Something Like Trust

by Kris T. Bethke

  A hint of a smile graced his mouth before it was quickly replaced with a frown. He still didn’t quite meet my gaze, but he was now focused on my nose, which was much closer. I waited patiently for him to say whatever was on his mind.

  It took him another minute or so, and his voice came out soft when he finally said, “That m-must have been d-difficult for you. When you were s-serving.”

  I gave him a gentle smile. I loved that we were having a conversation and he’d been the one to instigate it. “It certainly wasn’t easy, but I managed.” My words downplayed the difficulties but it wasn’t something I liked revisiting. Instead, I moved on to the rest of his statement. “And I still am serving, actually. A reservist.”

  Brandon’s entire body gave a tiny, almost imperceptible jerk, as if my words had shocked him. And they must have because the man finally gave me the full weight of his gaze, and I was able to really see those gorgeous ice-blue eyes. Which were currently wide with what could only be described as disbelief.

  “R-really?”

  I nodded and held out a hand. “Staff Sergeant Jared Connors, USMC.”

  Brandon reached out automatically, but once I had his smaller hand in mine, I held on and used it to pull him a fraction closer. He kept his gaze fixed on me, and licked his lips in an unconscious manner. It felt like he was inviting me to do the same. I leaned a bit closer.

  “Thank you for your service, Staff Sergeant,” Brandon said, his voice quiet, but sure.

  I straightened, surprised. Those were not words I’d heard often, and I was never quite sure how to handle them when I did. I served because it was my job and I loved it. I was a Marine, through and through. But my first inclination, to brush it off and declare it as no big deal, was untrue. It was a big deal and I couldn’t be dismissive just because I was embarrassed.

  “You’re welcome,” I finally said, reluctantly letting go of Brandon’s hand.

  A bang and a clatter had my attention shooting to the left, but it was just a dropped box, and the intern who had lost his grip on it was already bending to pick up the fallen item. I took a deep breath and centered myself, then turned my attention back to Brandon.

  “What about you, Brandon?” I liked saying his name. I liked the way it felt in my mouth.

  He blinked those pretty eyes. “What about m-me?”

  I grinned, doing my best to be charming, then turned so I was standing next to him. I made sure I was close enough that he could sense my presence, but I didn’t want him to feel pressured. I let my gaze scan the set, taking it all in, even as I spoke to him.

  “Are you gay? If I were to ask you out, say for dinner at a quiet little hole-in-the-wall, out-of-the-way restaurant that has outstanding food, would you say yes? Or would you tell me that I’m barking up the wrong tree?” I knew I wasn’t, but I thought I’d give him the easy out if he wasn’t interested in me. I was fairly certain I wasn’t wrong about that either, but I was willing to give him the option of bowing out gracefully.

  He let out a small, quiet laugh. “Barking is for d-dogs, Jared. Are you a dog?”

  I heard the worry underneath the question he’d tried to say jokingly. I turned quickly, and gave him my full attention so he would not miss how serious I was.

  “No, Brandon,” I assured him, my voice low but utterly sincere. “I am not a dog.”

  Finally, he looked me in the eye of his own volition, his entire being focused on me. He studied me, and I let him. Then he took a deep breath, and I knew instantly that he believed me. Was, in fact, willing to trust me.

  “Then I would say, yes, Jared. I am gay. And yes, I’d like to go to dinner with you.” His voice was soft, but there was no hint of the stutter that usually plagued his words. The relaxed set of his shoulders gave me the idea that he was comfortable in my presence, and I had to wonder if the stutter came out only with his nerves. The thought made me feel smugly proud.

  “Outstanding,” I said, letting myself smile. “Are you free tomorrow evening?”

  Brandon nodded. “I’m not scheduled to be on set.”

  I already knew that because I was privy to each day’s call sheet. I also knew the bulk of the day’s filming would be completed by mid to late afternoon, and that I could leave Miranda on her own without worry.

