by JJ Harper
Max lets me rant without saying a word. I storm back into my bedroom and slam the door shut behind me. I drop down on my bed, fisting my hair in frustration. Fury is building up in the pit of my stomach. The vile anger I’ve been ignoring, choosing to be the better man, is roiling, surging, clawing its way out. Now it’s ready to rage from me, to scream, to yell, to hurt. I cast my eyes around my room, eager to find something I can tear apart. My gaze falls on the wall behind my desk, and I slump like a deflated balloon. My memories don’t deserve to be damaged. The posters and gig tickets stark reminders of having fabulous times with great friends. The photographs of the people I love. I pick up the picture of me and Max, one that my dad took as we sat laughing in the garden. My anger calms. It doesn’t disappear, but it levels out, and I can breathe again. I trace my finger over his gorgeous face with the warm brown eyes. Max loves me. He’s been here for me every time I’ve needed him, like today, when I didn’t even realise it. And I love him right back. So much.
I open my door and, without a word, climb into my bed and wait for him to come to me. I know he will. The same way I’ll always go to him. His footsteps pad into the room. The soft click of the latch shutting, followed by the rustle of clothes being removed. He lifts the duvet, slides in behind me, and wraps his body around my own, cocooning me in his strength and his love.
“I love you, Max,” I murmur and bring one of his hands up to my mouth to plant a kiss on.
“I love you too, baby.” He kisses my nape and lets out a sigh. I close my eyes and fall asleep, lulled by his soft breaths and the gentle rise and fall of his chest against my back.
For the next week, I stay with Gus or he with me. If he’s not working, then I’m at his place. I’m at the bar when he is. I’m keeping him as safe and sane as I can. Liam and Will have been amazing at keeping him occupied during the day. I owe them a night on the house when the court case is over. The guys from the bar have taken to dropping in on him. His friendship with them is strong, with Leo being his biggest ally. I expected it to be Beck, but he’s got a few other things going on, which means he’s not as close knit as the others. Jonas knows what’s going on, but he’s as hard to crack as the Bank of England.
“When do you think we’ll hear?” Gus asks as he chews the skin on the side of his thumb.
“I don’t know, baby. It was due to start at two, but I have no idea how long these things take.” We’ve been waiting for over three hours now, and it’s stressful enough for me, let alone Gus. I run my hand up and down his back, trying to relax his tense muscles.
The corner of the bar where we’re sitting is filling up with our friends. It’s quiet, though. Each of us seems to be lost in our own thoughts. Gus started on the bench next to me and has migrated onto my lap. He’s happiest when he’s as close to me as he can be.
He leans over to Leo and says something that has Leo grinning. I nudge Gus and give him a questioning look, but he rolls his eyes at me. Something not for my ears, it seems. Jonas walks in and over to us, his face full of concern. He sighs when I shake my head.
“What’s taking so long? At least one of us should’ve gone. We could’ve relayed the news as soon as it was announced,” Sawyer says. Why the fuck didn’t I think of that? Gus smiles and gives Sawyer’s arm a little squeeze.
“I’m more grateful that you’re here with me. It means a lot. You’ve all been so amazing.”
They all just shrug as if it’s no big deal. But it’s a huge fucking deal. We are all gay men here, although I’m not sure about Liam. I’ve never asked Gus. It’s none of my business. And the fact that they’re here for Gus means the world to me.
Gus’s phone vibrates where it rests face down on the table, startling us. He stares at it as if it may explode, his eyes wide and panicked.
“Answer it, baby.” I kiss his temple and then his lips.
He holds the phone to the ear nearest to me and nods that I can listen in.
“Hello.” The corner is deathly quiet. “Um, okay. That’s a good thing, right? I mean, I don’t know what to think.” I squeeze his thigh. “Oh, okay, yes, that’s good… Thank you… Okay, thank you for telling me… Yes, I’m glad too.”
