3 Below

by Patrick Carman

  “Thank you, Alfred! That’s twice you’ve saved my favorite hat!”

  “Think nothing of it—” Alfred said, then they were flipping around in circles like a corkscrew, screaming in each other’s faces.

  “The old dudes are having a time, aren’t they?” Leo said to his two friends in the front seat.

  “Me tooooooooo,” Lucy howled as they turned a wide, fast curve along a far wall.

  The Tree Dragon had gone all the way around the entire course of tracks, and when they came back to the place where everyone had gotten on, the roots before them moved to the right.

  “I think we’re heading onto a different set of tracks,” Leo said. “Maybe we’re almost done.”

  Smoke billowed out of the Tree Dragon’s nostrils, filling the air like a choo-choo train, and it banked up onto the wall, turning sharply. It stayed that way, riding in a wide circle around the edge of the hotel, gaining speed with each rotation.

  “We’re going faster!” Remi said. The skin on his chubby cheeks pushed back against his ears as the gravity increased, and the slot for punching their tickets lit up green on the dash.

  “Time to punch our tickets!” Lucy yelled, and everyone struggled to get their tickets out of their pockets. Leo got there first, then Lucy, and finally Remi. In the backseat, Mr. Pilf went first, and then Alfred Whitney punched the last ticket of the bunch.

  The Tree Dragon glanced down sharply, driving straight through the middle of the floor.

  “We’re heading for the wall!” Remi yelled. “And there’s MONDAR!”

  The tracks they were on appeared to end at the far wall, and the Tree Dragon wasn’t slowing down. If anything, it was gaining even more speed. The dragon breathed fire for the first time, illuminating MONDAR’s face painted on the wall they were blasting toward.

  “Now you leave the realm of MONDAR!” a voice boomed into the hotel.

  They were on a crash course with the hotel itself, fire billowing along the sides of the coaster as they went faster still.

  “I’ll miss you, bro!” Remi yelled.

  The Tree Dragon hit the wall with incredible force, blasting a hole in the building big enough for a car to drive through. It was very lucky then, for everyone on board, that Merganzer D. Whippet had laid a great deal more track outside his hotel than inside.

  “Hey! We’re still alive!” Remi laughed.

  “So that’s what these were.” Leo smiled, for they were riding on rails that looked like tree limbs, the very ones they’d seen when they first arrived. The Tree Dragon swooped down to the ground, then up into the air, where they rode along the canopy of trees. Turning sharply and heading back into the middle, they saw the top of the new Merganzer D. Whippet hotel for the first time. It was the only thing that sat higher than the trees, and as they passed by, Merganzer himself waved from the roof.

  “Lovely ride, isn’t it?” he asked them as they sped by.

  “The best!” Leo answered, and then they were diving again, winding through the trees and into the field of wacky inventions. They circled the tents and buildings, then rose a final time, past the trees, to the highest point of the ride. There it slowed dramatically at its curved apex, and they saw the grandeur of all Merganzer D. Whippet had accomplished. The tents were massive and colorful, like something out of a circus, and the buildings lay clustered like tiny German villages gathered against the cold. It was a fairy-tale scene of stone spires shooting up through green and golden leaves. Pathways of red and yellow wound about the ground below, like strings of colored yarn pulled free from the warmest blanket in the world. It was a place of invention and magic, of dreams and laughter. It was, quite possibly, the best place on earth.

  “I’m glad I made it this far,” Mr. Pilf said. “If only to see this, the one time.”

  “Ditto,” Remi said.

  “I wonder if this is the end?” Lucy asked. A split second later, the Tree Dragon was billowing steam again, breathing fire into the open sky.

  “Looks to me like the tracks end down there, on the roof,” Leo said.

  The Tree Dragon rolled back into action, riding a corkscrew of turns down, down, down to the level of the hotel. It came to a stop next to Mr. Powell and Merganzer, who stood waiting for them.

  “Now then, wasn’t that refreshing?” Merganzer asked.

  “I suppose that’s one way of looking at it,” Alfred said.

  “Ahh, Mr. Whitney! So glad to find you still afoot!”

  “I as well, sir,” said Alfred, breathing a big sigh of relief for having survived the perilous journey to the roof of the new Merganzer D. Whippet hotel.

