Can't Forget: If she can't forget her past, she won't have a future. (Solum Series Book 2)

by Colleen S. Myers

  Huh.

  Marin turned back and fell to his knees beside to me. I peered down expecting blood. Darts hung from the blanket. I pulled them out and dropped them. Cold spread from the wounds where they’d hit me. Pressurized darts. They’d dosed me with something. My back spasmed sharp and deep, pulling a scream from me. My stomach tensed like a drum. I smelled copper and sweat. A warm current dripped down my inner thigh. My gaze met Marin’s. No, this can’t be happening, not now.

  “Zanth!” Marin shouted. He clutched me to his chest and carried me inside.

  “Zanth,” he screamed again while he carted me up the stairs to my room, red from between my legs pooling in our wake.

  Zanth skipped down the stairs and met us halfway. His smile died when he saw the blood on the ground. “What happened?”

  “The E’mani, go, get the healers. They shot her with something, I do not know what, but she is bleeding. I…I think the baby is coming.” Marin replied. We’d reached the door. Zanth disappeared from view.

  “It will be all right, Elizabeth,” Marin murmured against my neck. He deposited me on the bed and bundled up the covers to press them between my thighs.

  But I knew it wouldn’t be all right. I saw the trail we’d left. There was too much blood. And it was too early. I was only seven and a half months along. My back shrieked in agony, my spine bowed. “Oh god.”

  Marin pleaded, “Please, Elizabeth.”

  The guards converged by the doorway to the room, responding to the shouts, but there was nothing left for them to do. They were too late. The E’mani couldn’t have picked a better time. We’d stopped to celebrate and let down our defenses. The guards had partied with the rest of us.

  I couldn’t believe I let them get close. I was supposed to be ready. I knew they wouldn’t stop, but I’d let myself relax for a moment, and my baby was going to pay the price. I closed my eyes. I could see her. It hadn’t been a boy, I was so sure, but no. It was a girl.

  Hope.

  She was little, so very little. Her arms waved and I swear she smiled at me. She had dreamy blue eyes with round pupils. Her hair was black. Her skin, a pale dusk. Finn’s coloring but my features. It wasn’t real. I knew it wasn’t, but I wanted it so bad.

  “I see her. Hope. She’s so beautiful, Marin,” I whispered the words and all movement in the room stopped.

  Marin’s hands cradled my face as he leaned over me. “I am sure she is going to be the most beautiful girl in the world. Hold on now. The healers will be here any second, my love.” Water dripped onto my face. Marin was crying, or was that me?

  I felt her dying inside me and I wanted to die alongside her.

  Hope. Please, baby. I’d been weak, but not anymore.

  Another gush from between my legs. Pressure in my bladder, in my bowels. My back twisted. I arched and the world was suffused with pretty sparkles. Marin’s face faded away.

  I can’t believe I’d forgotten. It ran through my mind over and over.

  The thought followed me into unconsciousness.

  ~ * ~

  I sat up, a scream tore from me. A healer crouched between my legs, I forgot her name. She had her hands on me, in me. A second healer placed her palms on my tummy and chanted. It was so much like my nightmares another scream squeezed out.

  “Stop,” I whimpered. Whatever they were doing hurt, so much.

  “It will be all right, Beta,” one of the ladies whispered. Her hand brushed my forehead, fingers blessedly cool.

  My belly tightened and my back bowed. No. God. It would not be right. Not now.

  Marin’s arms circled me, his mouth against my hair. “Elizabeth. Please.”

  Please what? What more did he want from me?

  His face screwed up. The world went black again on a tide of agony. And I remembered.

  Weeping in the background. My body felt heavy. I couldn’t get my eyes to open. My lips were dry. I forced my lashes up and saw a face peering down at me.

  Pale skin and hair in a precise center part. White eyes, thin face. Xade. Oh god.

  My gut shriveled inside me. No, oh no. Not again. Please.

  “Good, you are up. Your recuperative times are getting worse not better as we expected. Have you been taking your supplements as directed, Elizabeth.”

  I found myself responding automatically, “Of course. I do as you wish.”