He puts his phone down slowly, looking both relieved and surprised as if he can’t quite believe what he’s heard. “They got six months suspended sentence for three years and two hundred hours community service. They’re banned from all the bars and gymnasiums in a ten-mile radius and have restraining orders from me and the other victims. It seemed they were using bars and the gym to find and focus on gay men.”
Everyone erupts into cheers, clapping and yelling. Gus bursts into tears. His smile is huge, but his relief is even bigger.
“It’s over, Gus. All over with, baby.” I cup his cheeks in my palms and kiss him, a low, slow, soft kiss that has him moaning into my mouth. His hands reach up and wind around my head, holding me firmly in place. No one pays us any attention, allowing us this moment together. Champagne corks pop, and Gus pulls away from me, laughing.
“Does this mean I stop having babysitters?” He prods me. “I don’t need to have someone with me every minute of the day.”
“Until those bastards had been dealt with, I didn’t want you alone. You tend to stress over every thought when you’re left to your own devices. I know you, baby.”
Jonas hands us two glasses of bubbly, and we all raise our glasses. “To Gus and a new start.”
The late afternoon turns to early evening, but no one seems to be in a hurry to leave. Sawyer and Leo start their shift behind the bar as customers begin to fill the spacious room. Gus shifts on my lap and drains the last of the pale gold liquid.
“Can we go home now?”
“Of course. Your place or mine?” Is it too soon to ask him to move in with me? I’m dreading his answer. What if it’s not the one I hope for? I’m holding back for now. He needs to decompress from all what has happened before he can think about another change. He hasn’t mentioned any plans for what he will do after he graduates. Can I bear to be with him here every day, only to have him leave in six months? I’m not sure I can.
“Yours. It’s closer.”
We make our way through to the bar and say goodbye to our friends. I take his hand, and we step outside into the inky black night. The air is chilly. Winter is around the corner. I wrap my arm around Gus’s shoulder, as much for keeping him warm as for holding him close to me. I love how he leans into me. His arm snakes around my back, and he tucks his fingers into my back pocket.
When we’re inside, Gus pulls out his phone and wanders over to the window. Leaning against the glass, he stares out over the river. “Hi, Dad.”
I let him talk privately to his parents. The news is his to share. The emotions that go with it are also a private matter. I flick on the light in the kitchen and open the fridge, pondering what to make for dinner. I pull out the ingredients to make a curry. I’ve got everything chopped and sizzling away when Gus comes in. His eyes are red again, but he’s got a look of peace on his face. He wraps his arms around my waist, pushing his front to my back, and presses a kiss on my neck.
“Mum and Dad say hello. They seem happy with the outcome and relieved that it’s all over. Mum asked if we want to spend Christmas with them. I didn’t give her an answer but said it would depend on your work. Was that the right thing to say?”
I twist in his embrace and hug him close. What’s the right answer? Is there even a right answer? It’s only an innocent question. “Probably best for now. It’s our first Christmas and New Year. The bar is doing way beyond our expectations or projections. I’ll talk to Jonas. The universities will be shut, so it’ll be quieter for Christmas, but I’ve been in this trade for thirteen years, and I know the students will come back for New Year.” An errant thought runs through my mind, one I don’t like but still have to ask. “Would you go? Alone I mean, if I can’t get away.”
Gus frowns as if he hadn’t thought about it. “I don’t know, really. I imagined I�
�d be working and with you. I’d rather be here with you than going to my parents without you.”
I let out a deep breath and bend my head to kiss him. His hands tighten on my hips as my tongue slides between his lips. I love our kisses. Not only because Gus is one hell of a kisser, but also because from the very first one, I’ve felt like we’ve been doing this for years. I love the easy familiarity of our alignment. Our teeth never clashed. We didn’t bump noses to get the angle right. We simply fit.
“I need you, Max.” Gus moans into my mouth.
“Yes.” It’s an easy answer to give him, the only answer. I’ll never say no to him. “Go to the bedroom. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Gus presses kisses from my mouth to my jaw and down my neck, then releases me and steps away. I turn off the cooker. Nothing will get ruined if it sits there for a while. And I don’t care if it will. Gus needs me, and I need him.