  The safety rails released, but no one got out, not right away. They were wondering, mostly, what Merganzer would make of Lucy.

  Merganzer seemed to read their minds.

  “I see you have a stowaway with you.”

  “We do, sir,” Leo jumped in. He wanted to defend Lucy for all her bravery, but Merganzer held up his hand.

  “Let’s all go inside first,” Merganzer said. “This will be easier to figure out with some cookies and milk.”

  “Agreed,” Remi said. “Everything is easier to figure out with cookies and milk. It’s a known fact.”

  And so everyone disembarked from the Tree Dragon and followed Merganzer across the roof of his new private hotel, which was now complete.

  There had been a lot of ups and downs and sideways on the ride. Lots of bouncing around.

  It was hard to say where something like a satellite phone might end up after a ride like that. But either way, it would soon be ringing, and someone would surely pick it up.

  Leo didn’t want to leave the roof as the Tree Dragon rolled away, starting its journey back to the realm of MONDAR. He stayed at the very end of the line, hoping for more time to survey the panoramic view. Turning in a slow circle, Leo saw that the roof of the Merganzer D. Whippet was just like the roof of the Whippet back home. It was clear to Leo that Merganzer liked this kind of roof, with a garden and a pond and plenty of ducks. The rest of the party stopped short and turned back, because Betty was waddling around the edge of the circular pond, honking like a lunatic.

  “She’s been in a mood all day,” Merganzer called back. “I can’t seem to calm her down. She won’t even eat animal crackers.”

  “Let’s get her back together with you-know-who,” Alfred said. He dug down into his pocket and pulled out Comet, setting him on the ground. The little duckling honked happily and ran to its mother and siblings. Betty took one look at Comet and began quacking and waddling, drawing Comet into the fold. Everyone who was there that day would later agree that mother ducks are, on very rare occasions, known to smile.

  “Well,” Merganzer marveled. “Nothing like a mother duck with her long-lost duckling.”

  “He’s a bit of a roamer,” Alfred explained. “We found him on the roof of the Whippet, but really, it was my fault. I tempted him with granola bars.”

  “Granola bars, you say?” Merganzer asked. “Well, if they like those, I’ll start making them. Healthier than animal crackers.”

  Merganzer pulled an animal cracker out of his own pocket and tossed it in the air, catching it on his tongue and crunching it down.

  “How about that milk and cookies?” he said with a twinkle in his eye. “Fresh-baked chocolate chip.”

  They came to a ladder at the edge of the roof and went down, one after the other, arriving inside the top floor of the new Merganzer D. Whippet hotel. It was a wonderful open room, filled with dozens of tall, rectangular pedestals. A winding pathway ran between them all, and Merganzer explained what each one was.

  “These are some of my many treasures. They’re holograms, something I’ve cooked up so I can keep an eye on everything.”

  The top of each pedestal had a replica of a hotel floor. It was like a four-dimensional view of each location, with people moving about and everything.

  “I avoid the rooms where people are staying, for obvious reasons,” Merganzer explained.
“But everything else is here, for me to keep an eye on. I am always watching, always tinkering.”

  “Hey!” Remi shouted. He was up on his toes, getting a better look at the top of one of the pedestals. “It’s the realm of MONDAR. And there’s the Tree Dragon. It’s back!”

  Sure enough, the coaster had rolled back to its home, where it parked in the loading zone and waited for the next rider to appear with a ticket to be punched. Watching all this happen in miniature was just plain fantastic. It wasn’t like watching television; it was as if the entire floor was sitting right there, shrunk down but very real, a world unto itself.

  Merganzer reached his hand inside, cutting through the light of the hologram, and pointed out the different rides.

  “When I was a boy, my mother took me to Coney Island. Just one time, that’s all, but I never forgot what fun it was. The rides, the cotton candy, the thrill of it all. I’ve been working on my own rides ever since.”

  “You’re like Walt Disney!” Remi said. “You should open a real theme park. Kids would go nuts for this stuff.”

  There was a mischievous glimmer in Merganzer’s eyes, as if he were already planning just such a venture.

  “I’ll get the cookies and the milk; you can all look around a little bit.”

