Friends vs. Family

by C. L. Stone

  “You should go,” I whispered. “She’ll come back.”

  “You can’t kneel in rice, Sang,” he whispered. “That’s not normal.”

  Nathan fell to his knees. His shorts slid up so his bare knees were exposed. His face contorted as his bones hit the rice against the hard floor. He mouthed a curse.

  I shook my head at Kota, wrapping my arms around myself, shaking. “If she comes back and I’m not here...”

  “If you don’t get up, we’re going to kneel here until you do,” Kota whispered.

  Why was he doing this? A couple of hours kneeling in rice was nothing. I could deal with it. “You don’t have to do that,” I whispered.

  “You’re one of us, Sang,” he commanded in his whisper. “We’re in this together. We’re family.”

  He meant it. He was going to stay until I got up. One look at Nathan’s face, and I could tell he was just as determined. He gritted his teeth, and his fists clenched to his thighs. I got the feeling the only thing keeping him still was Kota. Like North, Silas and the others, he would make good on the promise to drag me out of here if they saw fit.

  Tears burned in my eyes and I swallowed hard to keep them back. It wasn’t the pain from the rice. Would Marie ever kneel with me? Did my mother ever consider what she did? What did family mean? Marie left when she thought I was sick to go back to Danielle’s house. She never noticed anything wrong. My mother ignored the bandages. She forgot she left me in the tub, tied and mute. Kneeling in rice wasn’t normal.

  Here was Kota. Here was Nathan. The loyalty on their faces was stronger than I ever felt from anyone. It made me ache in my core. Nathan shifted on his knees, and I knew he was feeling it. I did, too, but I had thicker skin at the knees now. Would I subject them any longer to this when it was clear I couldn’t convince them to leave?

  Family was a choice. I had to learn to trust them. If Kota said move, I moved. If Nathan said he’d pull me out of here if I didn’t listen, I had to trust that. Whatever happened after this, I had to follow through. Was I going to be part of them or not?

  I slid a knee up, my foot gliding until I stepped solidly on the floor. Rice not embedded into my knees bounced against the wood. I froze, scared my mother could hear it and would come for me.

  Nathan brushed a palm over my knee to flick away the rice. Kota grasped my elbow to lift me up with him. I held a hand out to get them to stop. They rose up next to me, waiting.

  I put force on my foot to get myself to stand. Once I was up, I was still shaking, but I’d made the decision. My mom was my mother. Kota and Nathan were family. I didn’t feel it yet, but I wanted to. If they were willing to face off with my family like this, to risk everything for me, I wouldn’t let them down. I needed this. I needed them. Is this what family did? I wanted to know more than anything. I would take the risk with them.

  Kota crept to the stairs. Nathan followed.

  I was about to move when the sound of the side door opening froze me. Keys rattled. Something heavy dropped to the floor in the family room. A low hum from a deep voice filled the space.

  My father was home.

  Kota and Nathan twisted to gaze back at me. With wide eyes, I made motions for them to get up the stairs. Kota half turned to me, ready to run back down the stairs. I shook my head, stood up straighter. He told me to get up. He told me to not kneel in rice. I wouldn’t kneel again, but I would protect them. I’d be the distraction until they were safe. I could face my father. He was just a stranger. He didn’t matter.

  I remained still. The other two slipped to the upstairs hallway. I caught the edge of Kota’s toes still sticking out. In his own quiet way, he was reminding me he was right there and waiting.

  My father’s tall figure appeared at the edge of the living room. He crossed it and stopped when he spotted me in the foyer. His dark eyes were tired, and his gruffy, unshaven face drained. An eyebrow shifted up. “Sang,” he said. “Why are you standing there?”

  “The rice hurts,” I said softly, my voice cracking.

  He frowned. “What’s wrong with your voice? And what happened to your wrists?”

  I blinked. He noticed? I couldn’t answer him. My eyes slid to his bedroom where my mother’s television droned.

  His eyes followed to where mine had gone. “Go to your room,” he said quietly.

  I remained on the rice as he crossed in front of me and went to the bedroom. He shut the door behind himself.

