manners, Sir John?
FALSTAFF Master Gower, if they become me not, he was a fool
that taught them me. This is the right fencing grace, my lord:
tap for tap, and so part fair.
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Now the lord lighten thee! Thou art a great
fool.
Exeunt
Act 2 Scene 2
running scene 5
Location: in London but unspecified--either the prince's apartments or the same street location as the previous scene
Enter Prince Henry and Poins
PRINCE HENRY Trust me, I am exceeding weary.
POINS Is it come to that? I had thought weariness durst not
have attached one of so high blood.
PRINCE HENRY It doth me, though it discolours the complexion of
my greatness to acknowledge it. Doth it not show vilely in
me to desire small beer?
POINS Why, a prince should not be so loosely studied as to
remember so weak a composition.
PRINCE HENRY Belike then my appetite was not princely got, for,
in troth, I do now remember the poor creature, small beer.
But indeed these humble considerations make me out of love
with my greatness. What a disgrace is it to me to remember
thy name? Or to know thy face tomorrow? Or to take note
how many pair of silk stockings thou hast--videlicet these--
and those that were thy peach-coloured ones--or to bear the
inventory of thy shirts, as one for superfluity, and one other
for use? But that the tennis-court-keeper knows better than
I, for it is a low ebb of linen with thee when thou kept'st not
racket there, as thou hast not done a great while, because
the rest of thy Low Countries have made a shift to eat up thy
Holland.
POINS How ill it follows, after you have laboured so hard,
you should talk so idly! Tell me, how many good young
princes would do so, their fathers lying so sick as yours is?
PRINCE HENRY Shall I tell thee one thing, Poins?
POINS Yes, and let it be an excellent good thing.
PRINCE HENRY It shall serve among wits of no higher breeding
than thine.
POINS Go to. I stand the push of your one thing that you'll
tell.
PRINCE HENRY Why, I tell thee it is not meet that I should be sad
now my father is sick--albeit I could tell to thee, as to one it
pleases me, for fault of a better, to call my friend, I could be
sad, and sad indeed too.
POINS Very hardly upon such a subject.
PRINCE HENRY Thou think'st me as far in the devil's book as thou
and Falstaff for obduracy and persistency. Let the end try the
man. But I tell thee, my heart bleeds inwardly that my father
is so sick: and keeping such vile company as thou art hath in
reason taken from me all ostentation of sorrow.
POINS The reason?
PRINCE HENRY What wouldst thou think of me, if I should weep?
POINS I would think thee a most princely hypocrite.
PRINCE HENRY It would be every man's thought, and thou art a
blessed fellow to think as every man thinks: never a man's
thought in the world keeps the roadway better than thine:
every man would think me an hypocrite indeed. And what
accites your most worshipful thought to think so?
POINS Why, because you have been so lewd and so much
engraffed to Falstaff.
PRINCE HENRY And to thee.
POINS Nay, I am well spoken of. I can hear it with mine
own ears: the worst that they can say of me is that I am a
second brother and that I am a proper fellow of my hands.
And those two things, I confess, I cannot help. Look, look,
here comes Bardolph.
PRINCE HENRY And the boy that I gave Falstaff. He had him from
me Christian, and see if the fat villain have not transformed
him ape.
Enter Bardolph [and Falstaff's Page]
BARDOLPH Save your grace.
PRINCE HENRY And yours, most noble Bardolph.
POINS Come, you pernicious ass, you bashful
To Bardolph
fool, must you be blushing? Wherefore blush you now? What
a maidenly man-at-arms are you become! Is it such a matter
to get a pottle-pot's maidenhead?
PAGE He called me even now, my lord, through a red
lattice, and I could discern no part of his face from the
window. At last I spied his eyes, and methought he had made
two holes in the ale-wife's new petticoat and peeped
through.
PRINCE HENRY Hath not the boy profited?
To Poins
BARDOLPH Away, you whoreson upright rabbit, away!
PAGE Away, you rascally Althaea's dream, away!
PRINCE HENRY Instruct us, boy. What dream, boy?
PAGE Marry, my lord, Althaea dreamed she was delivered
of a fire-brand, and therefore I call him her dream.
PRINCE HENRY A crown's worth of good interpretation.-- There
it is, boy.
Gives Page money
POINS O, that this good blossom could be kept
from cankers!-- Well, there is sixpence to preserve
thee.
Gives Page money
BARDOLPH If you do not make him be hanged among you, the
gallows shall be wronged.
PRINCE HENRY And how doth thy master, Bardolph?
BARDOLPH Well, my good lord. He heard of your grace's
coming to town. There's a letter for you.
Gives a letter
POINS Delivered with good respect. And how doth the
martlemas, your master?
BARDOLPH In bodily health, sir.
POINS Marry, the immortal part needs a physician, but
that moves not him: though that be sick, it dies not.
PRINCE HENRY I do allow this wen to be as familiar with me as my
dog, and he holds his place, for look you he writes.
