When We Met: A Small Town Single Dad Romance

by Shey Stahl

  I roll over and look at Barron. He’s staring at the ceiling, his breathing light and steady, thoughts held hostage like his words.

  I run my hand through his hair and force him to look at me. “Are you okay?”

  He nods but doesn’t say anything.

  My eyes drift to his chest and the light dusting of hair. Curling into his side, I worm myself into his embrace. “I should get going soon.”

  He lifts his arm and wraps it around me, his lips pressing to my temple. “I never said you had to leave.”

  “I know… but I think I need to. Give you some space. I think I need to experience some time alone.” I turn my head and prop myself up on my elbow. “I’ve never been alone. I’ve lived on my own and been single, but I’ve never experienced an open road with no obligations. I’ve never… known me.”

  He reaches up and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, his eyes tender. “Then you should do that. For you.”

  My heart pounds in my chest. Am I making the right decision? I remember, briefly, the mornings we spent skin-to-skin in this very room, laughing, living for moments and memories that only we knew as he moved above me with reverent curses and parted lips. The way he would gaze down at me with a heated expression, the feel of my fingertips meeting his hard muscles, begging him not to stop, and knowing he held every string of my heart, even though it was all temporary.

  His gaze returns to me, but he says nothing, at least not with words. My face is suddenly between his palms, so close to his own. His fingers are electric on my skin, the sensations calming yet terrifying. His lips barely touch my own as he presses his weight to mine

  He buries his face in my neck, and then he presses his mouth to mine, hard. He’s kissing me desperately, filling my mouth with everything we aren’t saying to one another. I let this be our goodbye. I do that because this is easier than words.

  When he drops his forehead to mine, our kiss breaks, and he keeps his eyes closed, sliding inside me. Barron exhales in the next second, releasing a moan into my mouth. Pulling out, he thrusts back inside of me again, this time harder. He lifts his head and looks down at me, and I see it. Love. It’s clear as day, a man busting at the seams, ready to tell the girl beneath him he loves her, but the words are held hostage.

  He won’t let them out, and I know why. It finally makes sense. If he asks me to stay, the situation is like him and Tara. He’s afraid if he asks, and I do, I’ll resent him.

  I wouldn’t, not ever, but that’s not something you can easily tell a man who’s been burned before.

  I wrap my hands around the back of his head and bring his mouth to mine. Arching my back, I widen my legs and allow him to slide inside me deeper, needing this just as bad as he does. He moans into my mouth, fucking me harder.

  Placing his palms flat on the mattress, he creates distance, staring down at me.

  “Harder,” I beg, needing this to be just that. I don’t want to see the love in his eyes because it will only hurt more to leave.

  He pushes harder. And that’s how we fall apart. Together. It’s not pretty, but falling never is. It always leaves you bloody and bruised.

  When he’s motionless above me, I wrap my arms around him, savoring the seconds when our bodies are sedated, and words aren’t needed. If I had my journal nearby, I’d write:

  I’m not ready for the end

  We’ve only just began

  Will my heart ever mend?

  -broken

  Telling the girls later that day wasn’t as easy. In fact, it was unbearable. We had breakfast, the girls played with their toys, and then I told them I had to get going. At first they didn’t understand.

  “Why?” Camdyn asks, her eyes darting to Barron and then back to me.

  “I have to get going today,” I say, my words shaking. I glance at Barron who’s leaning against the wall, his eyes downcast on the floor, as if he can’t bear to look at me. He’s chewing on the inside of his cheek, fidgeting with his shirtsleeve, a solid veil of armor on his heart. “I just stayed for Christmas, and now I have to get going.”

  “My spell not work.” Sev glares and then stomps away to her room.

  Barron sighs. “She’ll be okay,” he tells me, following her and leaving me alone with Camdyn.

  She’s sitting on the edge of the couch, her feet dangling off the edge with the boots I got her still on her feet. She hasn’t taken them off since she opened them. Even slept in them last night. Her dark eyes find mine. “I forgot to feed Lulu.” She gasps, eyes widening.

  “Want me to walk over there with you?”

