The Shy Captain

by Michelle Sutton

  A chuckle burst from his lips and helped subdue the prickle of heat that washed over him in response to her attention settling on his mouth. She didn't look sad like she had when they'd first met, which was encouraging. He'd never wanted her more than he did at that moment. The attraction to her was killing his restraint.

  They sat together and sipped on their sodas without further discussion, sneaking peeks at each other every few seconds, and glancing away when it got too intense. He'd never felt so drawn to anyone in his life. It frightened and thrilled him at the same time.

  Before he said something stupid, Jimmy stood and tossed his empty cup in the trash can next to the bench. He smiled and sat back down, stretching his arm so that it rested gently across her shoulders. He prayed she wouldn't say anything negative or move away from him.

  What he should have prayed for was discernment and restraint. He was getting too intimate with a woman who didn't share his faith. Everyone who knew the Scriptures knew that was a big no-no. So why didn't he stop himself?

  She peered into her cup and stirred her drink for awhile, not looking up.

  He couldn't help wondering what she was thinking. The pink tint in her cheeks told him that whatever her mind was on was something intense enough to make her skin flush.

  When he couldn't stand the silence any longer, he asked, "What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" He took his free hand and gently lifted her chin with the tips of his fingers so her face turned towards his. It wouldn't take much to brush his lips against hers, but he worried it was too soon. He didn't want to scare her off.

  A shiver pulsed through him when she gazed back at him. There was something beautifully innocent about her that he couldn't put his finger on. Her expression was almost child-like, like she wanted to make him happy. When she looked at him and gazed into his eyes, he saw a hunger-like fire in them. Was she burning to please him? He shivered just thinking about it.

  He hoped their close proximity had sparked the flame. He wouldn't mind sitting this close to her for the rest of his life. The other things he wanted to do with her he put out of his mind before the thoughts created an awkward situation.

  She touched his hand and enveloped it as she gazed at him. "You're a wonderful guy, Jimmy."

  His smile faltered for a moment. If she only knew him like the Lord did, she'd know the truth. In fact, the Lord knew every thought that passed through his head, and right now they weren't the holy kind. "I'm not so wonderful. Trust me on that."

  "You are to me. There's something different about you."

  "Really?" Was Jesus that obvious to her? He could only hope.

  "Yes, this bright light is shining through your eyes whenever you smile. I've never known anyone like you." She sighed and laid her head on his shoulder.

  "Thanks for saying that about me. I've changed a lot over the past ten years. I used to have major anger issues."

  She sighed. "Me, too. Sometimes I want to hate everything in my life, you know? And other times I know I'm just hurting myself so I'm tempted to let go, but then something always stops me."

  "Sounds like a pride issue to me. I deal with that all the time." He prayed she wouldn't take his comment the wrong way, but would hear his heart.

  "I want to be like you, Jimmy. I want to have that same peace." Her voice sounded dreamy and she snuggled closer.

  Her comment warmed his insides until they turned liquid. He tried not to focus on how their bodies were touching, but it proved difficult. He would enjoy having her rest her beautiful head on his shoulder every day from this point forward.

  "You can have that peace, Sammie. All you have to do is ask."

  "Mmmm… I might just do that. Someday…" She was quiet for several moments until her body finally relaxed. Had she just prayed for peace? Please, God, let it be so…

  "I'm really glad you're here," he whispered and lightly kissed the top of her head.

  "You make me feel special. That's one reason I enjoy being around you." Her voice sounded tired and thick with longing.

  He needed to express his affection for her before he went crazy. The problem was that he stunk at using words to convey what he was really feeling in his heart. With his eyes closed he turned her face toward his and gently kissed her forehead this time, making sure to linger several seconds. "I think you're pretty special, too."

  *****

  Jimmy's warm kiss to her forehead was so tender it made pleasure ripple through her body in waves. Tears pricked behind her eyes, but she willed them away. The sense of feeling cherished was not something she wanted to cry over, but rejoice over instead.

