The Oxford Shakespeare: Henry IV, Part 2 (Oxford World's Classics)

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The Oxford Shakespeare: Henry IV, Part 2 (Oxford World's Classics) Page 5

by William Shakespeare


  hot day, if I brandish anything but my bottle, would I might

  never spit white again. There is not a dangerous action can

  peep out his head but I am thrust upon it. Well, I cannot last

  ever.

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Well, be honest, be honest, and heaven bless

  your expedition.

  FALSTAFF Will your lordship lend me a thousand pound to

  furnish me forth?

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Not a penny, not a penny. You are too

  impatient to bear crosses. Fare you well. Commend me to my

  cousin Westmorland.

  [Exeunt Lord Chief Justice and Servant]

  FALSTAFF If I do, fillip me with a three-man beetle. A man can

  no more separate age and covetousness than he can part

  young limbs and lechery: but the gout galls the one, and the

  pox pinches the other; and so both the degrees prevent my

  curses.--Boy!

  PAGE Sir?

  FALSTAFF What money is in my purse?

  PAGE Seven groats and two-pence.

  FALSTAFF I can get no remedy against this consumption of

  the purse. Borrowing only lingers and lingers it out, but the

  disease is incurable. Go bear this letter to my

  Gives letters

  lord of Lancaster, this to the prince, this to the Earl of

  Westmorland, and this to old Mistress Ursula, whom I have

  weekly sworn to marry since I perceived the first white hair on

  my chin. About it: you know where to find me.

  [Exit Page]

  A pox of this gout, or a gout of this pox! For the one or

  th'other plays the rogue with my great toe. It is no matter if

  I do halt. I have the wars for my colour, and my pension shall

  seem the more reasonable. A good wit will make use of

  anything: I will turn diseases to commodity.

  Exit

  Act 1 Scene [3]

  running scene 3

  Location: presumably York, the Archbishop's palace

  Enter Archbishop, Hastings, Mowbray and Lord Bardolph

  ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Thus have you heard our causes and know our means,

  And, my most noble friends, I pray you all

  Speak plainly your opinions of our hopes.

  And first, lord marshal, what say you to it?

  MOWBRAY I well allow the occasion of our arms,

  But gladly would be better satisfied

  How in our means we should advance ourselves

  To look with forehead bold and big enough

  Upon the power and puissance of the king.

  HASTINGS Our present musters grow upon the file

  To five and twenty thousand men of choice,

  And our supplies live largely in the hope

  Of great Northumberland, whose bosom burns

  With an incensed fire of injuries.

  LORD BARDOLPH The question then, Lord Hastings, standeth thus:

  Whether our present five and twenty thousand

  May hold up head without Northumberland?

  HASTINGS With him, we may.

  LORD BARDOLPH Ay, marry, there's the point:

  But if without him we be thought too feeble,

  My judgement is, we should not step too far

  Till we had his assistance by the hand.

  For in a theme so bloody-faced as this,

  Conjecture, expectation and surmise

  Of aids incertain should not be admitted.

  ARCHBISHOP OF YORK 'Tis very true, Lord Bardolph, for indeed

  It was young Hotspur's case at Shrewsbury.

  LORD BARDOLPH It was, my lord, who lined himself with hope,

  Eating the air on promise of supply,

  Flatt'ring himself with project of a power

  Much smaller than the smallest of his thoughts,

  And so, with great imagination

  Proper to madmen, led his powers to death

  And winking leaped into destruction.

  HASTINGS But, by your leave, it never yet did hurt

  To lay down likelihoods and forms of hope.

  LORD BARDOLPH Yes, if this present quality of war--

  Indeed the instant action, a cause on foot--

  Lives so in hope as in an early spring

  We see th'appearing buds, which to prove fruit,

  Hope gives not so much warrant as despair

  That frosts will bite them. When we mean to build,

  We first survey the plot, then draw the model,

  And when we see the figure of the house,

  Then must we rate the cost of the erection,

  Which if we find outweighs ability,

  What do we then but draw anew the model

  In fewer offices? Or at least desist

  To build at all? Much more, in this great work--

  Which is almost to pluck a kingdom down

  And set another up--should we survey

  The plot of situation and the model,

  Consent upon a sure foundation,

  Question surveyors, know our own estate,

  How able such a work to undergo,

  To weigh against his opposite. Or else

  We fortify in paper and in figures,

  Using the names of men instead of men,

  Like one that draws the model of a house

  Beyond his power to build it; who, half through,

  Gives o'er and leaves his part-created cost

  A naked subject to the weeping clouds

  And waste for churlish winter's tyranny.

  HASTINGS Grant that our hopes, yet likely of fair birth,

  Should be still-born, and that we now possessed

  The utmost man of expectation,

  I think we are a body strong enough,

  Even as we are, to equal with the king.

  LORD BARDOLPH What, is the king but five and twenty thousand?

  HASTINGS To us no more, nay, not so much, Lord Bardolph.

  For his divisions--as the times do brawl--

  Are in three heads: one power against the French,

  And one against Glendower, perforce a third

  Must take up us. So is the unfirm king

  In three divided, and his coffers sound

  With hollow poverty and emptiness.