  She’s hesitant but slides off the couch and reaches for my hand. “Okay.”

  “You know I have to leave,” I tell Camdyn as we feed Lulu carrots, feeling like my heart is going to burst into a million pieces.

  She hands her another carrot. Lulu gobbles it down and sniffs my hands in search of more. Camdyn’s eyes drift to mine, burrowed in confusion. “Why?”

  “I was only here because your daddy was fixing my car,” I remind her. “He did that so now I should be going.”

  “Where are you going?”

  I reach up and run my hand over Lulu’s mane. “I’m not sure. Maybe Tennessee.”

  “I don’t want you to go,” she whispers, her voice so small and innocent that I’m reminded she’s only five and doesn’t understand this. “Why don’t you like us enough?”

  “It’s not that I don’t like you enough, honey.” I press my lips to the top of her head, brushing her hair from her soft face. “You know that movie Rapunzel?”

  Camdyn nods.

  “Well, you know how her mom kept her trapped in that tower?”

  Another nod.

  “That’s what my life used to be like. I lived for others. What I could do for them. And just like Rapunzel, I’ve been freed from my tower, and now I get to experience all this cool stuff for the first time. Things I’ve never done before to find myself.”

  Her eyes dart around the barn and then back to me. “So you’re finding yourself?”

  “Yes, exactly like that.”

  She sighs, emotions she probably doesn’t understand moving through her. Her eyes meet mine, a tender plea in them. “We can steal your battery again.”

  I smile. I saw the battery in the parts room one day. I didn’t say anything because I was so happy they wanted me to stay that they were willing to steal parts off my car to do it. “What?”

  Camdyn swallows nervously. “Uh, I wasn’t supposed to say that.”

  I lift her up into my arms. “Probably not, huh?”

  “No.”

  She takes my face in her hands, much like her dad does when he kisses me. “Will you come back after you find yourself?”

  Heat rushes to my cheeks. “I’m not sure, but if I do, I’m coming to see you first, okay?”

  Her eyes light up, a smirk that mirrors Barron’s surfaces. “Deal. But don’t runs into the shop this time.”

  “Deal.”

  When we get back to the house, Barron is checking the oil in my car. I watch Camdyn disappear into the house and the door close behind her. “Is Sev okay?”

  Barron nods. “That’s the cool thing about kids, they forget easily.”

  The words aren’t meant to hurt me, but they do. I wish I could forget all the times my mom made me feel not good enough. I want to run inside the house and hug Sev, but I don’t want to make this worse for them.

  Smiling at Barron, I watch his face, waiting to see what his reaction will be. He keeps his emotions masked, eyes on the field behind me. I touch his forearm, curling my fingers around it. “You stole my battery.”

  A soft smile graces his beautiful lips as he lowers the hood to my car. It clanks shut, and then he turns, leaning into the fender. “I did.”

  I stand in front of him, my keys in hand. “Why?”

  “Because I wanted you to stay.”

  My heart skips a beat. “And now?”

  He sighs heavily, his voice fearful, like he�
��s hoping any minute I’m going to say “just kidding, I’m staying.” “Now… I think you need to experience you. And if at some point that leads you back into my life, then I suppose that’s fate.”

  My heart cracks with his words. “How does a guy like you exist in the world?” I can barely look at him, terrified to lose him. As much as I know I should leave, I don’t want to.

  His face is contorted into what I can only assume is agony, and he turns away, pulling his hands through his hair. “Fuck.” He grunts painfully.

  I grab him by the shirt and yank him toward me, refusing to allow space between us.

  The absolute worst part is when he lets me go. Our eyes meet, and they stay locked for a moment, remembering the connection we have together. Barron reaches up and twirls a lock of my hair between his fingers. He watches the auburn dance in his hand before letting it fall.

  I hug him tighter and exhale the breath I had been holding. I lift my hand and rest my chin on his chest, looking up at him.

  He doesn’t smile. “I’ll always remember this… with you,” he says, attempting to smile, but it doesn’t touch the pain in his eyes.

  “I will too.”

