When He Stays: A Student Teacher Romance

by A. R. Breck

  "Umm, I think I will be okay. I'll meet you in the parking lot though."

  "Alright. See you tomorrow." With a wave, she slides back into her seat and reverses out of the driveway, heading home.

  I walk up to the front door and it swings open, revealing a worried looking Aunt Jenna. "How was your day, Callie? She asks, ushering me into the house.

  "It was fine, why?" I hesitate.

  The anxiety washes away from her face, and in its place is relief. "I was just worried about you is all. I imagine you must be tired after that long day. It was really okay?" She looks at me hard, as if my face will give away all my secrets.

  "It was fine. I'm just tired. I think I'm going to go lay down before dinner." I say, toeing off my shoes and walking towards my bedroom.

  "Oh, okay. Yes, you should go and rest. I'll holler for you when dinner is ready, okay?"

  "Alright." I grumble. Once I make it to my room, I shut the door and drop my things, flopping down on the bed with a groan.

  I really am exhausted. The effort it takes to put on a happy face when all you want to do is wallow in your misery is extremely taxing. By the end of the day, my cheeks were starting to hurt from trying to freeze them in a not so miserable face.

  It also doesn't help that during Alec's class, such grief overcame me that I had to excuse myself, and I spend the rest of the period hiding out in the girl's bathroom scrolling through my phone in the bathroom stall. I don't think the teacher even minds that I left, not wanting to mess with the over-emotional, damaged teenager.

  I crawl underneath the covers, attempting to get comfortable enough, but sleep eludes me. My thoughts wander to Alec, my friends, California, my brother. The one place I try to rarely allow my mind to go is my child. The one who made me feel so whole without me even knowing it. And now - now I feel so empty.

  It's crazy when I sit here and think about it - that I had a child growing inside of me. A little human with my DNA. Did she have my eyes? My hair? Did she look like her father? I call the baby a she because I feel it in my bones that it would have been a girl.

  I wasn't even really experiencing pregnancy symptoms, not really anyway. I don't get a period, but I still get other symptoms like being crabby and tender boobs, which is why when my boobs started to get a little tender I didn't think much of it. I was also eating a little bit more, but I just figured Alec was having me burn more calories, making me want to eat more often.

  But now that I'm not pregnant, I have never felt so not pregnant before. It's a horrible feeling, really. Losing something without ever really having time to enjoy it.

  I imagine what life would have been like, having a little girl around, running around in the trees with long, dark hair like her father, and big, blue eyes like her mother. I like to believe that I would have been a good mother - caring, attentive, loving. I like to believe that me and Alec, we would have been great parents.

  I smoosh my face into my pillow, feeling like the space where my heart once resided is being attacked. It's like every time this space inside my chest feels even somewhat normal, a thought, feeling, emotion, anything, burrows back in there and tears off that healed area, exposing my chest to the pain and heartbreak all over again.

  As a tear falls, I attempt to wipe it away, but another just falls right in its place. It becomes a war of wiping away the tear before they get to my chin, but they eventually come too fast, creating rivers, creeks, oceans of sorrow flowing down my face in what can only be defined as misery.

  I grab my phone, turning up my Band of Horses playlist before yanking the blanket up over me and the phone, creating a dome of darkness where the music is amplified in this small space, allowing me to cry as loud as I want without being able to hear even my own sadness.

  I break.

  This is why I didn't allow myself to think about the baby. I knew the darkness that was lingering inside of me would come out, and I knew it wouldn't be pretty. Distantly, I hear Aunt Jenna come in the room and try to comfort me and calm me down, but I am far too past that.

  I scream, holler, and roar at her to leave me alone. I need to do this alone.

  I need to fall apart.

  This goes on for what feels like hours, weeping, mourning, falling. Eventually, my body waves its white hand of exhaustion, and I welcome the darkness of sleep.

