Lies and Lullabies

by Bowen, Sarina

  “Oh. I… Jonas has them.”

  “Has what?” he asked, coming around the corner with a plate in one hand and a glass in the other.

  “My keys.” The sight of Jonas moving through my apartment so comfortably was startling. There were so many times when I’d pictured this. I’d craved one more easy night in his company. Just one simple moment, like we’d had all those summers ago.

  He handed me the plate, then drew my keys from his pocket.

  My father took them, heading for the door. “Leave a light on for me.”

  “Will do,” I croaked.

  Even after the door shut on my father, I stared at it, wondering what had just happened.

  “Hey. Are you all right?” Jonas set the glass down on the coffee table.

  “I guess so.” I gave my head a shake and tried to snap out of it.

  “Sit down. Eat your dinner.” He laughed. “Holy crap, I just sounded like somebody’s dad.”

  “It’s true. You did.” I sat on the sofa and took a bite of rice. I never allowed Vivi to eat anything on the sofa, so I was breaking my own rule right now. But that’s the kind of night that it was. “Thank you for this. And for taking Vivi earlier. Did you have any trouble?”

  Jonas grinned. “The only hard part was getting her to stop talking long enough to eat. But once she started eating, a huge amount of food disappeared in a short amount of time.”

  “That’s my girl.”

  “I cleaned her up as best I could. But she wasn’t too interested in having her face wiped.”

  “Sounds about right.”

  “And anyway, that’s when your dad showed up.”

  “So what was that like?” I took another bite and watched Jonas sit back to talk to me. What a strange little intimate moment this was. Two parents, talking about putting their kid to bed. Just like anyone.

  “He’s kind of hard to read,” Jonas admitted, putting his hands behind his head. I tried not to stare at the way his T-shirt stretched against his chest muscles. “He’s got that whole taciturn New Englander thing working. At first I thought he was just trying to place my face, you know? I could tell he was floored when Vivi called me Daddy. But he shook my hand and took it like a man.”

  “Wow. I’m sorry. I had no idea he was coming.”

  “It was fine. Maybe it was better that way, you know? He didn’t get a chance to chew me out before I could stick a beer in his hand and make nice with his granddaughter. He loves Vivi.”

  “He does, indeed. So maybe he’ll cut you a break because you contributed half her genetic material.”

  “Maybe.”

  We lapsed into silence while I finished my plate of food, and Jonas turned off the baseball game. The glass he’d brought me contained a beer. “Thank you for feeding me,” I said, setting the plate down on the coffee table.

  Jonas reached over and gave my knee a squeeze. “Do you know how many times you fed me? I want to take care of you.”

  “You do?”

  “All the time.” His smile was wistful. “Come over here, will you?” He opened his arms.

  I hesitated for about two tenths of a second before I did exactly what he asked. I let him fold me into a hug.

  “Last time I saw you, I tried to tell you that everything would be easy, but that was wishful thinking. My tour lasts a long time. Next we’ll head south, and then we’ll finish on the West Coast. Flights get canceled. My best friend is suffering, and I have to figure out whether I can help him.”

  “Mmm,” I said, trying to listen. The feel of Jonas’s heartbeat against my own was distracting. It wasn’t just sex that I’d been missing—simple affection was a luxury I’d rarely had from a man.

  “But you matter to me. So much. It’s going to take me a few months to figure out how I can spend chunks of time with you. So I need you to be patient with me. I need you, Kira.”

  I tucked my face into his neck and took a deep breath of him.

  “Say something. Tell me where your head is.”

  My head was nestled against the soft collar of his T-shirt. “When we’re in the same room, it’s easy to say yes to you. When you walk out, it’s harder.”

  He ran his fingers through my hair. “Should I go out on the sidewalk and phone you? Because I love you just as much when I’m on the road, Kira. I don’t know how to convince you that it’s true.”

  I lifted my head from his shoulder. “Spending time with you has always been…” Just admit it already. “Magical, okay? But then you leave again, and I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck.”