  It hurts to watch, but it’s harder to look away as he takes in the reality of me leaving. His eyes drift to my car. “Will you promise me something?”

  I nod.

  He runs his hand over my hair and keeps his eyes on mine. “If you ever find yourself in Amarillo again, you come see me?”

  I bury my head in his chest, savoring the connection I know will be gone once we break apart. I’m not trying to choke back the tears, and neither is Barron. His eyes are freaking bloodshot, and it looks like this hardened cowboy might shed a tear over this. But he doesn’t.

  “Thanks for crashing into my life,” he says slowly, his breath on my skin, his words filling my heart. I squeeze my eyes shut, hot tears spilling onto my cheeks as I take in his words. Then he lets go and creates distance, raising his hand to cup my face. “Take care of yourself,” he mumbles, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear. Kissing me once more, he removes my hands from around his neck, kisses my knuckles, and then lets my hands fall. “And be safe.” Without another glance, he walks toward the house.

  My heart skips and then beats faster. I never planned on being on that ranch road three weeks ago. I didn’t plan to fall for dark, mysterious eyes and two little girls who looked at me as if I was the sun, desperate for warmth and love from a mother figure when I was so dependent on that very same thing.

  Greedy, hungry for acceptance, I wormed myself into their lives without so much thought of what it would mean to leave it. And now that I’m leaving, I can’t help but think it’s for the wrong reasons.

  My heart begs him to stop me, but as the taste of him fades on my lips, he doesn’t.

  Should I follow her?

  BARRON

  I exhale a long breath and watch the cloud of dust behind her car. What in the motherfucking hell was I thinking? What was I going to do? Beg her to stay? I won’t do that, not to her. She’s too young and hasn’t experienced anything outside of California. And if I beg her to stay and it’s not what she wants, I’m that guy again, trapping a girl who doesn’t want to be.

  So I let her leave, regardless of how much it hurts inside.

  Inside the house, I want to collapse to my knees. It’s worse than when I found Tara’s ring on the nightstand. I allowed Kacy in, and it hurt that much more letting her leave. I expect to have relief that she’s gone, no more impending doom of her doing so, but that doesn’t come either.

  I’m only met with a familiar void. Love doesn’t stay. It was always going to end. That’s how it works.

  I find Sev at the counter, a butter knife in hand and nearly everything from the fridge on the island. “What are you doing?”

  “I makes you and us a sandwich,” she says, shrugging and licking the butter knife before sticking it back in the yogurt.

  I look around the room, noticing it’s just me and her. “Here,” she says, handing me a mutilated piece of bread. “Oh, wash yous hands.”

  I do as she says, smiling at her. Picking up the sandwich, I stare at it. “Thank you. What’s on it?”

  “Yogurt and turkey.”

  “Yum.” It’s not horrible, but I wouldn’t intentionally eat it if a three-year-old hadn’t given it to me.

  After the sandwich, she tries to pour herself some juice. “Can I help you with that?”

  “No.” She grunts, lifting the container up and trying to line it up with the cup. “I gots it.”

  I know exactly what’s going to happen, but I don’t have the energy to get up and do something about it. So I let her try.

  Like I expect, she overfills the cup and drops the juice container on the counter. I watch as it spills off the counter and onto the floor.

  Still, I do nothing to stop it.

  Camdyn comes into the kitchen, anger in her stomping steps and looking like she’s going to murder my ass. I’m at the top of her shit list for sure. She’s also wearing a crop top and booty shorts that piss me off. I’ll have to conveniently lose that entire outfit in the washing machine. I also need to have a talk with Aunt Tilly about taking my kid shopping and buying her this crap.

  “What?” I ask defensively after she’s been glaring at me for a good five minutes. I’m not in the mood to have this conversation with my five-year-old, but I knew it was coming.

  “Why did you lets Kacy leave? The prince always saves the girl.”

  “Girls not need stinky boys,” Sev tells her, trying to clean up the juice by sitting on it and leaning forward to drink what spilled off the counter like a dog.

  She ignores her sister and focuses all her anger on me.