  * * * *

  I wake up to a raging headache and a feeling that my face is swollen about double its normal size. I get up and shuffle to the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror, and yup, my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, my hair is a matted mess, and my shirt has mascara droplets on it from my tears.

  I go back to my bedroom to change before walking out to the living room, seeing Aunt Jenna sitting on the couch reading a book with the TV turned on low. She looks up when she hears my footsteps, setting her book down and patting the cushion next to her. "You're awake. Come, sit."

  I walk over to her, sitting down and curling up into her side, loving that she immediately throws and arm over my shoulder and hauling me closer. "I was wondering when that little break was going to happen."

  I give a little chuckle. "I was wondering that too, honestly."

  "Do you feel better now?" She asks cautiously.

  "A little bit, yes." I take a huge breath, noticing that the heaviness is still there, just not as heavy. "One day at a time, I guess."

  She gives me a little squeeze. "Yes, one day at a time. I'll be here every step of the way, you know that, right?"

  Everyone leaves.

  "I hope so."

  "You don't need to hope, Callie. I'm here to stay."

  I give her a smile, getting comfortable on the couch while she gets up and heats up some leftovers that I missed from dinner. She comes back and passes me the remote. "You can put something on, dear."

  I flip through the channels, ending up on 50 First Dates, because I need something happy in my life. I eat as we watch the movie, not talking much, just enjoying each other's company. When I look at the clock, I notice that it's already ten o'clock. "Wow, I didn't realize it was already ten. I better get to bed." I stretch, getting up from the couch and walking over to the kitchen to put my dishes in the sink.

  "You know you can stay home tomorrow, if you don't feel up to it."

  "I know. I think I'll be fine." She gives me a look. "I'm serious. Today was just overwhelming. I think I will be fine for now on." She keeps looking at me without saying anything. "But, if I have too much of a hard time, I promise I will come home early this time instead of staying the whole day."

  She finally looks appeased, the worry leaving her shoulders as they drop. "Good. Go on to bed then, I will worry about the dishes in the morning."

  I give her a thankful look. "Thank you, Aunt Jenna. For everything." I give her a small smile. "Goodnight."

  "Goodnight, Callie."

  I walk back to my room, but look back at the sound of her calling my name. "Yes?"

  "I just want you to know - I'm still so sad about my sister, and I know you still haven't fully coped with her death, but I am so grateful that you came to live with me. I feel like it was a blessing in disguise." She gives me a watery smile before turning around and walking towards her room.

  I suck in a shaky breath before walking back to my room, crawling under my covers for the second time today. But for the first time today, I fall asleep with peace on my mind.

  Everything will be okay, eventually.

  TWENTY-SIX

  "What are you doing tonight?" Mya asks at my locker after first period.

  It's the last week of school, and the chaos going on throughout the halls is some sort of mad zoo of high school teenagers.

  "Last night at work." I pout. While I love working at the coffee shop, both Aunt Jenna and Mya have convinced me to finally take a couple months off before we head off to school in the end of August. Mya, Leah and I have all been accepted to the University of Colorado in Boulder. We found a small apartment right off of campus for an easy commute
but far enough where we don't have to feel squashed in with the million other students. Our place will also be bigger than a dorm room would, so there is that.

  Things have gotten better within the last few months. I still have hard days, but overall with the support of Mya, Leah and Aunt Jenna, the good days have been more and more outweighing the bad days.

  "Oh, you will be fine. We will be able to get some partying in before we go." Mya shakes her ass like there is music going on, and with my guess, she is probably actually hearing music in her head.

  I roll my eyes. "Would you stop?" I come off as annoyed, but she smirks and points at me when she can see a small smile growing on my face.

  I swat her hand away and start walking down the hall. "I will call you after work tonight."

  "You better! We've got plans this weekend!" She shouts, making people turn our way in curiosity. I groan, turning around and walking away from her quickly before she does anything else to embarrass me.