  ARCHBISHOP OF YORK That he should draw his several strengths together

  And come against us in full puissance

  Need not be dreaded.

  HASTINGS If he should do so,

  He leaves his back unarmed, the French and Welsh

  Baying him at the heels: never fear that.

  LORD BARDOLPH Who is it like should lead his forces hither?

  HASTINGS The Duke of Lancaster and Westmorland:

  Against the Welsh, himself and Harry Monmouth.

  But who is substituted gainst the French,

  I have no certain notice.

  ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Let us on,

  And publish the occasion of our arms.

  The commonwealth is sick of their own choice,

  Their over-greedy love hath surfeited:

  An habitation giddy and unsure

  Hath he that buildeth on the vulgar heart.

  O thou fond many, with what loud applause

  Didst thou beat heaven with blessing Bullingbrook,

  Before he was what thou wouldst have him be!

  And being now trimmed in thine own desires,

  Thou, beastly feeder, art so full of him

  That thou provok'st thyself to cast him up.

  So, so, thou common dog, didst thou disgorge

  Thy glutton bosom of the royal Richard,

  And now thou wouldst eat thy dead vomit up,

  And howl'st to find it. What trust is in these times?

  They that, when Richard lived, would have him die,

  Are now become enamoured on his grave.

  Thou, that threw'st d
ust upon his goodly head

  When through proud London he came sighing on

  After th'admired heels of Bullingbrook,

  Criest now 'O earth, yield us that king again,

  And take thou this.' O, thoughts of men accursed!

  Past and to come seems best; things present worst.

  MOWBRAY Shall we go draw our numbers and set on?

  HASTINGS We are time's subjects, and time bids be gone.

  [Exeunt]

  Act 2 Scene 1

  running scene 4

  Location: Eastcheap, London, near a tavern

  Enter Hostess [Quickly], with two officers: Fang and Snare

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Master Fang, have you entered the action?

  FANG It is entered.

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Where's your yeoman? Is it a lusty yeoman?

  Will he stand to it?

  FANG Sirrah-- Where's Snare?

  Looks around

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Ay, ay, good Master Snare.

  SNARE Here, here.

  Comes forward

  FANG Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff.

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Ay, good Master Snare, I have entered him

  and all.

  SNARE It may chance cost some of us our lives: he will stab.

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Alas the day. Take heed of him: he stabbed me

  in mine own house, and that most beastly. He cares not what

  mischief he doth, if his weapon be out. He will foin like any

  devil, he will spare neither man, woman nor child.

  FANG If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.

  HOSTESS QUICKLY No, nor I neither: I'll be at your elbow.

  FANG If I but fist him once, if he come but within my

  vice--

  HOSTESS QUICKLY I am undone with his going. I warrant he is an

  infinitive thing upon my score. Good Master Fang, hold him

  sure: good Master Snare, let him not scape. He comes

  continuantly to Pie-corner--saving your manhoods--to

  buy a saddle, and he is indited to dinner to the Lubber's-head

  in Lombard Street, to Master Smooth's the silkman. I pra'ye,

  since my exion is entered and my case so openly known to

  the world, let him be brought in to his answer. A hundred

  mark is a long one for a poor lone woman to bear, and I have

  borne, and borne, and borne, and have been fubbed off, and

  fubbed off, from this day to that day, that it is a shame to be

  thought on. There is no honesty in such dealing, unless a

  woman should be made an ass and a beast, to bear every

  knave's wrong.

  Enter Falstaff [with his Page]and Bardolph

  Yonder he comes, and that arrant malmsey-nose Bardolph,

  with him. Do your offices, do your offices: Master Fang and

  Master Snare, do me, do me, do me your offices.

  FALSTAFF How now? Whose mare's dead? What's the matter?

  FANG Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly.

  FALSTAFF Away, varlets! Draw, Bardolph. Cut me

  They draw

  off the villain's head. Throw the quean in the channel.

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Throw me in the channel? I'll throw thee

  there. Wilt thou? Wilt thou? Thou bastardly rogue! Murder,

  murder! O, thou honeysuckle villain, wilt thou kill God's

  officers and the king's? O, thou honey-seed rogue, thou art a

  honey-seed, a man-queller, and a woman-queller.

  FALSTAFF Keep them off, Bardolph.

  FANG A rescue, a rescue!

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Good people, bring a rescue.-- Thou

  To Page

  wilt not? Thou wilt not? Do, do, thou rogue! Do, thou hemp-

  seed!

  PAGE Away, you scullion, you rampallion, you

  To Fang

  fustilarian! I'll tuck your catastrophe.

  Enter Chief Justice

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE What's the matter? Keep the peace here, ho!

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Good my lord, be good to me. I beseech you

  stand to me.

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE How now, Sir John? What are you brawling

  here? Doth this become your place, your time and business?

  You should have been well on your way to York. Stand from

  him, fellow; wherefore hang'st upon him?

  HOSTESS QUICKLY O my most worshipful lord, an't please your

  grace, I am a poor widow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at

  my suit.