  He gave me a sexy smile. “Magical. I can work with that. Me and my magic wand…”

  I gave him a playful slap on the chest. “Don’t laugh at me, okay? I’m trying to answer your question.”

  His face got serious immediately.

  “I think about you out there, doing your thing. All those people screaming your name. And I wonder why you’d want Vivi and I to pin you down. I just don’t trust it.”

  “You don’t trust it,” he repeated with a wince. “You don’t trust me.”

  “That’s not what I said…”

  He held up a hand. “It’s fine, Kira. I’ve never given you a single reason to trust me. The first thing I ever told you about myself was that I was a jackass who never loved his ex-girlfriend. Then I went away for five years. I had a lot of growing up to do. But I’ve come a long way.”

  “So…” I cleared my throat. “I still don’t know how it could work. I need to be in Boston. Adam is not okay yet, and I think he’s afraid I’ll leave him. I could never do that. Not after he’s done so much for me.”

  Jonas gave me a squeeze. “Can I be with you in Boston? I asked Ethan to look for a real estate agent who works in this neighborhood.”

  I raised my head. “Really?”

  “Really. I’m going to take some time off after my tour. My life gets easier then. Can you wait ten weeks for me?”

  I could. And more than that, I wanted to. “All right. We’ll have to make time to talk on the phone.”

  “Do you have a calendar? Like, a paper one?”

  “Sure? Just a minute.” I went into the kitchen and returned with a wall calendar that Adam had made with a picture of Vivi on every page.

  “Aw! Look at this. I need a copy.” Jonas pulled out his phone. “Okay. August seventh my tour is over. And I don’t have another show date until the twenty-fourth, in Munich.”

  “Munich?”

  “We’re headlining a music festival. Even though I told my agent not to book anything more in Europe or Asia, I can’t cancel this. But maybe you and Vivi could fly over with me beforehand, and we could go to Euro Disney, or something.”

  I clicked my pen and made a note on the calendar. “Don’t even breathe the word Disney near Vivi until the day you are ready to pull up to the gates.”

  “Point taken,” he said.

  “Okay, Mr. Magic. What else is on your calendar?”

  Twenty-Five

  Jonas

  I sat with Kira for hours as we worked through the details of our busy lives.

  Together, we mapped out the next several months. This time, I was more honest about all the uncertainties in my life. “I have to figure out if Nixon is okay. And when we’ll need to get into the studio again.” I didn’t explain to Kira that Nixon always felt better again when fall arrived, because I really didn’t understand it myself.

  “Okay,” Kira said, setting the calendar down. “That’s a lot of flying to Boston.”

  “I don’t mind,” I said quickly.

  “It’s just…” Her eyes lifted to search my face. “How does this work next year? When you can’t take any more time off? Your life is in Seattle and ours is here.”

  I hitched myself closer to her on the couch and pulled her in. “I probably have to record in Seattle, but I can write anywhere. I promise.”

  Kira started to say something else, but I didn’t let her. I leaned forward and took her mouth in a kiss. Just
one. And she tasted like heaven. Like an angel.

  She was an angel. Kira took care of her brother and her daughter. She’d once taken care of me, and I wanted to return the favor. I needed to start now. Kira was probably exhausted. I broke our kiss. “It’s late, and you’ve had a tough day. We should get some sleep.”

  She smiled, and I felt it all over. “My father is staying here. I don’t quite know where to put you.”

  This made me grin. “You can’t close the barn door after the horse gets out, Kira. I don’t think he’ll be shocked if I sleep in your bed.”

  For a moment I thought she’d argue. “I suppose you’re right,” she said after a pause. “I’ll get him set up to stay in Adam’s room. I’ll leave him a note.”

  While she did that, I went into Kira’s tiny room, where a double bed took up most of the floorspace. It wasn’t meant to be a bedroom, that much was obvious. There wasn’t even a closet.

  I’d mentioned to Kira that I wanted to rent a place in Boston. But I’d rather buy a roomy brownstone and put a little recording studio in it. There would be a big bedroom for the two of us, a room for Vivi, of course, and also a guest room. There would be space enough for everyone. And it needed to be close to Adam, of course.

