Home Tears

by Tijan

  pierced hers for a moment, and a knot slowly twisted inside of her. She saw the decision in his eyes, and he pushed all his money into the pot.

  “Oh. My. God.” Kate barely breathed. “Winner takes all.”

  “He’s walking.”

  “What?”

  “He’s walking away.”

  “You’re not making any sense.”

  “Yeah, I am.” The dealer flipped the last card, and the crowd gasped. The clapping started a beat later. There was a one second delay as everyone realized what happened.

  Boone’s chair scraped against the floor as he stood up.

  “That could’ve played out for another hour, but man, I haven’t seen something like that since Tilly Wade launched herself across the table at Harry Hubbard’s.” Kate laughed. “Harry never walked the same again.”

  Jake grinned from ear to ear as his money was collected. He moved to the winner’s table. Dani twisted around, looking, and she saw the back of Boone as he was going up the stairs. Her stomach knotted again. She didn’t want to have this talk, but it was time. She headed after him, pushing her way up the stairs.

  Boone was leaving the kitchen. She headed after him, following him all the way until he turned down an empty hallway.

  “Boone.”

  He paused.

  “Can we talk?”

  He had no reaction. He didn’t look surprised, as he stated, “The back porch was empty earlier.”

  The crowd’s rumble faded to a soothing murmur in the background as Boone led the way out there. He didn’t open the door for Dani. He went in and crossed to the far side, sat down on a couch there. He hunched over, just slightly, sliding his hands in his pockets.

  She closed the door behind her, but didn’t move farther into the room.

  The windows were closed over the screens, but it was still cold. The furniture was bare. A table was pushed against a wall. A pile of chips, soda cans, and cookies were on it.

  Dani had to move closer, or she wouldn’t be able to hear anything. The rain was almost deafening.

  “You left that game. You knew what Jake had, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “Why’d I leave the game?”

  “Yeah.” He was being difficult. “You walked. Why?”

  Boone shook his head, rubbing a hand over his tired face. “Because I remembered why I came to this party. It wasn’t for poker.”

  She knew. Her throat grew thick. “Why’d you come?” she asked anyway.

  “It really pisses me off that you’re here. It pisses me off that my brother still thinks he can order me around. And it pisses me off that I couldn’t not come tonight.” He pushed forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He gazed down at the floor. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to start this. I was so angry when I found out that you lived here.” Boone took in a ragged breath. “I came here to get over you, but I can’t do that because I’m so fucking angry at you.”

  Dani expelled a similar sounding ragged breath. “I’m sorry I left you the way I did. I shouldn’t have done that. There shouldn’t have been a note. I should’ve been honest when you proposed, and I should’ve ended things that night. I snuck out. I’m truly sorry that I did that.”

  He regarded her with stricken eyes. Pure agony flared over him but he turned away again. “I still love you. And that’s the kicker. I will probably love you for a long, long time.” His jaw clenched. “I didn’t know what to do after you left, so I went home. Drew’s been trying to get me back into the business. I used to be the head hunter for them. It’s somewhat ironic that they pulled in Bannon’s father considering,” he glanced to the door, “everything.”

  “You were a head hunter?”

  She had a type. Apparently.

  “If my family has a problem sealing a deal, they used to call me in. I assess what the problem is, and I deal with it.” The side of his mouth lifted in a twisted half-smile. “Everything was fine until I dug too deep on a job. I fell for ‘the problem’s’ daughter. I was done after that. Drew kicked me out, said I needed to go on a sabbatical and clear my head. I was supposed to figure out what made me tick, then come back better than ever.”

  Jenny mentioned a girl. “Did you love her? The daughter?”

  “No.” His eyes held on to mine, for far too long. “I fell in love with you. She just opened my eyes to what else was going on. I looked around, took surveillance, and realized I didn’t like what side I was on.”

  Dani had no response to that. She looked down to the ground.

  The door opened. Conversation, yelling, and music filled the room suddenly. Bubba walked onto the porch, then stopped. “Oh.” He blinked in surprise. “Sorry.”

  “Did you come for more of these?” Dani grabbed some soda and chips. She held them out for him.

  “Thanks.” He took them, then smirked. “Fancy Nancy.”

  Dani rolled her eyes, but waited until Bubba shut the door behind him. “I’m sorry for what I did.”

  “You ripped my heart out.”

  “Boone.” She looked down at the table, pulling her hands to her lap. She hunched over.