  “Great. Then I can pick you up from your hotel at eighteen hundred, and we can go to dinner.” It came out like a command. I was used to getting my way, and I’d been in control of my siblings for the past five years. My word was law, and no one questioned it. But I wasn’t so callous as to not know how I sounded. “If that works for you, I mean.”

  “Y-yes. That’s f-fine.”

  Oh, the stutter was back. Brandon was nervous again. Because of our upcoming date? Was he nervous about spending time with me? I wanted to reassure him, to touch him, but it seemed like too much, too soon. Instead, I took a step closer into his personal space. There was no way he could deny my presence and therefore I knew I had his complete attention.

  “Nothing happens between us that you’re not fully on board with. You got that?”

  Brandon nodded. And then his gaze dropped to the floor as he followed with, “Yes, sir.”

  Oh. It was like that, was it? Somehow I didn’t think he was using the honorific in the same way I did when speaking to my commanding officer. I filed away the information. Now was not the time to pursue it. And I would have to get a better feel of what he wanted and what he was thinking before I even began to discuss that with him. But there’d be plenty of time for that tomorrow.

  I reached out until I gently held his chin, lifting his face until I had his gaze. I needed to get back to work, and I knew he was done for the day. When I was certain I had his attention, I smiled, and let my thumb caress his cheek. He blew out a shaky breath and gave me a wobbly smile in return.

  “I look forward to tomorrow, Brandon.”

  “Me, too.” It wasn’t more than a whisper, but it was entirely sincere.

  I suddenly knew he wanted this as much as I did.

  * * * *

  “Audra, I swear to God, I’m going to hang up on—”

  My sister’s laugh cut off my words, and I couldn’t help but grin. I allowed it only because she couldn’t see. There was a time that I never thought I’d hear that laugh again. And it was such a good sound that I still cherished every moment she let it free.

  “I just want to know what you’re going to wear!” she protested, the mirth still apparent in her voice.

  My growl was all for show. “Clothes.”

  Audra made a thoughtful noise. “You might do better if you went naked.”

  “Audra,” I said in warning.

  “Do you even know how to date?” This came from my brother, who’d been relatively silent throughout the conversation thus far. But as usual, he was quick to deflect my anger from his twin. Even when I wasn’t really angry with her. Zane’s protective instinct rivalled my own, and Audra was his primary focus. I thought that she’d always remain one of his top priorities, even when he eventually found someone to call his.

  “Yes, I know how to date,” I answered him, letting my exasperation come through in my voice. I loved them both an insane amount, but they really knew how to get on my nerves.

  “Are you sure?” Audra asked suspiciously. I knew her brows would be drawn together over her deep brown eyes—eyes that were so much like mine, so much like our mother’s, that sometimes it made me catch my breath for the similarities.

  “Have you ever actually gone on a date? A real date? Not just meeting up to fuck?” Zane sounded genuinely curious.

  “Language,” I chastised, more for form than because I really thought he needed to censor his word choices.

  Audra laughed. “Unless that’s what this is? Just a hook up? Who is this guy anyway?”

  “Would be more his style, I think,” Zane chimed in. “I also think it’s curious that he hasn’t mentioned his date’s name.”

  “Children,” I growled, resolutely ignor
ing the inquiring questions as to Brandon’s identity.

  “We’re in college, you know.” Zane was only half serious.

  “When will you stop calling us that?” Audra wanted to know.

  “When you’re ninety,” I ground out.

  That set both of them off, laughing hard enough that I smiled, too. Beneath their silly banter and their teasing was real concern. The three of us looked after each other. Always had, but even more so now. We were the only family we had, and not one of us wanted for our closeness and caring to change.

  “You’ll be dead by then,” Zane said practically.

  “Exactly,” I agreed.

  Another round of giggles, then Audra cleared her throat. I could tell she was trying for stern and serious, and maybe an imitation of me, when she lowered her voice to speak. “Be careful. Have fun. Call us if you need us, no matter what time or for whatever reason.”

  I rolled my eyes. It was the same speech I’d given them when they’d gone out on dates. The difference was, I was a grown adult who was more than capable of taking care of myself. It was dinner with a pretty, engaging, sweet man. I had no expectations of anything more. From what I’d been able to work out about Brandon so far, there wouldn’t be anything like that until I had his trust.

