The Darkness Within

by Alice J Black

  “Sorry. I was avoiding someone.”

  Her brows raised. “Would that be Adele?”

  “How do you know?” I asked, letting myself slump into the chair at my small dining room table.

  “Because you have six missed calls and a couple of messages from her.” She set the phone down and I glared at it. I considered going over there and texting my friend back but I couldn’t. I needed to think, needed some space from her and that home. “So are you going to tell me?”

  I sighed. “Make the coffee and then I will.”

  “That bad?”

  “Bad enough that I thought about going to the shop.” I looked at her from beneath sheepish brows and expected something close to admonishment from my best friend but instead she nodded, her mouth closed into a tight line, and finished making the coffee. When Olivia didn’t have something to say, I knew it was serious.

  It wasn’t long before we both had a cup cradled in our hands and we were back in the living room. Olivia kicked off her shoes and curled her feet up on the sofa and that made me smile. My best friend was as at home here as I was.

  “So, spill.” She took a sip of her coffee, eyes never leaving me. I could never resist her ice blue eyes so full of knowledge like an all-seeing pentacle.

  Under her gaze, I wavered and glanced at the floor. “Adele knew at the meeting last night that I wasn’t telling everything.”

  “You were called up?”

  I nodded. Olivia knew it was one of my fears. “I was called up and I told my story but I left out the fact that I could see spirits. I couldn’t tell everyone but I wanted to tell her, I had to. She’s a good friend. We arranged to have tea today so I could spill the beans.”

  “And that explains why you wanted a drink today. And the excessive cleaning.” She took a look around as she raised her brow. Olivia was right, my tension was visible in the extreme OCD in the house.

  “I guess so.” I glanced at the coffee in my hands and took a sip. “I went over for tea but Olivia, when I got there, I knew the place wasn’t right.”

  She frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “There are spirits there, bad ones. They wanted me out and I could almost feel them breathing down my neck.”

  “And you told Adele this?”

  “Sort of. I asked her about it and she told me that back in the day, she and a group of friends used a Ouija board there. I got up and left.” I shook my head and my eyes began to sting again. I left for my own self-preservation and didn’t think about or care about what Adele might be going through or thinking. What sort of friend did that make me?

  “Are you worried about her?”

  “Not so much. She seems fine and I don’t think she can feel their presence. I mean she’s lived there this whole time. But I could.”

  “Okay. So it was just being in the place?”

  I nodded. “I couldn’t stay there, Olivia. It was like a dead weight dropped on my shoulders. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.”

  “Talk to her, Peyton. She’ll understand.”

  “But that’s the thing.” My eyes became blurry. “I’m not sure she does. You should have seen the way she looked at me when I told her I could see spirits. It was like I was still in the madness and experiencing delusions. This is why I can’t tell people, Olivia. This is why it’s a curse and not a gift.”

  I broke down, the tears streaming down my face as my shoulders heaved. I had been through so much already and everything was an uphill struggle already and that was without people knowing about my ability. I heard Olivia shuffle in her seat and then she was beside me, arms wrapped over my shoulders and her head resting on mine. “You’re going to be fine, Peyton. I promise.”

  Despite Olivia’s pep talk and the fact that Adele gave me plenty of opportunity to talk to her with phone calls every day, I avoided her. I avoided the situation and instead, threw myself into a hive of activity that left me drained. I even cleaned Olivia’s house while she was at work much to her delight. But I couldn’t avoid it forever just like I couldn’t avoid going to a meeting. Clearly I was in need when over the past few days I had thought more and more about drinking. Although I had managed to abstain the urge was still there and I knew I needed to be surrounded by sobriety. What better place to find it than AA?

  This time as I entered the hall just as the sun was beginning to set, I heard the clatter of chairs and the chatter of a few people. I wasn’t late exactly but nor was I early and I knew that I was dragging my heels.