POINS
(Letter) Reads
'John Falstaff, knight.'--Every man must know that, as oft
as he hath occasion to name himself, even like those that are
kin to the king, for they never prick their finger but they say,
'There is some of the king's blood spilt.' 'How comes that?'
says he that takes upon him not to conceive. The answer is as
ready as a borrower's cap, 'I am the king's poor cousin, sir.'
PRINCE HENRY Nay, they will be kin to us, but they will fetch it
from Japhet. But to the letter: 'Sir John Falstaff,
Reads
knight, to the son of the king, nearest his father, Harry
Prince of Wales, greeting.'
POINS Why, this is a certificate.
PRINCE HENRY Peace! 'I will imitate the honourable
Reads
Romans in brevity.'
POINS Sure he means brevity in breath,
Takes the letter and reads
short-winded. 'I commend me to thee, I commend
thee, and I leave thee. Be not too familiar with Poins, for he
misuses thy favours so much, that he swears thou art to
marry his sister Nell. Repent at idle times as thou mayst, and
so farewell. Thine, by yea and no, which is as much as to say,
as thou usest him, Jack Falstaff with my familiars, John with
my brothers and sister, and Sir John with all Europe.' My
lord, I will steep this letter in sack and make him eat it.
PRINCE HENRY That's to make him eat twenty of his words. But
do you use me thus, Ned? Must I marry your sister?
POINS May the wench have no worse fortune! But I never
said so.
PRINCE HENRY Well, thus we play the fools with the time, and the
spirits of the wise sit in the clouds and mock us.--
To Bardolph
Is your master here in London?
BARDOLPH Yes, my lord.
PRINCE HENRY Where sups he? Doth the old boar feed in the old
frank?
BARDOLPH At the old place, my lord, in Eastcheap.
PRINCE HENRY What company?
PAGE Ephesians, my lord, of the old church.
PRINCE HENRY Sup any women with him?
PAGE None, my lord, but old Mistress Quickly and Mistress
Doll Tearsheet.
PRINCE HENRY What pagan may that be?
PAGE A proper gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of my
master's.
PRINCE HENRY Even such kin as the parish heifers are to the town
bull.-- Shall we steal upon them, Ned, at supper?
To Poins
POINS I am your shadow, my lord: I'll follow you.
PRINCE HENRY Sirrah, you boy, and Bardolph, no word to your
master that I am yet in town. There's for your
Gives money
silence.
BARDOLPH I have no tongue, sir.
PAGE And for mine, sir, I will govern it.
PRINCE HENRY Fare ye well. Go.
[Exeunt Bardolph and Page]
This Doll Tearsheet should be some road.
POINS I warrant you, as common as the way between St
Albans and London.
PRINCE HENRY How might we see Falstaff bestow himself tonight
in his true colours, and not ourselves be seen?
POINS Put on two leathern jerkins and aprons, and wait
upon him at his table like drawers.
PRINCE HENRY From a God to a bull? A heavy declension! It
was Jove's case. From a prince to a prentice, a low
transformation: that shall be mine, for in everything the
purpose must weigh with the folly. Follow me, Ned.
Exeunt
Act 2 Scene 3
running scene 6
Location: Warkworth Castle, Northumberland
Enter Northumberland and his Lady, and Harry Percy's Lady
NORTHUMBERLAND I prithee, loving wife and gentle daughter,
Give an even way unto my rough affairs.
Put not you on the visage of the times
And be like them to Percy troublesome.
LADY NORTHUMBERLAND I have given over, I will speak no more.
Do what you will: your wisdom be your guide.
NORTHUMBERLAND Alas, sweet wife, my honour is at pawn,
And, but my going, nothing can redeem it.
LADY PERCY O, yet, for heaven's sake, go not to these wars!
The time was, father, when you broke your word,
When you were more endeared to it than now,
When your own Percy, when my heart-dear Harry,
Threw many a northward look to see his father
Bring up his powers. But he did long in vain.
Who then persuaded you to stay at home?
There were two honours lost, yours and your son's.
For yours, may heavenly glory brighten it.
For his, it stuck upon him as the sun
In the grey vault of heaven, and by his light
Did all the chivalry of England move
To do brave acts. He was indeed the glass
Wherein the noble youth did dress themselves:
He had no legs that practised not his gait:
And speaking thick, which nature made his blemish,
Became the accents of the valiant,
For those that could speak low and tardily
Would turn their own perfection to abuse,
To seem like him: so that in speech, in gait,
In diet, in affections of delight,
In military rules, humours of blood,
He was the mark and glass, copy and book,
That fashioned others. And him--O, wondrous him!
O, miracle of men!--him did you leave,
Second to none, unseconded by you,
To look upon the hideous god of war
In disadvantage, to abide a field
Where nothing but the sound of Hotspur's name
Did seem defensible. So you left him.
Never, O, never, do his ghost the wrong
To hold your honour more precise and nice
With others than with him. Let them alone.
The marshal and the archbishop are strong.
Had my sweet Harry had but half their numbers,
Today might I, hanging on Hotspur's neck,
Have talked of Monmouth's grave.
NORTHUMBERLAND Beshrew your heart,
Fair daughter, you do draw my spirits from me
With new lamenting ancient oversights.
