Shared Secrets

by Pam Mantovani

  “Sexually involved?” Stephanie came to a stop opposite the desk, facing her mother. “No. Not yet.”

  For a moment all she could think of was that single negative answer. However, like a yo-yo coming back time and time again, the second half of Stephanie’s answer rose up to taunt her thoughts.

  “What, exactly, do you mean by ‘not yet’?”

  “If I have anything to say about it, we’ll be lovers soon.”

  “No.” The whispered denial exploded in the room. “You can’t, Stephanie. I absolutely forbid it.”

  “Look, Mom.” Stephanie took a step backward to avoid the hand Taylor reached out to her. “I realize you might be uncomfortable discussing this with me, but you have to admit that I’m not a little girl anymore. I’ll be eighteen in less than a month. I’m practically the only girl my age who is still a virgin.”

  At least that was one small consolation, Taylor thought. Stephanie then pulled out the old argument teenagers have used for centuries.

  “That’s the same age you were when you married Daddy.” Her chin rose as Taylor sank down into the chair. “I love Micah and I want to be with him.”

  “You can’t,” Taylor cried. Her fingers curled around the chair arms as she battled to recapture a measure of calm control. “There’s something you need to know, Stephanie. Something that will forever change your relationship with Micah.”

  “Nothing can change the way I feel about Micah.”

  Tears rushed into Stephanie’s eyes as she circled the desk and picked up the picture of Taylor and Lucas and practically shoved it under her nose. “Explain it to me, Adams.” Taylor flinched at how Stephanie so quickly resorted to the hated habit of addressing her by her maiden name.

  “Why is it all right for you to sleep with Lucas, but I’m forbidden to do the same with Micah?”

  She felt the heat rise up her cheeks as instinctively as her denial. “I’m not—”

  “Yes, you are.” Stephanie tossed the photo onto the desk. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t be with him if you love him. I just want to know why you think I shouldn’t be with the man I love.”

  Taylor shot out of her chair. “Because he’s Lucas’s son.”

  “No, he’s not,” Stephanie yelled back.

  The two women, so alike and yet so different, stared at one another for a long minute. Finally, Stephanie turned to storm around the room, muttering under her breath.

  “Of course he is,” Taylor argued, her voice soft and uncertain.

  Why couldn’t she just say the words? Why couldn’t she, for once, be totally honest with her daughter? Because, she admitted as she pressed a hand against her stomach, she couldn’t ignore her terrified fear that her daughter would hate her.

  “I’m telling you the truth, Adams. Exactly the way Micah explained it to me. When his mother found out she was pregnant, and Micah’s biological father didn’t want anything to do with her or the baby, she went to Lucas and told him the baby was his. Lucas didn’t find out the truth until Micah was three and had to have some kind of minor surgery.”

  Stephanie took a deep breath and lifted her hands to rub at her temples. “Lucas divorced Micah’s mother, but he never told anyone that Micah wasn’t his. Micah first found out a few years ago, back when he was hanging around with Rebecca’s brother and getting into so much trouble.”

  “When did Micah tell you all of this?”

  “He mentioned it on the drive over to that wedding. We’ve talked about it since.”

  Could it be true? It had to be, she realized. Stephanie had no way of knowing how this information would alter her feelings about Stephanie and Micah becoming involved.

  “The blood tests,” Taylor murmured. “That’s why Lucas was so against me having them done. He didn’t want to risk anyone in town, including me, to learn the truth.”

  “Now that you do know,” Stephanie said. “All your arguments about not wanting me to be alone with Micah because he’s Lucas’s son are kind of blown to hell and back, aren’t they?” She smirked. “Of course, I’ve never quite figured out why that bothered you so much in the first place. I mean, if Lucas is good enough for you to fall in love with, why isn’t Micah good enough for me to do the same?”

  Taylor pushed aside her questions and thoughts of Lucas to give her daughter a level stare. While one issue, one concern, may have been eliminated, there remained another.