  “You looked like you were drowning after the storm, and I thought I was giving you a future. I didn’t know that I was handing you a nightmare instead.”

  “It wasn’t—it wasn’t like that.”

  “You made me happy, Dani. Do you want me to let you off the hook and say that I only loved the idea of you and not you? Do you want me to cheapen what I thought we had?”

  “I wasn’t right.” Her voice was hoarse. The memories were flooding in.

  “I knew you weren’t right!” Boone scooted to the edge of his couch. “I’m not stupid. I saw things, like when you’d get up the middle of the night and just look out the window for hours. I saw all of that. I knew you had your own demons, but I figured you’d let me in after a while.” His voice quieted. “I wanted to make you happy, too.”

  “I…I…” The waves—she could hear them crashing down again. The crying. Screaming. Her throat swelled even farther. Tears threatened to spill, and she hated it. She hated crying. She hated that just like that a mere conversation could bring it back.

  No.

  No.

  Her vision grew restricted. She couldn’t see anything. It was all blurry. Ducking her head down, she inhaled. In, hold, five, four, three, two, one. Out, five, four, three, two, one. In and repeat. In. Hold. Out. Hold. She kept going until the crushing sensation on her chest lifted.

  She could see Boone again, and he was waiting.

  He asked, “Are you okay?”

  She nodded.

  “I didn’t know you still had the attacks.”

  “They’ve gotten better.” Since Jonah. She cleared her throat. “You wanted from me what I couldn’t give. And you might’ve thought you were okay with it, that there was no pressure—you’ll love me enough for us both, but it never ends like that. I knew that. I was locked down. We barely talked the last six months. Did you know that?”

  “I know.”

  “I kept thinking the reason I felt so awful was from how it ended. I took the coward’s way out, but maybe something was wrong with us, and it wasn’t just me. I had no idea about that girl, or your family.”

  “We never talked about our pasts.”

  “That’s what I’m saying. Both of us didn’t say anything. I thought that was the agreement, but I was still running away, even after ten years. I shouldn’t have been in a serious relationship, and part of me didn’t realize how serious we even were. I didn’t think we were marriage serious.”

  “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

  “No.” She never gave him any indication of that. She was just trying to survive each day.

  “Was it just sex? Was I just convenient?”

  “It’s not like that. I’m lying there, in a hospital bed, trying to wrap my mind around what I’d just gone through, and you come in with this shiny engagement ring. What
was I supposed to do?”

  “Tell me that it was too much.”

  “You were supposed to know I was hurting. You were supposed to know how to comfort me, but you didn’t. The other person is supposed to know.”

  “I’m not a mind reader, Dani.”

  “Because you should’ve known about my past. I should’ve known about yours if a ring and a future come into the conversation. I’ve been wracked with guilt because I ran, but you were running, too.”

  “It takes one to ruin a relationship.”

  “We were two half-people trying to fit together.” Dani hugged herself to ward off the chill. “You weren’t whole, and I wasn’t whole.” All the fight left her. Her shoulders slumped down. She said so quietly, “And that was the problem.”

  Boone gestured toward inside. “So, those two guys in there, would they know? Your ex of how many years? All your childhood. Would he have known? Or Bannon?”

  He didn’t want to hear the truth. Jonah would’ve known. Jonah did know, even without dating her. Jake would’ve known, too. But Boone hadn’t, and it was because he was hurting like her. Half of him was gone, but that half wasn’t missing because of her. She thought it was all her. He was hurting because of what she did, but that wasn’t true either. It was him. It was his family. It was what they were doing. That, and probably other reasons she didn’t know.

  “You were trying to cover up your emptiness with me.” She didn’t have enough to fill his void. “You needed someone who is brimming with life. Someone not hurting, not trying to deal with their own haunts. That wasn’t me.” She looked back at the rain. It was so dark outside. “We weren’t supposed to be together.”

  “I’m here for a reason. You’re here for a reason. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.” His voice rose. His eyes were brimming with hope. “I love you now, and I loved you back then. Maybe I wanted the future, and I was too selfish to really look at you, I don’t know. Maybe what you say is true, but it’s you. I don’t think it’s ever going to be not you.”

  Her eyes closed.

  “I love you, and I want another chance.”

  She exhaled.

  Dani stood. “You’re not that guy for me.”

  He held a hand out to her, stopping her. “Okay. I’m not asking for anything. I’m just telling. I’m telling you that I love you.” His eyes warmed, becoming tender. “You’re always going to be that for me.”

