by Jessie Cooke
“Why are you doing this?” Frank said, whining.
“Do you know who I am?” Blackheart asked him.
“Yeah, of course. I didn’t hurt your sister. I didn’t know she was here...”
“Shut up. You tied her up. You told her you were going to kill her. You told her you were going to rape her. You put her into a basement and treated her like an animal for over a week. She lost almost ten pounds...you barely fed her, barely gave her enough water. She was dehydrated when we found her. She was dirty, and she was bruised...”
“That wasn’t me...”
“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” Frankie shut his mouth and Blackheart went on, “I thought long and hard about what to do to you in return. I don’t have a basement, so since poor Louis is still in the hospital, I’m going to borrow this freezer, and this is where you’ll stay for the next week.”
“You’re going to freeze us to death?” Gianni asked, speaking up for the first time.
“I’m going to leave you here. Whether or not you freeze in the meantime...that’ll be up to God, won’t it?” Gianni’s eyes showed that he knew exactly what Blackheart was doing, repeating something that Brigette said they told her more than once...she was just being held there...if she died it was up to God.
Maddox shuddered slightly when they stepped out of the freezer and he heard the big, heavy locks click into place. He told himself it was from the cold...but this “revenge” type killing was new to him. He supposed it wasn’t as horrible a death as being fed to a gator, so there was that. He walked outside with Blackheart and the club president turned to him and said:
“So, how much longer do you plan on being in town?”
Maddox had planned, the day before, to leave that day. But he hadn’t been able to bring himself to do it, and he’d been honest with Blackheart when he said he’d wanted to see this through to the end. Now that the case was officially over, he was free to leave at any time...and he knew he should go. But instead of saying that, he heard himself tell Blackheart:
“I’m not sure. I’ll give you a call before I head out and make sure everything is smoothed over.”
“Great,” Blackheart said, shaking Maddox’s hand and thanking him again for everything. “If you’re still here next weekend, we’ve got a big barbecue planned. We’re patching in two of our prospects and it’s always a good time. Bring Carmella.”
Maddox smiled. He would have never taken Blackheart for any kind of matchmaker, but he seemed to be trying hard with Carmella and Maddox. Maddox just nodded and said, “I’ll let you know, thanks.” He parted ways with the Jokers then, leaving them to finish whatever they still needed to do at the butcher shop and heading back to the hotel...to pack.
18
Las Vegas, Nevada
“Who you fighting tonight?” Maddox had been caught up in his own thoughts...lost, in a daydream...when he heard Maz’s voice. He was sitting in one of the seats that surrounded the cage where Jacob “The Lion” Wright was working out, getting ready for his big pay-per-view fight the next night. It was Friday and five days since Maddox left New Orleans, and Carmella, behind.
“Um...didn’t know I was on the ticket,” he told his huge friend. Maz sat down in the seat in front of Maddox and turned it so that he could face him.
“Can’t tell it by that look on your face. You look like you’re preparing to do battle.”
Maddox tried to force a convincing smile and said, “Just got a lot on my mind.”
“Like that girl you left back in NOLA?”
Maddox chuckled. “Man, who knew bikers gossiped more than old ladies?”
Maz smiled. “We’re a family,” he said. “A big, crazy, extended family. Close families are famous for gossiping. They do it under the guise of caring about their family members.”
“So what did Blackheart tell you?”
“He just said that you had some concerns about drawing this girl into what you believe to be your unstable life. We all have those thoughts, you know. You think a day goes by when Wolf doesn’t worry about Blair, or me about Marissa? I could go down the line, but you get it. We all worry about our old ladies...”
“That’s the thing though, I don’t have an old lady.”
“Because you enjoy being alone all the time? You like fucking strangers and going your separate ways every morning?” Maddox told himself he did. He’d been telling himself that for over five years. But the truth was, a family was all he’d ever wanted. Even in high school, he wasn’t a player. He met Lizzie and he just knew she was his person...just like how he felt that first night with Carmella. But was it okay for one man to have more than one “person?” Even if it was, was it fair to pull Carmella into a life where she might get hurt because of him?
“You want me to be honest?” he said to Maz, who gave him an “of course, asshole” kind of look. “No. None of that shit makes me happy. But I’m a walking fucking bad omen, man. My sister died, my old man is drinking himself to death, my mother lost her mind. My entire unit walked into a trap and I was the only man left breathing...and then Lizzie and Kevin...I should have been there and died with them, if nothing else.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were God.”
Maddox rolled his eyes. “Excuse me?”
“You killed all those people by doing nothing more than existing. You have to be God, right? I mean, the Supreme Being is the only one that gets to decide when it’s someone’s time to go...or at least that’s what I learned in that church my maman dragged me to every Sunday when I was a kid.”
“You don’t think it’s fucked up that everyone I get close to dies?”
“Hell yes, I think it’s fucked up. Anyone with even a trace of a heart would think that was fucked up. But what I don’t think is that you had anything to do with any of it. Even that fucking trap you guys walked into over there in Syria. Way I heard it, you got blown up pretty good too, you just happened to live. God wasn’t ready for you yet. Ever ask yourself if maybe he was saving you for something...maybe that little girl you left back in NOLA?”