  His smile widened. ”Good girl, how do you feel?”

  I took a moment to assess. I moved my head around. The room swayed around me then jolted into place. I wiggled my fingers and toes then stretched my low back. “I am functional.”

  “Good.” He lifted his hand. A scalpel glinted in the low light. “Now for the liver samples.”

  My eyes followed the path of the blade toward my abdomen.

  I woke up flailing, screaming for my little girl. “Hope, Hope.”

  Someone held my arms. A cool hand moved gently down my face. “Elizabeth.”

  I turned away from that touch.

  No.

  No comforting would help me now.

  A shaft of pain split my sides pulling me from sleep. My arms flexed outward, my hands bound. I glanced down at the table then up to white faces peering down at me.

  “And she is back. Just a few more samples.”

  I felt a tugging in my chest and a rush of liquid ran down my neck. Pressure and then a crack. Oh god.

  I screamed, my back bowing. They tightened the straps, immobilizing me. I screamed and screamed until I coughed blood. My head sagged to the left. Red lights in the walls.

  A blade of white-hot agony. Blood in my mouth. Ears ringing.

  Marin’s face wavered. His mouth opened, but I was beyond words.

  I’d let down my guard. Played house. Pretended the E’mani were gone. A cliché.

  Gah.

  It felt like a white hot poker slid down my back. My legs were numb, pulled back to my ears. I delivered the baby in a tide of crimson. My gasps were the only sounds in the room.

  The first healer rubbed the baby with a blanket. I saw the top of her head, dark hair. Purple skin. Slack blue lips. Her head hung to the side. The healer wiped her mouth out and began to breathe for her. The second slapped her feet.

  “Hope,” someone said. Maybe me.

  Marin hugged me tight. More tears dripped onto my cheek. Mine this time? My eyes drifted up. His face. I reached up a hand to cradle his jaw, blood on my fingertips. Marin lowered his lashes and he kissed my palm.

  We both turned to stare at the baby and prayed.

  Nothing.

  The healer puffed more air into her lungs. My baby’s arms remained motionless.

  No sound. Why was there no sound?

  Hope, please.

  A slap on the bottom. The healer lifted her up and slid a warm blanket under her back. The bloody towel fell to the floor. So red.

  “Hope.” Marin sobbed it this time.

  No hope.

  She never took a single breath.

  Marin clutched me tighter. He glanced down to the bottom of the bed. “Why is Elizabeth still bleeding?”

  Huh. I didn’t feel anything.

  “Damn you, Elizabeth. Do not leave me. Do not let the E’mani win. Will you do that? Let them take our baby?” Marin’s nostrils flared and he got right up into my face.

  No. No. Can’t have that.

  Marin shouted, “Answer me.”

  My words came out weak. “No.”

  I can’t forget again. The E’mani would never let me rest. There was no safety until they were gone.

  One of the healers hurried back. I felt her hand massage my tummy. Another hand inside me. Not again.

  A scream tore from my mouth.

  “She will survive,” Xade said. He cleaned his knives over at another table and glanced at me. Another copy tilted my head.

  Red light.

  I recoiled. “No.”

  Xade grinned. “See. She will survive. It is not her nature to give up.”

  Sunlight
streamed through a crack in the curtain to blind me. I groaned and rolled onto my side, reluctant to wake up, my every joint aching.

  My eyes drifted open. The bed was made and Marin slept facing me on the covers. I felt crusty and my lips, god. I swept my tongue out. Chapped. Dry.

  “Marin,” I whispered.

  His head popped up, his eyes red and swollen. His bruises had faded and there was no swelling along his jaw. “Elizabeth?”

  And I knew. Hope was gone.

  My eyes watered. I could feel my nose turn red. No, oh no.

  Marin’s expression crumpled and he gathered me close. “I am so sorry, Elizabeth. She never woke up. Too much blood loss, they said. We nearly lost you too. But you survived. Thank the lands.” Marin’s stroked my cheek. “Then you got sick. You were so hot. We had to cover you in snow. The only thing that saved you was the medicines you made.”