  I stepped through the door, keeping my head low. I wanted to disappear but of course it wasn’t possible. Immediately, I was wrapped into a hug by Mila, the woman who ran the group, and then paraded in front of the others. All familiar faces. And then my eyes came to rest on Adele. She looked weary, the lines around her eyes amplified as if she had aged overnight. She was pale and her hair was pushed back. She caught my eye and offered a weak smile and I knew then that something was wrong. Gone was the confident woman I knew and loved. She was just a shell.

  Pushing my ego aside, I marched across the room to where she was standing and this time it was me offering comfort as my arms went around her. She sunk into my body and I felt her shudder as if she was about to cry. When I pulled away I saw the dark circles beneath her eyes. “Adele, what’s wrong?”

  Her eyes filled and instantly spilled over her lids, tears dripping down her face. I glanced up and saw that we still weren’t alone. “Come on.” I grabbed her hand and led her away from the group, towards the kitchen. Once there, I deposited her against a stainless steel bench and found some tissue, handing it over. I watched as she dabbed her eyes, offered another weak smile and then took a deep breath. I had carried the weight of the world on my shoulders for a long time but now so did she. “Tell me what’s wrong,” I demanded.

  She took another deep breath and I heard her chest hitch like she was struggling not to cry and then she opened her mouth. “I don’t even know what happened the other night, Peyton. One minute you were telling me about the real you, and then you were going. I was so worried about you.”

  My cheeks flared and I dropped my head as I realised the impact of my behaviour. “I’m sorry, Adele. I was just… I mean there’s no excuse but that was so hard for me. I thought you didn’t believe and that’s what—”

  “Didn’t believe you?” she laughed. “Peyton, you could tell me you were an astronaut and had completed thirteen missions and I would believe that you believed that. I know you’re not delusional and yes, everything you told me was hard to swallow but believe me, I get it now.”

  I frowned. “What do you mean?”

  Another deep breath. “I mean that darkness that you spoke about. It’s there and it’s manifesting itself.”

  My stomach plummeted and my heart thumped in my chest as my vision funnelled. I saw only Adele as she stood in front of me, her eyes wet with tears and her face as pale as her alabaster walls. My being there in her house had caused this. It had woken the spirits that had become dormant and they were alert and ready to take what they could get. I swallowed down the thick lump of anxiety in my throat. “I—”

  “Come on ladies,” Mila announced, strutting through to the kitchen. “Meeting is about to start.”

  I nodded, shielding Adele from her vision and waited for the leader of AA to step away. “I’ll fix this. After the meeting we’re going for coffee. Okay?”

  “Okay.” Adele nodded. I grabbed her hand, squeezed it gently, and we made our way through to the big hall, taking the last two seats available.

  The meeting dragged by at such a slow pace I thought I would fall asleep. Never before had I wished I skipped out on a meeting. Every now and then I would glance at Adele and catch her looking like she would break down any minute. Her chin quivered and her eyes were full the whole meeting. I wanted to whisk her out of there but I wanted to avoid the questions. Easier to sit and wait, endure and then go.

  As soon as Mila called time and chairs started shuffling, I grabbe
d Adele’s hand and made for the exit. Hoping our hasty departure wasn’t noticed, we headed for the high street and the local coffee shop that I crossed my fingers was still open.

  The sign in the window announced we had an hour and I sighed with relief, opening the door and shuffling inside, pushing Adele ahead of me. Sitting her down in a table near the back, I ordered, paid and slid the tray onto the table with the ease of a woman who was getting way too used to splashing out in coffee shops. I shrugged out of my coat, turning it inside out onto the chair behind me and then took a sip from my cup, letting the milky mixture run down my throat. Perfect.

  “So tell me,” I started. “What’s been happening?”

  “I didn’t notice at first.” She shook her head. “The night you left I was so worried about you I don’t think I would have noticed if there was an elephant in my room.”

  I bit my lip and dropped my head, angry at myself and my own rash behaviour. But this wasn’t about me right now. This was about Adele and it was my turn to listen. “Go on.”

