Having You Is Never Enough

by E. L. Todd

  “That’s still no excuse.”

  He smiled while he stared at me but then it faded. “Stay another night and go home tomorrow.” Leaving was just as hard on my father as it was on me. I knew he missed having me in the house, listening to my feet hit the stairs when I came down to breakfast every morning.

  “I have class tomorrow.”

  “But it’s raining outside.”

  “Cars are made to drive in the rain,” I said with a laugh.

  He tried to find any excuse. “I got the Sopranos on DVD. We can have a marathon.”

  “Maybe another time, Dad. Like next weekend.”

  He sighed in sadness. “Alright.” He retrieved my bags then put them in the truck. My mom came to the doorway and sighed in sadness.

  “Why do you guys have to get so depressed every time I leave?” I demanded. “I’m just two hours away.”

  “Two hours is too far,” my mom said. “I sincerely hope you move to New York or Connecticut when you finish school.”

  “I’ll be in New York.” There was no doubt about it.

  “Thank god,” my mom said. She pulled me into her arms and hugged me. “I love you, honey.”

  “I love you too, Mom.”

  “Please give Conrad a kiss for me.”

  “Gross. I’ll punch for you.”

  She laughed then pulled away.

  My father came back inside, wet from the rain. When he looked at me, the sadness became apparent. He tried to hide it but he was horrible at it. “Drive safe, honey.”

  “I will, Dad.”

  He hugged me then rested his massive hand on the back of my head. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  “Please text me when you get home.” My dad never asked me that. He was always good at keeping his distance and giving me my space. Worry was evident in his voice.

  “I promise.”

  “Thank you.” Sincerity shined in his eyes.

  I covered my hair as I ran to the car. Once I was inside, I turned on the windshield wipers to full blast then glanced at my parents one more time before I hit the road.

  ***

  Slade had been on my mind for the past two days. If he wasn’t at the forefront of my mind, he lingered in the back. I replayed the last time we were together, remembering the way he looked at me when he made love to me for the first time. The emotion was so apparent and strong that my heart couldn’t handle it.

  What did it mean?

  Actually, I knew what it meant. When we started fooling around months ago, it was only for convenience. He gave me good sex without the complications of a relationship. He was a jerk I couldn’t stand. But now everything was different. He was the most gentle and loving man I’d ever known. He treated me the way I wanted to be treated, kissing me with passion as well as adoration. I could tell him anything, all my darkest secrets. He was my best friend and the person I turned to for everything. At some point down the road, the unthinkable had happened.

  I’d fallen in love with Slade.

  How did it happen? I don’t know. When? I couldn’t tell you. It just did. And now it was powerful and all consuming. The revelation was constantly in my thoughts, but after we made love, it was undeniable.

  Slade said he couldn’t give me a relationship, that he couldn’t give me what I wanted. He said he would never change for me and I was stupid to ever think he could.

  But he had.

  Could we have a forever? Could he be my husband? Could this mean something? I wanted to know but I was too scared to ask. I’d been patient with him, and that patience had been rewarded. Over time, he came closer to me, pushing himself more than he ever thought he could.

  What if he pushed himself a little more?

  Did he love me? Did he feel what I felt?

  Because I was truly, madly…

  “Shit!” I gripped the steering wheel and swerved out of the way. A massive semi truck made a sharp turn and the breaks kicked in. It was skidding across the wet pavement, headed right toward me.

  I hit the gas and tried to get out of the way but the wheels wouldn’t take. The car wouldn’t move.

  Like a mountain colliding with a concrete damn, it slammed into me hard, breaking every window and shattered glass everywhere. I felt myself spinning, my car flying out of control. My safety belt kept me in place but my face and hands were getting hit against the metal of the car. I suddenly felt an excruciating pain like I’d never known. It came from my leg. When I tried to move it, it lay still.

