Something Like Trust

by Kris T. Bethke

  I finally relented and pulled away. Brandon flopped onto his back, and his sated smile was enough to satisfy me. I used the edge of the sheet to wipe off the worst of the mess, then slid us out of the wet spot before wrapping him in my arms.

  “What about you?” he murmured sleepily, even as he nuzzled against my chest trying to find a comfy spot.

  I laughed and kissed his sweaty hair. “You can take care of me later.”

  “‘K.” He patted my chest, gave me a thumbs up, and patted me again. Then suddenly, he dropped off to sleep, almost instantly snoring in that soft way he had.

  What mattered to me was that Brandon had come running to me when he needed me. What mattered was that I could help him, and keep him satisfied. What mattered was that he trusted me and I would never betray that trust. I hugged him tighter to me. Before he left again, we were going to have to set some things in stone.

  Chapter 11

  Waking up with Brandon in my arms was one of my favorite things. The warm weight of his body against my skin helped to instantly ground me. I loved how he needed to be pressed against me, and how he’d readjust his position all night long so he could keep touching me. I thought it was a fair assessment that I grounded him as well.

  When I woke to find him plastered across my chest, I gave a slow, sleepy smile. He was breathing heavily, not quite a snore, which let me know that he was only a few minutes from waking. I was content to wait, to stare at the mussed black hair and to hold him close. Eventually, he’d blink those ice-blue eyes at me, and his morning smile was always worth the wait.

  Brandon didn’t disappoint. A few minutes later he twitched, snorted, then stretched his body before pressing a kiss to my chest and lifting his gaze to mine. He blinked, and that smile stretched his lips. I kissed his forehead.

  “Morning,” I murmured, rolling so we were on our sides facing each other.

  “Good morning.” His response was tinged with sleep and he clapped a hand over his mouth as he yawned widely. I laughed and reached out, shoving my fingers through his hair.

  “Feeling better?” I asked. He didn’t actually need to answer, I could see it all over his face.

  “Mmmm,” he hummed with another stretch. And then he shoved his way into my arms. “Yeah. I needed this so badly.”

  I was determined to give him everything he needed, to make sure he was as settled and grounded as he could be, so that when he returned to filming, he’d be able to hold on to that feeling. With that in mind, I pulled him closer with one hand even as I reached for my cell phone with the other. He raised an eyebrow in question when I tapped the screen and the phone started ringing.

  “This had better be an emergency,” Zane’s sleep-rough voice ground out after the second ring. Brandon’s eyebrows shot to his hairline.

  “No emergency, brother mine. But Brandon’s home and in need of some TLC.”

  “Okay. I’ll wake Audra and we’ll get on the road. We’ll stop at the grocery store before we come home. I’m sure you have nothing in your house. You want the lasagna, Brandon? Or maybe the Shepard’s Pie?” Zane asked, offering two of Brandon’s favorite dishes.

  Brandon blinked for a moment, confusion all over his face. “Uh. Um. I h-have to ch-choose?”

  “I suppose not,” Zane said, sounding more alert. I heard the sheets rustle as he sat up. “I can do both.”

  Brandon gaped. “No, that’s n-not what I—”

  “See you in a few hours!” Zane called out before hanging up.

  I chuckled as I hit END and tossed the phone back on the bedside table.

  Brandon sat up, totally bewildered, and stared at me. “What just happened?”

  I laughed again and settled against the headboard, lifting my arms to cross my hands behind my head. “Zane and Audra are going to blow off their Friday classes to come home and be with you.”

  “Why?”

  I squinted at him. “They’re good kids, so missing a class here and there isn’t going to hurt them.”

  Brandon blew out a breath. “That’s not what I meant. Don’t deliberately misunderstand.” His eyes went wide as if he realized how insolent he sounded. He blushed and lowered his gaze. “Sorry, sir.”

  I held back my mirth by sheer force of will. I took hold of his wrist, tugging until he moved up the bed and settled in my arms. I kissed the top of his head and stroked my hand up and down his side.

  “They are coming,” I began, “because you need it. Because you’re family and the Connors take care of their own.”

  Brandon’s breath caught, and his body went stiff. I could feel the anticipation coiled in his muscles. I had thought I would ease into this discussion better. That I would slowly feel him out until I knew where his head was at. I should have known better. That wasn’t the kind of guy I was. I typically jumped into the breach with both feet, and this was no exception.

  “I think you feel the same way. Or at least, you’re getting there. You wouldn’t have come running to me at all if you didn’t. But you’ve done it twice now, and the truth is, I always want this to be the place you run. The place you come home to.” I took a deep breath, then looked down to find him already staring at me. I tried for a smile, but I’d never said the words to someone I wasn’t related to. But fear was not a reason not to do something. Especially when it was the right thing. “I love you, Brandon. You’re mine. I don’t want that to end.”

  Brandon’s breathing picked up, and his eyes got a little wild. I wanted to soothe him. I wanted to make him tell me what he was thinking. Remaining quiet was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. Sometimes, Brandon needed me to push him, to take charge. But this was not one of those times. My boy had to come to his conclusions on his own. Both he and I needed to know that this was what he wanted.

  “When I’m with you,” he eventually said, his voice soft, “that’s the only time I feel completely safe and real and whole. It’s like…it’s like you remind me who I am.”