  He kissed her forehead again, lingering longer this time. Part of her wished he would continue down her face until their lips met, but she doubted that would happen today. Their relationship was too new.

  Still, the warm sensation was addictive and felt like water moving in gentle waves when someone tosses a pebble into it. But in her case it was more of an emotional wave that caressed her with tiny ripples of peace.

  She allowed her heart to quiet enough to listen to that inner voice. She wondered if God really did care about her. Maybe he'd sent Jimmy to her to show her that. Their connection certainly felt real enough. Was it possible to feel as close to God like Jimmy did? Would she even want to have God so involved in her life?

  Deep inside her heart she knew it was possible. But did she want that kind of relationship where she was no longer her own boss?

  A third kiss pressed against her forehead. Peace settled over her like warmth from a fireplace as she rested next to him and imagined herself resting her head on God's chest. Jimmy's gentle touch drew her heart out of that cold, dark prison where it had existed far too long. Exhaling a contented sigh, she closed her eyes and snuggled in closer to him. How she wished her life could stay this simple and fulfilling forever.

  His hand moved over her hair and she smiled with contentment. As she breathed in, a faint trace of cologne mixed with his manly scent filled her nose. The unique combination drew her to him until she wanted to kiss him so badly she could taste the desire building. She thought about pheromones and was suddenly awed by their power. She never doubted they existed before, but until this day she didn't realize how real they were. His scent made her long to wrap her hands around his neck and bury her face in it.

  The sensation of his hand rubbing her back nearly put her to sleep. Had she ever felt this peaceful in her life? She couldn't recall, but was so tempted to moan with pleasure she had to press her lips together to keep the sound inside her. She didn't want him taking her response the wrong way. She wasn't ready for a physical relationship beyond occasional kissing. Since he was a Christian she was pretty sure that he wouldn't attempt anything with her, but didn't know for sure.

  For once, she didn't push that still small voice away that told her she was worth something to God. For just a moment she acknowledged the truth of what He'd said deep in her heart. Maybe her anger wasn't worth carrying around anymore. Maybe it was time to unload her burden and just forgive. Holding grudges wasn't doing anything to improve the quality of her life, but this snuggling with Jimmy had opened up a whole new world for her. She never wanted it to end.

  Chapter Eight

  Jimmy couldn't contain his joy. His heart lightened as he rode next to her.

  They spent most of the day together in Bisbee and Sammie eventually brought him home to Tombstone. She'd said she was tired and hungry and needed to rest. He had no reason to doubt her. His feet were killing him.

  She parked the car and smiled at him as if waiting for him to say something.

  He gazed back at her and wondered if God had brought them together. He prayed that were true and that she would get past her anger towards God and let Him heal her. He hoped she did that soon. Then they could be together and it wouldn't hurt his relationship with the Lord.

  He desired to love someone with all of his heart. Someone besides the God he already worshipped. Someone with a real flesh an
d blood body and with real feelings. Someone he could hold, and caress, and kiss. Someone like Sammie.

  In the depths of his soul he felt that they were meant for each other. He didn't know when or how that knowledge had happened, but she had captured his heart and now there was no turning back. And ironically, he didn't want to return to his old life. He wanted to move forward in life with Sammie beside him. But how would he let her know that without scaring her off?

  He had to try and show her how he felt, but do that without overwhelming her. Somehow he had to figure out the best way to show her that he loved her, too. Because now he needed her like he needed air to breathe. It was that simple.

  Her stomach growled.

  He jumped and snapped out of his deep thoughts.

  Sammie giggled. "Sorry."

  Rather than teasing her about her bodily noises, Jimmy patted her arm and decided to joke about the sad state of his vehicle instead. It was a totally irrelevant topic but would lead into a way for him to compliment her, which was his goal.