  “Stephanie, how can you expect me to sit here and calmly give you my blessing to start an affair?”

  “Because you know I love Micah.”

  “And does he love you?”

  “What about Lucas?” Stephanie tossed the demand right back at her mother. “Does he love you?”

  At one time, so many years ago, Taylor would have answered yes without hesitation. Now, she thought of all the times she and Lucas had shared since her return to Prentiss. Not once had he mentioned any feelings beyond wanting to be with her, let alone loving her.

  And he hadn’t trusted her enough to be honest about Micah. While it hurt to know that, she admitted she hadn’t been completely honest with him.

  How could there be love without trust? Her breath backed up painfully in her lungs before she finally admitted, “I’m not sure.”

  “So, it’s the old double standard again. Do as I say, not as I do. I thought we’d gotten past that point. I thought…” Stephanie bit down on her bottom lip when it trembled. “I thought you were beginning to trust me.”

  “Oh, I do trust you, Stephanie.” Taylor hurried around the edge of the desk. “It’s just I know how easy it is to let your emotions run away from you at a time like this. All I’m asking is that you give a little more thought to what you want before you act. Be sure, Stephanie, be very sure of your feelings. And of Micah’s.”

  How much easier, Taylor thought on a little sigh, to give advice than to follow it yourself. Would Stephanie take the time to carefully weigh the options? And the hazards? Probably not, Taylor decided with another sigh. What woman in love ever did?

  “Would it hurt to wait just a little longer?” Taylor asked her daughter. “Why not wait until I get the charges against Micah dropped? Once he’s cleared, the two of you can make your decisions free of any other worries or pressures.” Taylor placed a hand on Stephanie’s arm. “Will you at least think about waiting? Be patient just a little longer. I won’t ask anything more of you than that.”

  “Thank you, Judge Williams.” Taylor looked up and motioned Lucas and Micah into the study. “Yes,” she said into the telephone. “I think it’s essential Stan and Tommy are present. I appreciate it, sir.” She glanced at her watch. “An hour and a half, two at the most. Thank you.” With a sigh, she hung up the receiver.

  “What’s going on?” Lucas asked.

  She took two seconds, nothing more, to collect and steady herself. Still, she couldn’t look at Lucas.

  “There’s been a new development in your case, Micah. I thought I should speak with both of you before I left to go to Judge William’s chambers.”

  She slipped Stephanie’s photos out of the envelope and handed them to Micah. “Stephanie tells me you won’t be surprised to see these.”

  His fingers tightened around the edges, imprinting a crease on some of the photos.

  “Stephanie took these?” Lucas asked, looking over Micah’s shoulder.

  “Yes.” Taylor caught herself comparing the two men. Clearing her throat, she continued. “She showed them to me last night. Why didn’t you tell me about your suspicions, Micah?”

  “Because they were only suspicions. I had no proof.” He gestured with the photos. “These aren’t even really proof, are they?”

  Taylor held out a hand for the photos and slid them back into the envelope. “No, but I hope that once Rebecca sees these she’ll admit the truth of what happened the night of her attack. I’ve asked Judge Williams to see that Tommy and Stan Newman are present as well.”

  “So, there’s a chance we can avoid a trial?” Lucas
asked.

  “It depends on Rebecca’s reaction.”

  “What will happen to Becky?” Micah asked.

  “The D.A. can prosecute her for filing a false charge. However, Judge Williams could suspend any charges if she agrees to get counseling.” Taylor clasped her hands together on the desk top. “You could sue her in civil court for restitution.”

  “No.” Both Lucas and Micah answered.

  “It’s your decision.”

  “I can’t believe this is almost over.”

  Micah balanced his elbows on his knees and hid his face behind his hands. Taylor watched him, her mother’s heart turning over at the thought of him intimately touching her daughter. When he looked at her, she saw tears in his eyes.

  “Thank you, Taylor.”

  “Don’t thank me yet.” There were still several difficult hours of work ahead. “Besides, Stephanie’s the one who deserves the credit.”