  I brushed some rice still sticking to my knees away and started to tiptoe toward the wall near my parents’ bedroom. I wanted to hear. I didn’t want to be in the dark. Kota waving to me at the top of the stairs stopped me. He motioned for me to come up. I held back the urge to disobey to satisfy my curiosity.

  Kota commanded, I listened.

  LIES

  I tiptoed up the stairs. Kota caught me by the waist, lugging me into the bedroom. When I was inside, he let go to close and lock the door.

  Nathan stood by, running fingers through his red brown hair. I turned to him and he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me to him. I breathed in the cypress, weakly hugging him back and unsure how to tell him thank you for it.

  “Crazy girl,” he whispered. “I told you not to get into trouble before it was my turn.”

  “What’s going on down there?” Kota asked behind me.

  Nathan let go of me and I wobbled on my feet next to him. “He’s talking to her. I don’t know what about. He’ll probably sleep off this business trip today and will go back to work tomorrow. He’ll get her to eat, though. She’ll probably feel better then.”

  Kota’s face darkened. “I’m going to go listen.”

  “You just told me not to,” I said. “I was going to hear at the door. And you can’t do it, you’ll get caught.”

  “I’m going to Marie’s room,” he said. “Her bedroom is right above theirs. I should be able to hear.”

  “I’m coming, too,” I said.

  Nathan grabbed my hand, drawing me to stand closer. “Nu uh. You’re staying right here.”

  “But shouldn’t I listen?”

  Kota shook his head. “I’ll listen. You stay.”

  I frowned. I didn’t understand but I was shaking and too emotionally drained to fight them on this.

  Nathan held on to my hand as Kota left. I heard Kota creep across the hallway to Marie’s room and then quiet again as he stepped on her carpet.

  Nathan pulled away and sat on the edge of the bed. “Come here. Let me check your knees.”

  I stumbled over and sat on the bed next to him. He hooked an arm under my thighs and slid my legs over until they were covering his lap. He bent over, his fingertips tracing over my kneecaps. His breath drifted across my skin.

  I shivered.

  “Why did she make you kneel in that this time?”

  “She knew I was lying to her. She heard Kota’s voice. I claimed it was the radio.”

  “You’re not a very good liar,” he said. He glanced up, his blue eyes meeting mine. “We’ll have to train you.”

  “I need to be trained to lie?”

  He placed a warm palm on the outside of my knee. “Maybe not lie. Maybe just twisting the truth. I don’t want you to lie if you can help it. You shouldn’t have to but if it means lying or kneeling in rice or tied up in the shower again, I’d rather you lie. Sometimes you just have to.”

  “Do you have to lie?”

  The corner of his mouth lifted. “Most of the time, I don’t have to.”

  “So how do I tell if you’re lying?”

  “I don’t lie to you.”

  I made a face. “Never?”

  “Friends don’t lie to each other.”

  I bit my lower lip. I didn’t want to lie to him, either and I didn’t plan on it. I felt guilty, though, because of how many times I kept things to myself, like my tailbone and how long I stalled before calling them the night before. Maybe I was lying to them by keeping it all to myself. Did I have to tell them everything?

&nbs
p; He patted my thigh and pushed my legs off of his lap. “Let’s pick up your bookshelf.”

  The bookshelf had been tilted against the wall at an odd angle, the books scattered along the floor. We moved the shelf back to the other side of the room against the wall, picking the books up. The fan underneath it was cracked at the base. Nathan collected the radio, plugged it in and hit the CD play button but nothing happened. He flipped it over, checking the damage.

  “Can I fix it?” I asked.

  “Sang, sweetie, I think it’s dead.” He unplugged it.

  I frowned softly. I had so few things that I felt belonged to me. Now half of my books were torn and the radio was busted. There was little reason to keep the bookshelf at all.

  A laptop had been left behind the bookshelf, too. I opened it, pushing the button to turn it on. The screen flashed. The keyboard started sparking like a fire cracker. I fell back on the carpet in surprise.

  Nathan lunged over me, picking up the laptop, slapping the top down. He flipped it over and pulled out the battery. The sparks stopped.