  “Remember,” Zane added with all the seriousness he could muster. “No glove, no love.”

  “I’m hanging up,” I announced.

  “Bye, Jared!” Audra cackled.

  I disconnected the call, and tossed my phone on top of the dresser. It was my own fault for encouraging their irreverent behavior growing up. They’d been well-behaved and excelled in school, so I hadn’t had a problem letting them think and speak the way they wanted. I was their brother, not their parent, and while I’d had to make the rules, it was a different dynamic than it had been with our parents.

  My phone vibrated twice in rapid succession, the chimes that it released letting me know I’d gotten a text from each of my siblings. I bit back a groan, almost dreading what they would say. But I never shied away from the difficult things, so with a swipe and tap, I brought up our group thread.

  From Zane: I was serious about the condom.

  From Audra: Wear the dark green shirt I bought you for your birthday.

  Audra’s advice was sound, and solved the issue I had about what to wear. Zane’s was ridiculous, because I was the one who had given him the safe sex talks growing up. I responded that I loved them both, then abandoned the phone once again to finish getting dressed.

  I retrieved the shirt and a black pair of slacks from my closet, both pristinely pressed and without a single wrinkle. I laid them on the end of the bed, then tossed my towel into the hamper and pulled on a pair of briefs. But as I reached for my pants, a sudden case of nerves had me stilling and breathing slowly.

  The kids were right about one thing. I could count on one hand the number of actual dates I had been on. Up until recently, my life was not exactly conducive to dating. First the Corps had kept me quiet, then raising teenage siblings had kept me nearly celibate. Going out for the night and getting off in the bathroom with a willing but anonymous man could not be called dating by any stretch of the imagination. So it only made sense that I might feel a bit nervous.

  But I was a Marine, for fuck’s sake. See the hill, take the hill. Nerves had no place here. And I wouldn’t let them get in the way.

  A deep breath, and then I got dressed. I had a gorgeous man waiting for me.

  Chapter 3

  Because Brandon was filming scenes three or four times a week, the studio had set him up with an extended-stay suite at a nice hotel for the duration of his contract. I knew exactly where it was, even knew his room number, and had intended on picking him up at his door. I parked the car and headed toward the hotel entrance, only to see Brandon striding through it. Cameras started to flash and click, the resident paparazzi taking as many picture as they could.

  Brandon ignored them all. So did I. I knew they would be there, though I’d hoped they’d be absent. They seemed to follow every one of Brandon’s waking moments. I also knew that there would be pictures of us splashed across the tabloid sites and magazines within days, speculation about who I was and what I was to him in the headlines.

  Audra and Zane weren’t much for the gossip sites, but I thought I’d have to tell them about Brandon soon. But that would be after I knew what we were going to be. I never lied to my siblings, and I would be honest when I answered their questions. A date, a one-night stand, something more; whatever this turned out to be, the twins would know about it.

  But that was a worry for later, because I had a beautiful man with a gorgeous smile walking toward me with a confidence I had yet to see him possess when he wasn’t shooting a scene.

  I stopped and let him cross the remaining few feet on his own. When he stood before me, he looked up with a shy smile, his cheeks turning pink, and licked his full bottom lip.

  “Hi, Jared,” he said softly.

  “Hello, Brandon.” My voice was huskier than I expected and I cleared my throat. He looked fantastic in a dark blue button-down, and tight black pants. The color of the shirt really brought out his pale skin and light eyes. I wanted to gather him up and hold him tightly pressed against me. Instead, I laid a hand on his lower back and gestured toward my SUV. “Ready?”

  He nodded and let me steer him to the vehicle, then let me open his door and help him inside. Once he was seated, I shut the door with a gentle snap and jogged around the car. A moment later, I was pulling out of the parking lot, and Brandon was craning his neck to look behind us.

