Empress in Disguise, Book 1

by Zoey Gong

  He sighs and leans against the bow, giving a small nod as he considers my words.

  “I’ll not ask how you know so much about the city’s poor,” he says, and my cheeks burn. “You must know that it is more complicated than that. There are millions of people in this country.”

  Millions? I mouth. I don’t know how many that is, I’m still learning to count to a hundred. But the way he says it, I know it must be a lot. More people than I can imagine.

  “However, your point is well-taken,” he says. “You think our lives are extravagant to the detriment of the people.” I nod. He runs his hand over his chin. “There is some truth to what you say, and I will give it much consideration and speak to my brother about it.”

  “You mustn’t tell him what I said!” I say, grabbing his arm.

  “No,” he says. “Of course not.” He reaches up and runs his thumb along my cheek. “I would never want any harm to come to you.”

  I lean into his touch. It has been so long since I have had any physical comfort. Just a hug for reassurance or a pat on the head in praise. I miss my family so much and would give just about anything to have them near me right now.

  A gong is struck indicating the hour of the tiger. I’ve been gone for two hours. I step away and wipe the tears from the edges of my eyes. “I really must get back before I am missed.”

  He nods. “I know.” But we both hesitate. I don’t know what it is, but something is drawing us together. I dread to think that it might be something more than friendship after all. Something I dare not name for fear that it could undo me. What good would it do to…feel something for a man I can’t possibly be with?

  Finally he takes my hand and leads me from the boat back to the winding paths through the Summer Palace back to my rooms. When my palace is in sight I start to walk toward it, but Honghui does not release my hand. I look back and he pulls me to him, pressing his lips against mine. I am shocked at first and pull away from the kiss but not out of his arms which are now wrapped around me holding me close. A shock ripples through my body. Not a painful shock, but a pleasurable one. I reach up and pull his face back to mine, this time welcoming the kiss and taking it greedily. And yet I want more. It is as though I cannot hold him close enough, pressing my full body against him. His kisses move from my lips to my jaw to my neck and I pant with the desire for yet more. I feel one of his hands on my backside, squeezing it, and I know we must stop. If we don’t, I won’t be able to stop what happens next.

  “No, no, no,” I whisper, unwrapping his arms from around me and stepping back. “Please don’t. I can’t. The emperor…”

  He shakes his head and steps back to catch his breath. “I know. I’m sorry. I just… You are… But…I do love my brother and would not want to hurt him.”

  The question neither of us wants to ask—then why are you seducing his wife?—hangs heavy in the air like a precariously placed boulder threatening to crush us.

  I can’t speak as I back away, afraid of what dangerous words might fall from my lips. I slip back inside my palace and close the door. I lean my forehead against it as I catch my breath. I smooth my hand through my hair and take off my robe and slippers, placing them to one side as I quietly enter my room and tiptoe across the floor.

  I get back into bed and neither Suyin nor Jinhai stirs. Once again, I have managed to sneak around without being caught. I should be relieved, proud even.

  But I only want to cry.

  19

  The next day is spent packing all of our items and returning to Peking. Everyone seems a little down, a little slow as they go about their assignments. I think I am not the only person who is sad to be leaving the Summer Palace. It is truly a beautiful, magical place. The sky is a little bluer here, the greens a bit more vibrant. There is a freedom here I have not experienced since I first entered the Forbidden City. And I don’t mean just my freedom to sneak out and see the prince. Life is slower here, more calm and easy. I feel at peace, and I am sad to be leaving that behind.

  The ride back to Peking is uneventful and I am more than ready to get out of the carriage and stretch my legs when it finally stops shaking me back and forth, rattling my very bones. But when we step out, I see we are not in front of my palace.

  “Why have we stopped here?” I ask.

  “This is your new home, my lady,” Suyin says. “A palace all your own, as befitting your new rank.”

  I am taken aback by this. I suppose a part of me had hoped that the emperor—and everyone else—would forget about the rank thing and let me go back to living my life of obscurity. But, apparently, that is not meant to be.

  I step through the door and see that the palace is not much larger than the last one, but it is all open—all for me. Far more space than I could possibly need. A reception area, a sitting room, a bedroom, a separate dressing room! I think about the years my family spent huddled together in one small room and shake my head. I can only hope they have found larger, more comfortable lodgings. I wish there was some way of knowing.

  Three maids and two eunuchs enter the front door and kneel down in front of me.

  “We are honored to serve Lady Lihua,” one of the maids, the eldest of the three, says. She appears to be in her late thirties or early forties. This surprises me since most maids are quite young, too young to yet marry. I suppose this woman never had an offer of marriage.

  “What do you mean?” I ask, looking at Suyin.

  “You now need more servants, befitting—”

  “Befitting my rank,” I say with an annoyed sigh. What am I supposed to do with seven servants? I’m still only one person. I look to Jinhai, who is apparently reading my mind as he gives me a small nod. I must now pay for seven servants from my allowance. I suppose Jinhai and Suyin are also deserving of a raise, considering I would never have been elevated without them.

  “So, what are we all to do now?” I ask. I really have no idea what they are supposed to do all day.