  “You broke everything.” He grinned.

  I knew he was teasing me, trying to make me feel better. I still felt it was my fault, though. “Victor’s going to kill me,” I said, pushing a finger to my lip.

  Nathan frowned. He dropped the laptop down on the ground. He sat cross legged on the carpet and pulled me into his lap. How easily he did so. My heart fluttered. He held me in his lap as Kota had done, as Gabriel had done. How did they seem to know what I needed? “Victor would never lay a finger on you,” he said. His broad shoulders made me feel even smaller than I’d felt with Kota. The muscles in his arms were hard against my body. “You have to stop worrying so much.”

  My finger pinched my lip to my teeth. “He’s not going to be happy.”

  Nathan collected my hand at my mouth. “Sang, Victor doesn’t give a shit about a laptop. We have more important things to deal with.”

  I sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. “Like helping Ashley Waters get more funding.”

  He squeezed my hand, pressing my palm against his chest, his palm on top of mine. “And making sure you’re safe.”

  My cheeks heated. I wanted to look in his eyes but he was too close and I felt too shy. I kept looking at his hand pressed to mine against his chest. I felt his heart beating. I wished I felt as comfortable as they seemed to be with all the touching. Kota promised it would happen eventually. I wondered how long it would take.

  Kota crept back from across the hallway, opened the door and peeked his head in. Nathan tensed at first with the noise but when I didn’t move, he didn’t move, either.

  Kota spied the laptop on the floor and looked at us. “Something wrong?”

  “The laptop is broken,” I said.

  “So is her stereo. And I think that fan is, too.”

  Kota frowned, glancing at the torn books stacked on the shelves. He pressed a palm to his forehead, rubbing his fingers across his eyebrow and putting his other hand on his hip. “The stereo will be hard to replace. It’s old.”

  “I don’t need a new one,” I said.

  A chop landed on my head. “Shut up,” Nathan grinned at me.

  “So what was said downstairs?” I asked.

  Kota sighed and knelt on the floor next to us. “He’s making her eat. That’s a good thing.”

  I slipped out of Nathan’s lap, to sit between them on the floor. “What else?”

  Kota pursed his lips.

  “Kota,” Nathan said. “If it’s about her, she should know.”

  Kota rubbed his palm against his jeans, smoothing out the material. “Her mother’s denying knowledge of what happened yesterday. She claims she doesn’t know what happen to Sang at all. She’s lying and saying Sang was on her knees this morning for stealing money.”

  My breath caught in my throat. “Stealing?”

  “She said there’s money missing from her purse.”

  I blinked, shaking my head. “She has a purse?”

  Kota and Nathan focused on me, eyebrows raising.

  I shrugged. “She never goes out. I don’t think I’ve seen her with a purse since... I don’t know. I can’t remember.”

  “Regardless,” Kota said, “she’s lying to cover up why. I don’t really understand her motivation.” He turned to me. “Would he believe her?”

  I shrugged. “I never talk to him. I never see him. I don’t know what he thinks.”

  Nathan frowned. He reached for my hand, squeezing it. “It might be why he turns a blind eye to everything going on. He really doesn’t know because he isn’t here.”

  Kota nodded. “You’re probably right. So if she lies about any injuries he happens to notice, or sees you kneeling, he’s going to take her side because... well... she’s his wife.”

  We all grew silent. I sighed, letting go of Nathan’s hand to rub both palms across my face. “It’s conjecture. It isn’t helpful. He’ll go back to work tomorrow and I’ll not see him for a while. We’ll go to school. Things will cool down.”

  Kota shifted, his lips pursed as if he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how to approach it.

  Nathan blew out a puff of air. “What now?”

  “Let’s get ready for the day,” Kota said. He stood up, lowering a hand out to me. I dropped my palm into his. It was easier to touch them when they reached for me first. My heart still fluttered. I was still nervous. In the back of my mind, I worried one day they wouldn’t want me to touch them or I’d go too far.

  I stood up. “I guess I’ll go wash up and get dressed,” I said. “Are we staying in or heading out?”

