Shared Secrets

by Pam Mantovani

“Oh, Stephanie, no. I did love Stephen.” Stephanie started at her long enough that Taylor finally qualified. “Yes, it’s different from the way I feel about Lucas, but I did love Stephen.”

  “That I can believe.” Her fingers dug into Taylor’s shoulders. “If you love Lucas and want to be with him, why don’t you do something?”

  It took more effort than she might have believed she could find, but Taylor managed to dig deep enough for a hint of humor.

  “What would you suggest? Waltz right into his house and ask him to marry me?”

  “Why not?”

  Her laughter came easier. Taylor framed her daughter’s face and kissed her cheek. “Is that what you’re going to do with Micah?” she asked, hedging away from further talk of her and Lucas.

  Oh, yes, it was very much an adult woman’s fury that flashed in Stephanie’s green eyes.

  “Micah’s an idiot.”

  Taylor bit down on the inside of her mouth to keep her grin hidden as Stephanie began to pace the room. “Is that so?”

  “He thinks he knows what I want. Just because I’m going through all this…” Stephanie swiped a vague hand through the air, wincing a little from the quick move. The pain could just as easily have ripped through Taylor.

  “Micah claims my emotions aren’t stable and I’m just grabbing at the first male body to come along.” She growled as she walked to the mirror and again ran the comb through her hair.

  “He decided we shouldn’t be anything more than friends. He decided,” she repeated and slammed down the comb.

  “He didn’t ask me how I felt, he just told me the way it was going to be and expected me to follow along alike a good little girl.” She swung around, spitting mad, as she faced Taylor. “I’m not a little girl.”

  “You certainly aren’t.”

  “I still love him.”

  Taylor nodded, sympathizing with both the misery and the longing in those few words. “Yes, I believe you do. But, Stephanie, Micah could be right. You’ve both, all four of us, have been through so much lately.”

  “You still don’t approve of me and him being together, do you?”

  “I just want you to be happy.” Taylor stepped forward and lifted hands to her daughter’s shoulders.

  “That’s the worst part,” Stephanie admitted on a sigh. “I do see Micah’s point. I mean, I do want to be with him, but maybe now really isn’t the right time.”

  “Trust your instincts. You’re the only one who can know when it’s the right time.”

  “I guess that means the same goes for you and Lucas?”

  “Stephanie…”

  “I just want you to be happy.” With a small smile, Stephanie hugged her. “I love you, Mom. And I know Lucas does too. Will you at least think about talking to him?”

  “Yes,” Taylor answered, knowing she would think of little else.

  She had thought. And thought. She told herself time and time again that what she was about to do was right. It was, after all, the only decision she could make. Lucas hadn’t asked her to stay. She had even convinced herself, almost, that her leaving would save them both a great deal of pain and anguish.

  So, she’d come to the only conclusion that seemed right. Once more she would do what was best for Stephanie. By returning to Little Rock, Stephanie and Lucas could work on their relationship without her presence being a physical reminder of the truth she’d kept hidden from them.

  Taylor wondered why, if her brain agreed it was the right decision, her heart felt as if it had already shattered? And she hadn’t even left yet.

  She glanced down at the papers spread before her. Whatever his personal feelings, Lucas had no qualms about recommending her professional skill. In the last two weeks, no less than four people had come to her asking for representation or advice.

  “I thought,” Pauline Brewer said as she came into the back room. “You were going out to Lucas’s and pack up your law books.”

  “I decided to wait another night.” Taylor stacked all the papers into a neat pile. “After all, I’ll be out there tomorrow for Stephanie’s birthday celebration.”

  Pauline slapped the folded newspaper down on the counter. “I suppose that’s as good an excuse as any.”

  Taylor blinked in surprise as Pauline flipped on the burner to warm the tea kettle. “I beg your pardon?”

  “You can fool yourself, girl, or try to. But you can’t fool me. You’re heartbroken at the thought of leaving him again.”