  Merganzer raced off, as excited as a child on Christmas morning, and everyone else spread out, searching the floor for more treasures.

  “Look here, Mr. Pilf,” Alfred said. “It’s the lobby of your hotel.”

  “So it is,” Mr. Pilf said as they both gazed down into the Spiff Hotel, which had a very spiffy lobby indeed. “It’s busy there today. I hope the staff is managing without me.”

  Leo found the Whippet and enjoyed looking down at Captain Rickenbacker as he stalked the gardener, Mr. Phipps, out on the grounds. He’d been away only a couple of days, but already he missed his beloved hotel. Lucy found the realm of gears and couldn’t believe her eyes.

  “You two were in there while those things were moving?” she asked as Remi and Leo came near. Even small and unmoving, the gears looked like a hazardous place to wander around in search of clues.

  “Loved that place,” Remi said, shaking his head slowly. “And Clyde, that mechanical dog. And Dr. Flart. Good guys.”

  “Time to get down to business,” Merganzer called from the far end of the room. There were five fancy chairs lined up in a row, all of them facing a table with a big tray of cookies and glasses of cold milk. And there was one more chair, a green furry one, where Merganzer was seated, waiting for them.

  “Take a treat, if you like,” he said. “And please, sit. It’s been a long day.”

  Warm chocolate chip cookies and cold glasses of milk were picked up, and each person settled into a chair.

  “And so our meeting comes to order,” Merganzer said. “Let me begin by saying how surprised I am to see so many of you here. It was a complicated challenge getting this far, one that required more than just puzzle-solving skills and bravery. No one makes it this far on his or her own, so you each have at least some team-building ability. And you’re all leaders, to some degree. Those things are important if you’re trying to run not one but six of the finest hotels in the world.”

  “Could I just say, for the record, that I don’t want to run six hotels,” Lucy offered.

  Merganzer tilted his head to the left and looked at Lucy sideways. He seemed to be sizing her up, determining her weight, counting the fingers on each of her hands.

  “I’ve been watching you,” Merganzer finally said. “For a lot longer than you probably know. You remind me of Leo, a very clever and handy young man.”

  “I am handy,” Lucy said. “That’s true.”

  “And brave,” Merganzer said, turning his gaze on the plate of chocolate chip cookies. “Let’s not rule anyone out, not just yet.”

  There were, quite clearly, things to be discussed as they pertained to Lucy. She had, after all, been a stowaway in the tiny dinosaur zoo, hiding out from her crummy foster parents. And she was in possession of a T. rex named Phil, which she was hiding in her pocket. It would all need to be discussed, and Alfred was just about to voice his own opinions on the subject, when a strange sound was heard.

  Mr. Pilf, who had been rather quiet since his arrival in the treasure room, turned to Alfred, who was sitting next to him. He didn’t say a word, but his face registered surprise.

  “Someone’s pocket is ringing,” Remi said through a mouthful of cookie.

  “It must be a special sort of phone,” Merganzer said. “Normal ones won’t work here. I’ve made sure of that. Too distracting, can’t get anything done with phones going off all the time.”

  Alfred let the phone ring a few more times — it was set to vibrate, so it buzzed softly in his pocket.

  “Does anyone mind if I answer it?” Alfred asked.

  “I didn’t even think phones were allowed,” Mr. Pilf protested. “I think Alfred should be disqualified. If it is some sort of special phone, he might have been getting hints along the way.”

  Merganzer pulled on his ear lobe with a long gloved hand and leaned forward.

  “How about if I answer it for you?” Merganzer asked, holding his hand out into the air.

  Mr. Pilf didn’t like that idea one bit.

  “But he’s a cheat! Why not send him and his phone packing and get on with it?”

  “There’s no rush here,” Merganzer stated flatly. “We’ve got all day if we need it. Mr. Whitney, if you please.”

  Alfred removed the phone, which was still buzzing in his hand, from his pocket and gave it to Merganzer. There was some fumbling with the screen as he put the call on speaker, so everyone could hear.

  “Yes?” Merganzer said in an old Hollywood low voice. He was astonishingly good at impressions, and his effort at Alfred was spot-on.

  “Roger? Is that you? Blow your nose, you sound like a moose.”