Gus has closed the curtains and turned on the lamp on his side of the bed. The lube and a condom are already on the bed, alongside a very naked and very hard Gus. He lies with one hand behind his head while the other slowly plays with his balls. I’m captivated by the way he rolls the small globes between his fingers and thumb before tugging them down away from his body. His amazing blue and green eyes are glowing. Even as his pupils expand, they flash at me full of so many emotions, desire, need. Love. When I take my clothes off, his hand stills, and he focuses only on me.
“Don’t stop, Gus. I want to watch.”
“I’m not sure I can. I can’t touch my knob, or I’ll be blowing all over the place before you can even touch me.”
We haven’t made love for nearly a week. Gus has been filling his time with college work and some kind of application he’s not telling me about. By the time he’s got into bed, he’s fallen straight into a heavy, deep, seemingly dreamless sleep.
“I’d better hurry up, then.” Grinning, I push my jeans and boxers down my legs and kick them away. I clamber up beside him and brush over his stomach, my fingers circling his belly button, which I know is a sensitive spot for him. His muscles tense, contracting under my touch, as his breath hitches in his throat.
“Don’t tease me, Max.” His voice is full of need, achingly desperate for more.
“I’m not, but I’m not fucking you yet. You need more than that. Let go, baby. All you have to do is empty your mind and feel.”
I take his nipple into my mouth and suckle until the peak stiffens. Then I pull the nub between my teeth, not hard or intending to be painful. He moans softly, swaying his hips, as I keep licking and sucking his skin. I run my hands down his belly, scraping my nails through the thin trail of hair leading to his perfect dick. The head is deep red, angry, and full of need. Precum beads in the slit and drips like a spider thread down to his stomach, pooling on the taut skin.
“Please.” His voice is higher now, begging for more.
My fingers replace his on his sac, and he sighs as I roll his balls in my hand. “Nice?” He’s watching me with his lip caught between his teeth and manages a nod. “What do you want?”
“Suck me, please, Max. It’s been so long.”
I’m not going to say no to that and shift so I can lie prone between his spread legs. Holding his dick upright with one hand, I lick a long stripe from the base to the tip, then kiss the head. My tongue dips into the slit, tasting the salty liquid. We both let out groans of pleasure. I kneel up and take him down into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the head and down the length before flattening, allowing me to take him in all the way.
Gus thrusts his hips up, forcing himself into my throat. I choke for a second, then pull back, taking in a deep breath through my nose. I let Gus pump into my mouth, giving him the control, but I can’t help myself from taking over and claiming his arse. He’s mine, and I need to show him. My fingers tease his sac until I feel him getting closer and closer to his climax. As his balls draw up inside, I grip them tight, pulling them down as I come off his cock. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and grin. “That was close.”
Gus’s chest is rising and falling heavily as he gets himself back under control. “Just a bit.” He props himself up on his elbows and looks pointedly at the lube.
“Something you want?” I smirk.
“Yes, I want your fingers, then your big fat cock in my arse.”
I snatch the bottle and snap the cap open. “Grab your legs, baby. I want to see your pretty pink hole.” A pale rose blush flushes his cheeks and down his neck. “Gus, I’ve done all sorts of delightfully wicked things to you and your hole. Why the hell are you blushing now?” I laugh.
“Oh, fuck off.” He chuckles as he grabs his thighs and pulls them up to his chest.
“Fuck, I love looking at you like this.” I lean over his bent body and kiss him, thrusting my tongue into his eager mouth. He sucks keenly on it, but I draw away, panting.
“Just a minute, baby. I need to see what I’m doing. I don’t want to mess up the whole bed.”
“Why not? It’ll be a mess anyway.”
I softly slap his ass, then squeeze the bottle and pour the gel over his balls and taint, letting it dribble to his hole. It coats his pucker, making it tighten at the coldness. With my pointer finger, I slowly circle his hole, swirling the gel over the bundle of nerves, warming it, then slipping the tip inside.