  The car finally stopped and the smell of smoke and rain came into my nose. My eyes grew heavy and the pain was too much. Unsure of what was happening or if I would survive, the black descended and I couldn’t see.

  The last thing I remembered was my faint heartbeat, thudding weaker and weaker in my ears.

  ***

  “Fracture femur, head trauma, and broken ribs.” A paramedic spoke to the EMT’s. “I need a neck brace and spinal protection.”

  “She’s lost a lot of blood…”

  “Weak pulse. We need meds,” a woman said.

  I tried to talk but I couldn’t. I could even open my eyes.

  “On the count of three…1…2…3.”

  I felt myself slide onto a flat table.

  “Get the IV going,” someone called out.

  I tried to wake up but I couldn’t. I fell back until darkness.

  ***

  “There’s internal bleeding and the fracture of her femur requires immediate attention. We need to take her to surgery.”

  “Is she going to be okay?” My dad’s voice was full of concern.

  Dad?

  “I can’t say,” a man said. “But I’m hopeful. She’s lost a lot of blood. We gave her a transfusion, but she has a hernia. It needs to be repaired now or she’ll lose more blood due to internal bleeding.”

  “Okay,” my dad said. “Take her.”

  Dad? I wanted to touch him. I was so scared. Dad…

  A large hand gripped mine. “Trin, you’re going to be okay. I’m here.”

  It was like he knew I could hear him.

  “I love you, honey. I’ll be here when you get back.” He released my hand.

  Slade…was he there?

  Before I could think about it further, I was gone.

  Chapter Nine

  Slade

  I called Trinity again but there was no answer.

  She was supposed to be home half an hour ago. Where was she?

  I called again but it went to voicemail.

  I was getting worried. The storm was raging outside. What if something happened? Why wasn’t she answering?

  I told myself to remain calm. She was probably driving which why she wasn’t answering. And that was a good thing.

  But the anxiety was killing me. I sat on her couch, feeling sick with every passing second.

  My phone rang but I was disappointed it wasn’t Trinity. It was Cayson. Since I was in a sour mood, I didn’t answer it.

  But he called again. Annoyed, I let it go to voicemail.

  And then he called again.

  “What?” I snapped. “What’s so fucking important?”

  His voice was deadly serious. “Slade, listen to me and don’t hang up. Something has happened and I need you to remain calm while I tell you.”

  My lungs suddenly stopped working. “What? What’s wrong?

  “It’s Trinity…”

  I stood up and paced the room. “What? What about her? Tell me!”

  “On her way home she got into an accident. A semi hit her and pushed her off the road…”

  I fell to my knees, unable to process what he was saying.

  “She’s in critical condition and she’s in surgery. That’s all I know.”

  I couldn’t breathe. My entire body was shutting down. “What hospital?” That was all I managed to get out.

  “Memorial in Connecticut. You shouldn’t be driving right now so I’m coming to get you.”

  “Is she goi
ng to be okay?” I felt the tears fall from my eyes at the snap of a finger.

  “I…I don’t know, Slade.”

  “I have to go.”

  “Don’t drive! Let me drive—”

  I hung up then ran outside and jumped into my car. I started the engine then hauled ass to Connecticut. While driving, I looked up the address in my phone then entered it into the GPS. I almost hit a car and had to swerve out of the way.

  I got control of the steering wheel then stayed focus on the road. I knew I had a long drive and I tried not to give into the panic.

  What if I lost her?

  I remembered every mean thing I’d said to her then felt like shit. I never apologized to her once. Months had passed and I never told her how I really felt. Now she might die and I would never get the chance to tell her.

  I hate myself.

  I should have went to Connecticut with her. If I just acted like a man and was up front with her dad about our relationship, I could have come along. Maybe the accident would have happened anyway but at least she wouldn’t suffer alone….

  Die alone…

  I clenched the steering wheel while the tears fell freely down my cheeks. I sobbed like I hadn’t since I was five-years old. When she left yesterday everything had been perfect. A moment had happened between us, undeniable and strong. It was the first time I made love to someone, let myself open up to another person.

