The Best Laid Plans

by Noel Reid

most sorrowful shock of his life.

  Their sex-mat had been removed from its hiding place and unfolded just as his plans specified. And it was being used just as his plans intended. But in complete contradiction of his plans, it wasn't being used by them! Instead the head janitor was enjoying the favors of the buxom blonde who, according to office rumor, usually engages in such activity on the big boss's sofa.

  This unwelcome information had barely sunk into Gary's consciousness when the janitor emitted what can only be described as an ejaculatory exclamation. Grace and Gary looked at each other in profound shock and anger. Their secret trysting place had been co-opted!

  The activity of the janitor and blonde having been successfully completed, the couple apparently felt no further need to speak in the soft, muffled manner they had used when engaged on the sex-mat. Now speaking with ordinary volume, loud enough for Grace and Gary to easily understand, the two exchanged thanks and mutual compliments for their encounter. The blonde said they should repeat it as often as possible, and the janitor agreed. But he said they'd have to find some other place. He had accidentally discovered the sex-mat when the dumpster was being exchanged the day before. It had to be destroyed. It wasn't safe to leave it behind since it might be found by some other person just as he had found it. It was obviously completely contrary to the company's Employee Fraternization policy, and since it was in an area which only janitorial staff can access, it must have been made by someone on the janitorial staff. So as head janitor his job would be at risk if word of it ever got out. With that he and the blonde tore apart Grace and Gary's sex-mat and threw the severed remains into the dumpster. When they were done, saying he had no idea why the old sign hadn't been discarded when it was replaced, the janitor threw it also into the dumpster.

  Then the pair gigglingly squeezed between the dumpster and the wall to the personnel door in the garage doors. The janitor unlocked it, and the two departed.

  After standing a long while staring at each other in stunned and bitter disappointment, two exceedingly frustrated coworkers sadly returned to their respective work stations in Billing and Shipping. They had learned the hard way a hard lesson the hard cold world frequently teaches: "The best laid plans for getting laid are ofttimes laid aside by fate."

  END