Having You Is Never Enough

by E. L. Todd

  “You know he thinks you’re gay, right?”

  His eyes snapped wide open. “What?”

  I nodded. “He thinks you’re into him.”

  Slade growled in annoyance. “Whatever. As long as he leaves you alone I don’t care what he thinks.”

  “And he wants to set you with up his friend.” I tried not to laugh at the look of horror on his face.

  “How could he possibly think I’m gay? Everyone knows how many girls I’ve tapped.”

  “Well…you were definitely interested in him over dinner.”

  He used his key to walk inside. “Whatever.”

  “You know, if you want to be with him I won’t hold you back…”

  He turned around and gave me a glare. “You’re playing with fire right now.”

  “I like the warmth,” I challenged.

  “You want me to prove I’m not gay?” he snapped. “Because I’ll prove it.”

  “You want me to turn on some gay porn first?”

  He grabbed me then pushed me against the wall. At the speed of light, he got his clothes off then stripped me down. He grabbed my ass then lifted me, my back pressed into the wall. Then he was inside me, hard and long.

  “Now do you think I’m gay?” He looked into my eyes while he thrust hard.

  I couldn’t speak because he felt so good. Instead, I just shook my head.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  Chapter Three

  Roland

  I hadn’t stopped thinking about my incident with Jasmine, even when months had passed. Hurting Cayson was something I regretted but I felt worse for my behavior toward her. As much as I told myself I tried to be the good guy, I knew I wasn’t. I used her and made her feel worse even if she refused to admit it.

  Like a stalker, I went to the bar where she worked. Sitting in the corner alone, I waited for her to make her appearance. Girls at a nearby table eyed me, cute girls, but I reminded myself why I was here.

  An hour later, she walked inside, her hair slightly curled around her shoulders. Shiny lip-gloss adorned her lips and heavy eye shadow was on her face. Her tight top outlined her curves, and every guy turned their head to acknowledge her obvious beauty.

  She got to work then headed to my table. When she was almost to me, her eyes flashed in recognition. Then they changed to a look of annoyance. She sighed then pulled out her tab. “Drinking alone? I guess you do that a lot, huh?”

  Yeah, she hated me.

  “When I’m depressed.”

  She didn’t ask what was on my mind. “What do you want to drink? I have other tables.”

  “Whatever you have on tab.”

  “Okay.” She turned around.

  “Jasmine, wait.”

  She turned around, annoyance etched into every feature of her face. “What?”

  “Can we talk when you get off?”

  “What do you want to talk about? I haven’t seen you in months. Dude, I’m over it. Let it go.”

  “Please,” I pressed. “Just give me a few minutes of your time.”

  “Fine, whatever.” She walked away and waited on the other tables. When she brought my beer, she hardly looked at me. I watched the game on the TV in the corner while the hours flew by. When she ended her shift, she took off her apron then sat down at my table.

  She stared at me, waiting for me to speak. “What?”

  “I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened…”

  She rolled her eyes.

  “I told Cayson what happened and he was really, really pissed.”

  That caught her attention. “He was?” Surprise was on her voice.

  “Yeah. He was mad I broke a guy code, and he was also mad I took advantage of you. Actually, he said he never wanted to speak to me again. Fortunately Skye seemed to talk him down because he changed his mind.”

  “I’m surprised he cared…and I’m surprised you told him.”

  “He’s one of my closest friend. I had to tell him. Besides, he would have found out some other way and that would have been worse.”

  She rested her chin in her hand then pondered my words. “Is that all you wanted to tell me?”

  “No…” I felt the wrapper of my beer. “I wanted to apologize again.”

  She sighed. “We were both consenting adults. You didn’t do anything wrong, Roland. If I didn’t want it, I would have kicked you out.”

  “But I knew you only did it because you were depressed over Cayson.”

  She shrugged. “Everyone grieves in different ways. But we both know if I were a guy my actions wouldn’t be questioned at all. But since I’m a woman it’s a cry for help.” She shook her head. “It’s really annoying. I have a thick skin and I’m a strong person. I’m used to people treating me like crap so I don’t blink an eye when it happens.”

  “But that’s the issue. You don’t deserve to be treated like that so you shouldn’t accept it. Jasmine, the moment you walked in here every guy’s eyes were glued to you. You’re smart, funny, and really cool.”

  “Be that as it may…”

  “I just think you deserve more than what you accept.”

  “That’s my prerogative,” she said dismissively. “Now, if this conversation is over I have other things to do.”

  “It’s not.”

  She tried to hide her annoyance. “What else did you want to discuss? My bad childhood? That I should just get over Cayson already? That my life is a series of bad decisions? I think I’ll pass…”

  “Actually, I wanted to ask you out on a date.”

  She stilled at my declaration. “What?”

  “I want to make up for what I did. So, let me take you on a date—a real one.”

  She looked at me like I was crazy. “Roland, I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. No offense, but you just aren’t my type.”

  “I’m not looking for a relationship either. I just wanted to erase that night and replace it with an evening you deserved.”

  She studied my face for a while. “I’m fine, really. You don’t need to make up for anything.”