  She has been interesting these last couple months. Her and Lane have been on and off for the better part of the year. Right now, they are off. I think it's some sort of a love-hate relationship, but they will end up married with a bunch of kids and maybe three dogs. Leah on the other hand, is still going strong with Sawyer, and I honestly couldn't be happier for her.

  I still have heard from you know who. Maybe it's for the best, I don't know. I'm just trying to keep my mind off of him and stay positive. If he ever wants to reach out, he knows where to find me. He has my number. I have his but he is the one that left and I refuse to get in contact with him.

  A few guys have asked me out since I returned to school. I've gone out one, but it was more of a hangout then anything. I didn't let it get that far - I just couldn't. I might be physically trying to move on, but emotionally I'm still a little stuck on Alec, and I'm not going to force myself into anything if I'm not ready. I guess a part of me is still holding out hope that he is going to come back for me.

  As I'm walking down the hall to Mrs. Ballard's class, Mrs. Roule stops me in the middle of the hall. "Callie! Hi, would you mind coming to my office with me? I just want to chat quickly." She has a bright smile on her face.

  "Uhh, sure. Is everything okay?" We switch direction, walking in the direction of her office.

  "Yes, of course. I'm trying to do a quick check in with all of the seniors before the year is over." She ushers me into her room and shuts the door. "So please, tell me how everything is going." She folds her hands across her lap in a comfortable position, looking like she is getting ready to spend hours talking with me. Me on the other hand, still have my backpack around my shoulder, ready to hightail it out of this school forever.

  "Everything is fine. You know, ready for college and all that." I give her a genuine smile for that one, knowing she will appreciate my change in the college attitude from when I first came here.

  "Oh, yes! I'm so glad to hear you had a change of heart. Your grades this year have been wonderful, and your attendance has been spot on. Well, besides your leave over the winter." Her voice lowers on the last part.

  I give her a small smile and a nod, but it comes off more as a grimace.

  "Speaking of which, you are feeling better?" She gives me a sad smile, and it makes me think that maybe Aunt Jenna gave a little more away than what she said she did.

  "I'm fine. Better."

  "Good. And in regards to college, you have everything set up for where you are staying, classes you're taking and everything?" She seems to have caught on that I don't want to speak about the accident, quickly moving topics.

  I drop my shoulders, releasing the tension. This is a much easier topic. "Yes. Mya, Leah and I all got a small apartment off campus. We move in August. I haven't got all my classes picked out yet, but I've narrowed down a few I'm interested in."

  "And what are you going for again?"

  "Bachelor's in Sociology."

  Her eyes grow wide. "Wow, I'm impressed."

  I laugh. "Yeah, me too, honestly."

  "That's seriously great, though. Good choice." She shuffles some papers around on her desk and then gives me a small smile. "Well, I just wanted to say that the improvement that I have personally seen in you over the past year has been tremendous. If you need anything this last week at all, please let me know. It was a pleasure to get to know you, Callie." She stands from her desk, walking around and opening up her office door.

  I stand and readjust my backpack on my shoulder, giving her a genuine smile. "It was nice to meet you too, Mrs. Roule. Thanks."

  And with that, I walk out of her door for the last time.

  * * * *

  Walking out of the school doors, I breathe in the fresh, mountain air. The winter was pretty brutal, with the driving conditions and the crazy amount of snow that falls up here in the mountains. I almost forgot what it was like without the snow, all the green and the blue skies seeming a little more blue than normal.

  As I get closer to my car, I notice a white slip of paper shoved underneath the windshield wiper. "If this is a ticket, I swear I'm going to lose it." I mumble to myself.

  Plucking it off my car, I unfold it and furrow my brows in confusion.

  Only 82 days left

  A

  82 days? 82 days until what? I open up my phone calendar, counting the days until I get to 82, noticing that it lands on my birthday, August 22. Until I turn 18. I look back down at the note, squinting hard at it, trying to figure out if there is a hidden message somewhere within the five worded note. Did Alec write this? Snapping my head up, I frantically look around for his Jeep, but don't see it anywhere.