  “Over the next few days things have started getting worse. It’s not as bad during the day but at night, there’s… I don’t even know how to explain it. I feel like I’m being watched in my own home.”

  I nodded. That’s exactly how it started with me when I first realised I could see spirits. I felt like I was being watched from the corner of the room or wherever else I was. Like a burning sensation cutting right into my skin.

  “Have you seen anything? Or even heard anything?” I asked. I knew I had to start gauging the level of involvement.

  Adele shook her head. “No. Nothing like that. Just always the watching. The boys are feeling it too. They’re not sleeping.” A tear slipped down her cheek and she hastily wiped it away. “It sounds stupid doesn’t it, can’t sleep because of a shadow.”

  “Hey,” I snapped, my voice coming out a little louder than I intended. Reaching forward, my hand connected with hers, covering her fingers and squeezing hard. “It doesn’t sound stupid at all. Not to me. You heard what I told you that night.” I glanced around the coffee shop, suddenly glad for the late hour. “All my life I have gone through this. I have seen and heard things you wouldn’t want to see in your worst nightmares.”

  Adele stared at me through watery eyes. “Does that mean you can help?”

  I shrunk back. That was the question I knew I had been waiting for. Could I help?

  “Please?” Her voice was small, her chin wobbling as her lips came to close.

  The truth of the matter was, probably not. I had spent my life running away from my ability because I didn’t know how to deal with it. Now here was a woman, one of my friends, begging for my help and I didn’t know what to say to her. I gazed across the table at my friend, at the ghost of a person she had become. Gone was the loud, vivacious woman who had welcomed me into her arms and held me close, replaced with someone I barely recognised. Adele was scared of her own shadow, the house that she lived in, and clearly didn’t know which way to turn. I didn’t know what I could do, but I would try anything.

  “I’ll see what I can do.” I nodded.

  “Really?” Her eyes lit up, the briefest hint of a smile returning to her lips.

  “I can’t promise anything, Adele.” I sighed. She had to know the truth. “I spent my life running away from this so I’m not entirely sure what—if anything—I can do, but I’m willing to give it a go.”

  “Thank you!” she gushed. Now it was her turn to reach across the table, her cold hands connecting with mine and squishing my fingers together.

  “You know you’re more than welcome to stay at mine, for now. It’ll be a bit cramped but I don’t mind if you don’t.” I smiled.

  “I think for now we’ll stay where we are. The boys don’t do well with disruption. But thank you for the offer.”

  “Any time.” I waved my hand. Adele, like Olivia, was one of the only people in my inner circle of friends—not that I had many to begin with—and I would do anything for her. “Now come on, I’ll walk you home.”

  Her smile faded at the mention of the word and I knew the trepidation she felt. It was the same one I had felt for years going home to a house above a funeral parlour where the dead could speak to me all night long. But this wasn’t about me, it was about Adele and the quicker I could get some help, the better.

  The walk back to her house was a slow one and as I left her at the gate, watching her disappear into the door I was consumed with guilt. I had done this. My presence in her home had wakened something that lay dormant for a long time. No matter what, it was up to me to do something about it.

  The next day, this time at Olivia’s house, I wrung my hands together as she brewed coffee. Bringing both mugs through, she set them on the glass table in the centre of the room. “You want biscuits with that?”

  I glanced at the cup and nodded swiftly. Anything sweet—and certainly anything chocolate—would help me immensely right now. With an audible sigh, Olivia stepped back into the kitchen on her pixie feet and retrieved the biscuit tin, setting it by me. Peering inside, I caught sight of a chocolate bar and instantly grabbed it, unwrapping the foil and dunking it into my cup before taking a bite.

  “That’s gross,” Olivia told me, shaking her head, the earrings that she wore dangling dangerously close to her shoulders.

  “It’s needed,” I replied around a mouthful of chocolate. I swallowed, the chocolate sliding down my throat in a moment of ecstasy. “So what do I do?”