“Never thought that much of myself,” Maddox said with a half-smile.
“Either you’re God or you’re not, man. Make up your mind.” Maz winked at him. “Seriously though, my maman is one of the smartest people I’ve ever known, and she used to smack me upside the head sometimes and remind me that if all you look for is the bad, that’s all you’ll ever find. You ever think that you were a lucky son of a bitch for finding that beautiful wife of yours, and having that beautiful child for even just a few short years? You ever think that maybe your sister was an angel, and her death was meant to make you stronger? I’m no philosopher, man, so I’ll stop. But just give it some thought, okay?” He stood up and walked away. Maddox sighed, looked over at Jacob, who was now standing near the open door of the cage with his arms around his wife, Cassie. In her arms, Cassie was holding one of their babies; the other one stood next to her leg, holding onto her skirt. He couldn’t see Cassie’s face, but the look in Jacob Wright’s green eyes said it all: his fight was important, his family was everything.
Maddox’s eyes moved from that little family over to where Wolf, the president of the Westside Skulls, sat with his wife Blair. They were engrossed in conversation and Blair’s pretty face was animated as they talked. Wolf listened to whatever she was saying, looking like there was no one else, and nothing else going on in the room. Over by the door were Tex and Ten, a set of twins who were both fighters, and both always looking for the next conquest. He watched now as Tex turned his charm on a young lady who worked at the venue and he thought about how everyone around him either had someone, or was working toward having someone. No one wanted to be alone...and Maz was right...how fucking lucky was he that he’d had any time at all with a woman like Lizzie, or a boy like Kevin? How fucking lucky was he that he got to be the big brother of Gina, his little sister, until her death when she was only sixteen years old. How fucking lucky was he, and how fucking unappreciative ha
d he been.
He stood up and walked over to where Jacob was, just as the big guy let go of his pretty, petite wife. He smiled when he saw Maddox. “Hey, man, glad to see you.”
“I’m glad to see you too,” Maddox said. “I was really looking forward to watching the fight tomorrow...but there’s something that came up in New Orleans and I’m going to have to fly back out...” Jacob was already grinning and before he spoke, Maddox figured out that fighters must gossip as much as bikers.
“Going after that girl?”
Maddox laughed and shook his head. “Yeah...if she’ll still have me.”
Jacob glanced over at Cassie and said, “Do whatever it takes, bro. Godspeed.”
Maddox hadn’t planned his trip back to NOLA very well. When he landed, he called Carmella, but she didn’t answer. So he called the restaurant where she worked and was told she was off for the rest of the weekend. Frustrated with himself, because he’d only just realized he had no idea where she actually lived, he took a cab out to the Jokers’ clubhouse and abashedly asked Blackheart if he had any idea. The biker laughed at him, but that was okay, Maddox knew he deserved it. Blackheart didn’t know where Carmella lived, but it only took him one phone call and about fifteen minutes to find out. He wrote the address down for Maddox and then called one of the prospects in to tell him to take Maddox out to the barn in the back of the clubhouse and let him pick out one of the “loaner” Harleys. After Maddox thanked him and was getting ready to leave Blackheart said:
“Don’t forget about the barbecue tomorrow afternoon. You’ll be glad you came.”
Maddox wasn’t sure about a party, but he thanked Blackheart anyway and didn’t confirm or deny that he would show up. He followed the young prospect out to a barn that looked like it had seen better days and picked out one of the dozen or so Harleys locked inside. After thanking that kid, he headed back to the Garden District where Carmella’s house was. The sun was just going down and as he drove up out in front of the pretty little bungalow style house, surrounded by flowers, he wondered for the first time if she’d even be happy to see him. She’d seemed upset the last time he saw her, and he’d just assumed it was because she’d wanted more. But what if he was wrong?
He sat there and stared at the house for a while, thinking about that. He hadn’t made a decision before his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and as soon as he read the text message, a smile covered his face. It was from Carmella and it said, “Better man up and come inside soon. The seventy-year-old woman who lives next door will call the cops if she sees you lurking out there much longer.” He chuckled as he slid off the bike and pulled off the skullcap on his head. By the time he’d tucked it and his gloves into the saddlebag on the bike and walked up the little cobblestone path to the front door, Carmella was standing there, framed in it. She looked like she’d just gotten out of the shower. Her face was scrubbed so clean that her skin glowed and her long, dark hair was wet and pulled back into a ponytail. She was wearing a tank top that said LSU on it and a pair of black cotton shorts. Her feet were bare and her pretty toes were painted a dark pink color. His heart was racing before she even spoke.
“I just listened to your message. I had a long soak in the Jacuzzi and then the tub. It looks like you found a ride, though.”
He smiled. “Yeah, Blackheart’s been really accommodating. You’d think he was getting some kind of kickback for setting us up.”
Her pretty smile made his heart race faster and when she stepped back so that he could walk past her into the small living room, and he inhaled a hint of her perfume, the rest of his body began to react. He heard her close the door behind him and she waved her arm at a wicker sofa with big, soft-looking burgundy pads and white pillows and said, “Sit. You want something to drink?”
