Strange Cosmology

by Alex Raizman

  “Well, I was planning on watching Netflix, but since you don’t have Wi-Fi at your place, I guess I’ll have to setting for going out.”

  ***

  A wave of sound washed over Isabel with a near physical force as the doorway to Empyrean Provocation opened. The music was elemental, primal, but undeniably the product of modern technology – what she imagined hunting cavemen would have come up with if they had the tools.

  Crystal flashed her a grin as the music hit them. Other than warning Isabel about potentially deadly drinks, she had refused to share any details about what to expect.

  “Love, it’s not every day you get to see someone’s first impression of the Club of the Gods. Athena got that with Ryan, so I’m going to get it out of you.”

  I hope Crystal’s enjoying my reaction, Isabel thought as she realized her mouth was actually hanging open. She closed her jaw forcefully and returned the smile.

  “Wow.”

  Crystal’s eyes sparkled. “I know, right? C’mon.” Crystal grabbed her hand and pulled her through the doorway, and Isabel just took a moment to let the sights wash over her, a beautiful and chaotic assault on the eyes.

  The dancers were the first thing that drew her attention. The mass of…beings, since it was far too diverse a group to be called “people”, moved with a collective grace that made the entire crowd seem to be its own living, breathing, dancing organism. It was hypnotic, and Isabel thought she could stand there for hours just watching them dance.

  Crystal still seemed to enjoy watching her wide-eyed fascination, so Isabel let herself drink the sights in a bit more. Eventually, she spotted Ryan and Athena sitting in a booth against the wall. She assumed they were waiting for Ryan’s mysterious meeting.

  “Are you ready to dive in?” Crystal asked.

  “Sure thing.”

  To Isabel’s disappointment, Crystal let go of her hand as they headed down the stairs and into the throng. A few beings gave Isabel odd looks as they passed. One, a pale man with fangs, licked his lips and took a step forward.

  Holy shit, I think that’s a vampire! Isabel thought, instinctively recoiling.

  Crystal whirled in a fluid motion and stepped in front of Isabel. She locked eyes with the vampire and said sharply, “No.”

  The vampire bristled, baring his fangs.

  “Lemort,” Crystal said, “She’s with me. Do you really want to tick me off?”

  The vampire’s menacing aspect melted away, and he shrugged, suddenly looking almost like a normal person. “Sorry, Crystal. Didn’t recognize you at first.”

  “Last time I checked, Empyrean Provocation was still a no-hunting zone.”

  “True, but it isn’t a no pickup zone,” Lemort replied archly, “and if someone leaves with you willingly…”

  “I’d advise you to focus a bit more on the spirit of the law, love,” Crystal said, her tone light but her eyes hard.

  “Fine, fine,” he said, holding up his hands and turning away.

  “Thanks for that,” Isabel said, her stomach still doing flip-flops. I definitely need a drink.

  “Don’t mention it. He had a point about the rules, though. Vampires aren’t the only reasons supernatural snogging can be dangerous, and if you leave the club, we can’t guarantee your safety. I don’t recommend trying to get a hookup here.”

  Isabel flushed. “Hadn’t even considered it. No problem.”

  They snaked their way to the bar, and Crystal signaled a grey-skinned, antennaed bartender. Isabel tried not to stare.

  “Crystal! What’ll it be?”

  “Candia, love, good to see you again! A Galactic Goddess, please.”

  “Oh, that. It has a new name now. I’m calling it-”

  “I don’t care,” Crystal interrupted. “I could not possibly care less. Just let me have one, please.”

  Candia laughed loudly at what was clearly an inside joke and then turned to Isabel. “And for you?”

  “I’m just a mortal human!” Isabel blurted out, terrified of forgetting.

  Candia nodded seriously. “Well then, not often we get one of you in here. Put this on so the rest of the staff knows, and we don’t have any unfortunate mistakes.” She handed Isabel a slightly luminescent wristband.

  “Thank you,” Isabel said, slipping in on. “And I’ll have a margarita?”

  “Sure thing lass. One mortal-safe margarita, coming up.”

  Isabel towards Crystal. “Okay, I have to know...is it rude to ask what she is?”

  Crystal grinned and adopted an airheaded tone. “Oh my God, Isabel, you can’t just ask people what they are!”

  “No, seriously,” Isabel said after she got her laughter back under control.

  “Most people here won’t mind. She’s an Aos Sí.”

  “Gotcha,” Isabel said, even though she was still confused, as Candia returned and handed them their drinks.