  My relief was enormous but I tried to temper my reaction with a little caution. “That’s a good thing, though. Right? I help you to be stronger, not less. That’s the way it should be.”

  He nodded, and when he sat up, I reluctantly let him go. He didn’t go far, though, just repositioned himself so he faced me, his hip pressed against mine. He twisted the edge of the sheet in his hands and kept his gaze fixed on his actions.

  “I could…” He stopped, cleared his throat, and tried again. “I could come back here between shoots. No reason Seattle can’t be my home base. I c-could get an apartment or s-something.”

  I took the sheet from his hands and clasped his fingers in mine. “If you wanted to, yeah, sure. You could do that. Or you could just stay here.” I lifted his chin so I could look in his eyes. “I know what I prefer, and so do you. But that decision is entirely up to you, all right?”

  He nodded, then closed his eyes, swallowing hard several times. He blew out a breath and pulled away from my touch. He crawled over me to get out of bed, and as he did, he leaned forward to brush a kiss against my lips. It was fleeting, but I returned it in kind.

  Brandon’s smile was a bit shaky, but he did his best for me. “I need a couple of minutes, okay?”

  Everything in me screamed not to let him go, but I nodded anyway. He padded into the bathroom and shut the door. I barely constrained the groan of frustration. It did not escape my attention that Brandon had not told me he loved me. And though he’d made tentative suggestions about moving here permanently, he didn’t seem really sure.

  My motions were jerky when I threw off the covers and rolled out of bed. I yanked on a pair of sweatpants, and tugged a T-shirt over my head. I’d been so sure that this was the right course of action that I hadn’t stopped to consider the consequences. And Brandon was in the bathroom either working himself up or working it out. But either way, he was doing it on his own. My heart pounded at the thought. Whatever conclusion he came to, he shouldn’t be doing it on his own. We needed to figure it out togeth
er. And I needed to be strong enough to deal with whatever he wanted.

  Even if that meant he was walking away.

  I was fairly confident that wasn’t the case. Brandon had made it clear he needed me and cared for me. Maybe it wasn’t quite as deep as I felt, but that was fine. That would come in time. Everything would fall into place because he’d put his complete trust in me. I, in turn, had trusted him back. And that’s all that mattered. So he needed to stop hiding in the bathroom, and I needed to stop stewing in the bedroom.

  I strode across the floor, hand raised and ready to open the door whether he wanted me to or not, when the door swung open and it was me with a still-naked and smiling Brandon.

  “How about you go start breakfast, and I’ll be in just as soon as I get dressed?”

  What? “Huh?”

  Brandon laughed, a happy carefree sound. He pointed toward the doorway. “I mean it. When I tell this story later, I want it to be good.”

  I didn’t actually understand what he was talking about, but he was smiling and happy. That was enough indication that things weren’t going to go south. I kissed him, hard and fast, and he let me have control for several minutes before he wiggled out of my arms and gave me a shove toward the door. I went, but I was still confused.

  If Brandon didn’t start talking, I was going to force his hand.

  As if he knew my thoughts, he appeared in the kitchen holding his phone in front of him. I squinted and took a step closer, then I heard his brother’s panicked voice.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Brandon looked up at me and smiled. “Nothing is wrong. I was wondering what you and Cas were doing this weekend. If you’d be up for a trip.”

  Brian answered immediately. “We can come to you if you need us.”

  “Yeah,” Brandon said. “I need you to come to Seattle and meet my boyfriend and his family.”

  My breath caught, and I couldn’t take my gaze off him. Brandon’s didn’t waver. He kept looking right at me as he spoke over his brother’s indignant sputtering. “I love him, B. I love him. He makes me feel whole. And I love his siblings. And I love his house. This is where I want to come home to. And I need you to meet him.”

  There was a beat of silence. “We’ll catch the first flight out.”

  Brandon disconnected the call, then slowly walked further into the room so he could place the phone on the counter. We stared at each other for a long moment, then broke into huge smiles. Brandon launched himself at me, and I lifted him right up, holding him to me.

  The man had just given me everything I wanted, and my heart filled to bursting.

  “That was quite a declaration,” I murmured against his skin.

  Brandon laughed, the sound happy and light. He squeezed me tighter. “I’m an actor. I have a flair for the dramatic.” He pulled back far enough so he could look in my eyes. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” I responded. And then, because I had to check, just to make sure, I asked, “You’re certain this is what you want?”

  Brandon’s eyes sparkled with delight, and I could see the love and affection in his face, as he nodded. “It is. Trust me.”

  THE END

  ABOUT KRIS T. BETHKE

  Kris T. Bethke has been a voracious reader for pretty much her entire life and has been writing stories for nearly as long. An avid and prolific daydreamer, she always has a story in her head.

  She spends most of her free time reading, writing, or knitting/crocheting her latest project. Her biggest desire is to find a way to accomplish all three tasks at one time. A classic muscle car will always turn her head, and naps on the weekend are one of her greatest guilty pleasures. She lives in a converted attic with a way too fluffy cat and the voices in her head. She’ll tell you she thinks that’s a pretty good deal. Kris believes that love is love, no matter the gender of people involved, and that all love deserves to be celebrated.

  For more information, visit kristbethke.com.

  ABOUT JMS BOOKS LLC

  JMS Books LLC is a small queer press with competitive royalty rates publishing LGBT romance, erotic romance, and young adult fiction. Visit jms-books.com for our latest releases and submission guidelines!