  “You must be tired from your journey, my lady,” the older woman says. “I’ll draw you a bath.”

  “We will unpack your things,” the younger maids offer.

  This all seems reasonable to me, but I have no idea what the eunuchs are supposed to do. I look to Jinhai.

  “You are in charge of them,” I tell Jinhai. “Do what you will.”

  He gives me a nod. “Yes, my lady.”

  I am about to go to my new bedroom to undress when it is announced that Fiyanggu has arrived at my door. When he steps in, all the servants bow to him, and in his turn he bows to me.

  “How are you settling in, my lady?” he asks. “Is everything to your satisfaction?”

  Of course everything is not to my satisfaction. It is too much! Far more than I could ever need. But to say such would undoubtedly hurt his feelings and make me appear ungrateful. I give a smile and nod.

  “Yes, of course. Thank you.”

  “You are truly blessed, my lady,” he says. “The emperor has requested your company tonight.”

  “What?” I feel sick. Frightened. Why is this happening?

  The maids all jump up and begin squealing. I suppose I should be excited as well. Believe myself fortunate. But all I want to do is cry. Hide. I try to force a small smile, but have to fight back tears.

  “Are you sure he has asked for me?” I ask, hoping there has been a mistake. “There must be dozens of ladies of higher rank than I who are more deserving.”

  “The emperor made his wishes quite clear,” Fiyanggu says. “He did not even draw your name, but asked for you specifically.”

  There is no getting out of it then. He knows my name. Knows who I am. My plan to hide in obscurity has failed. So what do I do now?

  “I will return at the hour of the pig to convey you to his majesty’s bed-chamber. Your maids should know how to prepare you accordingly.”

  Suyin gives a small bow and tells him that she knows what to do. She then walks him to the door as they talk about the details, but I can’t hear th
em. Nor do I care. I know there is no way out, so I will just have to suffer through it.

  “No need to be frightened, my dear,” the older maid says as she tasks my hand. I hadn’t noticed I was shaking until now. “One of the reasons I was selected to serve you was to prepare you for tonight.”

  “Prepare me?” I ask, growing nervous about what that is going to entail.

  “Come,” she says as she leads me to the bathing room. She moves to help me undress, but I pull back. I should be used to servants dressing and undressing me by now, seeing me naked. But this woman is a complete stranger to me.

  “What is your name?” I ask her, hoping that a little more familiarity might help.

  “Nuwa, my lady,” she says.

  I nod. After a few calming breaths, I look away as I let her undress me and help me crawl into the bath. As another maid scrubs my body and hair, Nuwa sits at the other end. “Do you know what will happen tonight? What it means to be the emperor’s bedmate?”

  “Yes,” I say. I had four younger sisters. I know where they came from. Nuwa seems surprised at this for a moment, but then nods. “Good. That will make things easier. At the appointed hour, we will wrap you in a blanket and his majesty’s eunuchs will carry you to his bed.”

  “Wrapped in a blanket?” I ask.

  “Only a blanket,” she says. I’m stunned for a moment. I’m to be carried naked wrapped in a blanket to spend the night with the emperor. How ridiculous! I then have a sudden memory of seeing eunuchs carrying such wrapped parcels across palace grounds and burst out laughing. I thought they were just taking bedding or rugs to be cleaned! I had no idea a woman was wrapped inside.

  “Why do you laugh?” she asks, and I see that she is genuinely surprised by my reaction.

  “Does it not sound very silly to you?” I ask. “Why can I not just go to him in my nightdress in a palanquin or something? It would certainly be more dignified.”

  “It is for the emperor’s protection,” she says, and know I look confused. “If you were wearing clothes, you could conceal a weapon and do the emperor harm.”

  I am now even more confused. “Why would I carry a weapon?”

  “I am sure you would never do such a thing,” she says. “But such things have happened before.”

  It takes me a minute to understand what she is saying. “You mean an assassination!”

  “Shh!” she says, motioning for me to lower my voice. “It is treason to speak of the death of the emperor.”

  I am somewhat annoyed. I am only asking a question, not wishing him harm. “But why would anyone—especially a concubine—want to hurt the emperor?”

  “Many reasons. Anger, jealousy. She could be bribed by his enemies to act for them. You must understand, my dear. The emperor’s bed is when he is at his most vulnerable.” I’m not sure what she means by that, so she goes on.

  “The emperor will be dressed when you arrive, but eventually he will be naked too. He would have no way to defend himself from an attack. And when a man is finished, he is often very tired. Almost in a drunk-like state.”

  I nod, not needing her to say more. I still think it is excessive, and a terribly embarrassing way to be conveyed around the palace. But what can I say? These are the rules.

  “When you are in bed with the emperor,” she goes on, “he prefers women who are…enthusiastic.”

  I wrinkle my nose.

  “Some girls will simply lie there, like a dead fish, allowing the emperor to do what he will, but they don’t respond to him. They show no signs of pleasure or enjoyment. He doesn’t like that.”

  I give a slow nod. “But…I won’t know what to do.”

  “I understand,” she says. “But try not to worry overmuch. It is a very natural experience. And the emperor is a very kind lover, so I have been told. If you let yourself enjoy it, your body will know what to do.”

