Edge of Defiance

by Trish Loye

  He pulled back slightly. “It’s too soon. I don’t want to hurt you.” But his hands told a different story, one keeping her arms trapped above her head, while the other caressed down her side.

  “You won’t hurt me.” She offered her lips to him and he came back, pressing himself against her.

  His fingers grazed the heated skin under her sweatshirt and she writhed against him. He released her hands, took the bottom of her shirt and pulled it off. His molten gaze perused her.

  His voice when he spoke was rough with need. “You’re sure?”

  “Oh, yes,” she breathed and then tugged at his shirt. He helped her get it off him, revealing a magnificent chest, full of hard, sculpted muscles that begged to be touched. And she did. She laid her palms flat on his chest and explored. Heat flashed through her.

  He kissed her again before stepping back. He pulled her pants down, slowly but without stopping, without hesitation. Though he groaned when they passed her hips and he could see she wasn’t wearing any underwear. He crouched to help her step out of them and then ran his hands up her legs as he stood in front of her. She shivered with need.

  He yanked the covers back on the bed, scooped her up, and gently laid her down. “I’ve dreamed of this, of you.” He unzipped his pants and pulled them and his underwear off in one yank. A clean new bandage decorated his thigh. He snagged something from a pocket.

  “Is that a condom?” she asked.

  “Always be prepared.” He said the motto with a straight face, though she heard the laughter in his voice.

  “Wait,” she ordered before he could crawl into bed with her.

  He stopped, wary. “Is it too soon?”

  She smiled, a purely feline smile. “No,” she said. “I just want to look at you.”

  He grinned and advanced on her. “Another time. I need to taste you.”

  And then he was kissing her, stealing her breath, running his hands over her sensitive skin, cupping her breasts. She moaned at the onslaught of sensations. She arched into his touch, gasping when he gently pinched a nipple before sucking it into his hot mouth.

  His hands caressed her sides, down her hips, over her stomach while he worshiped one breast and then the other with his mouth and tongue. Her eyes closed when his hand drifted between her legs, touching with unerring accuracy all the hot, wet parts that needed him.

  Slipping down between her legs, the first lick made her moan.

  “Better than I imagined.” He lowered his head and any whispered words she could no longer hear over the thrumming of her blood, the tightening of her muscles, the panting of her breath. He licked and sucked.

  She writhed under him. Higher and higher. Until she broke, crying out her release.

  He kissed his way back up her body, while she fought for air. He lingered on her sensitive breasts. “I’ve missed these,” he murmured.

  And she was surprised when she arched back up into him, need again coursing through her. “Derrick,” she breathed, spreading her legs wider. “Now.”

  “What an impatient little wolf.”

  “Derrick!”

  He laughed, a purely satisfied male sound. “As you wish.” He ripped open the foil packet and rolled on the condom. After, he lay fully on top of her, careful to rest his weight on his arms, making room for himself between her legs. He rubbed his erection against her heat, his dark eyes glowing, before he surged into her.

  She panted. His size was almost too big, the fullness overwhelming her. She must have made a sound because he didn’t move.

  “Cassie?” he asked, his voice strained.

  She ran her hands over his broad shoulders as if seeking purchase. “It’s… It’s been awhile.”

  He leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips, as if he had all the time in the world, as if that was all he was focused on. She clung to his lips, even as her body adjusted to his. Not just adjusted, but then cradled…clasped…clenched around. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around his hips.

  He pulled back and then plunged in. Their breaths mingled, their moans and gasps intertwining. He moved faster and she met each thrust. She gripped his broad shoulders, digging her nails as if to stop herself from falling. The world coalesced into a bright shining point they raced toward. Deeper. Harder. Faster. Then moving together, they poised at the edge, muscles taut and straining, pleasure so pure it was agony, until the world went white and they shattered.

  Her breathing eventually slowed. But her limbs were languid, and she couldn’t move. Derrick rolled so he lay on the bottom and she draped half over him. His heart beat under her ear. Warm, strong, constant. His arms held her close. It seemed as if everything that had happened in the last week caught up with her and her eyelids dragged down. She blinked.

  Derrick chuckled and shifted her so they spooned on their sides, his arm coming around her waist and nestling her back against him. “Sleep, Little Wolf.”

  No longer fighting her exhaustion, her eyes closed.

  22

  Cold. Dark. She couldn’t breathe.

  She was drowning.

  Drowning.

  “Cass!”

  Cassie’s eyes snapped open and saw Derrick’s concerned face. He crouched by the bed, with wet hair and a towel wrapped around his waist. Her heart thudded hard and she panted—the aftereffects of the nightmare. The shadows and emotions of it dissipated with each inhale of Derrick’s clean masculine scent.

  His hand cupped her cheek. “You’re safe.”

  She knew that but she suspected the lingering effects of her misadventure would stay with her awhile. But she was safe. Not just safe, she thought, staring at the handsome man in front of her. Something more, something she’d given up on a long time ago.

  Happy.

  A water droplet trickled from Derrick’s hair, down his neck, over his collarbone and continued down the planes of his chest.