“Oh god, yes.” Gus tilts his head back and relaxes his muscles.
One knuckle inside becomes two. Then after stroking in and out, I add a second. I take my time to stretch him. I can watch my fingers disappear inside him for hours and never get bored. After the third finger has loosened him enough to have him panting, I pull them free. Gus’s eyes snap onto mine. His mewl of disappointment makes me smile. With the condom packet between my teeth, I rip it open and swiftly suit up.
The only sound in the room is me slicking the latex with more lube. Gus watches me as I line my cock up at his hole and nudge inside him. His mouth goes slack, and his eyes roll back in his head. I’ve learnt that he likes the initial burn, and always give him time to relish that first moment of penetration.
“God, that feels good.” He bears down, letting me slip deeper inside. “Keep going. Don’t stop. I want it all.”
“You’re very bossy tonight.” I laugh, then even harder when he lifts his middle finger at me. His muscles squeeze around my shaft, and I groan.
“I’m bossy every night. You like it. Now fuck me.” He winks.
And that’s exactly what I do. My hips are like pistons as my cock shuttles in and out of his arse. I watch transfixed as he takes my full length every time, urging for harder, faster. His channel quivers as his orgasm builds. He won’t be long now. Slowing my movements down, I take him longer and deeper, making sure I slide over his prostate with every thrust.
“Yes, that’s it. Max, like that. Oh god, that feels amazing.”
“Stroke yourself, baby. I want to watch you come.” I pant as sweat drips down my body.
His hand circles his dick, and he pumps rapidly. It only takes me a few more nudges on his prostate, and he cries out my name, spunk flying from him. Thick drops splatter his stomach and chest, some even reaching his neck. The muscles in his arse clamp down so hard on me I’m afraid it’s going to have the opposite effect and halt my orgasm. Then as he comes down from his high, the grip loosens and milks me, drawing me in as far as I fit. With little warning, licks of flame race down my spine, shooting fire into my balls as they draw up into my body and detonate through my dick. I fill the condom with my release. How would it feel to be bare inside him, to flood his passage? To watch it dribble out. Fuck. Another shudder runs through me as my balls explode again.
Gus lies boneless on the bed beneath me, a beatific smile on his face. His eyes are closed, and he looks totally sated. Then his eyes open, and he looks at me with such devotion the words spring out of my mouth before I can control my brain.
“Move in with me.”
“Well, what do you think?” I wait fo
r my mum to start to talk.
“I think Max is wonderful, perfect for you, August. I’m wondering why you’re asking us. You said he was your person. Can you see yourself there with him?”
“Mum, we’re with each other every night. I don’t see why it needs to be so official.” I sigh because I know that sounds stupid. I want to say yes. But until I get the result from my application, I can’t commit.
“What aren’t you telling us, August Andrews.” Oh, great, my dad has decided to use my full name.
“Okay, I was waiting until I had an answer, but I may as well say it. Professor Lindon asked me to apply for my Masters. She suggested to go all the way and get my PhD after that.”
“Oh, August, that’s brilliant. You’re such a clever man. It would be a waste for you not to take it further.” Mum gushes. I knew she would.
“Why do you hesitate, Gus? It’s an amazing opportunity.” Dad’s turn to be the proud parent.
“Because it means more studying, more student loans, and a lot longer until I earn any money. I can’t expect Max to be the main breadwinner. That’s not fair. He’s worked hard to get where he is, to have some money of his own. I can’t live off him.”
“Have you told him about any of this?” Mum says, disapproval in her tone.
“No.”
“Oh, August. That poor man is going to be very confused right now. You need to talk to him.”
“First, I need to know if I’ll be accepted or not. If I am not, then I can look for a job here and contribute to the cost of everything. If I get it, I’m probably better off staying where I am. I can afford to live here. Shit! You weren’t planning to pay my rent after this year. I’m so confused. I don’t know if I’m coming or going.”
“When will you hear?”
“Any day now. I could call Professor Lindon, but I’m too nervous.”
