, the impact of our lips harnessing a force more powerful than the first, something I thought would have been impossible. I gasped as his hands laced through my wet hair, sending those familiar, wonderful tingles down my spine that made my body quiver in delight. My hands caressed his neck and moved along the muscles of his back. Feeling his naked skin was sending my senses into a craze. I pulled him by his waist to have him against me completely, but he lifted me and placed me onto the bed. He hovered over me, giving soft, delicate kisses on my lips and neck. It was driving me crazy. I wanted him more than anything, but I knew I wasn't ready. Not yet. The hotel wasn't home. It wasn't the right moment to take it to that level. I concentrated on the patterns of our kisses. Just as he'd promised, we'd only kissed. Nothing more.

  I could hear myself panting shallow breaths. Everything I was feeling was euphoric and intoxicating. Hayden pressed his lips once more to mine and lay next to me on his side, holding his hand to my cheek and smiling.

  “You interrupted me, you know?” he poked.

  I laughed. “Sorry,” I said with a hint of sarcasm.

  “So, now do you understand what I was trying to tell you?” Hayden asked.

  I looked him in the eyes, and before I could get lost in them again, I answered. “I do.”

  He wrapped his arm around me, and I laid my head on his shoulder, holding him in return as we lay there together on that hotel bed. We fell asleep that way, and my contentment in that moment was absolutely unassailable. I wanted to keep it forever.

  13

  Intentions

  I woke the next morning to a peace I thought only existed in good dreams. I saw his angel face inches from mine, still sleeping. I smiled and couldn't help the butterflies that fluttered throughout my stomach. I was happy, and Hayden and I had finally broken through that barrier I'd always felt was there. It may not have been as apparent to him, but I always felt the unspoken tension when it came to us getting so physically close and never acting upon it. I wanted more from him. I wanted to know if he cared for me the same way I cared for him. I even wanted to know if he loved me the way I knew I loved him. I could admit it to myself, but to say it aloud? Ha!

  Trust me, I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to know that I felt those three words, but saying them out loud was somewhat of a challenge for me. I couldn't see it happening without some sort of confirmation from him. His kissing me should have been enough for me, you'd think, but I was still reluctant. Where did we go from there?

  I lay there, running my fingers through his thick, dark hair and inhaling that scent of rain he always carried with him. I caressed his cheek softly, then moved my fingers down along his arm, watching my fingers bob along the contour of his muscles. I relished the moment as I was so close to him, his naked chest and his peaceful expression as he slept next to me. From the moment I met Hayden, he was everything I wanted, needed. After we'd shared those two wonderful, memorable kisses, I started thinking about the next steps in this fantasy. Those kisses solidified everything I wanted, yet opened a whole new door to something else entirely. And it wasn't until that morning, as I watched the angel sleep, that I'd realized what that kiss meant.

  This moment was everything I wanted. But on the flip side......it wasn't what I wanted. I knew what this meant. If Hayden cared enough for me he'd want to eventually Fade for me, and it wasn't something I would let happen if I could help it. I was fine with him staying the angel he was. We could make that work. I knew we could. There was no good reason for him to change anything.

  The very thought of Hayden becoming human scared me out of my mind. Why hadn't I thought of all of that before letting that first kiss happen? I was so determined to touch him, kiss him, do anything with him to express how I felt, and here, it may have been the one thing that he was waiting for in order to make a decision - if he'd been contemplating Fading at all. That is, if he loved me back.

  If he became human, that meant he would be just as vulnerable as my real mother was. Lavinia didn't even get to see my first year of life before she died. I didn't want to end up like my father, ruing the day that his love Faded for him.

  I thought about how close Hayden and Luka were and I knew then, if Hayden ever decided to Fade, he would ask Luka to be the Guardian who broke his wings. I knew I would have to speak with Luka as soon as possible. I needed him to promise me that he would talk Hayden out of it. My mind was spinning all through the morning, and it was hard to concentrate on anything else but the meaning of the previous night.Hayden started stirring, and I put my thoughts to the back of my mind in order not to ruin the time I had.

  “G' mornin', Angel-man.” I kissed his cheek.

  Hayden smiled, his eyes half open, and put his arms around me squeezing me into him and kissing my cheek in return. “Good morning, Pony-girl. You been up long?”

  “Not too long,” I answered.

  Hayden rubbed his eyes and scooted up against the headboard, stretching his arms. He looked past me to check the clock on the night stand.

  “Wow,” his eyes widened. “It's almost eleven.”

  I gave him a playful, pouting lip. “I know. I kinda let you sleep longer. I'm a bad influence on you.”

  He made the bed vibrate with his hearty laugh. “Not entirely.” I rolled my eyes and laughed at his lame attempt at arguing.

  He leaned his head down to mine, closing in on my lips. I wanted them so badly and welcomed them as we touched, my brain losing focus of anything rational. I felt his strong arm wrap around me as he pulled me close to his skin, our bodies pressing against each other, making our temperatures rise. Unfortunately, reality brought me back to my senses when Hayden pulled away.

