Having You Is Never Enough

by E. L. Todd

  “What happened?”

  “I…I’d rather not talk about it.” She still thought I was doing stuff with my dad and the shop. I felt bad for lying to her but I didn’t have much of a choice. When I worked everything out with her father, I would come clean.

  “Okay.” She kissed my forehead then dropped the conversation.

  “How was your day?”

  “Boring…like always.”

  “Physical therapy go well?” I asked.

  “It’s hard…I’m so weak.”

  I fisted her hair. “It’ll get better. I promise. You’ll be running around in no time.”

  “Running? Uh, no. I want to get laid.”

  A laugh escaped my lips. “You really are my other half.”

  “You just realized that?” she asked with a sweet smile.

  “No,” I said honestly. “But you constantly remind me.”

  She brushed her finger across my knuckles. “Can you give me a bath?”

  “Sure.” I liked lying with her in the tub. It was an activity she could actually do. As long as I wrapped her leg in a plastic bag and kept it dry, she could lay on my chest. “I’ll go get it ready.”

  “Okay.” Excitement flashed in her eyes.

  I caught it. “What’s up, baby?”

  She sat up then grabbed an envelope from the table. Then she handed it to me. “I want you to have this…”

  I took it in my hands and studied it. “What is it?”

  “Open it and you’ll find out, dork.”

  “Dork?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. “Are we five?”

  She swatted me playfully. “Just open it.”

  I tore the sleeve then pulled out the card. It wasn’t a hallmark card that already had a message inside. Words of different sizes were cut out and pasted inside, making a message.

  Like lights glowing in the harbor, your presence guides me to shore.

  Like the touch that catches you before you fall, your strength keeps me in place.

  Trust makes me feel safe, your words made me feel loved, and your midnight touch makes me feel beautiful.

  When other said the sun would burn out and make my world cold, you proved them wrong. When they said the stars would fall out of the sky, you kept them in their place. When my place in the world almost vanished, you prayed I wouldn’t go.

  Whispers of love, I’ve never known. Promises of forever unheard of. Kisses that mean more than just physical pleasures. Nights that lead to mornings no longer empty, you give me what my heart had been denied.

  Joy.

  My breaths came out labored, my chest expanding so much it hurt. My heart skipped a beat, making the rest of my body tense in emotion. I felt her stare at me, watching me as I stared at the paper.

  “I cut out the words from all your favorite books…I thought you would like it.” Her voice showed her insecurity. “You’ve been taking care of me every single day and you’ve been doing such a good job…never complaining. I just—”

  I gripped her face and kissed her, pressing my mouth hard against hers. It was a closed-mouth kiss but I still tasted my own tears as they dripped down my cheeks. I pulled away then looked her in the eye, feeling the emotion swell inside me, making me feel so big and so small at the same time. “I love it.”

  Her eyes watered while she stared at me.

  “I’ll keep this for as long as I live.” I closed it and held it in my hands.

  She pressed her face to mine and closed her eyes.

  I closed mine in turn, letting the moment stretch between us.

  ***

  Last time I spoke to Conrad it hadn’t gone over well. But I needed to make this right. My progress with her father was non-existent but her brother should be easier.

  But I had no idea why he was so pissed off.

  He looked at me like he hated me, loathed me. He never cared what Trinity did in her personal life. He wasn’t a protective older brother. That wasn’t him. So why did he care? Was it because she almost died and he finally realized how much he loved her? What was it?

  I showed up at his door with Cayson.

  “I feel uncomfortable doing this,” Cayson whispered.

  “Shut up,” I snapped. “Are you my best friend or not?”

  He sighed. “But this is deceitful to Conrad.”

  “He’ll get over it. Now knock.” I stood to the left of the door where I couldn’t be seen through the peephole.

  He scratched the back of his neck. “You owe me a beer.”

  “Let’s not play that game. Because if we did, you would know I owed you a lot more than just a beer.”

