Switching Witches

by Robyn Peterman

  Zach marched over and tried to take Willow from my arms. “I will not leave Willow here,” he growled at me.

  “And neither am I, rude dude,” I snapped, holding Willow against my body and not letting her go.

  I needed to have Willow with me. I knew exactly where I was going. There was a fine chance the rest of the crew could get lost. There was no room for error here. I could still feel the faintest hint of a beat in Willow’s heart.

  “Where are you taking her?” Zach demanded, trembling with rage and grief.

  “Home. I’m taking her home.”

  “To Assjacket?” Zorro asked, getting to his feet with the help of my cats.

  “That’s right. Everyone is welcome. I think I can save her there.”

  Zach was still losing his shit. “And what do you have there that we don’t have here?” he demanded.

  “My trees, brother. I have my trees.”

  With a wave of my hand, I left with Willow secured tightly in my arms.

  Fat Bastard and the boys knew the way home. Hopefully, Zach would get past his fury and follow. Of course, there was a whole another shit show awaiting him in Assjacket—one named Fabio. But as much as I loved my brother, he wasn’t my concern right now.

  Willow was.

  Epilogue

  Three weeks later…

  * * *

  “Dear Goddess,” Baba Yaga choked out with a wince of horror as we stared out of the bay window in Mac’s and my home. Sassy whizzed by on her blue broom screaming with delight. “Please tell me she’s not going commando while riding on that stick.”

  I shook my head and groaned. “I really wish I could tell you that, but I’d be lying. Apparently, underpants inhibit the aerodynamics on a broom.”

  “Is that a German word?” Baba Yaga asked with a raised brow and a smirk.

  I laughed. “According to Sassy, it’s Canadian.”

  “Of course it is,” Baba Yaga replied and then turned her attention to the grove of trees in the meadow.

  Zach had barely moved from the base of Sponge Bob for three weeks. Fat Bastard, Jango Fett and Boba Fett were my brother’s constant shadows. They’d even given up their triweekly poker games to sit with Zach. That was huge for my fat ass familiars. However, Fat Bastard had pointed out that since Zach was basically me with a schlong—the Bastard’s words, not mine—Zach was now their responsibility as well. It was pretty clear that the cats drove Zach nuts, but he accepted them.

  I wished he would accept a few others, but hopefully time would solve that issue.

  My trees had taken Willow in without question and lovingly absorbed her barely alive body into their own massive wooden ones. Sponge Bob was the tree that kept her cradled safely within. Sleepy, Doc, Sneezy and Grumpy had attached their branches to Sponge Bob to provide him with more magic. They were basically now one big assed tree with five trunks—one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen.

  “They look like a child’s paper cutout of trees connected like that,” Baba Yaga commented idly.

  Her statement about the trees was correct. However, her eyes were glued to the man sitting beneath them.

  “Does he stay there all the time?” she asked quietly.

  I sighed and nodded. “Zach comes inside occasionally. Henry and Audrey are obsessed with him. The feeling is mutual. But most of the time he sits and waits.”

  “What do the trees say to you?” Baba asked, turning away from the window.

  I shrugged and continued to fold toddler clothes. I knew I could use magic, but I was trying to teach my babies that magic didn’t solve everything. Folding laundry was good for the soul… or some bullshit line like that.

  “My trees don’t know Willow’s fate. She was so close to death by the time I got her here that her chances of her coming back to us are iffy.”

  “Does Zach know this?”

  “Yep. I told him. He doesn’t believe me,” I said, pushing the laundry basket away. My soul was fine. “He sends healing power into Sponge Bob every day. Maybe it’s helping… maybe it’s not. I understand though. He has to do something because the alternative is unacceptable. Losing Mac would make my world meaningless.”

  “And Fabio?” Baba Yaga asked carefully. “Will your brother talk to him?”

  “No.”

  Zach had flat out refused to even acknowledge our father. I was beginning to get pissed, but my brother was in so much emotional pain, I kept my mouth shut. Now that we’d spent more time together, we were feeling each other’s thoughts.