  And that might have been the last time.

  ***

  “Trinity Preston,” I blurted once I reached the counter. “I’m her brother. Where is she? Is she here? Do you know what her status is?”

  The nurse remained calm. “Just give me a minute, sir.” She typed on her computer.

  I clenched the counter so tightly my knuckles were turning white. “Come on!”

  She ignored my rudeness then turned back to me. “She’s registered in ICU.”

  I took off.

  “Wait!”

  I halted then came back to her. “Family members only.”

  “I am family,” I snapped. I headed to the elevators and tried to navigate my way to her floor. When I finally reached the right department and got her room number, I dashed into the room, feeling numb and weak.

  Uncle Mike held Aunt Cassandra while she cried into his chest. Aunt Scarlet and Uncle Sean were just as upset. Scarlet kept wiping her tears away while Sean comforted her. My dad spotted me, his eyes red, and then quickly came to me.

  “Let’s talk outside.” He grabbed my arm and yanked me into the hallway.

  “What’s going on? Is she going to be okay?” I breathed hard and tried to stop myself from crying.

  My dad studied my face and kept his voice calm. “She’s in surgery now. She lost a lot blood and has internal injuries…”

  “Why is this happening?” I gripped my skull and sobbed.

  “She broke her left leg and they had to operate on that as well. She’s been in there for a few hours now. She’ll be back soon.” My dad’s eyes watered while he watched me writhe in pain.

  “God, why? Not her…” I covered my face with my hands.

  My dad pulled me into a hug and held me close, his hand on the back of my head. “I got you…”

  “I can’t lose her…”

  “I can’t lose her either.” His voice was full of emotion.

  I clung to him, not ashamed to admit a girl had brought me to tears.

  He rubbed my back gently while he held me, hiding the depth of my feelings from everyone else in the room. “She’s a strong girl. And she’s a fighter.”

  I knew that too well. “You think she’s going to be okay, Dad?”

  “I don’t know, Son. But I hope so.”

  Minutes passed while he held me. I finally stopped crying and wiped my tears away. Even though I stopped, I wanted to keep going. Never in my life had I felt pain like this. It was worse than physical trauma or betrayal. It had a whole different category.

  My dad finally dropped his arms, letting me stand on my own. “I’m here.”

  “I know.” I used my sleeve to wipe the last of the moisture away.

  “Now we just wait until she comes back.”

  If she comes back.

  My dad turned back to the door and walked with me. “Do you want to wait out here?”

  I nodded then slid to the floor outside the door. I couldn’t see my family, see their tears. It would just make me break down all over again.

  “I need to be with your mom right now. But you know where to find me.”

  I nodded.

  He placed his hand on my shoulder before he walked inside.

  An hour later, feet echoed down the hallway.

  Conrad walked with Roland, his face in tears. He ran into the room, searching for his sister.

  I overheard the words he said. It was the exact same conversation I just had with my father but with his.

  More feet came and I recognized familiar voices.

  “Go inside,” Cayson said. “I’ll talk to him.”

  Everyone crammed inside the room.

  I remained on the ground.

  Cayson slid to the floor beside me but didn’t speak. He just sat with me, staring at the opposite wall. He had no idea how I felt about Trinity, that she had quickly become everything to me. As far as he was concerned, we felt the same way.

  “I’m here if you need me,” he whispered. He still didn’t look at me.

  “Same here.” I hid the emotion from my voice.

  “I brought you Snow Caps.” He handed the box to me.

  I wasn’t in the mood to eat because Trinity was fighting for her life at this very moment. But I took the box anyway. “Thanks.”

  I breathed through the pain and tried not to give into the fear. Time passed but it moved so slowly. I needed to know if she was okay, that she would survive. If that didn’t happen…if I lost her…I didn’t know if I could go on.

  ***

  When they rolled Trinity into the room, I stood to my feet.