  Did such a place exist? I’d have to find out.

  I got ready for bed and climbed under Kira’s covers without waiting for an invitation. A few minutes later she appeared in the doorway wearing her black nightgown. Her eyes swept over me, and her lips quirked in amusement.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You. There.”

  “You see anything you like?” I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

  Kira rolled her door shut—it was a pocket door, the sliding kind—and then she shut off the light and slipped into bed beside me.

  “Your room is like a little cabin,” I remarked.

  “That’s the generous description. It’s meant to be an office. I gave Vivi the real bedroom, so she’d have somewhere to keep her toys.”

  “Makes sense,” I said, reaching for her. She fit perfectly against me. “The only thing I really don’t like about your room is that there’s no lock on the door.”

  “I never needed one before. And my father could come home any minute…”

  “I know.” I kissed her nose. “Tonight I won’t be able to show you how much I’ve missed you.” I kissed her again, though, and Kira was ready. She leaned in, and slowly we tasted each other. I’d been dreaming of this for days. I swept a naughty hand down her body, shamelessly palming her core.

  Kira made a sound that could only be described as a stifled whimper. “None of that,” she whispered. “Not until you plan to follow through.”

  “Oh, I’ll follow through,” I promised. “The next time I see you.”

  She frowned. “You’re right. That’s perfectly reasonable.” But then she slid a hand over my hip and onto my fabric-covered cock that was already straining against my boxer briefs.

  I groaned and pushed her hand away, for which I received an evil giggle. “Point made, sweetness. Now cut that out.” I eased her body over mine, arranging us so that she was half-lying on me, but not touching my eager dick. “This is nice, too, you know.”

  “It is,” she agreed, giving my shoulder a little squeeze. “This is pretty awesome.”

  I kissed her forehead. “Love you, Kira.”

  She sighed in my arms.

  And I was happier than I’d been in a long time, sex or no sex. Although I mentally adjusted my real estate wish list, adding a bolt for the bedroom door. And a big kitchen. “You know, I asked Vivi what she liked to eat for breakfast. And she said you make awesome strawberry pancakes. She said you’d make them for us tomorrow.”

  “Maybe,” Kira hedged. “If there’s time before I go to see Adam.”

  I gave her a little pinch on the ass. “I’ll convince you.”

  “Mm-hmm,” she said lazily, and I took another deep breath of her clean, citrus scent.

  I was drowsing when I heard the apartment door open and then shut again. At the sound of the deadbolt locking, Kira lifted her head from my shoulder .

  Mr. Cassidy was home.

  We lay there silently, listening to quiet footsteps move about the apartment as Kira’s father got ready for bed.

  I turned my head so that my mouth was just beside her ear. At a very low volume, I moaned.

  “Stop that!” she hissed.

  “If you promise to make the pancakes,” I whispered, “then I won’t start grunting like a horny pig right now.”

  Kira clapped a hand over her mouth, her ribcage expanding with laughter.

  “Unh, baby,” I grunted, thrusting my hips, threatening more noise. She pressed her hand onto my mouth this time. Naturally, I moaned beneath her fingers.

  “Stop!” she squeaked. “I’ll make the freaking pancakes.”

  I had to roll my face into the pillow to laugh.

  “You are so evil,” she hissed, but I could feel her laughing, too.

  For several minutes, we both had to fight off laughter. Finally it was quiet in the apartment again, and my stomach had stopped shaking. I was still grinning in the dark, though. I wanted more of this—the comfort of lying beside my girl, laughing over some bit of nonsense. “I hope there’s real maple syrup,” I whispered to the ceiling, trying to get one more rise out of Kira.

  But her breathing had evened out. She was sleeping.

  It was so peaceful that I closed my eyes and didn’t open them again.

  Hours later came the unfamiliar sound of a rolling pocket door. There was movement beside the bed. Slowly, I opened my eyes. To my horror, a strange animal stared me right in the face, only inches away. Startled, I sat up in a big hurry, only to realize it was the stuffed horse.