  Micah stood. “I think I’ll go find her and tell her that.”

  “I’m sure it would mean a lot to her,” Taylor managed as she stood as well. For the first time since his entry into the study, she looked directly at Lucas. “Would you mind staying a minute? I’d like to discuss something with you.”

  “What’s wrong?” he asked the instant Micah stepped out of the room.

  Emotionally bracing herself, she looked at him for a long moment before speaking. “I’m wondering why you didn’t trust me enough to be honest about the fact that Micah isn’t your biological son. Stephanie,” she hurried on before he could voice a denial, “told me last night.” She swallowed when she thought of the reason why the subject had come to light. “Apparently she and Micah have discussed it.”

  “I was going to tell you, Taylor.”

  “The point is you didn’t.” Her voice remained cool but hot tears filled her eyes. “All these years I believed you’d betrayed me with another woman and Micah was the result. Learning the truth now hurts worse, Lucas.”

  “Damn it, I told you I slept with Peggy Tucker the night you left. For all I knew, Micah could have been mine.”

  His admission nearly had her changing her course. She knew him, knew if he’d thought there was the slightest chance that he was the father of Peggy’s unborn child, Lucas would take on the responsibility of marrying her. If only he’d told her the truth that long ago day in Brewer’s when she’d returned to make her confession. It would have changed the course of both their lives—and those of Micah and Stephanie.

  “It doesn’t matter what label you put on it, Lucas. Or what excuse you come up with to explain your actions. I can accept you not telling me years ago, but why not since I returned? The bottom line is you lied by omission. It doesn’t say much about the trust between us, does it?” Weighed down by sadness, she reached for her briefcase.

  “I need to go. I promised Judge Williams I would be there as soon as possible, and I have a couple of stops to make along the way.”

  “Taylor.”

  She stopped near the door and turned to look at him. In his hand, Lucas held the photo of the two of them she’d neglected to hide away in a drawer. She now wondered if it had been some subconscious effort to reach him. To show him all they’d found together. To show him what they could have had if they’d been able to trust each other with more than their physical desire.

  “I trusted you with my son’s life. I’m sorry if you feel otherwise, but I think that one show of faith outweighs any other words I could have said.”

  Taylor hurried down the corridor of the courthouse. She was late. And she blamed Lucas. His final words before she left the study had haunted her conscience during the entire trip to town. At one point on the drive it had been necessary to pull over to the side of the road and clamp down on her emotions.

  Lucas was right. She could see that now. Oh, she still wanted the words that would speak of his trust but she knew, perhaps better than most, how easily words could be used and twisted. And she was certainly no less guilty of lying by omission than he.

  Outside the door to Judge Williams’s chamber, Taylor paused and drew in a deep breath. A judgeship was what she aspired to, what could well be within her reach—a position where truth and honesty were as essential as impartiality and evidence.

  How could she possibly hope to sit on the bench and dispense justice without being forthright in her personal affairs? She would tell Lucas and Stephanie the truth after she completed Micah’s case. She needed to tell them—she was so tired of keeping the secrets of the past hidden.

  “I’m sorry I’m late, Your Honor,” Taylor started when Judge Williams’s clerk ushered her into his chambers.

  “Maybe now we’ll find out exactly why we’re here,” Stan said.

  Tommy, slouched down in the chair next to his father, glared across the room. To where Rebecca sat beside her father on a camel back sofa. In respect for his position as prosecuting attorney, Mr. Oates had been given a seat next to the judge’s desk.

  “Yes, you will,” Taylor answered, her gaze locking with Tommy’s. With a nod toward the stenographer, she sat and began.

  Nearly three hours later, Taylor arrived back at Lucas’s house. Drained, she sat in her car, leaned her head against the headrest and tried to absorb some of the peace and contentment she’d found while staying here. At the slam of the screen door, she glanced over to see Lucas coming her way. With a sigh, she opened her door and stepped out.

  “I was coming right in…” She trailed off when she got her first close glimpse of his face. “What’s wrong?” she whispered.