  She was asleep, hooked up to wires and an IV pole. She looked so helpless in the massive bed. Bandages covered her wounds and she was so beat up she was hardly discernible. I almost broke down again at the sight.

  Mike immediately grabbed her hand and so did Cassandra.

  Conrad didn’t bother to cover his face as his tears fell.

  The doctor held the clipboard in his hand. “The surgery went well. I repaired the internal organs and cleaned up the extra leakage. She was given two liters because she lost so much. The fracture in her leg was mended but she’ll need serious physical therapy if she ever wants it to return to normal.”

  Mike nodded. “So, she’s going to be okay?”

  “I’m hopeful. As long as there are no complications from the surgery, she’ll make a full recovery.”

  “Thank you, Doctor,” Mike said.

  He nodded then left the room.

  Mike kissed Trinity on the forehead and a tear escaped his eye. It fell down his cheek.

  Cassandra sobbed while she held her daughter’s hand.

  Everyone remained silent, giving them as much privacy as possible.

  I stood in the corner, wishing I were lying in that hospital bed instead of her. The idea of her being in so much pain made me sick. It took every ounce of strength not to kiss her on the forehead then her lips.

  Mike and Cassandra hovered over Trinity for hours, constantly checking her and watching her monitor. Conrad stayed in the corner, unable to process his grief. Roland stood beside him, being a quiet companion. Cayson stayed beside me, sitting still and keeping his silence. No one left even though there was no point in staying. Like in every other time of trial, our family clung together and didn’t leave a single member behind.

  Hours later, Trinity’s hand moved slightly.

  I noticed it.

  And so did Mike. “She’s waking up,” he whispered to Cassandra. “Give her some space. She’ll need a few moments to process what’s going on.”

 
They both let go of her hand and watched her.

  Trinity didn’t open her eyes, but her hand moved again. She moved her lips but nothing came out.

  On the edge of our seats, we all waited.

  Then Trinity spoke, her eyes still closed. “Slade?”

  Everyone turned and looked at me, putting me on the spot. I felt their stares burn into my skin. No one knew what it meant. No one understood why she was calling me. But I did.

  I stood up then came to her bedside, feeling the tears break over the surface. I didn’t care who was there. Her father was just a foot away from me, watching every move I made. I was on display, unable to hide behind excuses and lies.

  I took her hand and felt hold cold it was.

  “Slade?” She finally opened her eyes and looked at me.

  More tears fell. “Trinity.” I leaned over her and pressed my face to hers. “I’m here.”

  Her arms hooked around my neck and she pulled me close to her, clinging to me like she was terrified to be without me.

  My hot tears fell onto her neck and I gave into the sobs. I almost lost her, never telling her how I felt. She almost left my world, taking all the joy and happiness she brought me. A life without her was one I couldn’t even contemplate. I pulled away and looked into her eyes, seeing the tears that matched my own. “I love you, Trinity.”

  She sobbed harder, but there was joy in her eyes. “I love you too.”

  I kissed her and felt her warm tears on lips. Salt was heavy and saturated. Then I sat at her bedside and kept my face close to hers, refusing to let go. I almost lost her and I wouldn’t let it happen again.

  ***

  I stayed at her bedside like a watchdog and never dropped my hand from hers. Even though she was okay, I was still scared. The feeling of loss still lingered in my veins. At any moment, I could break down and sob from the pain.

  Trinity brushed her thumb over my knuckles, her touch light.

  I brought it to my lips and kissed it, being openly tender and loving with her. I just confessed my undying love for her to everyone in that room. So there was no point in dulling my affection or pretending she didn’t mean anything to me.

  Because she meant everything to me.

  When I looked up, her father was staring at me. His eyes were guarded and unreadable. I had no idea what he was thinking. Perhaps he hated me. Perhaps he planned to kill me at the first opportunity. But it didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to leave Trinity’s side. My death would have to wait.