  "No problem, honey. I was thinking… I don't know what the deal is with my GMC Jimmy, but I'm sure glad God provided me with such a pretty chauffeur today."

  Sammie glanced at him from the corner of her eye and snickered. "Yeah, right."

  His chest clenched. That was a bizarre response. Had he offended her somehow? "What do you mean? ‘Yeah right,' I'm not your chauffeur, or ‘yeah right,' I'm not pretty? I know it can't be the latter."

  "Says who?"

  "Says me. Come on Sammie, you have to know that you're gorgeous." He glanced over at her and noticed she wasn't laughing with him. In fact she bit the corner of her lip and looked on the verge of tears. Why in the world would telling her that she's pretty make her want to cry? Sometimes he thought he'd never understand women.

  He waited a moment to allow her time to say what was on her mind. Maybe she'd open her heart to him. But she said nothing.

  As he debated on whether or not to ask her to explain, he glanced over and watched a crystalline tear roll down her face. Now he knew he'd really screwed up.

  "Aw, Sammie, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry if I upset you."

  She didn't reply until she turned off the engine and peered over at him. "It's okay, really. It's not you. It's me."

  "Now I'm really confused. How can it be you?"

  She shrugged. "I guess I don't feel very pretty sometimes. I didn't mean to sound put off by your compliment. It was sweet of you to say that."

  He blinked and gazed back at her, unsure of what to say. How could she not feel pretty? She wasn't blind. She had to know that she was beautiful.

  She gazed at him in silence, and her face grew more serious by the minute.

  Nerves in his stomach tensed from her scrutiny, so he started talking about whatever came to mind. Anything to distract him from the intensity of her stare.

  "You know something cool? I've been getting rides to work with my neighbor since my SUV's been in the shop. I'm glad I've gotten to know my neighbor better. He's a really great guy. But if my truck had been running fine I never would have thought to introduce myself to him. Isn't it funny how God uses even the problems in our lives to teach us something?"

  Before he could ramble further she interrupted him. "Jimmy?"

  "What? Do I have something on my face?" He joked at her serious expression because it made him squirm. Why was she looking at him like that?

  "No, you goofball." She grinned and glanced shyly away from him.

  "You would tell me if I had something in my teeth, wouldn't you." He bared his teeth so she could get a close look at them.

  She glanced at him and rolled her eyes. "You're plum crazy, Jimmy."

  "When did you finally figger that out, sugar bear?" Nerves had caused him to lapse into cowboy speech. He hated when that happened because it made his anxiety even more obvious.

  "I was just thinking about how much I admire you." Her eyes widened with an irresistible innocence that made his pulse race.

  He squirmed at the simple compliment and wondered what to say to that. He thought for a moment. "Admire what? What could you possibly admire about me?"

  "That you see the good in every situation. I know very few people that see the world like you do. It's very refreshing." Her tone serious, she leaned close and traced his lip with her finger. "I think I could learn a lot from you."

  Jimmy's heart throbbed in response to the look in her eyes. His mouth tingled from her tender touch. She seemed sincere, but what was she implying? What did she mean by learning a lot from him? Was she trying to imply something intimate by touching his mouth? Did she have any idea how much more he wanted her with every passing minute?

  In an effort to lighten the mood before he devoured her lips, he quipped, "I think I could learn a lot from you too, sweetheart."

  She pulled back and asked with a shocked expression, "Like what?"

  He pondered his answer for a moment. That was pretty stupid to say something so vague. He really hadn't thought about what he would say before he'd opened his big mouth. Now he had to pull something from out of the sky. Or he could try improvising with humor. "I dunno. Maybe how to lick a straw at both ends without making a mess?"

  She snorted and slapped his arm. "You're such a goof!"

  "That's an annoying word."

  "What is?" She continued to laugh spasmodically.

  "Goof. What does it mean to you?"

  "Just silly."

  "Just?" His brows rose.

  "Yeah, any worse than that and you'd be called a goober."