  Zach probably knew I was pissed just like I was aware he lived on pins and needles waiting for Willow to come out of the tree. I wondered if Henry and Audrey had the same experience with each other. I was pretty sure they did. If one was unhappy, the other went there too and vice versa.

  “You know he’s hiding out there,” Baba said with a sad smile.

  “Who?” I asked, looking back out of the window.

  “Fabio. He watches over Zach while Zach watches over Willow.”

  “Goddess,” I said, flopping down on the couch. “Could shit get any more tragic?”

  “It could, but it won’t,” Baba Yaga said with a small smile pulling at her lovely mouth.

  “What do you know that I don’t?” I demanded.

  “You want my job?”

  “Fuuuuuck, no,” I said with a firm shake of my head and a laugh. “I’m good right where I am. Healing dumbass furballs suits me just fine.”

  “Then I suppose I can’t let you in on the secret,” she said slyly.

  “Wait,” I snapped, narrowing my eyes at the badly dressed leader of all witches. “If I say I’ll consider the Baba Yonightmare job sometime in the far, far, far, far, far, far, far distant future, you’ll tell me shit?”

  “How far?” she inquired casually.

  Nothing Baba Yaga did was casual. I was very aware of that.

  “Really fucking faaaaaaaaaaar,” I shot back.

  “Then nope. You cannot know that Willow will survive and that someday Zach and Fabio will have a bond that will be so special no one will be able to break it.”

  My joyous laugh rang out and bounced around the room. Baba Yaga joined me and then pressed her finger to her lips.

  “You will tell no one what you have learned,” she instructed firmly.

  “But Zach is in so much pain,” I replied, staring out the window at the depressed male version of myself. “It seems cruel not to tell him Willow will be fine eventually.”

  “That’s the rule about seeing the future,” Baba Yaga stated.

  “Rules suck,” I told her.

  “This is true, sometimes,” she acknowledged with a tilt of her head and a sigh. “However, the natural order of things must take place, Zelda. It’s what the Goddess intended. What Zach is feeling right now is not just panic about Willow. He’s led a life that none of us can imagine. Now that he’s free, he’s working his way through the darkness that had imprisoned him. Hopefully, he’s also letting it go. He’s not ready for his happily ever after yet and the Goddess is well aware of it.”

  “Dude, you are so freakin’ smart. Even if I wanted your job, I would suck huge assmonkeys at it,” I said staring at her.

  “You think I haven’t screwed up?” Baba demanded as she began to spark. “Do you honestly think the fact that your brother—your twin, no less and one of the people I was supposed to keep safe—was trapped into blood slavery doesn’t keep me up at night?”

  I was silent after that admission. I felt exactly the same way. The enormity of what Carol was in charge of was the real reason I couldn’t and wouldn’t take the job. I was barely responsible enough to use my magic correctly. I didn’t want to imagine a time where I was in charge of everyone else’s.

  “Pretending to be you… or the one in charge was kinda sucky,” I admitted.

  “But you didn’t back down from anything that was thrown at you,” Baba Yaga pointed out. “You switched witches beautifully—just like I knew you would.”
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  She was right and wrong. My performance was not what I would describe as beautiful, but I didn’t back down. Honestly though, I didn’t want to relive what happened three weeks ago any time soon. But yes, I’d done it. I was proud of all I had done. And if presented with something similar? Yep—I would tackle it again.

  Shitshitshit.

  “Let my kids grow up first,” I blurted out before I knew what was going to fly from my lips.

  Baba’s grin was wide and she nodded her head with satisfaction.

  I sighed dramatically and zapped my own ass on purpose. I was all kinds of an idiot. But before I could take any of it back, Baba Yaga poofed away in a cloud of peach glitter.

  “Great, the freak show will hold me to that,” I muttered.

  “How do I look?” Zorro inquired as he bounced into the great room grinning from ear to ear.

  “Umm..,” I wasn’t sure how to answer without insulting him.