  I stared out the window. “I just don’t want to be that guy…who used my friend’s ex. It makes me hate myself.”

  “So, this is to dissolve your guilt?” she asked. “And it has nothing to do with me?”

  “I guess. But I hope I can show you how you deserve to be treated. And I really do care about you. If I didn’t, my guilt wouldn’t have eaten me alive. I consider you to be a friend even if you don’t feel the same way.”

  For the first time, her eyes softened in emotion. “Of course I see you as a friend.”

  “Then let’s go out and have a good time.”

  She smiled. “Okay, fine. I guess it could be fun.”

  “It will be fun.” I winked at her. “I know how to show a gal a good time.”

  “I think you already did,” she said with a laugh.

  “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

  ***

  “Cayson, wait up.” I spotted him down the hallway.

  He stopped and turned around. “What’s up?” He had his bag over on shoulder.

  I caught up to him. “You got a minute?”

  “I’m walking to Sever Hall so it’ll take me a while to get there.”

  “Okay.” I walked beside him with my hands in my pockets. “I wanted to ask you something and please don’t blow up at me.”

  Cayson eyed me, suspicion coming into his eyes. “Don’t give me a reason to and I won’t.”

  “I was wondering if I could take Jasmine out on a date.”

  Cayson halted in his tracks. “Is this a joke?”

  “Let me finish,” I said quickly. “I feel horrible for what I did to her so I wanted to make up for it by taking her to dinner and a movie. You know, showing her the respect I should have given her to begin with. I’m looking for a relationship or something from her at the end of the night. I just thought it would be a nice way to make her feel better, to make her feel l
ike someone cares…” I studied his face, hoping he wouldn’t scream at me.

  The fury ebbed away. “So, you’re taking her out as a friend?”

  “Yeah, exactly. I know she could use a friend. It seems like she’s alone—like all the time.”

  "She moved here a few years ago so she doesn’t have many friends.”

  “I picked up on that…”

  “What makes you think she would even agree to this?”

  I shifted my weight and tried to stay out of range of an upcoming punch. “I asked her.”

  “And she said yes?” he asked incredulously.

  “Well, she said no at first because she said she doesn’t see me in a romantic way. But when I said we were just hanging out as friends she agreed.”

  Cayson nodded his head slowly. “I don’t see the harm in that.”

  Well, that went over well. “Okay. Cool.”

  Cayson studied me for a while. “I guess I misjudged you. When you apologized to me, I thought you just hated screwing up our relationship. But I guess you do care about her.”

  I shrugged. “I sleep around and have one-night stands a lot and I’ve never cared, but for some reason I felt terrible doing it to her. I guess because she’s depressed over you and I was aware of that but did it anyway.”

  He nodded. “There’s one thing you should consider before you do this…”

  “What?” I asked.

  “I’m not sure how Skye would feel knowing you’re spending time with my ex. It’s a little weird…”

  “Oh, well I don’t care what she thinks.”

  “It’s still a betrayal. Skye will never admit it, but I know she dislikes Jasmine. But I guess I can’t blame her. I hate every boyfriend she’s ever had. Every time I saw her touch them I wanted to rip their faces off.”

  “She’ll get over it.” I shifted my weight again. “So, we’re cool?”

  “Yeah.” I shook his hand. “Show her a good time.”

  “I will. I think I’ll take her go-carting.”

  Cayson chuckled. “She’d probably like that, actually.”

  “Yeah, she’s pretty cool. Sometimes I don’t understand why you left her for my sister, who’s annoying and ugly.”

  He smirked. “Well, Jasmine and I could have been great together. I had a lot of fun with her. But Skye is my soul mate. No one will ever compare to her. That’s just reality.”

  “Your soul mate?” I asked incredulously. “What is this? A Nicholas Sparks book?”

  He laughed. “When you find the right girl you’ll know what I mean.”

  “That’s never going to happen. If I settle down with a wife I’m sure I’ll love her, but I’ll never claim she was made just to love me.”

  He clapped my shoulder before he walked away. “Let’s revisit this conversation once that happens.”

  ***

  When Jasmine opened the door, I held out a boutique of red roses.

  She stared at them and a smile spread on her lips. “They’re beautiful.”

  “Just like you.”

  She took them from her hands then walked inside her apartment. After finding a vase and filling it with water, she set it on her coffee table. “They really lighten up the room.”

  “And they smell good.”

  She chuckled. “That too.” She wore jeans with boots and a blouse. Her hand was silky and shiny, and her make up made her eyes glow.

  “You look nice.” I wore jeans and a dark t-shirt.

  “You do too.”

  I headed back to the door. “Shall we?”

  “Sure. I’m starving.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  When we got to my car, I opened the passenger door for her.

  Surprise moved into Jasmine’s eyes but she didn’t voice it.

  We drove to the burger joint in Boston then stepped inside.

  “This place smells good—better than those roses.”

  “They should make burger a smell for cologne,” I said.

  She laughed. “So many guys would wear it.”

  “Maybe I should invent that.” I rubbed my chin then stepped toward the menu. “What are you getting?”

  “The number one.”