“No, I’m okay.” He looked around the room. It was decorated like an island bungalow, colorful and warm. He liked it. “Your place is nice.”
“Thanks,” she said. “I like it. Dad’s place always felt too big and cold. I like his pool though,” she said with a grin. She took a seat in a wicker chair across from him and pulled her legs up, tucking her feet up underneath her. “So?” she said, cutting right to the chase.
Maddox shook his head. He was so fucking out of practice at anything other than sex. “So...I don’t know how you feel about me. But, since that first night we were together, I’ve felt things for you that I haven’t felt in a very long time. My past, it’s kind of complicated, and I guess I was letting all of that get in the way of me having a future. I’ve felt guilty for a long time, about a lot of things. My little sister died when she was only sixteen, from leukemia. But before that, she was sick for...as long as I can remember. I started feeling guilty when I was only about twelve years old, just for being ‘normal.’ I didn’t think it was fair that I was able to do so many things she was denied...simple things, like playing sports or going to amusement parks, swimming in the ocean. My old man started drinking before she died, but once she was gone, it was all he wanted to do. My mom, she just lost her mind. I was invisible and I felt guilty for being pissed off about that. I joined the army, and I eventually met Lizzie, the woman I’d marry. I knew as soon as I met her that she was my person. We had a baby, a boy...his name was Kevin. He was...God, I can’t even think of words to describe that boy. He was smart, and adorable and sweet and funny...he was everything. I spent most of his life, though, on missions for the government. I missed his first words and his first steps. I missed so much. I left poor Lizzie alone so often, to handle everything, because I wanted to be a fucking hero. When I finally got ready to retire, I agreed to go back for one more mission, because once again, I wanted to be the fucking hero.
“My unit and I flew into Syria under the cover of darkness expecting to save an American pilot. I won’t bore you with all of the details, but I will tell you that the whole fucking thing was a setup...and I was the only one out of that unit who came out alive. When I got home I was depressed and anxious and I drank too much. Lizzie begged me to take some time off and have a family vacation and rest. But I didn’t want to stop working, because then I’d have to dwell on everything. So I, again, spent way too much time away from my family, and sent them off on a vacation on their own while I got my new business started. Lizzie was driving from their last stop to her family’s house and a drunk driver crossed over the line and killed her and Kevin both.” Carmella reached up and wiped a tear off her pretty face, and once again, Maddox felt guilty. “I’m sorry...”
“Oh, shut up,” she said, getting up and coming over to sit next to him. She slipped her small hand into his and looked up at his face, another tear rolling slowly down her pretty face. “Are you Catholic?”
Maddox chuckled. “No, baby. I’ve never been much of anything where religion was concerned.”
“I was just wondering because growing up in the Catholic Church, guilt was a pretty big part of my life. I felt guilty when my mother died, and I’ve always felt guilty that I didn’t have a closer relationship with my dad...not the kind of relationship that he wanted, anyway.”
“You shouldn’t feel guilty about your mother dying. She had cancer, right? You were just a kid...” She was smiling.
“Hear how silly that sounds? You didn’t do anything to your sister, and just from the short time I’ve known you, I’d be willing to bet that you were a pretty damned good big brother.”
He shrugged and said, “I hope so.”
“The thing is, shit happens, and people do what they do and at the end of the day the only person we truly have control over is us.” She squeezed his hand and said, “I like you, Maddox...a lot. I might even be falling in love with you. But I was willing to let you walk away because I’ve been told what to do, and who to do it with, my entire life...by men. If it wasn’t my dad it was my grandfather, or one of my uncles...even my cousins. It took me a long time to get out of their shadow and build a little life of my own. I won’t get into a relationship with a man who thinks I ne
ed a bodyguard, or to be told what I should or shouldn’t be getting involved in. I have a brain of my own, and if the man I want to be with is incapable of living with that, then I’ll stay alone until I find one that isn’t.”
He let go of her hand and put his arm around her. Pulling her into his chest, he let his lips slide across her soft hair and he said, “My instinct will always be to protect you...but if you’re willing to give me a chance, I promise to work on it so that it doesn’t feel like I’m suffocating you, or overstepping, or whatever. Blackheart told me that he was so far from perfect that if the two met, they wouldn’t recognize each other, or something like that. I’ve never been able to articulate it like that, but it fits me well. I’ve made a lot of mistakes...but if you’re willing to give me a chance, I promise that I will do my best to learn from every one of them.”
She pulled back so that she could look up into his eyes and with a smile she said, “What’s your first name?”
He laughed. “Brock,” he said. “I guess we still have a lot to learn about each other.”
“We do. But, since I’m not overly attached to this job of mine, or this house...I’d be willing to start over in California and learn about you there.”
Maddox’s blood filled with warmth again. Maz was right. He was a lucky son of a bitch. He would just need to keep reminding himself of that, so he didn’t screw this up too. “I’d love that,” he said. “In the meantime, anything else you’d like to know?”