  Pride stiffened her shoulders. “He doesn’t want me to stay.”

  Pauline uttered a sharp word that had Taylor lifting an eyebrow. “Well, what do you expect me to do? The same thing I did all those years ago? Just stand by and let the two of you turn your back on everything you have together?”

  “What do we have?” Taylor asked, her voice close to crumbling. “Desire? Passion?” She shook her head, denying her heart even as it swelled with more. “It’s not enough.”

  “Of course, it’s not, not by itself,” Pauline agreed. “But because the two of you are lucky enough to have that desire and passion, even after all this time, can you really believe it’s all you have?”

  Taylor shifted on the stool, making an unconscious adjustment for the shorter leg. Pauline set one teacup in front of Taylor, and then blew into her own, sending cooling ripples across the light brown surface before taking a sip.

  “You’ve been running for the last eighteen years.” Taylor’s head snapped up and she narrowed her gaze at the older woman, who continued on as if they were having the most casual of conversations. “Don’t you think it’s time you stopped and fought for what you want?”

  “There’s more involved now than just the two of us.”

  “You mean because Micah isn’t Lucas’s son, but your daughter is his?”

  Taylor sat back as far as the stool would allow. “How did you know?”

  “I’ve always known. Didn’t I tell you and Stephanie that I recognized her from pictures of her daddy? As far as Micah is concerned, I may not have a fancy college degree, but I can add months and come to the truth as well as everyone else in this town.”

  “Everyone knows?”

  “It doesn’t matter to them one way or the other. They know and respect Lucas. They admire the way he raised that boy to be a man anyone in this town would be proud to call their own.” She tapped a finger on the folded newspaper. “That’s one reason why they’re all going to be upset if he follows through and sells his land.”

  “What?” Taylor snatched up the paper, skimmed the speculative article about Lucas meeting with the developer wanting to build the shopping center. “This can’t be right.”

  It made her sick to think of the beauty of the land, and all the inherent peace and contentment she’d felt while living there, being bulldozed and asphalted over. Then there was the craftsmanship in his work. What Lucas created was art every bit as much as a painting or sculpture. How could he turn his back on everything he’d built and walk away?

  “I’m going out there.”

  “Good,” Pauline said. “And when you talk to Lucas…” She reached for Taylor’s hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze. “Love him enough to trust your instincts.”

  “Hey, Mom,” Stephanie called out from where she and Micah sat on the deck. If the stiff set of their shoulders was any indication, Taylor had just interrupted an argument. “I didn’t know you were coming out here tonight.”

  “I hadn’t planned to. Uhm, is Lucas around?”

  “Yes,” Stephanie answered, sharp enough to have Taylor’s gaze narrowing.

  “Steph.”

  “Damn it, Micah,” she interrupted him. “It’s wrong. And don’t tell me you approve.”

  “It doesn’t matter what I think, it’s his decision to make.”

  “Of course, it matters what you think,” Stephanie said. She jumped to her feet and began to pace the deck. “You’re his son, you grew up here.”

  Taylor looked around the yard. “It’s
true, then?” she asked, turning back to the couple. “He’s selling everything?”

  “He hasn’t said for sure one way or the other,” Micah answered, his calm voice earning a glare from Stephanie. “But it looks like he might.”

  “What’s he going to do?”

  “He hasn’t said.”

  Taylor stared at the flower boxes she and Lucas had made together. She remembered so much from that day.

  The smell of sawdust, the pride of accomplishment, the ease and pleasure of working alongside Lucas. She thought of the inherent patience that came through not only in his work but in his quiet trust and faith in the people he cared for. It was exactly the way he’d behaved since her confession, never condemning her for the decisions she’d made where Stephanie was concerned, not once pushing Stephanie for more than she felt comfortable giving.

  Had that same patience, not distrust or lack of love, enabled him to stand by these last days while they all, in various groupings and individually, had counseling sessions? She wanted to believe it was. She wanted, as Mrs. Brewer suggested, to trust her instincts.