  “Check out is soon. We better go before they kick us out,” he said.

  We had the car packed and ready to go after getting a quick bite to eat at the hotel cafe. We didn't really talk much. We just did some speed-eating to get onto the road by noon. Hayden insisted on driving, so I let him, of course. It was quiet for the beginning of the ride while I sorted through my thoughts. I thought about the changes that would occur, and it scared me to death. I wasn't sure what was going through Hayden's head. Was he planning for the weekend to go as it did? Was he expecting me to bring it up first in order to confirm something? Was he waiting for me to profess my love for him before we even talked about our kissing? I felt so strange, awkward. My brain felt like a melee, battling between my emotions and rational thoughts. I wanted Hayden for myself, to claim him as my own, but my biggest fear of all was losing him. His Fading would just personify the danger that was eating away at me that very moment. I thought of my father and Lavinia, wondering if my father would have asked her not to Fade if he could have seen her death coming. He had to lose the love of his life. And for what? What was so great about her becoming human? As an angel, she was practically invincible. Things could have been entirely different for Jack, happier. They could have lived happily ever after as “angel and human.”

  Then, I thought back on the moments of the wedding that weekend. Christian and Brittonia stating their vows “till death to us part.” Why did that have to be the end at all? Why was it always death that ruined everything for the living, ruined life entirely? The ones left behind suffered the most and it was as if saying, upon death, your connection to that person was over. Who's ge
nius idea was that? It sucked, and I hated that I was contemplating those things at all. It was starting to make me crazy.

  “I know you have questions for me and you're afraid to ask them.” Hayden broke my trance, keeping his eyes on the road.

  I looked over at him, eyes wide and innocent, then my face tightened in frustration. Was I that transparent? Of course I was. Who was I kidding? To Hayden, I was nothing but see-through. I'd accepted that a long time ago, but it was still hard to get used to.

  “How do you always know when I have questions for you?” I stalled.

  He smirked, shifting the gear to get to a higher speed. “Because you give it away,” he muttered.

  “By doing what?” I asked pointedly.

  He chuckled and shook his head. “Oh, no. I'm not telling you. You'll just make a conscious effort never to do it anymore.”

  “Ugh,” I grunted. “That is so not fair.”

  “Not to you, maybe,” he joked. I glared at him and huffed. He looked over at me and grinned, wagging his eyebrows, which just made me roll my eyes and look out the window. He laughed.

  A few moments passed.

  “Okay, okay. You really wanna know?” he finally asked.

  I nodded, still looking out the window. I know it may have looked like I was mad at him, but I really was still trying to figure out how I would bring up what I really wanted to talk about.

  He still kept his eyes on the road. “You do this thing with your hair.”

  “Huh?” I looked over at him.

  “You twirl a section of it from behind your ear around your finger.” He shot me a quick glance. “You're doing it right now, actually.”

  My attention went to my hands, one in my lap, and the other twirling that damned piece of hair behind my right ear. Jeez. “Figures,” I muttered, consciously crossing my arms.

  I could see Hayden give me a small smile. “So, what did you want to ask me?” he asked as he turned off the music.

  I sighed, still wondering how I would bring up the subject, but ended up blurting out the first question that came to mind, and it was literally out of left field. “Are Christian and Brittonia going to hell?” I almost smacked my hands over my mouth. Really?

  Hayden took a sip of his coffee and practically choked. “What?” he asked in shock, laughing.

  “Uhh, I mean, well, you know what I mean. Not hell, but....ugh! I don't know. You know how Brittonia was never really all innocent and Virgin Mary, and all that? And I'm sure he wasn't either, you know?”

  Hayden nodded, still laughing. “Yeah,” he responded. I waited for the meaning of my question to possibly sink in so I wouldn't have to say any more before Hayden understood what I was asking. I kept my eyes on his expectantly while his chuckling came to a slow stop. Finally, he gave me a wry smile and a raise of his eyebrow. “You're assuming that Christian and Brittonia have had sex, well before their wedding, and wondering if the Creator will throw them into the deepest pits of darkness with Alysto because of that, right?”

  God, did he seriously just say that so casually? My face instantly flushed. “Well, um......figuratively, I guess that's what I mean, yeah,” I stumbled over my words. I thought about what I was really trying to ask and it wasn't even about Brittonia and Christian at all. I just didn't know how to get around to it.

  “I see,” he slowly nodded with a smirk, keeping his eyes on the road. Ugh. If only I could have known the things he thought when he made those faces. The mystery drove me insane. “Well, something you should know about that is the fact that it's not entirely wrong.”

  I looked at him, surprised. “It's not?”

  Hayden shook his head. “Not if it's done as a result of love, or passion.” He threw in that last word as if he knew that some people, like Brittonia, may have gotten those two words confused. “The act, as long as it is done for the right reasons, is not sinful unless it is done out of spite, anger or against one's will, anything of a negative nature or intention.”

