Truth.
The room is deathly quiet.
“Why were they bullying you?” Axel asks after a couple minutes. I refuse to look at him although I feel his intense radar attempting to drill a hole in my skull. I’m terrified if I face him that he’ll see the full truth. He’s the only one with the potential to discover the truth, and I can’t risk it.
I shrug, trying to downplay it. “The usual stuff. The guys were mad I’d rejected their advances, and their girlfriends were jealous and took it out on me.” It’s not a million miles away from how it went down.
“When did you find out?” Shaz asks in a low tone.
Tears prick my eyes at the memory. “When the cops showed up at my house. They let me out of my bedroom and explained.” It all comes flooding back, crashing into me like a tsunami, and I’m knocked off my feet, metaphorically speaking. Sobs wrack my body, and every part of me shakes uncontrollably as I collapse against Skeet. He holds me close, and then Shaznay’s arms go around me too, from behind, and I hear her quiet cries. She sobs as I sob, and the only sound in the room is the haunting sound of our joint crying.
When I’ve composed myself enough to speak, I lift my head up and continue. “The police shot him dead because he turned around to face them with the rifle still in his hand, but the chamber was empty. I know my brother, and he had no quarrel with the cops. He was going to turn himself in, but he never got the chance.”
“I’m so sorry, Blaire.” Shaznay is full-on crying now, and Axel crosses over to us, lifting me out of Skeet’s arms so he’s freed up to comfort his sister. Axel sits back down in the chair with me on his lap.
“I feel so guilty for grieving,” I admit as my tears dry up. “It feels like I have no right to mourn him because he is a … a … killer.” I can’t ever bring myself to use either of the M-words to describe my twin. Even on days when I hate him for what he did, I still can’t call him that. I won’t ever fully understand what prompted him to do that. I won’t ever know whether he just finally snapped or whether he’d planned it all along.
His letter didn’t mention that.
I continue. “Ethan killed those seven people in cold blood, and I don’t feel like I’ve a right to mourn my loss or to moan about how my life has changed when those people aren’t even here anymore. Their families are the ones who have the right to grieve and suffer. Not us.”
“That’s complete bullshit.” Heath shakes his head. “He was still your brother. He was still your parents’ son. His actions were deplorable, but that doesn’t mean you don’t miss him, and it doesn’t erase the love you still clearly have for him.”
“No one else understands that, and I don’t blame them. Honestly, I don’t. We couldn’t even hold a funeral because of the public reaction. After the police released his body, he was cremated with just myself, my parents, and my aunt and uncle in attendance. And that hurt so bad.” The tears start again, and this time, Axel holds me tight.
Over on the couch, Skeet holds Shaz in his arms, trying to soothe her. She’s crying again too, and I hate that I’ve upset her like this, but it feels good to get all this stuff off my chest. “It doesn’t seem right that we were born together but died apart. Or that we couldn’t even give him a proper funeral. It’s so wrong.”
Axel rubs his hands up and down my arms, pressing soft kisses to my cheek as my words sink in.
“I’ve spent countless hours putting myself in their shoes, and I can’t fault them for their thoughts on my brother or for their retaliation against my family. And it wasn’t just the families of the victims impacted. There were other students in the school who saw it all go down. They’re most likely traumatized for life. It’s an impossible situation.”
“What did they do to you?” Heath asks, his shoulders stiff and his face tense.
“Pretty much anything you can imagine. I couldn’t go back to the Academy, the private school I attended, so I enrolled in the public school, stupidly thinking I wouldn’t be as victimized there, but if anything, it was worse because Amber Springs High lacked the discipline and structure of the Academy, and the students basically got away with tormenting me on a continual basis.”
I look down at the floor as I dredge up a host of unpleasant memories. It pours out of me like lava oozing from a volcano. “They spat at me, pushed me around, beat me up, stuffed dead animals and rotting food in my locker, stole my bag, destroyed all my books, plastered posters with horrible shit written on them all over school. They set fire to Ethan’s SUV. I was forced to change my cell number constantly, and I had to shut down all my social media accounts because of the vile comments. People didn’t hold back, telling me to kill myself because I deserved to die. I was afraid to leave my house because other sick bastards threatened to rape and kill me, and I didn’t feel like they were idle threats. My mom pulled me out of Amber Springs High after a month, and I studied at home. I was a virtual recluse. Both my parents were fired from their jobs, and no one else would hire them. They couldn’t sell our house. We were stuck there until my aunt and uncle offered us a way out.”
“Jesus Christ.” Heath drags a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you were subjected to all that.”
“Why would they do that to you?” Shaz cries. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“Most of them believe the same thing Jenkins believes. That I knew what my twin was planning and didn’t stop it. Especially in the Academy where they knew I’d been bullied by that group. People assumed I was happy they died, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.” I look them all in the eye, one by one. “I never wanted them dead, and I never wanted my brother to kill them. He lost his life over it, and that’s not something I would’ve ever wished for.”