  A sob slipped out and another. Marin patted me on the back. When I was cried out, Marin grabbed a glass from nearby and held it to my lips.

  “How long?” I whispered, my throat a little less raw.

  “You have been sick for two weeks,” Marin murmured against my temple.

  “The E’mani?”

  Marin kissed the side of my head. “We have not seen them again.”

  “Find them.”

  “We will,” Marin said. “You need to recover.”

  I nodded.

  ~ * ~

  The next few days passed in little chunks of time. Marin remained at my side. He spoon fed me for days. Until my own filth and a full bladder forced me up. I glanced over to see Marin resting behind me. My heart twisted. He looked so peaceful lying there, his hand out, dark circles under his eyes. No need to wake him.

  I turned and let my legs hang off the bed slowly, trying not to jostle him.

  I closed my eyes and pulled power to me. It responded with a quick rush of heat deep in my core, stronger than it’d ever been. My legs strengthened. I tentatively staggered to a stand, knocking into the wall. Marin woke up in a rush and surged to my side. He braced me when I swayed.

  “Elizabeth, are you all right?” Damn it. The concern in his voice nearly broke me. Tears threatened. It seemed like crying was my go-to response right now.

  “No, I am not all right.” I leaned into his support. “I gotta pee,” I admitted. Marin helped me to the chamber pot and back. Then he tucked me back in bed and crawled in next to me, his hands bracketing my face.

  Marin kissed me, his lips soft against mine. “I am so sorry, my love, so sorry. We should have been prepared. I am so glad you are safe, that you made it. For a while there I thought you would not survive. We can have another baby. It will be all right.”

  I stiffened and just like that my own tears dried up. “I guess it is okay then, we can have another baby,” I repeated in a flat tone.

  Marin looked puzzled then nodded as he pushed a lock of my hair behind my ears. “I am saying I am glad you are all right. I do not know what I would do without you. I am so damn sorry about the baby.” He pressed his lips to my forehead. “We will make them pay. I promise you.”

  I grasped onto that thought like a drowning man searched for land. My hands gripped his shirt. “How? When?”

  “Soon,” he said. And my eagerness faded. Soon. I’d heard that before, and now I didn’t believe him. He would do what he felt was necessary to keep me safe, even if it wasn’t what I wanted.

  “Soon,” I echoed and rolled on my side away from him, pulling the pillow to my chest.

  The lab was pristine, clean and white. The tiled floor sparkled. Translucent desks rose from the floor when we entered. They were organized in precise rows, computer monitors recessed into their surfaces. Chemicals filled the drawers. There were beakers and flasks littered on the surface. Multiple biologic augers were stacked next to the glassware. Along one wall a rendition of the human DNA lined half of one wall and next to it was the E’mani DNA.

  Various sequences were highlighted on both, the same base pairs.

  My job today was to refine the samples. Code the last branches of the current subject, who was rising out of the floor in front of me at the head of the room.

  Subject 539421. He was strapped down to the table, naked. His arms and feet fastened to the marble. His white hair had thinned and fallen out in clumps. His skin so thin, with a faint orange cast, he resembled a pumpkin. I saw a pulse beating erratically at his neck. Multiple red splotches covered his belly. The subject moaned and yanked at the bonds holding him down.

  “We need to fix the genie, gene, genes, don’t we now. No matter the cost,” he muttered sing-song. A laugh gurgled out thick and wet and dissolved into coughing. Blood flecked the table around him as I struggled not to flinch.

  What was wrong with him? I’d never seen a sick E’mani before. There were all so healthy.

  “Test subject 549321. Excellent, Elizabeth. We need his DNA. After you will sleep,” Xade said as he walked into the room.

  I nodded and accepted the scalpel Xade handed me.

  The E’mani screamed and screamed.

  Sixteen

  When I woke up, I was alone, and glad of that fact. Only a thin shaft of light shone through the window to illuminate the dust motes floating in the air. I stared at the ceiling gathering my courage. My hand drifted down my belly. Flat again.

  I squeezed my eyes closed at the emptiness that filled me. I hated the E’mani so much. I lifted up the covers and glanced down at my body. Looking now, I couldn’t even tell I’d been pregnant. My stomach was taut.