  “Shit,” I gasped.

  “You said a bad word,” Vivi said, climbing onto the bed.

  “Sorry,” I said, catching my breath. “But your horse scared me.”

  “He likes it when you call him Testicle.”

  Kira groaned. “What time is it?”

  “Time to make the pancakes!” I gave her hip a squeeze.

  “With strawberries,” Vivi added. “And whipped cream.”

  “Whipped cream?” I asked.

  “No whipped cream,” Kira mumbled into the pillow. “I need coffee.”

  “I can probably figure that out,” I said, getting out of the bed. I found my jeans and stepped into them.

  “I know where the filters are,” Vivi volunteered. “Can I push the button?” She ran out of the room.

  I leaned over Kira, kissing the back of her neck. “I like waking up in your bed.”

  She opened her eyes and smiled at me. And it was better than strawberry pancakes. Or even whipped cream.

  * * *

  The morning went too fast. I drank coffee sitting on the living room floor, listening to Vivi talk about her horse. Fulfilling the promise that I’d extracted with underhanded tactics, Kira made four-grain strawberry pancakes after her father woke up.

  Somehow, she even made Vivi’s pancake come out in the shape of a heart.

  “Make Daddy a heart, too!” Vivi demanded. “They taste better.”

  I bit back a cheesy comment about getting Kira’s heart. “I like the taste of round ones,” I said instead. Kira was already slaving in the kitchen because I’d asked her to.

  “Here you go,” she said, handing me a stack of three pancakes with butter oozing between them. “Troublemaker,” she whispered under her breath.

  I took my plate to the table and sat down between Vivi and Mr. Cassidy. I cut a wedge from my pancake stack and put it in my mouth. Then I groaned out loud.

  “What?” Vivi demanded.

  “So good,” I said, swallowing. “Everything your mother ever cooked for me is just so good.” I raised my eyes to Kira and then gave her the tiniest eyebrow wiggle.

  With a look of warning, she turned quickly back to the skillet.

  My phone vibrated, and
I unpocketed it to see that Ethan had ordered a car for me for one hour from now.

  One more hour. How was I going to walk out of here where everything was wonderful and just leave again?

  Across the room, Kira’s land line rang. She snatched it off the counter. “Adam?” Her face relaxed as she listened to the caller. “Okay, honey. I will. See you then.” She hung up.

  “How is he?” Kira’s father asked.

  “He sounds good!” She smiled, lifting pancakes onto a plate for herself. “He said not to rush over there, because he felt okay, and he thought they’d discharge him around eleven.”

  “My car comes in an hour,” I said.

  Vivi looked up, a piece of strawberry in her teeth. “Can I go with you?”

  “Not this time,” I said gently. “I have to go back to work. But I promise I’ll be back.”

  After eating, I made sure to clean up Kira’s kitchen as best I could without knowing where everything belonged. I’d lived a wild life for a while now, one where dirty dishes didn’t really figure in. But I was ready to wash stacks and stacks of them if it meant more days with Kira and Vivi.

  And then I was down to half an hour. I threw my things back into my duffel. The minutes ticking down made me feel edgy. I hated goodbyes. And Vivi felt it, too. She was galloping around, getting a little crazier than Kira wanted her to be.

  Kira’s father sat on the ottoman and pulled on his shoes. “Vivianne, say goodbye to your dad right now, and I’ll take you out to the swings in the park for a while.”

  She stopped twirling. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  Vivi marched over to stand in front of me. “Bye, Daddy.”

  I scooped her into my lap. “Bye, sweetie.” She smelled like maple syrup and weighed less than seemed possible. “I’m going to call you guys, okay? And you can call me. We can use Skype, too.”

  “’Kay,” Vivi agreed.

  I gave her one more squeeze, and then she squirmed out of my grasp. “I’m going to the park now.”

  “Okay,” I said, my throat prickling.

  She wiggled into her sandals and went to stand by the door. I quickly shook Mr. Cassidy’s hand, and then the two of them went outside.