I fight a new wave of tears. “I feel so lost without him, yet some days I hate him so much I wish he was still alive so I could scream at him and punch him and tell him what a stupid asshole he was.” A choked sound rips from my throat. “He’s destroyed so many lives, mine included, and I don’t know how I can ever forgive him for that.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“I still can’t believe your boyfriend abandoned you like that,” Heath says as we sit outside my house in his SUV. I’m trying to work up the courage to go into the house and confront my parents. The numerous texts and missed calls on my cell, and the car parked in the drive, confirm the news has reached them. While I’m not responsible for the revelation, I’m sure they’ll blame me.
“You and me both. I thought I knew the type of person Cam is, but I guess I never knew him at all.”
“We would never do that to you.” Heath takes both my cold hands in his much warmer ones.
“I know that. I’m still in shock that you’ve all taken it so well.”
“We were shocked, Blaire, and no matter what Axel said back at his house, we are all disappointed that you didn’t confide in us, but I understand better now why you didn’t. And ultimately, concern for your safety overrode anything else. I thought Axel was going to beat up half the school if they didn’t step away from you when you were on the floor. He definitely threw a few punches when Ivers wasn’t looking.”
“Thank you so much for being here for me. I’ve felt so isolated and alone for so long. It’s hard to trust anyone, but I know I can trust all of you and Shaznay, and you’ve no idea how much that means to me.”
“We care about you. Unlike that fuckface you were dating in Amber Springs.” His expression darkens. “Have you had any contact with him since?”
I shake my head. “Nope. Not a word. I did look him up on social media before we moved here, out of curiosity.” My stomach tightens in pain. “He was already back on the dating scene and living his life like nothing had happened.” Bitterness fuels the blood flowing in my veins. “I was so tempted to confront him. He didn’t just let me down. He let Ethan down too.”
“What a fucking assh
ole.”
“Yeah. You won’t hear me disagreeing.”
He rubs a hand across the back of his neck, looking a little uncomfortable. “Have you ever thought of speaking to someone, Blaire? A professional?”
“You mean a shrink?” He nods. “I was meeting a therapist at first, but then money became tight, so I stopped going.”
“Maybe you should consider returning to therapy,” he tentatively suggests. “What you’ve had to endure would devastate anyone, and I can’t begin to imagine how you coped with all that.”
“I’ll think about it,” I say, as Mom opens the front door, gesturing at me to come inside. “Shit. Time to face the music.”
“You want me to come with?”
“You’re sweet, but no. I’ve got to do this alone.”
“Call me after?” he inquires a minute later as he walks me up to the door. Mom has retreated inside but she left the door open in a clear sign. I nod, not resisting when he gently brings me into his embrace, kissing me with the same devotion and tenderness Skeet and Axel displayed when they were kissing me goodbye. “You’re not alone anymore, Blaire. We’re all in this together.”
Axel
Heath stomps through the front door, and a herd of elephants wouldn’t be as loud.
“Is she okay?” Skeet asks from his seat at my kitchen table.
“As okay as anyone can be in the middle of this shitstorm.” He drops his keys on the counter and plonks down in the seat across from us. “I picked up pain pills at the pharmacy and made her promise to take it easy,” he adds. “But I’m worried about her parents’ reaction. What if they make her leave town?”
Skeet and I exchange knowing looks. “We were just discussing that. No point worrying about it until we hear what they say.”
“I know I was a little pissed at her initially,” Heath continues, “but I can’t stay mad at her. Not after what she told us.”
“I want to kill every single motherfucker who ever hurt her,” I grit out.
“We all do,” Skeet agrees.
“This doesn’t change anything for me,” Heath quietly adds. “If anything, it makes me more determined to make this relationship work. The thoughts of losing her …”
“That’s not happening,” I growl, frustrated at the thought of anyone taking her away from us. Blaire has gotten under my skin like no girl ever has. And it’s more than just this intense connection we share. I want to be there for her. To protect her and make sure she isn’t the one paying for her brother’s sins.
“Even imagining her not being around scares the shit out of me.” Skeet looks earnestly at both of us. “I already love the bones of that girl.” I wish I had such confidence when it comes to my feelings, but Skeet’s always been way more comfortable expressing that shit than either Heath or I ever will be. “It’s okay,” he says, smirking. “I know you both love her too. You don’t need to say it.”
I flip him my middle finger, and he laughs, shoulder-checking me.
“We need to protect her from Jenkins and other assholes like him,” Heath cuts in, trying to keep us on track.
“I got my dad on the case,” Skeet supplies. “He’s working on getting all that crap taken down from the net.” Tons of shit has popped up on social media and on the school network since Blaire’s real identity was revealed. Chris, one of Skeet’s dads, is a graphic designer by trade but a bit of an overall tech genius, so he’s working on removing all the content before Blaire sees it.
“What else are we planning?” Heath asks, looking between us with complete trust.
“One of us is with Blaire at all times. While we can’t attend every class, we’ll make sure one of us is there to escort her to and from each class. You continue to drive her to and from school, and Skeet will handle the work journeys. I’ll go running with her and spend as much time as I can with her.”
“We’ll be like her shadow,” Skeet confirms. “And we instantly shut down anyone who dares take this out on her.”