  He and Zach both had rooms in our home until they didn’t want or need them. I was perfectly okay if they wanted to live with us until the end of time. While Henry and Audrey were obsessed with Zach, they adored the ground Zorro walked on. He shifted to his goat constantly and gave them rides through the meadow. Audrey had conjured up goat horns for both her brother and herself and they wore them all the time. I finally had to put an end to that when they gored the living crap out of Bermangoggleshitz’s backside. Roy didn’t give two hoots, but it was a very bad habit to shove your horns into the asses of your guests. I was not raising heathens. Not to mention, I wasn’t too fond of healing Roy’s butt.

  “Gurlfriend,” Zorro sang as he twirled around the room. “Am I not fabu?”

  How to answer that inquiry without devastating my new friend…

  The goat was wearing the tightest black pants and shirt I’d ever seen. I had no clue how he’d even gotten them on. They were so dang tight, his religion was showing. Of course, when you added a long black cape, a black eye mask, and a squat sombrero looking hat with red pompoms hanging from it, you had a seriously hot mess.

  “Are you going somewhere special in that… umm… getup?”

  “To rehearsal!” he squealed. “I’m starring in the Assjacket Community Theatre’s new musical production of Zorro, the Gay Blade!”

  Biting down on my lips so I didn’t scream in horror, I just thanked the Goddess that I hadn’t been blackmailed into performing again. The musical version of Mommie Dearest had been enough for my entire lifetime.

  “Wow,” I said—because “Holy shit—are you fucking joking?” wasn’t nice.

  “Fabio is directing and Sassy is playing all the women’s roles in the show. It will be very avant-garde. I. Love. Assjacket,” Zorro squealed as he pranced out of the room.

  And Assjacket loved Zorro. Every single Shifter, witch and warlock thought that goat hung the moon. He was even thinking about running for Mayor since we didn’t have one… or need one, actually.

  The five Shifters that Mac had relocated from Lexington to Assjacket had indeed been greeted by Bob the unibrow beaver. However, that turned out to be no big deal since three of the incoming new members of our community had unibrows of their own.

  We’d officially added three beaver Shifters and two llama Shifters to our fold. I just hoped they weren’t as clumsy as the rest of the dorks who lived here.

  Sadly, Lexington was now pretty much magic free. Of course, they still had Verruca Trotcackler…

  “Mommy,” Henry squealed as he flew into the room followed by a giggling Audrey. “Me and Awey wanna go love on Uncle Zach.”

  “Yessssss, Mommy!” Audrey announced as she showed me the three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches she’d made. My little girl had not used magic. The sandwiches verged on gross with jelly squishing out of the sides and a big glob of peanut butter sitting on top of the bread. They were perfect. “We make lunch for Zachy! He be hungry now.”

  “I bet he is,” I said, showering my precious babies with kisses. I was now wearing peanut butter and jelly all over my face and shirt, but it was a look I loved. “I think it’s a great idea.”

  “Yayayayayayay!” they shouted as they flew out of the open window and down to the meadow.

  Zach’s face lit with happiness as they landed on top of him, smearing him with his lunch. Being with his niece and nephew were the only times I’d seen him truly smile since he’d arrived.

  I’d spent plenty of time sitting under Sponge Bob with my brother, but our talks were more serious and emotional. We had a hell of a lot of catching up to do. The one person we never spoke of was our egg donor. We hadn’t made the rule with words—we somehow just knew. Eventually, we would have to discuss her but not any time soon.

  Audrey was busy doing a wild little dance for Zach. Her adorable red curls bounced as she twirled like a toy top on speed.

  Henry—not to be outdone by his sister—was busy turning acorns into toads. Whatever. If we ended up with an infestation, I’d turn them into something else that worked well around trees.

  I still wondered if bagworm Shifters were a real thing but I decided not to ask.

  I smiled as I watched them eat. My new normal was turning out to be better than anything I could have imagined for my life.

  “I have a great idea,” Mac said coming up behind me and wrapping his strong arms around me.