  “You got that right.” He knocked on the door and waited.

  Conrad opened it. “What’s up, man?” He wasn’t as warm as he usually was, but he didn’t have a problem with Cayson either.

  “I just—”

  I pushed Conrad inside then shut the door in Cayson’s face.

  “What the fuck?” Conrad stumbled backwards, blindsided by my advance.

  “I knew you wouldn’t talk to me so I had to barge in here so you wouldn’t shut the door and lock it.”

  He glared at me with hatred. “Which is my damn right.”

  “We’re going to talk and move on from this.”

  “I don’t want to move on. I. Hate. You.”

  Where was this hostility coming from? “You really hate me being with Trinity that bad? I know I’m not perfect, but geez, cut me some slack. If you gave me a chance you would see I adore her.”

  He grabbed a bat from the hallway then returned, spinning it around his wrist.

  This just got real.

  I held up my hand. “If you want to hit me, fine. I’ll let it go because you’re upset. But if you come at me with a weapon, I will be forced to be give my all and rip you apart. Think clearly, man.”

  “I am.” Malice shined in his eyes.

  “Just tell me why you despise me being with your sister so much,” I snapped. “Because I don’t have a damn clue.”

  “Why I despise you?” he asked incredulously. “A month before the accident we went to a strip club where you hooked up with some girl covered in tattoos. Then you have the nerve to claim you love my sister? You either cheated on her, or you’re lying about how you feel. Actually, both.” He spun the bat around. “And I’m going to fucking kill you.”

  Now it all made sense. I hit my forehead. “Shit, I forgot about that.”

  He swung at me.

  Quick on my feet, I ducked. “Hold on! Let me explain myself.”

  He swung at me again and knocked over a lamp. “You can when you’re dead.” He ran at me, ready to beat me down.

  I wanted to avoid hurting him at all costs. It wouldn’t bring me closer to Trinity. After the night we had, the poem she wrote for me, I had to fight for her until I physically couldn’t do it anymore.

  I hit the wall then ducked again before the bat hit my sternum. When he pulled the bat back to swing again, I grabbed it and tried to yank it away.

  Conrad kicked me in the stomach.

  I cringed but ignored the pain. I twisted it in his wrist then yanked it away.

  When Conrad realized I had the weapon, he immediately stumbled back, looking for something else to use in defense.

  “We’re done with this.” I slammed the bat down onto my thigh and broke it in half. Then I threw the pieces onto the ground. “I’m going to hurt you.”

  Conrad eyed me warily, not believe me. And he seemed like he still wanted to kill me. The look was in his eyes.

  “I didn’t cheat on Trinity.”

  “But I saw—”

  “Shut up and let me finish!”

  He closed his mouth and clenched his jaw.

  “I did hook up with a woman at the strip club. Yes, she had tattoos and a black bob. I won’t deny that happened.”

  “Fucking piece of…”

  “But that woman was Trinity—in a disguise.”

  A blank expression came over his face. “What?�
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  “I only went with you guys so you wouldn’t catch onto me and Trinity. But I didn’t want to hook up with someone so she met me there and played the part.”

  Confusion was still on his face. “This girl had tattoos.”

  “It was the cheap ones you get from a quarter machine.” How did he not notice that?

  He narrowed his eyes. “How do I know you aren’t lying?”

  “Ask Trinity! She’ll tell you.”

  “Every time I tried to tell her you were a cheat she threw me out without letting me get a word in.”

  My heart melted at her faith in me. “Well, let’s go over there and talk to her. You can see for yourself.”

  He didn’t move. “The Russian model. What about her?”

  “I didn’t sleep with her.”

  “That’s not what she told my girl.”

  I hated having to explain myself. “I asked her to lie for me. I took her home and that was it. End of story.”

  Conrad stared at me suspiciously. “I want to talk to Trinity.”

  “Fine. Let’s get this cleared up so you don’t attack me with a bat again.” I was the one who should be pissed off.