  “Cassie?” Derrick’s low voice rumbled with amusement.

  “Yes?” She put on an innocent expression. So what if she’d been caught ogling his body? It was a damn fine body.

  He stood and said something but she didn’t hear. Her mouth had gone dry at the sight of him. She’d seen him last night, but she almost thought she’d dreamed it.

  This. Him. In front of her? That was real.

  “Cassie?”

  “What?” This time she couldn’t pull off any kind of innocent. “Did you say something?”

  “I asked if you were okay?”

  She smiled, an invitation. “I’m more than okay.” She held out her hand. “But you’re welcome to come check.”

  He made an almost subliminal groan; the sound sent lightning streaks through her. The fact that she had any kind of power over this man thrilled her. He dropped his towel and crawled back into her bed. “I’ll never get enough of you.”

  She hoped that was true. That thought was the last coherent one she had for a while. They made love faster and more furious than the night before. As if they both feared whatever was between them might not be real and if they didn’t grab it while they could, it would slip away.

  Afterwards, she lay panting and sprawled on Derrick’s chest. “That is the best way to get rid of a nightmare.”

  “I’m at your service.” He kissed her gently.

  “Have you been awake long?”

  “No.” He shrugged. “I grabbed a shower while you slept. How are you feeling?”

  She shifted. “A bit sore, but I’ll live.” And those words now meant something. She would live. Because of Derrick. “Thank you.”

  His caress of her cheek let her know that he knew what she was saying with those simple two words. He gave her a deep, lingering kiss before eventually pulling away. “It’s 0700. I have to go to a debrief. But then I’m working on getting us home. I want to be on a bird to the mainland this afternoon and then a flight home this evening. I just need to finish the arrangements. You should be home by tomorrow night.”

  Home.

  “Can I
call Rose again?”

  “Of course. I’ll have someone bring you a phone.” He stood and after a brief stop in the bathroom to clean up and dispose of the condom, he dressed.

  “Are you hungry?” he asked.

  Her stomach growled with the mention of food and he laughed. “Do you want to eat first or call home?”

  There was no contest. “Call home.”

  He nodded. “Whoever brings you the phone will stay with you and take you to the mess for food. The people in charge are going to want to talk to you.”

  “I thought you were in charge.”

  He laughed. “Hardly. I’m in charge of operations for my unit, but I still go where they tell me.” The laughter left his face. “Will you be okay talking about everything that happened?”

  She snorted and grabbed her clothes from the floor. “I’m a reporter. I’d planned on sharing everything with the world anyway.”

  He stiffened. “Everything?”

  His reaction slammed into her, bringing back old memories of the days when he’d never trusted her desire to report the truth. Pain sliced through her, different than the physical pain she’d experienced in the last few days, but no less harsh. And it shocked her, because she’d thought herself safe from it.

  She braced herself for what was to come, the same old fight between them. Her voice came out heavy with memories of it. “Everything about my experience, yes. Not about you or your team. I wouldn’t do that.”

  Regret etched his face and he hesitated. That hesitation again sliced her, but deeper this time and she struggled to keep her face and her body from crumpling under the blow.

  “You can’t mention Dr. French being in North Korea,” he said finally.

  “Why not?”

  “North Korea has denied holding him. If you mention him being there, or foreign troops being there, it would escalate tensions between the US and North Korea.”

  “Why is that a bad thing?”

  “You want a war?” he asked incredulously.

  She ran both hands through her hair, tugging it. “Of course not.” She hadn’t planned to focus on the scientist anyway. Her story would be about the prison camps, but some inner stubbornness had her refusing to say that. She wanted him to know that instinctively, to know that she wasn’t someone who just wanted a scoop no matter the damage it caused, to know that she was a responsible reporter. She pushed her hair back from her face. “Doesn’t the public deserve the truth?”

  “Not if it ends up endangering everyone.”

  She stood and pulled on her clothes, forcing back any groans, but she couldn’t hide the stiffness of her body. This morning, Derrick’s presence still took up too much room, but he stepped back toward the door, giving her space she wasn’t sure she wanted.

  Her heart ached. Their jobs were once again forcing distance between them. All the happy thoughts from last night and this morning shriveled and died. She decided to be direct with him, like she was with the rest of her life. She would face this head on. Better to end whatever was between them quickly.

  “This is the same old argument,” she said.

  “We don’t have to argue.”

  “I just have to agree with you, right?”

  “Dammit, Cassie. Stop putting words in my mouth.”

  “Then stop being so predictable.”

  He crossed his arms. “It’s better than being reckless.”

  “Reckless?”

  He seemed to loom over her with his swelling anger. “Who the fuck enters North Korea without backup?” He threw his arms up. “Who the hell would even think to sneak into that country?”

  “A reporter!” she yelled back. “Someone who values the truth.”

  “And we’re back to that.”

  She lifted her chin. “It’s who I am.”

  He shook his head like a teacher chastising a student and it made her clench her teeth. “It’s not who you are. It’s just your job.”