  I rub the back of my neck, unsure how I want to word this. “I didn’t make her leave, Camdyn,” I say flatly, trying to eat the sandwich Sev made me, but even she’s looking at it like she wants to throw up. “I can’t make her stay either.”

  Camdyn makes a disgusted sound, and if a grunt could say you’re an idiot, this one does. I’m mentally preparing myself to hear a lot when she gets to be a teenager. “Why not?”

  “Because that’s not fair to her.”

  Before she can lay into me with the “why” question every five seconds, Morgan walks through the front door. He glances around, sensing the awkwardness, and then shakes his head before reaching for a towel to clean up the juice I’ve been neglecting. “You let her leave?”

  Camdyn sighs, walking away. “He’s a dummy.”

  Sev, who’s sitting on the counter still, wearing a black crown sideways on her head, hands Morgan her sandwich she’s taken one bite out of. “I makes ya some food.”

  He smiles, takes a bite, and then hands it back to her, choking it down. “What is that?”

  “I not knows, but it’s yuck.” She climbs down from the counter. “I gots a go.”

  Morgan watches her leave and then looks at me. “Where’s she going?”

  “Probably to make a potion to kill me later and bring back Kacy,” I mumble, resting my elbows on the counter and pulling at my hair. “They like her more than me.”

  He snorts, setting the soaked towel in the sink. “I like her more than I like you.”

  “Nice.” I grunt, ready to hit my head against the concrete counter in hopes it will knock me out, and I won’t have to feel this unbearable stabbing sensation in my heart and stomach.

  “So, why’d you let her leave?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

  “Why are you here?”

  He regards me silently for a few minutes. Morgan knows me better than anyone. He also knows why I let her leave. “It had to happen.”

  “Had to happen?” He snorts. “The fuck it did. That’s like saying me fucking Lillian had to happen.”

  I stare at him, wondering where he’s going with this.

  He’s quiet for a second before his thoughts contort his expression. He relaxes and unfolds his arms, his palms f
lat on the counter as he leans in. “I told myself not to touch Lil. I did. But then I realized I was never meant to be with Carly. She knew it too. Now she’s pregnant with some other dude’s baby, and I’m left with the realization that what I wanted had been right in front of me the entire time. So I’m taking my chance with Lil because I can’t stand to be away from her anymore. I ain’t been through the shit you’ve been through, and I know y’alls shit cut ya pretty deep. But Kacy—” He pauses, shaking his head. There’s determination in his voice, like he’s trying to convince me to take him seriously. “That girl was meant to be. You never looked at Tara that way.”

  He’s right. I didn’t. I close my eyes, wishing he’d leave so I won’t have to face reality any longer. I want to curl up next to a bottle of whiskey, and that pisses me off even more because it reminds me of Kacy.

  He hits my elbow, and I look up at him. “I know you think you can’t keep love, but I’m going to let you in on some older-brother wisdom. You can. The only person keeping you from trusting the love you feel for Kacy is you. The way I see it, if you don’t let yourself see what’s standing right in front of you out of fear of history repeating itself, it’s the same as Tara winning. She left, never looked back, and moved on. You’re still in the same place as you were three years ago, spinning your wheels, afraid to put it in drive.”

  I draw in a breath, knowing he’s right. I was afraid to show Kacy my scars. It doesn’t change the fact that I can’t ask her to stay. I won’t do that to her.

  Somewhere there’s a place for me.

  KACY

  Two days of driving and I’m still in Texas, but I have no idea what city I’m in. I got on the highway and started driving. Maybe I’ll hit water soon and find peace. I have no idea. What I do know is that Rapunzel fell in love finding herself, so why can’t I?

  I’m crying so hard I keep jerking the wheel, and at some point, I’m going to be pulled over if I keep this up or crash into the side of a building. The thought makes me cry even harder.

  That’s when Lillian calls me. I take that call so fast you probably would have thought I called her. “I’m an idiot!” I scream into my car, hoping it’s actually her calling and not someone else. “What was I thinking? Find myself. Ha. Who needs to find themselves besides gypsies? I’m not a gypsy. I don’t even like driving!”