  Merganzer, Leo, and Remi were immediately aware of who the caller was. Ms. Sparks had a very distinct, distressingly high-pitched voice.

  Merganzer put a finger to his lips, which was good, because Remi was just about to ask who Roger was.

  Merganzer looked at Mr. Pilf with a certain kind of sadness, then his voice changed, and his impression of Mr. Pilf was every bit as good as his impression of Alfred.

  “Things have taken a turn for the worst, I’m afraid,” Merganzer said in Mr. Pilf’s voice.

  “Why am I not surprised?” Ms. Sparks yelled. “You incompetent fool!”

  The real Mr. Pilf turned red-faced. He looked like he wished he could disappear.

  “I dislike it when you talk to me that way,” Merganzer said in Mr. Pilf’s voice. “Why must you be so negative all the time?”

  “Why couldn’t I have had a sister?” Ms. Sparks asked. “Little brothers are so pathetic. Tell me what’s happening and I’ll tell you what to do.”

  Leo and Remi exchanged a glance. Mr. Pilf? Mr. Roger Pilf was Ms. Sparks’s little brother? Remi leaned in close and whispered in Leo’s ear, “Can you imagine what his childhood was like? Poor guy.”

  Leo nodded. He felt less betrayed by Mr. Pilf than sorry for him. Mr. Pilf hadn’t seemed like such a bad guy. He was a little bit of a coward, but who wouldn’t be with a tyrannical sister like Ms. Sparks?

  “I’ve made it to the very end of the competition,” Merganzer said. “Unfortunately, I’m not the only one.”

  “Those meddling kids,” Ms. Sparks snapped.

  “Also Mr. Alfred Whitney,” Merganzer went on in Pilf’s voice.

  “He can barely walk! And he’s as dumb as a tube of toothpaste.”

  Mr. Pilf made a pained expression. This was turning very embarrassing, and fast.

  “In any case,” Merganzer said, “they’re all sitting here with me. Would you like to say hello?”

  “This is no time for jokes,” Ms. Sparks said. She paced the grubby carpet in her shabby apartment and let loose on Roger Pilf. “Might I remind you that I run this show, not
you, little brother. It was me who prepared all the documents to legally change your last name, me who concocted that preposterous résumé of yours. Ha! You were a waffle-eating numbskull living here, in this rathole of an apartment, before I got you that job. You were no high-flying hotel manager from Canada! Have you forgotten that was all manufactured by me? I made sure you were hired to run the Spiff. You owe me.”

  The real Mr. Pilf stood up, wringing his hands as his face shook with anger.

  “He does look a little bit like her,” Leo leaned close to Remi and said. “The eyes, that nose.”

  Mr. Pilf ran over to the phone and let decades of anger and resentment out for everyone, especially his sister, to hear. “I’ve had it up to here with you badgering me into doing whatever you tell me to do!” he yelled. “I’m telling Mom!”

  “Oh no you don’t!” Ms. Sparks said. “She thinks you’re as worthless as I do!”

  “I quit!” Mr. Pilf said. “I quit the competition and I quit as manager of the Spiff Hotel!”

  “Brat,” Ms. Sparks said. “Brat, brat, brat!”

  The situation was starting to spin wildly out of control, and that’s when Merganzer used his real voice to bring two temper tantrums to a close.

  “Ms. Sparks, it’s me, Merganzer D. Whippet.”

  A deadly silence fell over the room.

  “I’m afraid we have some important work to do here,” Merganzer went on. “I’m going to need to cut this conversation short.”

  Mr. Pilf walked right up to Merganzer D. Whippet and ripped the satellite phone from his hands.

  “Good-bye, Lenora!”

  He had called her by her first name, which Ms. Sparks hated with every fiber of her being. She was screaming into the phone on her end, but no one inside the treasure room at the new Merganzer D. Whippet hotel could hear her. Mr. Pilf had dropped the phone, smashing it over and over again with the heel of his boot.

  “That is one angry little man,” Remi said, biting into his cookie like he was eating snacks and watching a movie.

  “Mr. Pilf,” Merganzer said quietly, “might I have a word with you, privately?”

  Mr. Pilf was breathing heavily, but he calmed down at the soothing sound of Merganzer’s voice. The two of them walked to the far side of the floor, where words no one else could hear were exchanged.