  “Just flag me down if you need anything.” She headed towards the next customer, moving with the rapid but seemingly casual stride that was one of the secret tricks of bartenders and waiters at busy establishments.

  She took a sip of her margarita and then stared at the glass.

  Crystal furrowed her brow. “Everything okay?”

  Isabel held up the glass with only slightly overstated reverence. “This is the single best drink I’ve ever had.”

  Crystal laughed. “Well, they serve actual gods and kings and lords and all that here. Only the best! And you’re on my tab tonight, so feel free to get as obliterated as you want.”

  Isabel looked at her, looked at the drink, and decided to show her appreciation by taking another long sip. “You really are a goddess,” she said, smiling.

  “Absolutely.”

  ***

  Ryan glanced over at Athena, who was finishing her wine. “Penny for your thoughts?”

  She smiled. “Just thinking about the first time we were here.”

  “You mean when we got obliterated, and then Crystal almost killed you?”

  Athena laughed, a sound Ryan increasingly enjoyed.

  “Exactly that,” she said. “I especially enjoyed you bursting in and shouting ‘Nooo’ before you fell over your feet.”

  Ryan tugged at his collar and flushed. “I couldn’t just let her kill you. Even if you would have gotten better, she would have felt terrible.”

  Another laugh, this one a shade deeper. “Yes, she would have. In fact…”

  Choosing Empyrean Provocation as a meeting site pretty much eliminated any chance of being circumspect, but if Ryan had still held any hope of going unnoticed, it was swept away as Uriel glided across the room. The former archangel of light drew every eye. Her black hair framed her beautiful face, and her blood-red wings, half unfurled, swept behind her. Next to her, the King of Hell looked utterly ordinary. If Ryan had seen him on the street, he might have noticed the expensive suit, but little else.

  “Not that impressive, is he?” Athena asked softly, echoing Ryan’s thoughts. “That’s one who might prefer to be underestimated, I think.”

  “She has a different idea, though.”

  “Angels, fallen or not, have never been known for subtlety. I wonder if the change in her appearance was a natural result of her changing allegiance or a deliberate choice on her part.” As the two approached, Athena frowned and lowered her voice even more. “Are you absolutely sure about this?”

  “Yes, but let me know if I’m about to make a stupid mistake, okay?”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  “Ryan!” Arthur said, smiling broadly and extending a hand. “It’s good to finally have a chance to meet you in person. I hope you can forgive me for not introducing myself earlier, but things have been hectic.”

  “Of course,” Ryan said. “Things definitely...looked busy.”

  “And you must be Athena,” Arthur said. “This, of course, is Uriel.”

  Uriel just nodded, and she and Arthur slid into the other side of the booth.

  “So,” Arthur s
aid, “our first dealings ended in mutual satisfaction and a victory for each of us. I’m looking forward to bargaining with you again. What is it you need?”

  “I have a sister,” Ryan told him, “and she’s mortal.”

  Arthur didn’t bother to feign surprise. “Go on.”

  “She could die at any moment, and I’ve put her in a lot of danger.”

  “So you want protection?” Uriel asked.

  “For starters,” Ryan said, “but even if she was hard to kill, she’s still going to die. I’m going to live for, like, forever, and I don’t want to lose her.”

  Arthur let out a low whistle. “You want her to be immortal?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you think I can do that?”

  Ryan was slightly taken aback. “Well, I mean, I assumed…”

  Arthur smirked. “You assumed that I had some of the same level of power over the Core than you have over your nanoverse? I’m flattered.”

  Athena broke in. “If you can’t do it, just say so.”

  The King of Hell held up a hand. “I’m not saying I can’t do it, but I can’t do it the way that Ryan’s probably imagining. Waving my hand and making her something like a...demigod?”

  “Something like that,” Ryan admitted.

  “To be perfectly blunt, I don’t make demigods. I make demons. I could...tone down...the outward physical signs, but there would be a few. She would gain the benefits you’re hoping for: resilience, longevity, some power of her own, and the ability to...I think of it as ‘respawning’. In Hell, of course. We could bargain for her service to me to be light, but she would be mine. Still, that’s an excellent deal.”

  Ryan winced, and an awkward silence settled over the table. Finally, Ryan said, “I’d like her not to hate me, and I think she’d have a problem with that. Besides, wouldn’t that be me selling her soul for her? Is that even possible?”