  “You’re asking me as if I’m the expert.”

  I sighed. “I know you’re not, Olive, but what do I do? This is my fault.”

  “Why did you tell her you would fix something if you don’t know how?”

  I sighed again, scrubbing my face with my hand. “Because she’s my friend. You told me you would help me and that wasn’t guaranteed.”

  “But here we are.” She shot me a smug smile.

  “And while yes, that’s thanks to you and your perseverance, I could relapse at any moment.”

  “I have faith in you.”

  “But that doesn’t solve my problem. Adele’s house is being haunted and it’s my fault. I need to do something.”

  Olivia was silent for a second, observing me above the rims of her glasses and blowing on the steaming mug of coffee before taking a sip. When she lowered the cup, she spoke. “Why not talk to Sylvia?”

  Sylvia. Just the mention of the woman’s name had me mentally slapping my forehead. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

  “Sometimes you’re too close to a problem and it’s hard to see a way through.” Olivia shrugged.

  “I’ll go see her now.” I set down my cup.

  “Hey!” Olivia’s raised voice cut off my departure. “You’re not going anywhere until you finish your coffee. That stuff is expensive.”

  Reluctantly, I sank back onto the sofa and picked up my cup. As much as I wanted to act now, Sylvia would still be there when I got to the high street so I guess I could take ten minutes to myself. As I took a sip of the strong brew, I glanced around me at Olivia’s pad, a place I had frequented on many a drunken night and some almost sober ones too. Most of the house was decorated the same way in neutral shades with greys and blacks mingled in. It suited her down to a tee, prim and proper with just the right amount of smart. I smiled and took another sip.

  “What?” she asked, eyeing me over the top of her cup.

  “Nothing, why?”

  “Why are you smiling?”

  I couldn’t help but grin. “I was just thinking what a good friend you are, that’s all.”

  A frown creased her normally perfectly smooth skin. “Don’t make fun.”

  My mouth dropped. “I’m being serious. You have no idea how good you are to me, do you?”

  “Of course I do.” She offered that same smug smile. “But I’m not going to gloat about it.”

  “Is that right?” I laughed.

  Her frown relaxed and her lips curled into a grin. “
You’re not so bad yourself you know. Especially when you’re sober.”

  “Well there’s a nice thought.”

  She shrugged. “You know me, always say it like I mean it.”

  “Well I guess you can’t complain now since I’ve been sober a month.”

  “A month and six days to be exact.”

  “You’re counting!”

  “I happen to be very good at numbers,” she smarted, pushing up her glasses.

  “I know. I always wondered why you didn’t do something with your brain instead of working in that solicitors.”

  “Because my good looks would be lost in that world.” She shook her head and primed her hair with finely manicured nails. I snorted, the coffee in my mouth flying across the coffee table, coating it in a fine mist. Olivia’s eyes darkened as she stared at me. “Really?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Sorry,” I apologised. “It’s not that you’re not a pretty girl I just find your arrogance hard to swallow.”

  “Good job you don’t have to then,” she retorted, pushing herself up. “Don’t move and don’t spray any more coffee. I’m going to get a cloth.” She returned minutes later with a sponge and a spray which she worked across the whole table top, scrubbing until it was sparkling and then set them down.

  “Sorry about that.” I pointed at the table. “Complete accident.”

  “I should expect it whenever you’re here. There’s always something.”

  “Hey!” I argued. “I’m not that bad.”

  Her brows raised. “You sure about that?”

  “Well… um…” My shoulders drooped as I realised with horror that actually, it was true. But that was only because Olivia’s levels of cleanliness and OCD were a lot higher than mine. “Maybe you’re right.”

  “I know I’m right. Now are you finished your coffee?”

  “You were aching for me to drink it slower two minutes ago.”

  “That was before you spat it all over my coffee table.” She stood up and grabbed the cup from my hand, the remaining liquid sloshing dangerously close to the rim. “Get yourself together and I’ll come with you. I’m sure you could use some moral support.”