But I must go and meet with danger there,
Or it will seek me in another place
And find me worse provided.
LADY NORTHUMBERLAND O, fly to Scotland,
Till that the nobles and the armed commons
Have of their puissance made a little taste.
LADY PERCY If they get ground and vantage of the king,
Then join you with them, like a rib of steel,
To make strength stronger. But, for all our loves,
First let them try themselves. So did your son.
He was so suffered; so came I a widow,
And never shall have length of life enough
To rain upon remembrance with mine eyes,
That it may grow and sprout as high as heaven,
For recordation to my noble husband.
NORTHUMBERLAND Come, come, go in with me. 'Tis with my mind
As with the tide swelled up unto his height,
That makes a still-stand, running neither way.
Fain would I go to meet the archbishop,
But many thousand reasons hold me back.
I will resolve for Scotland: there am I,
Till time and vantage crave my company.
Exeunt
Act 2 Scene 4
running scene 7
Location: Quickly's tavern in Eastcheap, London
Enter two Drawers
FIRST DRAWER What hast thou brought there? Apple-johns?
Thou know'st Sir John cannot endure an apple-john.
SECOND DRAWER Thou say'st true. The prince once set a dish of
apple-johns before him, and told him there were five more Sir
Johns, and, putting off his hat, said 'I will now take my leave
of these six dry, round, old, withered knights.' It angered
him to the heart, but he hath forgot that.
FIRST DRAWER Why then, cover and set them down, and see if
thou canst find out Sneak's noise; Mistress Tearsheet would
fain have some music.
SECOND DRAWER Sirrah, here will be the prince and Master Poins
anon, and they will put on two of our jerkins and aprons,
and Sir John must not know of it. Bardolph hath brought
word.
FIRST DRAWER Then here will be old Utis: it will be an excellent
stratagem.
SECOND DRAWER I'll see if I can find out Sneak.
Exit
Enter Hostess [Quickly]and Doll [Tearsheet]
HOSTESS QUICKLY Sweetheart, methinks now you are in an
excellent good temperality: your pulsidge beats as
extraordinarily as heart would desire; and your colour, I
warrant you, is as red as any rose. But, you have drunk too
much canaries, and that's a marvellous searching wine, and
it perfumes the blood ere we can say 'What's this?' How do
you now?
&n
bsp; DOLL TEARSHEET Better than I was. Hem!
HOSTESS QUICKLY Why, that was well said. A good heart's worth
gold. Look, here comes Sir John.
Enter Falstaff
FALSTAFF 'When Arthur first in court'--
Sings
Empty the jordan.--
To First Drawer
'And was a worthy king'.
How now, Mistress Doll?
Sings
[Exit First Drawer]
HOSTESS QUICKLY Sick of a calm, yea, good sooth.
FALSTAFF So is all her sect. If they be once in a calm, they are
sick.
DOLL TEARSHEET You muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you
give me?
FALSTAFF You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll.
DOLL TEARSHEET I make
them? Gluttony and diseases make them, I make them not.
FALSTAFF If the cook make the gluttony, you help to make the
diseases, Doll. We catch of you, Doll, we catch of you. Grant
that, my poor virtue, grant that.
DOLL TEARSHEET Ay, marry, our chains and our jewels.
FALSTAFF 'Your broaches, pearls and ouches.' For to serve
bravely is to come halting off, you know. To come off the
breach with his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely; to
venture upon the charged chambers bravely--
HOSTESS QUICKLY Why, this is the old fashion: you two never
meet but you fall to some discord. You are both, in good
troth, as rheumatic as two dry toasts. You cannot one bear
with another's confirmities. What the good year! One must
bear, and that must be you: you are the weaker
To Doll
vessel, as they say, the emptier vessel.
DOLL TEARSHEET Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full
hogshead? There's a whole merchant's venture of Bordeaux
stuff in him. You have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the
hold. Come, I'll be friends with thee, Jack. Thou art going to
the wars, and whether I shall ever see thee again or no, there
is nobody cares.
Enter [First] Drawer
FIRST DRAWER Sir, Ancient Pistol is below, and would speak
with you.
DOLL TEARSHEET Hang him, swaggering rascal! Let him not
come hither: it is the foul-mouthed'st rogue in England.
HOSTESS QUICKLY If he swagger, let him not come here. I must
live amongst my neighbours. I'll no swaggerers. I am in good
name and fame with the very best. Shut the door, there
comes no swaggerers here. I have not lived all this while, to
have swaggering now. Shut the door, I pray you.
FALSTAFF Dost thou hear, hostess?
HOSTESS QUICKLY Pray you, pacify yourself, Sir John. There
comes no swaggerers here.
FALSTAFF Dost thou hear? It is mine ancient.
HOSTESS QUICKLY Tilly-fally, Sir John, never tell me: your ancient
swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master Tisick,
the deputy, the other day, and as he said to me--it was no
longer ago than Wednesday last--'Neighbour Quickly', says
The Oxford Shakespeare: Henry IV, Part 2 (Oxford World's Classics) Page 6