  “If she says you’re lying, I will kill you.” He stood in front of me, his almost touching mine. “My dad will help too.”

  The mention of his father made me flinch. “Wait…did you tell your dad this stupid theory?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?” He headed out the front door.

  Now everything made sense.

  ***

  Conrad and I walked inside.

  Trinity was sitting on the couch reading a book while Cayson and Skye worked on homework. They faced the TV, watching a rerun. Trinity turned to me, the love and adoration clear on her face. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” I leaned down to kiss her but was pushed away.

  “Don’t touch her.” Conrad shoved me against the wall.

  If Trinity could walk she would have chased him down then slapped him a hundred times. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  I stood up and then swallowed my annoyance.

  “When Roland and I went to a strip club, Slade came. And he hooked up with some girl.” He stared at her, watching he reaction.

  “That girl was me, idiot.” She reached behind the couch and swatted his arm.

  “It was you?” he asked incredulously. “What was she wearing?”

  Now she looked at him like I was crazy. “Conrad, why would I lie?”

  “To cover for him.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I wore a black bob and had two tattoos on my shoulders. And I wore a black skirt with a short shirt. Happy now?”

  Conrad finally relaxed. “I guess…”

  “Now will you stop this hate parade on Slade?” she snapped. “Because he didn’t do anything wrong.”

  ‘That’s debatable…” Conrad gave me the same hateful look he’d been giving me for months.

  Would this drama ever end? “I want us to get along. But if you can’t accept me as her boyfriend, Trinity and I don’t care. We’re going to be together anyway. I think it would make everyone’s lives easier if you just accepted it. We’ve been committed to each other for months. I treat her right and she gives me the same respect. Now grow a pair and get the fuck over it.”

  Conrad clenched his jaw then looked at Trinity. His eyes scanned Skye and Conrad before coming back to me. “Fine. I’ll stop being a dick.”

  “Thanks,” I said in relief.

  He walked over to me and lowered his voice. “As long as you make her happy, I’m happy. We can return to what we were with no hard feelings.”

  That’s exactly what I wanted.

  His voice grew dark. “But if you hurt her, I will kill you.”

  I knew he wasn’t bluffing. I could see it in his eyes.

  “That’s fine. I’d probably do it myself anyway if I did.”

  Conrad extended his hand to shake mine. “I’m sorry I attacked you with a bat.”

  “You did what?” Trinity screamed.

  Conrad smirked but didn’t look at her. “No one got hurt.”

  “Conrad, if I could walk you’d be dead,” she snapped.

  I took his hand and shook it. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I broke it.”

  “I guess we’re even.”

  I nodded. “Guess so.”

  We moved to the couch in front of the TV. I sat beside Trinity and put my arm around her shoulders. She fit into my side perfectly, like she was meant to be there all along.

  Cayson and Skye returned to their homework, and Conrad grabbed a beer and drank it while he propped his feet up on the table while he watched the screen.

  It was the first time we hung out like we used to. Everything was as it used to be. But this time Trinity and I were out in the open. I could hold her hand and kiss her whenever I wanted. While it was exciting to sneak around with the possibility of getting caught, it was even better to be together without having to hide. I could stare at her all I wanted and she could stare at me. For first time in months, we really made some progress.

  ***

  When I went to Mike’s office, I assumed he would see me. After what happened last week, our feud seemed so unimportant in light of having a gun pointed at your head. If I thought that, he must too.

  I sat down in the library and eyed him through the windows.

  Vincent eyed me. “You are hard core.”

  “No. I’m just extremely motivated.”

  “Still ridiculous.”

  Mike looked from his desk like he heard us. He spotted me then looked down again like my presence meant nothing.

  Seriously? He still hated me after all of that?

  I stood up and headed to his door.

  Vincent stood up. “Uh, what are you doing?”

  “What does it look like I’m doing?” I spat.