  Kota hesitated, shifting on his feet while he held my hand, intertwining our fingers. “I don’t want to cause any more trouble, but if your father’s here, maybe we should take advantage of it. If you’re sure they won’t come looking for you.”

  “They haven’t even asked after Marie,” Nathan said.

  “Right,” Kota said. “We’ll fall back to Nathan’s house. No offense, Sang, but I don’t want to scare my mom or my sister with those wounds on your wrists. I’m not sure they’ll understand.”

  I didn’t want to worry them anymore, either. I wondered how much Kota told them about what happens over here. How far did this inner circle of friends go? I moved away from them to open my closet. I started to pull out a skirt and a blouse.

  Nathan grunted behind me. “Wear shorts,” he said. “And a t-shirt. We’ll start some training.”

  “Maybe we should give that a rest,” Kota suggested.

  “You’re the one that gave the order. Remember? Self-defense this weekend.”

  “I think she’s had enough. Let’s let her heal,” he said, looking pointedly at me.

  I knew what he was asking me to say. I swallowed. “I cracked my tailbone yesterday,” I told Nathan. “It kind of hurts.”

  Nathan’s blue eyes widened. “What? When?”

  “When I was knocking the stool in the tub to get your attention.”

  Nathan looked confused for a moment. “Oh,” he said. “Was that what it was? Well shit. How do you fix a broken tailbone?”

  “You don’t. It’s like her ankle,” Kota said. “You wait for it to heal. That means no rigorous training for a while though.” His mouth twisted. “We may need to take her in for another X-Ray.”

  “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” he pushed his palm into his eye.

  “We’ve been busy,” I said. I still traded the skirt for shorts. I thought I should save the skirts for school.

  Kota and Nathan withdrew to the attic, so quietly that if I wasn’t watching, I probably wouldn’t have heard them. Music started and I guessed the other laptop was okay. It would mask their noises and my parents might think it was from my stereo.

  I crossed the hallway and locked the bathroom door. I put down the clothes I was going to wear on the counter by the sink. I moved to the tub. My fingers lingered on the faucet. Silas fixed it. That meant something to me.

 
; I flicked the water on. The shower spray crashed into the basin. At first, I stared at the light sparkling in the water before it touched down to swirl into the bottom.

  My knees wobbled, I thought about stepping into the shower. My stomach churned, my hands started to sweat. I had to sit down.

  Flashes came over my eyes. Water streaming into my face. Screaming with no one listening. Nathan’s confused, horror struck face. Silas’s contorted rage.

  I was terrified of the shower. The thought of stepping into it made me lose my breath and my stomach start to twist.

  I swallowed, shifting the water from the shower to the faucet to fill up the tub. The shaking and the sweating subsided. I breathed some mild relief.

  At least I wasn’t afraid of a bath. My heart was still thundering but I didn’t feel so lightheaded like before.

  How embarrassing. When the bath filled up with warm water, I slipped into the tub. I tucked my legs against my body, my knees against my chest and I rested my head on one of my knees. The warm water swallowing me up felt better, anyway.

  I’d been lucky I hadn’t collapsed and they hadn’t heard me falling over. It was one thing they didn’t have to know about. They had enough to do and most of it was involving me now.

  Kota had to be mistaken. You couldn’t tell everyone all of your secrets. You couldn’t burden someone else with every little thing. You took care of yourself and tried not to be in the way and help others as best as you could.

  I didn’t need to worry them about how I felt about showers.

  By Monday, the marks on my wrists were still obvious, but Gabriel permitted the pink bands Silas gave me. Gabriel did, however, spend the night again Monday evening to determine what I should wear and what I wasn’t allowed to if I was going to keep wearing them.

  Someone spent the night every evening, although my father was home in the evenings and my mother was subdued, in a gentle phase of sleeping most of the day and eating regularly. A doctor called, conveniently, on Tuesday afternoon to ‘verify’ which pills she was taking and to schedule an appointment in a month. She complained about doctors telling her what to do and tried to get them to put the appointment off but they said the next available date would be in three months.