  “You m-might want to t-try to l-lose them before we get to our d-destination.” He ducked his head, staring at the floor between his feet. “I’m s-s-sorry about th-that.”

  I loved the way his accent softened the edges of his words, and while the stutter was endearing and a part of him, hearing it made my gut clench. I was pretty certain it came out only when he was nervous, and I’d much prefer he was comfortable with me. We’d have to work on it.

  I dropped my hand to his thigh and gave a light, reassuring squeeze, then returned it to the wheel. A quick glance in my rearview confirmed we were being followed.

  “There’s no need to apologize, angel. I knew it was a possibility when I asked you out. We’ll deal with it, all right?”

  Brandon nodded, and I saw his tentative smile in my peripheral vision. I also did not miss the way he relaxed into the seat, some of the tension leaving his body. He trusted me. For a man like me, that was the ultimate compliment.

  I knew Seattle far better than whomever was tailing us in the sedan. A few last-minute turns, two one-way streets, and a circuitous route had us at the restaurant only ten minutes later than it normally would have taken. I parked around the side of the building where the staff parked, then did a quick sweep of the area before I circled the vehicle and helped Brandon out. He didn’t seem opposed to holding my hand, so I kept his in mine as we rounded the corner and went through the glass doors.

  I’d found The Diner on accident while doing surveillance in the area about four years ago. It was the epitome of a stereotypical greasy spoon, but the food was outstanding. Millie owned the place and still waited tables. She prided herself on her home-cooked tasting meals. She had to be in her late sixties, but you’d never know it by her attitude and her energy.

  The place was nearly empty when we walked in. We’d missed the early diners, and beaten the late rush. Millie was bustling behind the counter, but she looked up when the bell over the door jingled. Her face broke into a huge grin.

  “Sit anywhere you like. I’ll be with you in a moment.”

  I nodded to acknowledge her statement, then led Brandon to my favorite table in the back corner. I liked that I could sit with my back against the wall and see everything. I pulled out the chair on the outside of the table, and motioned for Brandon to sit before I took my own seat.

  Millie appeared a moment later. “Jared, honey, how ya doi
ng? It’s been a while since you’ve been in.”

  I smiled, nodded, and let her pat my cheek. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m good, though. Millie, this is Brandon. Brandon, Millie.”

  Millie smiled, her sharp gaze taking in Brandon’s face. “Good to meet ya.”

  “The p-pleasure is all m-mine, ma’am.”

  Millie’s entire demeanor softened. I wasn’t sure if it was the accent or the manners, but she just melted. Her smile was huge as she turned back to me. “I like him. He’s a keeper.” She laughed throatily, then placed the menus on the table. “How are the kids, Jared?”

  “Doing well,” I answered. “As always. I’ll send them in next time they’re in town.”

  “You do that.” Millie nodded. “Okay, so Freddy made it to the fish market this afternoon, so there’s fresh fish and fries. But otherwise, it’s just the usual fair. I’ll bring you water in a second, and you just flag me down when you’re ready to order, okay?”

  We both nodded, and she was gone, only to return a few seconds later with glasses of water. She patted my hand, and disappeared again. I picked up my menu, perusing the burger selection even though I was fairly certain what I would be getting.

  “K-kids?” Brandon’s voice was quiet, tentative, and uncertain. Damn.

  “About that—”

  “Are you m-married?” he hissed, interrupting me.

  “No.” I was firm, and I ducked my head so I could catch his eye. It took him a moment to really look at me. “I’m not married. I’ve never been married. The kids are my siblings, Audra and Zane. They are nineteen and in college. And for the past five years, I’ve been raising them.”

  Brandon went deep red, ducked his face, and swallowed loudly. Then he sucked in a breath and met my gaze once again. “I’m s-sorry for assuming. C-c-can I ask…?”

  I nodded, and relaxed a little. The intervening years had allowed me to process and heal, and I could talk about it without it hurting too badly. “Sadly, it’s a common enough story. Drunk driver ran a red light. He walked away with hardly a scratch. My father was driving, and he died on impact. Mom hung on for five days, but her injuries were too severe.”