Can't Forget: If she can't forget her past, she won't have a future. (Solum Series Book 2)

by Colleen S. Myers

  With a grimace, I turned to Thorn. “Would I be able to get a tour? Explore? There’s a reason we came. I want to find some of their laboratories, their buildings. There’s something I need to find.”

  “You never did explain how you came to be with the Fost. How do you bear our marks?” Thorn ran his finger down my arm.

  “That is probably because I don’t know. The E’mani destroyed my home.” My heart twisted. Mom. Sarah. “They killed my mom, my family, my friends. And then they took me and brought me here. I am not from around here, you see.”

  Thorns eyebrows rose at that. “Where are you from?”

  “A galaxy far, far away.” A pang shot through my chest. Sarah and I used to play a game and add Star Wars references every day to a convo, casual-like. I missed her. I missed it all. My mom especially, she had a way of making me see the truth beneath the surface.

  “You appear to have survived. How did you get away?” Thorn tugged me to the corner to continue our talk.

  “I’m not sure how. I keep having these dreams, I need to find one of their labs and fast. We are running out of time.” A chill shivered down my spine. I needed to find this place. It was important.

  “I can take you on a tour then.” Thorn nodded as the rest of my crew filtered in, then he escorted all of us to a building where breakfast was served. Mmm, porridge.

  Zanth was nowhere to be found. Finn cuddled in the corner with Zara. I noticed Thorn giving them the side-eye. Jace, Giggy, Baren, Hana, and Near all scattered to learn more after eating.

  Thorn grabbed supplies and we were off, George trailing behind.

  The town was named Center. There were mountains to the east. And to the west were forests. The hills made it difficult to see the breadth of the area we faced. I wanted to head to the woods first. I remembered trees in the few glimpses I had from my nightmares.

  We walked into the forest, the same wide, tall trees with dark gray bark and spikes oozing a thick, acidic sap. But these trees were taller, thicker, more oppressive, the foliage lush. Our own growth was young compared to here. There was an old feel, a sense of age and tragedy. The branches hung starkly in the dawn sky casting foreboding shadows on the ground before us. It had been charted at one time, but the paths had long since gone wild, the way lost. We wandered along in the footprints of animals, silent. The forest called for it.

  An hour passed, maybe more. My shoulders tensed for no reason. A shiver ran down my spine. Not cold per se…off.

  I stopped and made a complete three-sixty but saw nothing. “Do you feel that?”

  “What?” Thorn took a drink from his canteen, slowing to stand next to me.

  “Nothing, I guess. Do you come this way often?”

  “Never, this way used to teem with E’mani so we learned to avoid it. Now it is habit. We stick to the grassland or the mountains for our food.”

  “But I thought cats were curious.”

  Thorn snorted and capped the water. “Curious. Not stupid.”

  I cleared my throat. “What was it like here after the war?”

  He glanced around. “Desolate.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  Thorn waved away my words. “We all were. My great-grandmother was hurt in the war. She could not travel and my great-grandfather would not leave his mate behind. They stayed along with my great-greats, and hid at the edges of the mountains, with the rest of the clan. Rough going, but these past few decades, it has been as if the E’mani never existed. They up and vanished one night never to be heard from again, by us at least.”

  I balled my hands at my sides. “They came after my world.”

  “Yes. What was it like there?”

  “My race was very similar to the E’mani technology-wise. That’s why they took us, I guess. It is almost eerie, how alike our races were. I always wondered if given a few centuries, we could have become like the E’mani.”

  Thorn whistled. “What was it like with them?”

  “Desolate,” I echoed his words.

  His hand brushed my shoulder. “Now I am sorry to put such a sad expression on your beautiful face.”

  I wrinkled my nose at him. “You’re good.”

  Thorn winked. “I know.”

  We resumed our shamble. Eventually, the ground in front of us cleared and we stumbled onto a paved road. What the hell?

  Thorn cursed, grabbed my arm, and pulled me back to the edge. Greenery encroached on the highway with its bright yellow dashes, attempting to take over.

  After months here, the road, so similar to home, jarred me. “I think it is abandoned.”

  “How have we never seen this before?” Thorn turned in a circle on the blacktop. George hissed and darted among the trees, having decided to join us on our jaunt.

  A limb cracked in the forest like a gunshot. A squeal escaped me. Thorn twirled back the way we came and pushed me behind him. We both grabbed our knives.

  One minute.

  Two.

  Did someone follow us, or the E’mani? My heart rate picked up.

  George crawled down the tree he’d climbed. And Finn sauntered out of the trees.

  My shoulder relaxed. “Asshole.”

  “What, what did I do? What is this?” Finn waved his hands.

  Thorn scanned behind him. “E’mani engineering.”

  “That is good, right?” Finn asked.

  “I guess,” I muttered.

  I followed the lines on the highway. There was a short stretch of concrete that led to a Y in the road. There was a path left and right.

  Hmm, which way to go? The roads appeared indistinguishable to the naked eye. I chose right. It felt right. The left. Not now. Not with only the three of us and George.

  As we covered more of the trail to the right, the twitch in the back of my neck faded. My gait became looser. We’d been walking for an hour or so. The road branched one more time and we chose right again so we wouldn’t get lost.

  The road was well demarcated, no signs of life or recent usage. No trees grew overhead. No vegetation marred the flat perfection. The highway ended at a parking lot with an adjacent field of wildflowers before more hills of gray dust and rocks.

  We took a break in the grass.

  “What do you think this place was?” Finn asked.