  “Do you?” I asked as I reached around and grabbed his jeans clad perfect ass. “I have some ideas too.”

  Mac spun me around so my body was pressed flush with his. My girly parts perked up and I could feel that his part was quite happy to see me too.

  “I reserved a hotel room for us,” he said, brushing his lips against mine and making them tingle. “We never did get to play Princess and the Penis.”

  I was caught between a rock and a hard place… no pun intended. As much as I really wanted to play Princess and the Penis, I didn’t want to leave my babies.

  “Umm…” I began, staring straight at his chest because eye contact would give me away. “That sounds… you know… umm…”

  “Terrible?” he asked hopefully.

  My eyes jerked to his. Did Mac not want to play Princess and the Penis with me?

  “Explain yourself,” I said, trying to slip out of his arms so I could properly pout and blow something up.

  Mac was having none of it. His arms trapped me like steel bands.

  “Fine,” Mac said sheepishly. “I didn’t want to sound like a boring dad, but the hotel was for you—not me. I felt bad that we missed out on hotel sex since you were so excited about it. I don’t want to go away from Henry and Audrey.”

  “Wait. So you do still want to play Princess and the Penis?” I asked, making sure I was following.

  Grabbing my hand and placing it on his penis, he grinned. “I definitely want to play Princess and the Penis… and my Bon Jovi does too.”

  “Goddess, what a relief,” I said, wrapping my arms and legs around him. “I thought you didn’t want to have sex with me.”

  “Zelda, I spend ninety-nine percent of my day thinking about having sex with you,” he said with a panty melting grin.

  “That is so hot,” I squealed and I rubbed my excited body against his. “What do you do with the other one percent of your time?”

  “Everything else I have to do in life,” he said with a laugh as he began walking us toward our bedroom. “How much time do you think we have?”

  “They just went down to eat lunch with Zach. I’d say an hour,” I told him, nipping at his neck.

  “And Zorro?”

  “He’s at a rehearsal for Assjacket Community Theater’s upcoming musical version of Zorro, the Gay Blade,” I told him, trying not to giggle. I failed.

  “Not touching that one, Princess,” he said with a chuckle as he tossed me on the bed and jumped on beside me. “You ready to play, baby?”

  “I was born ready,” I said, pulling him on top of me.

  “That’s what I like to hear.”

  I knew it
would take time for Zach to be okay, but I knew in my heart he would. Hopefully, Willow would join us in the near future and they could work out their own shit together.

  Fabio was kind of breaking my heart. His desire to know his son was so plain to see. He wore his heart on his sleeve and his sorrow on his face. But I knew the secret now, and in time, that would resolve itself too.

  Right now, it was time for me—me and the hottest werewolf in Universe.

  I was the best damned princess Mac had ever seen.

  And his penis?

  Let’s just say it rocked my world.

  The Princess and the Penis was definitely a keeper.

  —The End…for now—

  Note From The Author

  If you enjoyed Switching Witches, please consider leaving a positive review or rating on the site where you purchased it.

  * * *

  Reader reviews help my books continue to be valued by resellers and help new readers make decisions about reading them.

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  You are the reason I write these stories and I sincerely appreciate each of you!

  Many thanks for your support,

  ~ Robyn Peterman

  www.robynpeterman.com

  Excerpt: Bad Panther

  Alien Guardians of Earth, Book 1

  Chapter One

  Somewhere in the wilds of North Dakota…

  * * *

  Dr. Sugar Lee Jennings was so far into the wilderness that even her GPS wasn’t registering her location. When she’d bought her expensive hiking watch, she’d paid extra for that feature and it was supposed to work everywhere. Well, screw that—and obviously her too—because in the end finding the cave had been nothing but sheer luck and trusting her intuition.

  Now that she was actually facing the cave’s not-breached-in-centuries entrance, Sugar decided it was a toss-up as to whether she found the place creepy or heard it beckoning her to come discover its secrets. The weirdness of such thoughts was enough to have her lecturing herself aloud.