  I spend way too long standing there, attempting to decipher what this note means and who wrote it. If it was Alec, does that mean that he is coming back to me on my birthday? Looking up, I notice that most of the cars in the parking lot have gone. I look down at my phone, cursing at how long I have spent standing here doing nothing. Now I have to book ass if I don't want to be late for work.

  I hop into my car, whipping out of the school parking lot and hurrying off to the coffee shop. When I arrive, I'm practically out of my car before I have even turned it off.

  I've been a great employee, I really don't want to fuck it up on my last day.

  When I walk in, the first thing I notice is the balloons decorating the place. The second thing I notice is that not only is Elaine here with a huge cheesy smile on her face. Shaya is also here, someone who I don't see nearly enough.

  "Shaya! What are you doing here? What is all this?" I wave my hand around in emphasis.

  "You didn't think you were going to go off to college without a little send off, did you?" Elaine pops a hand on her hips and rolls her eyes.

  Shaya grabs a tray of cupcakes that have little icing graduation caps decorated on each cupcake. My hand flies to my mouth, shocked with the kind gesture and amazed that I was able to get to know these awesome humans. "And we wanted to be able to show our appreciation for working here. You have seriously been an amazing addition to the team, and you are always welcome back!" Shaya's eyes water up, but she quickly swipes them away before they fall.

  "Aww, guys!" I feel myself choking up too, and I bite my lip hard to stop my own eyes from watering.

  "Well, come on back. You've got a job to do tonight, which is hanging out with us and eating cupcakes!" Elaine says, grabbing one and handing it to me.

  I take it and bite into it, closing my eyes at the sweet goodness. "Oh my God, these are heavenly."

  "Why, thank you." Shaya says as she bites into her own cupcake.

  "You made these!? Holy shit. You should be selling these here at the shop! You could make a fortune off of baked goods if you cook this well." I'm shocked I'm just learning about her crazy good cooking skills.

  Elaine bites into her own cupcake. "Damn, Shaya. Callie is right, these are fire."

  Shaya blushes. "Oh, stop guys. I just cook for fun." She waves us off.

  I finish off my cupcake and lick the frosti
ng off my fingers. "Whatever you say, Shaya. I'm just saying, these are good. And you could make a lot of money if you sold some sweets or something."

  She seems to stop and think about this, letting the thoughts and ideas swim around in her head for a few minutes. At least she is thinking about it. "Alright, enough about me. I want to hear all about your plans for next year."

  And this is how we spend the remainder of my last shift at the coffee shop. Luckily, it was pretty slow tonight, so we weren't interrupted too often. We sat around and discussed my plans for this next year. Shaya tells me that I am welcome to come back and work on holidays or summer break. I'm thankful for her. I'm thankful for Elaine too. I'm not sure what I would have done without them. They are both like big sisters, and I love them for welcoming me with open arms.

  As we close down for the night, they help me haul the balloons and the last few cupcakes out to my car, both giving me huge hugs that literally squeeze the life out of me. We all tear up, and I have to calm myself so I don't end up blubbering like an idiot.

  With one last wave, I hop into my car and drive home. Home. It still shocks me that I have come to know and love this place as my home. When I had to move out here, I thought this would just be a short pit stop of my life before moving back home to California. Now, that time feels like it was a million years ago. I couldn't imagine any place except Colorado to be my home. The place, the people, everything about it calls to me.

  When I pull up into the driveway, I see that the outside light is on. Aunt Jenna must have waited up for me. Grabbing my balloons and cupcakes, I walk in and see Aunt Jenna sitting on the couch, reading a book. "Wow, look at all of that." She sets her book down, chuckling as she comes and helps me manage the flock of floating balloons. "I take it your last night went well?"

  "Yes. Shaya was even there tonight. We got to catch up and talk about next year. You should try one of her cupcakes, they are really good. I told her that she needs to open up her own bakery." I shove the plate in her face, but she just waves me off.