  “You talk to him.”

  Taylor felt her lips curve slightly at Stephanie’s demand. For there was little doubt but a demand was exactly what it was. “Me?”

  “Yes. You’re the hot-shot lawyer. You know how to twist words and convince him to change his mind.”

  “Tell you what,” Taylor said. “Why don’t you two head into town and catch the new movie that started tonight?” She tossed her keys to Micah. “I left my purse on the seat of the car. Take out whatever cash you need. You can lock the purse in the trunk.” Without waiting for their reaction, she headed for the workshop.

  He was already packing. Taylor stood outside, the light shining through the open barn doors and watched him. Tools, power and otherwise, were lined up along the workbenches, waiting to be fitted into one of the empty boxes stacked against the wall. The shelves were nearly bare. He moved slowly as he put cans of paint and stain into a box, as if burdened by the weight of a difficult choice.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  Lucas paused in his packing, strained to keep from turning around. If he did, he knew he wouldn’t stay away from her. He knew he would beg. A bittersweet smile crossed his lips. Instead, he’d decided to give up everything he’d worked for in order to have one last chance at the one thing he’d ever truly wanted.

  “It’s only a piece of land, Taylor,” he answered, hoping to convince himself as much as her.

  “It’s more than that to you,” she argued. “It’s everything you’ve worked for. Have you signed any papers yet?”

  “Are you asking as a lawyer?”

  “If that’s what you need, yes. I can get you out of any contract you’ve already foolishly signed.” She sighed when he remained silent. “It’s who I am, Lucas. I can’t change that. Just as you’re a skilled, talented carpenter. And you need this.” She paused and he could picture her waving an arm at the room. “To continue doing what you love.”

  He turned, almost fearfully and yet needing to see the look on her face when he offered her his heart. For her to keep or toss back at him.

  “I can work anywhere, Taylor. But I don’t think I can survive staying here and letting you leave me again.”

  “Oh, Lucas.”

  “I love you.”

  Her bottom lip trembled, her eyes filled with tears. Lucas moved close enough to gently place a finger on her lips.

  “I have always loved you,” he said. “I always will.”

  God, he wanted to kiss her, to hold her in his arms and never let go. Like a starving man, he made himself go one step at a time. He dropped his hand away from her mouth.

  “I know,” he said, “how important your career is to you.” He walked over to his drafting table and picked up a single sheet of paper. “That’s why I knew I couldn’t ask you to stay here and marry me.”

  Taylor reached out and grabbed the edge of a table saw. She said nothing, only stared at him. Lucas felt a chill of fear run down his spine. Could he have been wrong? Had he misjudged her feelings for him?

  “I told you that I never expected you to give up your dream of being an attorney. Not years ago and certainly not now, not after you’ve accomplished so much. I’m not about to ask you to give up your career and stay here in Prentiss. I’m asking you to share your life in Little Rock with me.” He drew in a breath, the biggest of his life and added, “As my wife.”

  Taylor stared at him, and saw the love in his eyes. And the anguish of leaving everything he’d worked for on his face. Yet, he was willing to make that sacrifice for her.

  Yes, he hadn’t been honest with her about the true circumstances of Micah’s conception, but he had been honest about his love and loyalty to his son. Even before he’d learned the truth about being her father, he’d treated Stephanie with the same patience and honesty and respect.

  And while he’d been understandably stunned, and hurt, by the fact that she’d kept his daughter from him, he’d never once flung any accusation or hurtful slur about the choice she’d made. He’d accepted her choice had been difficult, had understood she’d made the only choice she’d thought available to her. As she now made the only choice that felt right.

  “No, Lucas.”

  He stormed across the room before she could open her mouth to explain. Then, she opened her mouth because the force of his made it impossible to resist him.

  She felt the fury, tasted the desperation, as he took the kiss deeper. His hands ran up and down her back, then around to cup her breasts. His touch intended to possess, to demand, to mock her denial of his proposal. Instead it filled all the empty places within her heart. It spoke more eloquently than any words.