  Prior to pregnancy I had a diamond shaped mark around my belly button. When I became pregnant it grew to an octahedron, two diamonds overlapping each other, their colors and lines interwoven with my stomach as its canvas. Now it was a diamond again. That probably meant something. I rubbed at the skin with tears burning in my eyes.

  The rest of my marks, the bands at my wrists, my shoulders, they all appeared the same. I brushed away the tracks on my cheeks and wiped my nose. Best not to think on that.

  I focused instead on the dream. I barely remembered the details. I’d been wearing the E’mani uniform of dark gray, the shivat. My hair was straight and my posture whipped.

  I’d helped them in the labs. I’d guessed that, but I hadn’t realized I wasn’t the only one there. I sensed someone come up behind me at the end. There were others like me. My assignment was the DNA mapping. It was long tedious work the E’mani eagerly pawned off on their drones. That is what I had been to them, a drone. That is what everyone was to them.

  I stood up with care. No swaying this time. I wanted to know what Marin planned. He couldn’t put off going after the E’mani any longer. That was obvious. I dressed, feeling a twinge in my abdominal muscles.

  The trek downstairs took a few minutes. No one was about when I wandered onto the landing. Breakfast was spread out on the table. There were presents lined up to the side of the meeting rooms. Gifts for the mating and for the baby. We would have to return them now.

  My eyes watered and I rubbed them impatiently. God, everything reminded me of Hope. And I needed to focus, not break down. I needed to find Marin.

  I grabbed a jacket and walked out into the gardens to my thinking spot. There was still a light dusting of snow here and there, but new blooms sprouted in patches, and green had reestablished itself throughout the area. The ground squished under my feet, the air cool on my swollen eyes. I took in a deep breath, and that is when I saw the grave. My steps faltered.

  A single stone rose from the ground near the bench with one word engraved on the surface. Hope. I stumbled and fell to my knees. I didn’t get to bury her. No. It wasn’t fair.

  A sob slipped out, then another until I was bawling like a child. Hope’s face flashed through my mind, her happy smile. God damn the E’mani. Tears streamed down my cheeks until there was nothing left. Hollowed out, I sat on the bench and let the cold dry my face. It didn’t take Marin long to find me.

  He sat down next t
o me and pulled me against his side. “There you are. I was worried.” His voice changed, deepened. “Did you see?”

  I nodded against his chest. “I love it. It’s the perfect place.”

  Marin knew to put her in my favorite place, where she could play with the butterflies, where we shared our first kiss. “This way, she will always be close.”

  My hands formed a fist in his shirt. “I tried looking for you.”

  “I was meeting with the clan leaders.”

  “How did the meeting go?”

  “As well as can be expected. Everyone is eager for vengeance, but our plans remain the same.”

  My stomach dropped and my mouth opened. I shoved him away. “What do you mean, the plans remain the same?” The words came out harsh.

  He leaned back. “I means exactly what I said. We cannot afford to travel right now. There is still snow on the ground. The way will be too treacherous. We would lose too many on the journey. We will keep to the original plan. Late spring, early summer, we will head back home. A small contingent, those we all agreed on. About a fourth of us, I think. It will be slow, but we should make it there by mid-summer.”

  “But… they attacked us. We can’t stay here and wait for them to show up so we can act. We have to head to Industry now. They won’t expect it. We will be close to their home then. There is something important there. I know it.” I poked him in the chest.

  Marin grabbed my hands. “They did not attack us. They attacked you.”

  Oh.

  My chest ached. This time I was the one leaning back. I chose my next words carefully, my eyes not meeting his. “So the attack doesn’t matter.”

  He grabbed my shoulders and shook me. “You know that is not what I am saying.” His breath rushed out in frustration and his voice rose. “You know that is not what I meant. I meant they are not attacking us here. The attack on you was a single occurrence. They do not suspect anything, so there is no reason to change our plans.”

  I shrugged his hands away and stood. “No reason except our child. Or maybe you don’t care about that? Maybe it doesn’t matter to you.”