  I turned my head slowly to look at the road ahead. “Huh,” was all I muttered. I knew Brittonia had been pretty “passionate” about a lot of people in her life. It made me giggle, but then I sat quietly, thinking even more. I really didn't know what kind of “road” my mind was taking me on, other than the one on which my brain was starting to hurt more and more with the questions that were begging to be asked.

  “But...” Hayden's hand reached over to mine, pulling my arms out of the tight criss-cross they'd made across my chest, “that wasn't entirely what you wanted to ask me, was it?”

  I let out a long-winded breath, taking his hand in mine automatically and feeling the energy when we touched. “Nope. My head is sort of racing after last night. Believe it or not, I'm thinking a lot about my dad and my mom – Lavinia, I mean.”

  “And this is all stemming from Christian and Brittonia's wedding?”

  “Sort of.”

  Hayden looked over at me and smiled, nodding to me as if to give me the floor to speak. I knew he wanted me to get everything out there, and I'd wondered if he'd hoped I'd want to talk about our kiss, and what it may lead to. The fact was, I wanted to know, but I didn't. I started out with a wedding-related question first.

  “You once told me that Lavinia and my dad never had a chance to get to the House of Council for their binding ceremony,” I started. “Why wasn't the regular matrimony enough? Why was this binding thing so important to Jack?”

  Hayden smiled somberly. “Marriage unites two people until death do them part. The House of Council can make a marriage binding even in death, but only once the angel has fully Faded. They both need to be human. It is a gift that can be bestowed upon only the most in-love of humans and Faded angels. It not only binds their hearts, but their souls. They become one. In this particular rite of passage, death is not the end for them, only a new chapter. In binding, there really is no loss to the one left behind because, after the death of one, they are still able to communicate.” He looked over at me to see if I was following before he speaking. I nodded to prompt him to continue his explanation. “Some bindings between the souls are stronger than others. In some instances, the one still living is only able to hear the voice of their partner. In others, they are able to interact, even feel each other. Your mother was too sick and passed away before they got the chance to go and meet the Council for the ceremony.” His face grew more somber then. “Your father was determined that, even though they were never officially bound, his and Lavinia's connection with each other was stronger than ever possible, and that they'd still be able to communicate after she died.”

  I looked down at my jeans and started picking at a loose thread at the hole in the knee as I thought about my father's pain. “Is that why my father became so angry?” I asked quietly. “Because he could never communicate with Lavinia after she died?”

  “Not the way he thought he could. You see, binding is a green card between worlds. It guaranties the connection of those two souls, no matter what realm they are in, no matter if they are living or gone.” He shrugged. “Your father felt extremely guilty for a lot of things he'd done, and not having gone through the binding ceremony before she passed away essentially killed him.”

  “So he felt like he'd lost her completely,” I confirmed. “That's why he was so eager to end his life, to see her again.”

  “Not just that, Evika. Upon his Final Death, your father's priority was to save you. But yes, in turn, he was also saving himself. He wasn't the same anymore, after Lavinia was gone. For him, going on in life brought nothing but heartache, pain,” he paused, “insanity.” He said these things as if they were all examples of emotions that were more profound than what other people have experienced in their loss of another loved one. But then, I sat on that for a moment, thinking about how I'd feel if I'd lost Hayden and I could feel an ache in my chest already, just like the night I'd written about it one month prior. Just the thought of losing him to another world and still being left behind was excruciating. It was a di
fferent kind of pain that I could foresee, like something entirely more powerful than a normal feeling.

  I furrowed my brow. “So that's all the help that the Council gives to one of their own? They conduct some binding ceremony to unite the souls of a human and one of their own, and that's it?” I'm not sure what made me angry about it, but it just seemed like the Faded angels got gypped, and so did the human. It didn't seem fair. Of course, when did I think anything in life was fair anymore?

  Hayden looked over at me with a concerned expression. “It's not just the marriage that binds them. The souls are bound in a way that, even after death, they find each other. The bond and the love is so strong that the one left behind can find their other half in dreams, but also in reality. Their souls are one and can never be separated again, no matter what. If one is lost, the other will find them, even in the darkest moments of the afterlife, if that is where one of them goes.” He looked over at me briefly, keeping a serious tone. “That is a powerful gift from the Council, Evika, something of which only a handful of people have had the opportunity to experience.”

  I looked over at him to study him for a moment, wondering if he'd been angry that I'd even questioned the Council, as I usually did. But he wasn't phased at all. He was patient with me, as always. I leaned my head back against the head rest and smiled at him. I could tell he knew I was looking at him when he squeezed my hand a little tighter.

  I fell asleep like that for the rest of the ride home, holding my angel's hand. But there was still something on my mind that would bother me, that festered. And talking to Luka was the only way I knew I'd feel better about it.

  14

  The Truth About Lying

  'We need to talk,' I texted to Luka's cell as soon as Hayden and I dragged our luggage into the house and I was alone in my bedroom. I didn't have to wait long for a response.