Brave
Page 14
Take Purpose
Do you remember our verse from 1 John? It’s another truth I anchor to regularly.
My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.
1 John 3:18–20 THE MESSAGE
Debilitating self-criticism, if you remember, is one of the ways the Worry Whisperer loves to come after us, making us criticize and get angry at ourselves. “That was stupid.” “Why did you say that?” “I’m sure they thought you were weird.” “You blew that one.”
First John 3 says that the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism is to love. Purpose. It’s that simple. When we are thinking about giving to someone else, we can’t really think about ourselves. It’s no longer about us and our failures. It’s about the other person.
Purpose changes us too—like gratitude. It can also anchor us. It sure anchors me. When I feel hurt or angry or I’m overwhelmed by something going on in my life, I will often ask myself one question: “Who do I want to be in this?” or even “Who do I believe God has called me to be?” Those questions pull me out of the waves of feeling and take me back to a place of truth. And the answer, most often, is that He has called me to love. It’s a really great cycle. If I love someone else by giving to them or helping them when I’m feeling bad about myself, it’s actually the thing that helps me feel the best about myself. Purpose.
I want you to take purpose. I want you to know that God has called you to love. He has called you to so many good things that only you can do.
Take YOU. YOUR Heart.
As we talked about before, it’s easy to fade in these years. You likely will a little. But I don’t want you to disappear. I want this journey to be about two things—no, three. The first is learning how to fight your Worry Whisperer. The second is learning how to be more fully you. And the third—well, we’ll get to that one in a minute.
When I was little, I loved to have friends over. But after we’d played for a few hours, I’d quietly go find my mom and say, “Mommy, it’s been so fun playing with _________. But when are they going home?”
I think part of it was because I was tired. I was tired of having to make sure that they were having fun. But another part of it was I was an introvert and needed time by myself to recharge. I had no idea what that meant at the time. I used to think how I felt was more about the other person and how they were “getting on my nerves” than it was about me. Now looking back, I see that it was all about me. As an adult, I’m still learning that when I get tired and grumpy, it’s an oil light for me. What I thought was a problem was really just a part of my personality. And that’s okay. It’s not that I’m grumpy—or the other person is annoying—I just need a few minutes to myself from time to time. It’s not selfish. It’s not unkind. It helps me be a better version of myself.
We live in that balance of purpose and of knowing and doing the things that refill us to take us back to a place of purpose. You already know some of the things that refill you—God’s Word, prayer, worship. Those fill all of our hearts in a way that enables us to return to loving others, to purpose. But there are going to be some additional specific things that refill you. Maybe it’s art. Maybe it’s running. Maybe it’s reading. Maybe it’s time by yourself. Maybe it’s time with balcony friends.
What are five things that help you be a better version of yourself?
This journey of taking heart, of fighting your Worry Whisperer, of discovering you is going to start with you. Understanding more of who you are certainly helps you understand who you’re becoming. I’d recommend checking out the Enneagram too. It has helped me understand myself and others better than any tool I’ve come across in my lifetime. There are some great books by an author named Suzanne Stabile that can help. It’s much easier to take heart when you know your heart. And knowing your heart is where your journey begins. Let’s jump to the end, to that last thing this journey is really about.
Learning to fight your Worry Whisperer.
Learning how to be more fully you.
Learning to trust.
Take Trust
The last thing I want to mention is something you may feel like you have trouble with. I talk to girls your age every day who say trust is a hard concept for them. I know . . . you’ve been let down. I know . . . you’re not sure who you can trust. Let me assure you that you can always trust Jesus. When it comes down to it, His love and grace for us are the only reasons we can take heart. He has overcome the world and every Worry Whisperer that has ever been or ever will be. That is why we can take heart. In this world, we will have trouble, but we can take heart because He has overcome the world. Keep reading. You’ve got this, because He’s got you. That is certainly something you can trust.
A Few Brave Things
to Remember
In this world, you will have trouble, but you can take heart.
Sometimes, girls take more shame than they do heart. That shame can impact your view of what it means to become a woman.
God has gifted us, as women, with a unique ability to be both lovely and fierce at the same time. He has given you a strong, brave, lovely, fierce heart that He wants you to take out into the world.
Taking heart involves taking community. You need other women who are taking heart alongside you and reminding you of how brave you are.
Taking truth is foundationally important to the journey. Your feelings and the Worry Whisperer are going to try to tell you what’s true about your life. But only you and God get to do that. Anchor yourself to truth—His truth.