  This man saw her at her worst. He had been there for her, but it was too late. She was too damaged then, and now—“I’m with Jonah.”

  “Dani.”

  He reached for her, but she evaded him. “No. I’m telling you. No.”

  He wasn’t listening to her. She saw the earnest look in his eyes, and her heart sank. She knew what she had to say, but no one wants to hurt another person they cared about. She had, too.

  “You are not my future.”

  Boone left the room, but Dani stayed back. She needed silence. She needed the emptiness to just breathe. Saying those words to someone she cared about, knowing she hurt him took everything out of her. She needed twenty minutes, then she would stand up, then she would keep going.

  But until then—twenty minutes.

  She got eighteen of them.

  “Okay.” Aiden burst through the doors, waving her hands. “We’ve got a problem. A very, very, big problem and I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Jonah is at the winner’s table right now, and it’s him with Jake and Jeffries, and there are flash flood warnings going on right now, but—”

  “Are you at a lower elevation? Is water pooling up outside?”

  Aiden’s terror was evident as she nodded. Her face drained of any color. Her eyes were wide and her bottom lip trembled.

  Flash floods happen fast. This wasn’t a tsunami, but Dani knew they had to act fast. She shoved her panic aside, all the ghosts and hauntings that were at her backside—she ignored every single one of them. Resting a hand on Aiden’s arm, she said in a firm, but gentle tone, “People are drunk, so that means we have to get them out. I’ll talk to Bubba. He’ll have to go to a neighbor’s, see if they have any boats. You gather as many blankets as you can. And flashlights.”

  “Okay.” Her entire body was shaking.

  “Aiden.”

  She had rushed to the door, but stopped and looked back. Dani said, “We’ll get through this.”

  Aiden jerked her head up in a nod. “I hope so.”

  She left. Dani exhaled and looked over her shoulder to the blanket of rain that pounded the house. She remembered the wind. It was the first thing that slammed against their building. The wind howled, and Dani remembered the anchor that fell in her stomach.

  It was back again, but she wasn’t back.

  Different time. Different place. No ocean. No tsunami. No children going to die. And Dani wasn’t going to be alone this time. This wasn’t that storm. She wouldn’t let it happen, not again, but she still felt that same knot start to clench inside of her. It wasn’t going to go away until she saw the sun, the clear sky, and everyone was still breathing around her.

  The party sounded louder against her eardrums, harsher. The people seemed more drunk, and the giddy laughs were surreal to Dani as she shoved through the crowd, finally stumbling to the stairs.

  She heard cursing and recognized who it was. She flung the bathroom door open, and it was. “Bubba!”

  He turned, a plunger in his hands. “Uh, yeah?” He wiped his chin against his shoulder. Some sweat clung there. “Can this wait? I’m in the middle of a flooded toilet here.”

  “What’s the elevation for this place?”

  “Huh?”

  “If there were warnings of flash floods—what’s the chance of this house getting flooded?”

  He put the plunger away. “Aiden wasn’t freaking out about a toilet before, was she?” Then it was like her words registered with him, and he paled. “Oh, my God.”

  “Bubba—”

  “We’re not on elevated land at all. Robbie’s is probably the best place to go, but that’s a ten-minute drive. Is there already flooding out there?”

  Hurrying past her, he pushed through the crowd to the back door. He opened the door, and they had their answer. The front lawn was already filled, and water rushed inside. “Fuck!” And then, for a muscular bodybuilder who was man enough to be called Chimp Two, he froze.

  Dani didn’t. She rushed to close the door.

  “Okay.” Dani shoved him back, away from the door, and said firmly, “We need boats, and we need shiners. Aiden’s gathering blankets and flashlights for everyone, but we need the kind that you’d use to shine deer or portable headlights.”

  “We don’t have any.” His eyes were still rooted to the door.

  “Neighbors. Who would have them?”

  “Eddie would have some. He’s a big hunter.”

  “Good. Do you have waders at all?”

  “Uh, yeah.”

  “Put them on, and go find Eddie. Grab a pair for him. Get all the lights and boats you can.”

  “Okay.” Bubba jerked to reality and surged past her.

  Dani hauled him back. “Make sure to come back.”

  Bubba nodded. “I will.”

  Kate was heading their way, her arms filled with blankets. “Okay. This is weird. Can you hold these? Aiden dumped them on me and said to bring them to you, but my phone is buzzing like crazy. I need to answer it. What is going on?”