  “No,” Arthur replied. “She would have to do that, in exchange for the transformation. You would pay for the light service, and for me extending the opportunity in the first place.”

  Athena, noting Ryan’s discomfort, leaned forward. “Is that the only option?”

  “At the moment, yes. If you want to conclude this business immediately, that is all I can offer. If you are willing to give me some time, I may be able to provide another solution.”

  “What’s that?” Ryan asked, trying-and failing-not to sound too eager.

  “I believe I may be able to locate a soulstone.” Athena gasped, and Arthur smiled at her. “You’re familiar with them. It’s full of animal souls, although I think we could add human souls if you’re interested-”

  “We’re not,” Athena said firmly.

  “Neither am I,” Arthur said, and Ryan wondered if that had been some kind of test. Arthur went on, “To keep the explanation brief, someone who possesses a soulstone can shift into the forms of those animals, and the shifting process also maintains the holder’s youth. It doesn’t prevent death from violence or disease, but it does dramatically extend a careful person’s lifetime, especially if they use the hardier animal forms when they’re in danger. There’s no respawning, I’m afraid. The first option is practically ironclad, but the soulstone is the best I could do if you’re squeamish about the ‘selling the soul’ business.”

  Ryan looked at Athena. “Is it safe?”

  Athena tapped her fingers on the table. “As far as I know.”

  “I don’t deal in bad faith,” Arthur said. “You have my satisfaction guarantee. Faustian bargains were Lucifer’s shtick, not mine.”

  Ryan considered. Arthur had dealt with him fairly before, and this option sounded pretty good. “And my sister won’t owe you anything?”

  “No. You will pay the debt on her behalf.”

  And here comes the catch, Ryan thought. “Okay, Arthur...what do you want for it? Assuming you can find it?”

  “You’ll owe me a favor.”

  Athena’s dark eyes flashed fire. “Absolutely not. Ryan, you can’t just give him an open-ended debt.”

  “I told you already, I deal in good faith,” Arthur said, no longer looking or sounding a genial, average guy. “You have my oath that I will ask nothing that betrays your deepest ideals, and do not doubt that I know what those are.”

  Ryan gulped, realizing that Athena had been right: Arthur did like to be underestimated, until he didn’t. Right now, he was making it clear that the King of Hell was not to be messed with.

  “I believe you,” Ryan said finally, and Arthur’s countenance changed immediately.

  “Wonderful. So, a soulstone, assuming I locate it, delivered to your sister, in exchange for a favor, from you, to be named at a later date.”

  Please, God, don’t let this screw me. Ryan thought, and said, “Fine.” Only after the word was out of his mouth did he think about the irony of asking God to not get screwed when dealing with the King of Hell. He held out his hand.

  “Ah, wait, just one more thing,” Arthur said. “This debt is transferable. If you die or aren’t available when I need you, someone else will have to step in.”

  Ryan shook his head. “I can’t put my sister in debt without her permission.”

  “I wouldn’t want you to,” Arthur said, grinning. “Especially since, soulstone or not, she wouldn’t be nearly as useful as you. Instead-”

  “I’ll do it.” Athena cut him off before he could even ask.

  Ryan looked at her. “You don’t have to.”

  “I know,” she said quietly, “but I will.” Athena turned to Arthur. “Do we have a deal?”

  “Absolutely.” Arthur shook both their hands, and Ryan hoped he hadn’t made a colossal mistake.

  “I couldn’t help but notice,” Uriel said, “that there’s a mortal woman at the bar, with your good friend Crystal. Would that happen to be your sister?”

  Ryan glanced over. “Uh...yes, actually.”

  Arthur smiled. “I would very much like to meet her.”

  “Um, yeah, sure,” Ryan said. “Let’s not mention this to her, though, okay? I mean, the specifics.”

  “Not a word,” Arthur said.

  Almost as if she had sensed their interest, Crystal turned and looked toward the booth. Ryan caught her eye and waved them over.

  “Hello, Arthur. Uriel,” Crystal said brightly. “Good to see you. Isabel, I’ll be back in a bit.” Before anyone could reply, she headed back to the bar.

  “Arthur,” Ryan said, “this is Isabel, my sister. Isabel, this is Arthur, King of Hell, and the Lady Uriel.”

  Unsure of what to do, Isabel gave an awkward bow. This was Ryan’s meeting?

  “Charmed,” Arthur said, offering a hand. Isabel took it, hoping he wouldn’t notice that her hand had started to sweat. When he let go, she fought the urge to wipe it on her side.