  His words slapped her and she drew herself up. How dare he judge her like that? “You’ve never approved of what I do or who I am.”

  He blew out a harsh breath. “Just because you want to find the truth doesn’t mean you should. Let someone else do it.”

  “Someone like you?”

  “That’s not my job.”

  “No,” she said quietly, deflating under the weight of their words. “It’s mine. I think it’s time you left.”

  “We’re not finished.”

  “Yes, we are,” she said. “Face it, Derrick. We would never work out. We’re too different.”

  “You can’t just decide that.”

  She sighed, more tired now than she’d been last night. “Yes, I can. You don’t trust me.”

  “Of course I do.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I trusted you with my life out there.”

  “But you don’t trust me with knowing what to report or not to report. You don’t trust me to make the right decisions.”

  “That’s not fair. You know I’m not allowed to tell you about my missions.”

  He still didn’t understand and it only hurt her heart more. “That’s not what I’m talking about. I understand about the secrecy needed for your missions, for the work you do. But even on the things I do know, or am allowed to know, you don’t trust that I won’t use it for a story.”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose as if trying to stop a headache. “You’re being ridiculous.”

  Any tiny hope she’d held on to turned to ash and blew away. Her chest constricted, making it hard to draw in air. “Thank you for saving me. Thank you for last night. Now go to your debrief.”

  Anger flashed across his face. “You can’t just dismiss me, Cassie. This isn’t over.”

  “Unfortunately, it is.” She walked into the tiny bathroom and closed the door on him. She couldn’t look at him again, afraid he’d see the tears pricking at her eyes, trying to break free.

  She ran the water hot in the shower and stared blindly at the steaming water, blinking hard. She stripped off her clothes mechanically, trying desperately to hold on to her composure. Soon she’d be home. Soon.

  Maybe it was the thought of home, maybe it was the argument with Derrick, or maybe it was the sound of splashing water, but she couldn’t fight the heartache any longer. Her breath hitched and her shoulders jerked once, twice, and something broke inside, cracking wide, releasing everything she’d suffered in the last days.

  She wept for the fear of being caught and never seeing her daughter again.

  She cried for the pain and torture she’d survived.

  And last, she grieved for what would never be between her and Derrick, a relationship that hadn’t fully blossomed. Shudders racked her. Her breath caught and released with each sob. It was over.

  Finally, the heat of the shower began to soothe her muscles, her heart beat slowed and her breathing evened out. She turned off the water and grabbed a towel.

  She’d told herself she wouldn’t let her heart get broken again by Derrick Blackwell and she’d done it anyway.

  “Third time’s the charm,” she whispered and wiped the last of the tears away.

  Derrick stared at the door to the head in Cassie’s room. Water ran inside. He stood there, breathing hard, feeling as if he’d been hit with a hammer and cracked open.

  What the actual fuck had just happened?

  The woman had broken up with him. She’d broken up with him before what was between them had even had a chance to begin. And why? Because he’d asked her to be careful with what she reported? She’d shut him down because of that?

  No, because he’d questioned her integrity.

  He snarled at his inner voice. He hadn’t questioned her integrity. He’d just wanted clarification on…

  Ah, fuck. His fist clenched and he wanted to hit something. He’d fucked up. Again. Maybe he and Cassie weren’t meant to be together. Maybe they were too different.

  He did let his fist fly and the pain of striking the metal bulkhead cooled his tem
per. He and Cassie were different, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t work between them.

  He eyed the door separating them. This wasn’t over. They deserved a chance, a real chance. He just had to convince her to try.

  A knock brought him to the door. Sarah waited there.

  “I’ve been debriefed. I came to see if you needed anything.” She glanced beyond him into the room. “I know what it’s like to almost lose someone you care about.”

  A tightness loosened in his chest. “Watch her. Make sure she eats.”

  “Copy that.” She leaned back against the bulkhead, settling herself in to wait. “I’ve got her. You go.”

  He nodded and strode off to his debriefing.

  There were more people than he’d expected in the conference room. It didn’t improve his mood. “Didn’t know this was going to be a party.”

  “It’s definitely not, Colonel,” one man in a suit said. “I’m Walker, with the CIA. We need you to answer some questions.”

  “And who are the rest?” He glanced at the three other suits in the room besides the four military brass present.

  “Not important,” he said. “Now let’s go over your mission in as much detail as possible.”

  He told them everything except personal details three times before he called a halt to their questions. “Ladies and gentlemen, there are no more details for you to find. I have told you everything. Now I have a question for you. What’s the continued threat assessment for Kwon when she gets back?”

  Walker leaned back in his chair. “The DPRK, and specifically Kim Jong Un, don’t take kindly to anyone criticizing their country.”

  “It’s why he had his half-brother assassinated after he’d tried to leave the country,” Derrick said.

  “They deny it, but yes, that’s correct.”

  Derrick’s gut clenched with the realization of what Cassie might face. “You think they’ll try to kill her.”

  “They might think she’s dead at the moment, but they’re not stupid. They know her name. They’ll figure out she wants to write a story about the prison camps. They’re not going to let that happen.”