  “After you left this morning, Micah and Stephanie went for a ride.”

  “A ride?” she repeated dully. She cast a quick, fearful glance to her right. “His bike is still here.”

  “They took my truck.”

  The words sank like a heavy weight in her already overburdened heart. She reached out a hand to steady herself on the side panel of her car.

  “They had an accident,” Lucas said. “Micah called me from the hospital.”

  Her legs buckled. Lucas caught her, his hands like bands of steel around her arms. Staring at him, wanting to protest that he lied, she realized his face was the color of ash.

  “No,” she moaned and swayed against him. “No, oh please, no.”

  “It wasn’t an accident in the truck. They slid down an embankment where they’d stopped to do some hiking. Micah broke his arm, but Stephanie hit her head on a rock.” Lucas took two deep breaths.

  “She’s hurt bad, Taylor. Micah was able to get her to where the truck was parked and then drive her to the hospital. We need to hurry.” Lucas all but carried Taylor around the car and eased her into the passenger seat.

  Chapter 11

  Lucas talked to her during the drive. Taylor knew only because she heard his voice but not the words over the continuous chastisements running through her head. It was so easy to look back and see where she had made mistakes in judgment or where she should have taken a different stand. She recalled riding to the hospital after being told of Stephen’s accident, knowing she’d be arriving too late. This was worse, this not knowing what she’d find, was so much worse. When Lucas pulled into the parking space, she jerked open the door and took off running toward the hospital.

  “Taylor. Wait.”

  But she couldn’t. This was…Oh God, she stumbled as her knees nearly gave out again. She couldn’t lose Stephanie. Not now. It even crossed her mind that this was her price, her penalty, for having kept the truth from her daughter all these many years.

  Flying through the sliding-open entrance doors to the emergency room, she faltered. Her heart pounding, she looked around, noticed people looking her way. She felt Lucas come up behind her, heard his breathing catch, and then felt him hurry past her. Her vision narrowed as he went to Micah, who had a wide, white bandage over his left eyebrow. His arm, already in a cast, was kept close to his chest in a sling. There were tears in his eyes as he looked at Taylor over his father’s shoulder when Lucas
wrapped his arms around him.

  Panic paralyzed any other movement as her stomach churned and fear burned like acid in her throat. Standing here wouldn’t give her the information she wanted, needed, but she couldn’t seem to move. Hospital smells assaulted her from all sides, the lights seemed excessively bright, and the drone of the paging system grated her already thinly stretched nerves. Around her doctors and nurses hurried about their business, the business of life and death. Taylor battled back the terror that they had failed where Stephanie was concerned.

  “I’m sorry, Taylor,” Micah said.

  She shook her head, hoping, praying, she misunderstood what Micah was saying. Despite her fear, she refused to accept that there was even the remotest chance they had arrived too late. Maybe if she believed and wished hard enough, she could make it true.

  She knew firsthand wishing didn’t always make a difference.

  “We were starting our way back down the mountainside. Stephanie was in front of me. I saw her feet slide out from under her.” Micah swallowed and slipped free of Lucas’s arms. That’s when Taylor noticed the bloodstain on his right thigh. Later she would never understand what had kept her from crumbling into a heap on the floor.

  “She tumbled about fifty feet. Her shoulder banged into a tree, and her head clipped the corner of a boulder before she flipped over. God, I couldn’t do anything but stand there and watch until she came to a stop. Then I wasted time when I fell as I hurried down to her.”

  He ran his free hand over his face. “She never moved the whole time I drove here. I talked to her. I even yelled to try and wake her. Her head rested on my leg.” He took an absent swipe at the blood on his jeans. “But she never said a word or even moved. The nurse…” He caught himself and visibly bore down to keep control. “The nurse said it helped that I got Steph here so quick.”

  Taylor couldn’t take her eyes off his bloodstained thigh. She didn’t dare open her mouth to ask any questions for fear of the screams that might start and never stop.