Gratitude and worry cannot coexist. Practice gratitude.
God has given you a unique purpose in this world—not just for when you’re an adult, but for today. Purpose shuts down our self-criticism and changes us.
Take your heart. God calls you to be fully you.
9. He Has Overcome
God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV
He saved us . . . not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace.
2 Timothy 1:9
In this world, we will have trouble, but we can take heart because He has overcome the world. For His own purpose and by His own grace.
For His Purpose
God wants to use you. I hope you’ve heard that strongly throughout the pages of this book. He has a job for you that only you can do. Actually, He has a million jobs for you through the rest of your life, in daily ways and big-picture ways. It may be that you’re a mom. It may be that you’re a writer. It may be that you’re a counselor, like me. It may be that you’re the president. But He has a job that He specifically created just for you. Even with your failures, insecurities, and worries. He has called you as exactly who He has made you to be.
By His Grace
That might be my favorite part of this verse. “Not because of anything we ourselves have done.” I know that you’re a “try hard-er” like me. It’s one of the reasons I know we’d be friends. But this battle, this journey, is by His grace. No trying hard needed. You can rest in His grace.
Matthew 11:28–30 in The Message says, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
With Practice
Yes, I still want you to practice. Rest and practice. Just like He says, “Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it.” Rest knowing that He’s already won the battle. You’re still fighting, but you’re fighting under this banner of grace. R
emember, the number one reason any of us don’t beat the Worry Whisperer is because we forget to practice. You’ll blow it when you’re practicing. You’ll gain some ground. And then you’ll blow it again. Keep on practicing. Keep on fighting, knowing that God has already gone before you and won.
Knowing Freedom
We’ve talked about a lot of things in this book, but there is one very important thing I’ve forgotten to say: Courage doesn’t exist in the absence of fear, but rather in the presence of it. What that means is what we’ve said over and over: The Worry Whisperer will be back. When he comes back, I don’t want you to get mad at yourself and think you’ve failed. I want you to think, That old Worry Whisperer is back again. He didn’t beat me before, and he won’t beat me this time.
Think about some of the heroes of our faith. David (he beat Goliath), Moses (he beat lots of people whose names end with ites), and Samson (he beat pretty much everyone). Now think about your favorite superhero. These people became superheroes in battle, in the fight. We know who they are because they had courage in the midst of fear. They’re remembered for their courage, not their fear. Your courage is the same. When those worries come, as they will, I want you to shrug your shoulders in a Peter Parker kind of way and run right back into battle. There is a whole lot of freedom in knowing the worries will come and that you can do this through His grace. And with something else that is especially important.
With Love
Have you seen the documentary Won’t You Be My Neighbor? If not, I’d love for you to watch it in the next few weeks. Mr. Rogers was one of my favorite people when I was little and watched his TV show. And he is even more so now that I’ve seen that documentary. Mr. Rogers was all about making people feel loved. One of his songs reminds me of how I feel about you. In it he says, “It’s you I like,” not the outward things about you and “not the things that hide you.”1
Here’s the thing. It’s not just how I feel about you. More than that, I believe it’s how God feels about you. God loves you immensely. And He likes you. You. Not the social media version of you. Not even the try-hard version of you. Believing that, trusting that, might take the most practice and grace. My prayer would be that you would believe—all the way down to your toes—how much He likes and loves you. I’m praying that for you even as I’m writing this paragraph. He does. And that’s why this entire brave journey circles back around to trust.
Taking and Living in Trust
In my research, I read that acceptance of the fact that worry will be back is the antidote to anxiety. That means it cancels anxiety out. I do think acceptance is important—which we’ve already established. The Worry Whisperer will be back, but every time, he’ll have less and less power. And every time he returns, you’ll grow stronger. You’ll grow more into your super strength. You’ll grow more into the fierce, lovely woman God has uniquely made you to be. Acceptance is important, but I believe the antidote to anxiety is something different.
Let me tell you why I named my dog Lucy. Have you ever seen Prince Caspian? Lucy is one of my favorite characters in the CHRONICLES OF NARNIA books and movies. If you haven’t watched the movies, I would suggest that you do. Right now. As in, go put down this book and watch.