  It offered love.

  Then, abruptly, he jerked away, leaving her dazed and aching. She pressed her lips together, tasted him. Felt her chest expand with hope.

  “Lucas, it’s not—”

  “Damn it.”

  He stormed over to a stack of wood, sent it crashing to the floor with a kick of his foot. If she hadn’t been so worried about finding the right words, she would have laughed with delight at his impatience.

  “How can you be in my arms like that after saying you won’t marry me?”

  “That’s not what I said,” she quietly corrected him.

  He whirled around, his blue eyes darker and more passionate than she had ever seen them. “You said,” he ground out one word at a time. “No.”

  She shook her head. “I said no to sharing my life in Little Rock with you.”

  Carefully, she crossed the room to stand before him. “Ask me again, Lucas. But, this time, ask me to stay here in Prentiss and be your wife. Ask me to live in this home, on this land, with you. Ask me to take your name. Ask me to share your bed.”

  “Taylor, I can’t ask all of that from you. It’s not fair.”

  “Don’t you see, Lucas? By not asking, you ask for too much.” She lifted a hand to his cheek. “How can you stand here, telling me you won’t ask me to give up my career when you expect me to do so with yours?”

  “Taylor.” He lifted a shaky hand to her hair. “I can work anywhere. But, you—”

  “Already have a start on a practice in your study.” She smiled and then rose on her toes to touch a soft kiss to his mouth.

  “It took you offering to leave Prentiss to make me realize how much I want to stay here with you. Let me finish,” she added and moved her hand from his cheek to cover his mouth. “Please.”

  He nodded, but his hands cupped her shoulders and brought her closer.

  “It took you saying you believe in me and my career for me to realize I could do no less for you.”

  “Taylor,” he sighed and pressed his forehead against hers. “I’ve always believed in you and your career.”

  “I know.” She smiled, a little sadly. “I love you, Lucas. All those years ago I didn’t trust you or that love, not enough to stay here and fight for what I want
ed, for what I’d never had in my life before meeting you. For what I was so afraid I didn’t deserve and would find a way to lose. I wish I could take back all the hurt of past mistakes.” She shook her head. “But I can’t. All I can do is promise to give you all that trust and love now and in the future.” His eyes filled with so much love and trust that Taylor knew they would never again keep secrets from each other.

  “I want us to share a life together, Lucas. Here, in Prentiss, in this house, where we can have love, laughter, and good friendships. Where we’ll cherish what we’ve found again. Where we can each do the work we love.”

  “Are you sure, Taylor? Are you very sure?”

  “I have never been more sure of anything in my life. Besides,” she said. “I have it from a very reliable source that Judge Williams is planning to retire in a few years. I think it would be appropriate for me to have a seat on the bench in the courthouse where we first met. In the courthouse that’s responsible for giving us a second chance. Don’t you?”

  “Yes.” His hands, those clever, talented hands she had always loved, skimmed down her spine to nudge her hips closer to his. “I love you, Taylor.”

  Tears blurred her vision but her voice was clear and strong. “Ask me again, Lucas.”

  He kissed her first, long and tenderly. “Taylor, will you marry me and take my name? Will you share the good times and the bad?” His mouth lowered to hers. “Will you sleep in my arms, in the bed I made for us, where I’ll love you every night of our life?”

  She smiled at him as she stood within the circle of his arms, as she held him within hers. Here, Taylor thought, was trust and honesty. In both words and actions. As they would be for the rest of their lives. There would be arguments and disagreements, even from time to time hurtful words might be tossed out. Eventually, the love they’d rediscovered would soothe and heal. The past would not be forgotten—how could it when it served as the basis for a newer appreciation, a greater capacity for understanding?

  Her heart full, her eyes brimming with tears, she gently kissed him before answering.

  “I can’t think of a single place where I’d rather be.”