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE For what sum?

  HOSTESS QUICKLY It is more than for some, my lord, it is for all, all

  I have. He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath

  put all my substance into that fat belly of his. But I will have

  some of it out again, or I will ride thee o'nights like the mare.

  FALSTAFF I think I am as like to ride the mare, if I have any

  vantage of ground to get up.

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE How comes this, Sir John? Fie, what a man of

  good temper would endure this tempest of exclamation? Are

  you not ashamed to enforce a poor widow to so rough a

  course to come by her own?

  FALSTAFF What is the gross sum that I owe thee?

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself

  and the money too. Thou didst swear to me upon a parcel-

  gilt goblet, sitting in my Dolphin-chamber at the round table,

  by a sea-coal fire, on Wednesday in Whitsun week, when the

  prince broke thy head for lik'ning him to a singing-man of

  Windsor; thou didst swear to me then, as I was washing thy

  wound, to marry me and make me my lady thy wife. Canst

  thou deny it? Did not goodwife Keech, the butcher's wife, come

  in then and call me gossip Quickly, coming in to

  borrow a mess of vinegar, telling us she had a good dish of

  prawns, whereby thou didst desire to eat some, whereby I

  told thee they were ill for a green wound? And didst not thou,

  when she was gone downstairs, desire me to be no more

  familiar with such poor people, saying that ere long they

  should call me madam? And didst thou not kiss me and bid

  me fetch thee thirty shillings? I put thee now to thy book-

  oath: deny it, if thou canst.

  FALSTAFF My lord, this is a poor mad soul, and she says up and

  down the town that her eldest son is like you. She hath been

  in good case, and the truth is, poverty hath distracted her.

  But for these foolish officers,

  I beseech you I may have redress against them.

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with

  your manner of wrenching the true cause the false way. It is

  not a confident brow, nor the throng of words that come

  with such more than impudent sauciness from you, can

  thrust me from a level consideration. I know you ha'

  practised upon the easy-yielding spirit of this woman.

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Yea, in troth, my lord.

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Prithee, peace.-- Pay her the debt you owe

  her, and unpay the villainy you have done her: the one you

  may do with sterling money, and the other with current

  repentance.

  FALSTAFF My lord, I will not undergo this sneap without reply.

  You call honourable boldness 'impudent sauciness'. If a man

  will curtsy and say nothing, he is virtuous. No, my lord--

  your humble duty remembered--I will not be your suitor. I

  say to you, I desire deliverance from these officers, being

  upon hasty employment in the king's affairs.

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE You speak as having power to do wr
ong. But

  answer in the effect of your reputation, and satisfy the poor

  woman.

  FALSTAFF Come hither, hostess.

  Takes Quickly aside

  Enter Master Gower

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Now, Master Gower, what news?

  GOWER The king, my lord, and Henry Prince of Wales

  Are near at hand: the rest the paper tells.

  Gives a paper

  FALSTAFF As I am a gentleman.

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Nay, you said so before.

  FALSTAFF As I am a gentleman. Come, no more words of it.

  HOSTESS QUICKLY By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must be

  fain to pawn both my plate and the tapestry of my dining

  chambers.

  FALSTAFF Glasses, glasses is the only drinking. And for thy

  walls, a pretty slight drollery, or the story of the Prodigal, or

  the German hunting in water-work is worth a thousand of

  these bed-hangings and these fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be

  ten pound, if thou canst. Come, if it were not for thy

  humours, there is not a better wench in England. Go, wash

  thy face, and draw thy action. Come, thou must not be in this

  humour with me. Come, I know thou wast set on to this.

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Prithee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles. I

  loath to pawn my plate, in good earnest, la.

  FALSTAFF Let it alone. I'll make other shift. You'll be a fool still.

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Well, you shall have it, although I pawn my

  gown. I hope you'll come to supper. You'll pay me all

  together?

  FALSTAFF Will I live?-- Go, with her, with her--

  To Bardolph

  hook on, hook on.

  HOSTESS QUICKLY Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at

  supper?

  FALSTAFF No more words. Let's have her.

  [Exeunt Quickly, Bardolph, Fang and others]

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE I have heard bitter news.

  FALSTAFF What's the news, my good lord?

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Where lay the king last night?

  GOWER At Basingstoke, my lord.

  FALSTAFF I hope, my lord, all's well. What is the news, my lord?

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Come all his forces back?

  GOWER No. Fifteen hundred foot, five hundred horse,

  Are marched up to my lord of Lancaster,

  Against Northumberland and the Archbishop.

  FALSTAFF Comes the king back from Wales, my noble lord?

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE You shall have letters of me presently. Come,

  go along with me, good Master Gower.

  FALSTAFF My lord!

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE What's the matter?

  FALSTAFF Master Gower, shall I entreat you with me to dinner?

  GOWER I must wait upon my good lord here. I thank you,

  good Sir John.

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John, you loiter here too long, being you

  are to take soldiers up in counties as you go.

  FALSTAFF Will you sup with me, Master Gower?

  LORD CHIEF JUSTICE What foolish master taught you these

 

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