In Prince Caspian, the Telmarine army is coming against the army of Aslan. Lucy has a conversation with Aslan, the lion, who represents Jesus. Lucy is saying things like “I wish I was braver,” because Lucy has a Worry Whisperer too. Aslan responds with “If you were any braver, you would be a lioness.”2 The scene cuts to Lucy walking out onto a bridge. On the other side of that bridge is the entire army Lucy and her people are fighting against. Lucy walks out by herself and pulls out a tiny knife. Immediately, Aslan walks out right beside her. He is with her.
The reason Aslan is with her is because He loves her. It’s apparent when you read the book or watch the movie. And He loves you just as much, although His love for you is a special relationship between just the two of you. He likes you. He likes you enough that He didn’t just defeat the Worry Whisperer—He beat death for you. You can trust that truth more than you can trust anything in your life. That trust was what enabled Lucy to walk out on the bridge against an entire army, knowing that she wasn’t alone. She had Aslan.
Our Benediction
Do you know what a benediction is? It’s the final truth you end a worship service with at church. Here is our benediction, the truths I want you to hold on to the most at the end of this book and our time together.
You’re not alone in your worries.
Your worries don’t mean something is wrong with you.
There is a Worry Whisperer on the prowl who wants do everything he can to keep you from discovering the you God uniquely made you to be.
The Worry Whisperer will come after your body, trying to set off false alarms that make you feel like you’re not okay.
He’ll come after your mind, trying to make you think that the problem is bigger than you are.
He’ll come after your heart, trying to take away every feeling you have except worry and sending the message that you can’t do it—whatever “it” happens to be.
But here’s the truth: You can.
In this world, you will have trouble, but you can take heart because Jesus has overcome. You can take trust and community and gratitude and truth and live in the purpose God has called YOU to. His purpose. By His grace and love.
God walks out into the fight against the Worry Whisperer beside you. I have a feeling that He’d come to where you’re standing on the bridge and stop right beside you. In that moment, the little bitty knife in your hand would feel like a giant sword. Then He’d put His enormous paw—or hand—on your back and smile. He’d call you by name and say, “You are bigger than any worry that will ever come your way. You’re not defined by your worries or your anxiety. You’re not defined by your struggles. You are defined by my love and this fierce, lovely heart that you get to take out into the world. I’m with you.”
The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24–26
Now, go get that Worry Whisperer.
A Few Brave Things
to Remember
God has called you for His own purpose and by His own grace (2 Timothy 1:9).
God wants to use you. He has a job for you that only you can do.
That job is not pressure. It’s by His grace. You can rest knowing He’s already won the battle against any Worry Whisperer that could ever come your way.
Courage doesn’t exist in the absence of fear, but in the presence of it.
God loves you and likes you. The real you. That’s why you can trust, and that trust is the only real antidote to anxiety.
In this world you will have trouble, but you can take heart because the God who likes and loves you has overcome the world.
Notes
To the Parent Who Bought This Book
1. Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons, Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous & Independent Children (Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, 2013), 26.
2. Perri Klass, “How to Help a Child With an Anxiety Disorder,” New York Times, October 1, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/01/well/family/how-to-help-a-child-with-an-anxiety-disorder.html.
3. David A. Clark and Aaron T. Beck, Anxiety and Worry Workbook: The Cognitive Behavioral Solution (New York: The Guilford Press, 2012), 41, 51.
4. Sissy Goff, Raising Worry-Free Girls: Helping Your Daughter Feel Braver, Stronger, and Smarter in an Anxious World (Minneapolis: Bethany House, 2019), 31.
Introduction
1. “Any Anxiety Disorder,” National Institute of Mental Health, November 2017 update, https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/any-anxiety-disorder.shtml.
Chapter 1: Defining the Worry Words
1. “Any Anxiety Disorder,” National Institute of Mental Health, November 2017 u
pdate, https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/any-anxiety-disorder.shtml.
2. Ron Steingard, “Mood Disorders and Teenage Girls,” Child Mind Institute, accessed August 12, 2020, https://childmind.org/article/mood-disorders-and-teenage-girls/.
3. C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves (New York: HarperCollins, 1960), 83.
4. Tamar Chansky, “Welcome to Worrywisekids,” the Children’s and Adult Center for OCD and Anxiety, accessed April 25, 2019, http://www.worrywisekids.org.
Chapter 2: Why Me?
1. Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons, Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous & Independent Children (Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, 2013), 26.
2. “Children and Trauma,” produced by the 2008 Presidential Task Force on Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Trauma in Children and Adolescents, American Psychological Association, 2011, https://www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/children-trauma-update.
3. “Children and Trauma,” 2008 Presidential Task Force, https://www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/children-trauma-update.