  “You can’t go in there!”

  I stepped into his office and shut the door behind me. “We need to talk.”

  Mike stood up, the threat in his eyes. “Never walk into my office like that again.” His tense shoulders said he meant business.

  “Sean does it all the time.”

  “My fellow CEO and brother. Only he and my wife have that privilege.”

  “Well, I’m not going to sit in the lobby anymore. I want to talk.”

  He growled then stood up straight. “I’m a very busy man, Slade. Your teenybopper drama is really the last thing I care about.”

  “It’s only teenybopper drama because you make it that way.”

  Mike crossed his arms over her chest, not amused.

  “We were almost killed last week and you saved my neck. How can you be so cold to me?”

  He narrowed his eyes. “You haven’t figured it out, have you? I guess I gave you more credit than you deserve.”

  Haven’t figured out what? I didn’t like it when I felt out of the loop.

  He gave me a firm stare. “Slade, I love you as much as I love Conrad. You’re like a son to me. Even with all your recklessness and baggage you’re great. My protective instinct toward you isn’t dulled by any means. Nothing has changed.”

  He was giving me a headache. I couldn’t disagree more with is statement.

  “But as a man for my daughter, no, I don’t like you. At all.” He said it with no remorse of empathy. His words sliced through me like a hot blade.

  “Why?”

  He sighed. “Slade, you know why. Even if we put aside what you did to Trinity, I know you aren’t going to stick around. This is just some weird phase you’re going through. When you realize monogamy is boring you’ll find someone else. And that wouldn’t be a big deal if my daughter didn’t envision something more. She wants a happily ever after and now she expects it from you. We both know you can’t give it to her.”

  Getting married was one of my biggest fears. I associated it with death. Every man who settled down dropped all of his dreams to get fat and old. Sex became dull because it was always with the same perso
n. Life was meaningless and just a slow passage of time. I wanted to be single forever, and not just because of all the women I would meet, but because of the opportunities I would have. But then Trinity came along and made me confused.

  He kept staring at me. “That’s what I thought.”

  “I could give her everything she wants,” I said quietly.

  “But you won’t. And there’s nothing wrong with that.”

  What?

  “Not every man is meant to settle down. It’s okay not to be married. Some people are just not wired that way. They are meant to be spouses or parents. They are good at other things and other interests. But I know my daughter. She wants the big fancy wedding with Prince Charming. She wants a home to raise her kids, and she wants a faithful husband that adores her. She needs that stability. In that respect, you couldn’t be more different. It’s just not meant to be.”

  The truth was washing over me in waves, hitting me where it hurt.

  “So, Slade, you can drag this out if you want. But remember who’s going to get hurt.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “And it isn’t you.”

  My gaze shifted to the window where the skyline was. His words moved through my head and made me feel weak. I loved Trinity so damn much and I never wanted to be without her, but in the back of my mind, I knew I wanted my dream too. “I told her I would try. And I will.”

  He sighed and closed his eyes. They remained that way before he opened them. “I really don’t want my daughter to be an experiment.”

  “But, I told her I would try to be a boyfriend and everything else…I succeeded.”

  “Boyfriend and husband aren’t comparable. You know that.”

  I scratched the back of my head, feeling dizzy.

  “There’s nothing I can do about your relationship now. Trinity made it clear you’re the man she wants. I can’t protect her from this. I can tell her over and over how it will end, but she won’t listen to me. You will break her heart and you will hurt her. Of course, I’ll be there to fix the damage. It’s a lesson every person must learn at some point in his life. I just wished my daughter could have learned in through books and movies, or in a less harsh way.”

  I tried not to think about the finish line, and instead concentrate on the race. Being with her was so wonderful and amazing. Why would I ever walk away from that? Even though doubts plagued my mind and hovered in the darkness, I could push them away. I could try to give Trinity what she wanted. There wasn’t a doubt that I loved her. Now I just had to figure out how much. “Sir?”