  “Alright.” I stepped forward and ordered for both us then I paid for it. After I grabbed our food I put the trays down at a table then pulled out the chair for her.

  She smiled then sat down. “This is turning out to be a nice date.”

  “I told you I was fun.”

  She bit into her burger and took small bites. Her shoulders were sculpted and round, and her stomach was tight with muscle.

  “What type of exercise do you do?” I asked.

  “I do weights and I run.”

  “It shows.” I stuffed eight fries into my mouth at the same time.

  She smirked while she eyed me. “Hungry?”

  “What gave me away?”

  She picked at her food, barely eating half of her meal.

  “That was pathetic,” I teased. “My sister could do laps around you.”

  “And you sister has a metabolism that scientist can never explain,” she said with a laugh.

  “It’s going to catch up with her and then Cayson will be sorry.”

  “He would love her anyway.” She said it without bitterness or resentment. Was it just because I was there? She felt bad saying something bad about my sister?

  “Do you hate her?” I asked seriously.

  “No. Why would I?”

  I cocked an eyebrow. “I thought that reason would be obvious…”

  She shook her head. “Cayson told me from the beginning he loved her and I accepted that condition. Honestly, I was hoping she would never notice him and he would just get over her. Then I would get my way.” She shrugged. “But things don’t always work out the way you want.”

  “Because if you hate her guts you can tell me. I promise I won’t say anything to her.”

  Confusion spread across her face. “I was always under the impression you were loyal to your sister.”

  “I am,” I said immediately. “But I understand the situation.”

  “From what I hear, it sounds like she does things that imply she doesn’t appreciate him…I guess that’s one thing I don’t like about her. Sometimes I feel like she doesn’t deserve him. It seemed like she only cared about him when he was interested in someone else. Sounds a little bratty to me. Honestly, how could she be oblivious to his feelings for her for so long? I’m not buying it.”

  I shrugged, understanding her point of view. “I told her a million times but she never believed me. My sister is really stupid. I honestly think she didn’t understand his feelings.”

  “But she isn’t stupid, Roland. She’s a very intelligent woman.”

  “She still has airhead moments.”

  She picked at her fries. “I’m happy Cayson got the girl of his dreams. I just hope she spends every day making him happy because he deserves it.”

  I eyed her for a moment. “What’s so special about him? He’s just a good-looking guy.”

  She laughed. “He’s so much more than that and you know it.”

  “Because he’s smart? Because he’s funny?”

  “No, because he’s loyal and honest. He treated me with nothing but respect and told me the truth even if it was painful. He was always gentle with me, putting me before himself in every instance. He’s a one of a kind. I’ve never met someone so perfect in my life.”

  She was clearly still in love with him. “Even after all this time you still feel the same way?” I asked incredulously. Maybe since I was a dude I didn’t see what was so special about Cayson. I respected him and approved him for my sister but I didn’t think he was dreamy.

  “I always feel this way,” she said sadly.

  Since I’d never been in love I guess I didn’t understand. I thought I was too young to understand such a powerful emotion. I read about it in books and literature, and never in my life had I experienced something that re
motely resembled that. Perhaps I wasn’t meant to fall in love. Or perhaps I was just too young. Either way, it wouldn’t matter to me if it never happened. It just seemed to cause more pain than joy anyway. “I’m sure you’ll meet someone else way better than Cayson.”

  She laughed. “Sure.”

  “There are other good guys out there.”

  “I have yet to meet one.”

  I waved a hand in front of her face. “Um, hello?”

  She laughed again. “Roland, you’re a good guy but…not in the way women want.”

  “Well, I get laid all the time so I must be doing something right.”

  “Maybe for your look. But women want more than that.”

  I knew that too well.

  “I can tell you have a heart of gold. I think you’ll be a dreamy guy someday. I just don’t think you’re ready for that—which is totally fine. Enjoy your youth. Everyone goes through reckless stages.”

  “I’m only this way because I’ve never met anyone who made me feel something more.” I shrugged. “So why should I force something? I should just let it happen. If it never does, that’s fine.”

  She nodded. “I agree. Unfortunately, we live in a society that expects us to pair off with a mate, and if we don’t, there’s something wrong with us. I know that too well…”

  I finished my food then pushed it aside. “How does go-carts sound?”

  She smiled. “Like, on at track?”

  She nodded. “You want to race?”

  “That depends,” she said. “You want to lose?”

  I laughed. “Wow…someone’s cocky.”

  “I have something to be cocky about.”

  ***

  Jasmine wasn’t kidding. She was good.

  She passed me for a second time on the track, hugging the curb and cutting me off.

  “Damn!” I hit the steering wheel and tried to get around her again.

  She stuck her tongue out at me. “Sucker!”

  I hit the gas then maneuvered around her. “How do you like that?” I yelled.

  She leaned into the turn and gained speed. When we were out of sight from the attendants, she swerved into my car, making it shake and immediately slowed down. “I play dirty, in case you didn’t notice.”

  I gripped the steering wheel so I wouldn’t lose control. “Jerk!”

  “What are you going to do about it?” She sped off then crossed the finish line first.