  My face flushes hot and I think about the kiss I shared with the prince. I wanted to grab him, hold him close. As he ran his hands over my body… Oh, I nearly shudder at the thought. I wanted more, so much more. What that more was exactly, I can’t quite say. But I am sure that if I had been willing, my body would have known precisely what to do.

  Nuwa chuckles. “There is no need to be embarrassed. You will do well, I am certain of it.” I nod and let the maids wash my hair, pouring buckets of warm water over my head.

  Even though I have had several hours to prepare for my night with the emperor, I am terribly nervous when the eunuchs arrive. Nuwa and Suyin wrap me in a blanket and two eunuchs lift me up on their shoulders and carry me away. Even though I know what will happen—Nuwa explained a bit more about the physical act, how it might hurt a bit—I suppose I can’t help but be nervous about lying with a man for the first time.

  Especially a man I did not choose.

  The prince continually comes unbidden to my mind. I try to shake the vision of his face from my memory, but it always comes back. And when I think about having to lie with the emperor, I remember how much I wanted to be with the prince. It feels…dishonest somehow to be going to the bed of another man when I only have feelings for the prince.

  But I have no choice. The eunuchs finally set me down on a bed and I hear them shuffle away. A hand reaches up and unfolds the blanket from my face and I start.

  “Did I frighten you?” the emperor asks.

  “I didn’t expect you to already be beside me,” I say, and he smiles, opening the blanket a bit more.

  “How do you like your new palace?” he asks. “Does it suit you?”

  “Yes. Your majesty is very generous.” I don’t know where I find the words to speak, but it feels strangely like talking to any man, not an all-powerful emperor.

  He shifts on the bed and loosens the tie of his robe. My heart races and my mouth goes dry. I hope it does not take too long. He reaches up and strokes my cheek, much in the same way the prince did when we were standing by the lotus pond. My body pulses at the thought of him, but I force myself to look at the emperor. For the first time, I notice the similarities between the two men. The emperor is much older than Honghui, but they have the same eyes and nose.

  As the emperor shifts closer to me, cupping my cheek and kissing me, I suddenly realize why some women might lie like a dead fish and try to pretend it isn’t happening. I don’t want this man touching me. I don’t want to give myself to him. I don’t know him! I only want Prince Honghui.

  But I can’t have him. He isn’t my husband, my owner. The emperor is, and I must do my duty. I remind myself that the emperor paid a great price for me. A price that I pray helped save my family from poverty and starvation. I must do this.

  When the emperor kisses me again, I kiss him back. I know how, after all. The kisses come faster and grow more passionate, which surprises me. I hear him let out a low growl as he opens the blanket around me even more, exposing most of me.

  I let my body take control. It knows what to do.

  20

  The emperor must find me pleasing because he sends for me several more times in the coming weeks. And the following day, he always sends gifts—including cash. According to Jinhai, we have not needed to use any of my regular allowance to pay my expenses thanks to the extra gifts from the emperor.

  It’s not a bad way to earn a living. Hadn’t I at one time considered selling myself to a brothel? Not that I consider what I am doing now prostitution. I am the emperor’s wife, after all. He is simply a far more generous husband than most.

  Occasionally, the prince still comes to my mind. But I know I have to push him away. There is no room for three in the emperor’s bed.

  “Join me today,” the emperor says one morning as I rise to leave his bed-chamber.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Wear the gown I sent you yesterday,” he says. “The blue one with the cranes. I have to meet with a lot of important people today—boring important people. It will bring a little joy to my day to have you beside me.”

  I am surprised
by this, and not a little delighted. My daily life is so monotonous, it will be a welcome change. I can’t suppress the smile that crosses my face, nor would I want to. The emperor walks over and taps my nose.

  “Besides, I would like to show you off. It never hurts to make those below me a bit jealous.”

  “Why would they be jealous that you have me? I’m nothing special.”

  The emperor chuckles. “Go on. Get dressed. I’ll send a sedan chair for you after you greet the empress.”

  I bow and back out of the room. I wrap my robe around myself and slide my feet into my slippers. I might arrive naked, but when I leave I am allowed to wear some clothes and am carried back to my palace in a sedan chair. It’s far more dignified and I feel much less self-conscious when I leave the emperor’s palace than when I arrive.

  After being bathed and dressed in my own palace, I walk to the empress’s audience hall. Along the way, I spy Wangli and Yanmei and wave at them. They give me small waves back but make no attempt to approach me, so I go to them. When I get close, they each bend their knees and bow their heads. Now that I am ranked above them, they are supposed to show me extra respect, but it makes me terribly uncomfortable.

  “Good morning, Lady Lihua,” they say.

  “Please, you don’t have to do that,” I tell them. “We are old friends, aren’t we?”

  “I’m afraid we must,” Wangli says as she and Yanmei stand up. “If anyone thought we were being disrespectful, we could be punished.”

  Sadly, I know she is right. From the corner of my eye, I can see other concubines and consorts watching us closely, whispering behind their hands. I step closer to my friends so I can speak in a lower voice.