“I’m also worried about her mental health.” I stop for a second before I share this. We’ve agreed not to breach privacy, but this transcends that. “I’m not sure if either of you have noticed the scars on her thighs?” Neither guy even attempts to crack a sleazy joke. They just shake their heads. “I didn’t comment, and she didn’t volunteer any information, but I knew a couple girls in juvie who self-harmed, and I’m pretty sure that’s what they are.”
“Shit.” Heath shakes his head.
“Do you think it’s related to the shooting?” Skeet asks, always trying to get to the root of the issue.
“No. The scars were old. Definitely not recent.”
“Well, that’s good.” Skeet frowns. “I think.”
We’re all quiet with our thoughts until Heath raises another question. “What about that bitch Cassie?”
Skeet and I trade looks again. “We all agree she’s behind this. She wasn’t exactly discreet, but we thought we’d let you decide how to handle her, because of the family connection.”
“I thought of nothing else on the drive back. It’s a tough one.” Heath leans back in his chair, scrubbing a hand over his jaw. “This news won’t help with Mom. She’ll be more insistent I have nothing to do with Blaire, but I’m done playing pretend with Cassie. I’m quite likely to throttle her the next time she’s around, so I’m going to come clean. My parents can go screw themselves if they don’t like it.”
“What about your place in UF?”
A sly grin spreads over his mouth. “You know I always like to have a Plan B.” He produces a letter from his inside pocket, sliding it across the table. “I got a full ride, so my parents can yank my trust fund if they like. It won’t stop me from following my dreams.”
“Fucking-A, man.” Skeet touches knuckles with Heath.
“That’s great, especially since I got confirmation of my place and full ride this morning.”
Skeet punches me in the arm. “Why the hell didn’t you say something?”
“I wanted to tell Griff first although the news was overshadowed by the discovery that Blaire is also your girlfriend.”
“I’d love to have been involved in that conversation.”
“Trust me, you wouldn’t,” I murmur, recalling the heated words exchanged.
“Have either of you mentioned college to Blaire?” Skeet asks. We both shake our heads. “We need to discuss it with her. I want her with us.”
“Me too,” I admit without hesitation.
“I do too, and we definitely need to have a group convo, but can we refocus on the Cassie issue,” Heath says, like the control freak he is. “We need to figure out payback. She isn’t getting away with this.”
Oh, Cassie is definitely not getting away with this. When we’re through with her, she’s going to wish she hadn’t been born. “I agree, but we need to plan it carefully and leave it for a while. Lull her into a false sense of security, and then bury her.”
We spend a few minutes exploring options, agreeing on a few ways we can retaliate. After I call for takeout and grab beers for me and Skeet and a water for Heath, I raise my concerns. “Did any of you think Blaire was deflecting when she spoke about the victims?”
“In what way?” Skeet asks, frowning.
“I think there’s more to the story than she’s telling us.” Heath arches a brow. “Ethan clearly loved Blaire, and from what we’ve learned of him, he wasn’t a bad guy. So, what prompts a guy who is a good student, a good son, a good brother, to take such drastic action?”
“What if he isn’t that guy?” Heath replies. “What if Blaire didn’t know the real Ethan? What if he was actually a psycho, and he just flipped that morning? It’s not unheard of for loved ones to be in denial, both before and after. Most psychos stay hidden in plain sight and no one is any the wiser.”
I shrug. “You could be right. Or maybe
he was dealing with stuff she wasn’t aware of, like depression or some other mental illness. We didn’t know the guy, but Blaire doesn’t strike me as the delusional type, and you heard her say some days she hates him. That doesn’t sound like denial to me.”
“I agree, and I get where you’re going with this, Ax. It’s more than bullying,” Skeet says, sitting up straighter.
“What else could it be?” Heath asks.
I look them both in the eye. “That’s what we need to find out.”
Chapter Thirty
Blaire
My parents are arguing again. I think they might’ve been at it all night. I’m not sure because I stole one of Mom’s sleeping pills, and between it and the pain medication, I was unconscious all night. Just how I wanted it.
My body hurts like a bitch as I dry myself after my shower and get dressed. I already texted Heath to come pick me up. I know Principal Ivers doesn’t expect me at school today, but not showing my face will only make things worse. I don’t plan on spending the next four days fretting over school on Monday. Best to tackle the bull by the horns.
I’m remarkably upbeat today which surprises me. In a pleasant way. And I know it’s down to the guys and Shaznay. I’m wading into battle today, but I’ve other soldiers by my side. It makes a hell of a difference. And it beats staying home and listening to my parents’ constant fighting.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Heath asks as soon as I climb into his car.
“No, but I’m still doing it.”
His smile is proud. “Fair enough.”
Axel and Skeet are waiting in the parking lot for us when we arrive at school. Skeet opens the passenger door, helping me out. “How are you feeling?” he asks, inspecting my face. Thank God, I still had that heavy-duty makeup Jacinta gave me. I never thought I’d need it again so soon, but it came in handy this morning, disguising the large bruise that materialized on my right cheek. Axel must’ve told Jacinta what happened, or she heard the gossip that’s no doubt circulating around town, because she messaged me this morning telling me I didn’t have to show up for my shift if I wasn’t up for it. I replied telling her I’d see her at the usual time.
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