  "A booger. That's nasty." He shuddered.

  "That's not what I said, goober!" She squealed and a giggle burst from her lips.

  Before long they were both cracking up so hard tears streamed down their faces. As he drank in the joy of the moment, something connected between them, something down deep in his soul that touched hers. He sensed it like nothing he'd ever felt before. As he gazed at her he realized just how serious the emotion was. He was smitten.

  Sammie's stomach made more strange noises and his finally joined the chorus. At the spur of the moment he decided to invite Sammie in for dinner.

  "Want to come inside? I'll feed you."

  She nodded. "Good idea. I'm pretty sure my cupboards are bare."

  After opening the truck door for her, he reached for her hand to guide her off the seat. She slid past the steering wheel and stood so close he could feel her breath on his neck. He couldn't move.

  Jimmy tipped his head down and slowly searched her eyes. Would she allow him to kiss her or would she push him away? Without thinking too hard on it, he decided to try his luck. He cupped her cheek and tipped his face towards hers.

  Her eyes darkened as she gazed back at him. Terrified, but eager at the same time, he leaned closer. Before he lost his nerve he bent down and kissed her full on the mouth. It was brief and sweet, and it reminded him of his first kiss.

  Slowly pulling away, he gazed at her and the familiar words fell off his tongue before he could stop them. "I… really like you, Sammie. I just… I had to kiss you." There he'd gotten the words out.

  Her breath caught and she stared beyond him. She whispered, "You remember?"

  The strange response puzzled him. Remember what? He peered closer.

  Her expression reminded him of a rabbit with its eyes caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. She'd frozen in place, her pupils dilated, and her mind appearing somewhere far away.

  "You okay?" The longer she stood without blinking, without responding, the more worried he became. Was she having some sort of petit-mal seizure? He asked again, "Sammie? You okay?" He searched her eyes until he got a response.

  She blinked suddenly and snapped out of the trance-like state. She clutched his arms, her eyes closed. Thinking she looked faint enough to pass out, he guided her onto his front porch and made her sit on the rocking bench perched next to his front door.

  Had something gone wrong? It felt so right t
o kiss her, brief as it was. He hoped he hadn't scared her off. Had he somehow violated her trust? He didn't think so, but he could just kick himself for speaking after he'd kissed her. He was pretty sure he was falling in love with her.

  Judging from her response, he was glad he hadn't said anything about that. Now he knew if he had told her he thought he was falling in love with her that would have scared her off for sure. Their relationship would have ended as quickly as it had begun.

  She tipped her head to the side and gazed into his eyes once more, as if deep in thought. "You remember, Jimmy?"

  "Remember what?" What was she talking about?

  Tears pooled in her eyes. "I… just something. Apparently nothing you would understand if I tried to explain."

  "Try me," he encouraged. "You'd be surprised at how much it can help to talk about things. And I'm a great listener."

  "I… I don't know," she hesitated, "I don't think I can say it out loud without bawling. I hate crying. Especially in front of people I barely know."

  "Then you need to get to know me better." He grinned.

  She grimaced and looked on the verge of tears again.

  He slid off the bench and knelt before her, taking both of her hands in his. "Trust me on this," he urged. "You can trust me, I won't hurt you."

  Tears slid down her cheeks. He caught them with his thumbs and flicked them away as he stroked her cheeks. "Don't cry, honey."

  Her shoulders shook and she pinched her eyes shut. Quiet sobs moved her until she covered her mouth with her hands. Tipping her head down, she released a pitiful wail. She sounded so heart broken. Who had hurt her enough to cause this much pain?

  Her tears seemed endless. Even patting her on the back didn't seem to help.

  Now Jimmy was really concerned. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, powerless to help her. He was supposed to be good at getting people to open up. It was his profession. Right now he was making her cry more and failing miserably at that task.

  She looked up with wet, red-rimmed eyes. "I'm sorry…"