  “An airport, I think, they landed their ships here. There must be a building nearby,” I replied and started to pace down the runway. But we couldn’t find it. The trees grew thicker at the edges of the field. No paths, only the way back.

  I put my hands on my hips. “It doesn’t make sense not to have somewhere to unload supplies.”

  “I am not seeing anything,” Thorn replied while turning in a circle, nearly trampling poor George. George hissed at Thorn and attempted to crawl up his leg. Thorn shouted and tossed him away. George scampered back and attacked Thorn’s ankle. Thorn cursed and drew his leg back to send George flying.

  “Hey,” I yelled. “Not my cat.”

  Thorn dropped his foot and shook his fingers at my pet. Who promptly lifted up his leg and took a piss on his boot. Oh my god, I had to cover my mouth. Thorn screeched and darted after George who took off running. Then Thorn promptly ran smack into a wall next to the field. His nose crunched and he fell back onto his elbows. George hummed and swished his tail sauntering back toward me.

  Finn and I ran toward Thorn. I checked briefly on Thorn’s face before checking out the building. The brick was translucent, nearly lost against the grass. No outside markings. I couldn’t see a door. Bare brick walls. No lights. We blocked off the building with our hands, but felt nothing but stone.

  “What is this brick?” I asked.

  Thorn grumbled and poked his nose lightly, mopping up the blood on his shirt. “I do not know. The E’mani used it for all their buildings near the end of the war. We are unsure where they got it. Somewhere close. It is indestructible. Knives glance off it. Magic cannot touch it.”

  “Finn?” I inclined my head at the rock.


  Finn pulled out his imbued blade. He jabbed it into the block. Flecks of debris showered the ground around us. Good.

  “What is this?” Thorn grabbed the knife from Finn’s hand, injury forgotten.

  “Ferok, our new metal. It works against them. We found it near our valley.”

  Thorn lifted the blade, rays of the suns sliding off the edge. “How much more do you have?”

  “Enough for all of us, and we can call more,” I replied. Finn glanced at me. “Well, we hope. That is why some stayed behind, to get more of the metal.”

  “This is good.” Thorn said while twirling the blade.

  “No way in,” Finn concluded.

  Thorn nodded. “We should go back. My clan will be upset I have been gone all day.”

  “I am sure a few of them were following us,” I said.

  Thorn grinned, unrepentant. He tossed us a drink and some rations before heading back the way we came. The pace was sedate and we reached the Y again within a few hours then turned left. I couldn’t help my glance back to the path we hadn’t taken. I had a feeling I would be going there soon.

  Twenty Three

  Center was bustling when we returned. The rest of our crew was somewhat grumpy at us for not including them in our explorations.

  We ate dinner together. Zara fluttered around the group flirting shamelessly with all the men. She appeared to meet with some success with Baren, leaving to take him on a “mini tour” and both of them returned in different clothes. I hoped fervently this meant Baren would lighten up a little and stop with the sullen glares, but I wasn’t holding my breath.

  After dinner, Yann took Finn and me on the tour of the town we had missed in our explorations. We ambled down the single street, which was bathed in a faint blue light. Night was fast approaching soaking the area in gloom.

  “I know it is not much, but this area has sustained us for over a hundred moons. There is a spring fed pond to the north for fresh water and forests of food.” Yann said, pointing at the houses. “We have shelter here and the lamps are made with ungest. It is a rock. Here.” Yann picked up an opalescent rock and handed it to me.

  The surface was smooth and contained a hint of warmth. My hand tingled where it touched the stone. Yann continued, “When heated, with fire or with body warmth, this stone glows slightly, enough to give us some light. The light is minor and since it is native to this cavern and the weather is good, the E’mani suspect nothing. We, the rest of the Naen clan and a smattering of others, we hide here in plain sight. Most of the hunting had to be done in animal form because the E’mani were still around. It was a hard life with little hope until recently.”

  “What happened recently?” Finn took the rock out of my hand and palmed it.

  “The E’mani left. People have been able to get out more and explore.”

  “Did the Naen lose their powers like my clan did in the mountains?” Finn asked.

  “Most of us lost some, if not all of our abilities. The shifters, those strong in water magic, they stayed most connected to the land. They had to. Some think the reason we lost the powers was how we used them. The shifters did not fight in animal form during the war. They grew too unstable. The blood called to them. They were relegated to support and I believe that is what saved them. Most others used their magic in some way during the war and when they deserted the land, thehe land deserted them.”

  “Are you aware when you are in your animal form?” I asked.

  Yann nodded. “We are and we are not. The animal is always there when we are like this.” he gestured to his body. “It is this little voice at the back of our heads guiding our instincts. Fights are natural to us, a way of showing dominance. When we are in animal form, it is almost like sleeping. We are there, but it seems distant, yet we can affect it. It is disorienting at first but exciting at the same time.”

  Yann confronted Finn. “Your friend here, he has the potential to be like us.”

  Finn took my hand and squeezed it hard. “Thorn implied something similar. How do I change?”

  A grin split Yann’s face. “Now that the powers are returning, you will know. The animal will come one day. The hard part will be putting him back.”

  “Is there a trick? Anything I should know to do?”

  “Find something you want to come back to.”

  My cheeks heated when Finn peeked in my direction. “I have that.”

  Yann thumped his hand on Finn’s shoulder. “Then you should be good, little brother.”

  We ended the tour on those words. I ached to see the forest again, but it would be better to go in the light of day. The journey here left me tired and I wanted food and sleep in that order. They had constructed a few more houses while we explored. We each had a roommate, but they were able to accommodate all of us. I bunked with Hana of course, though she spent her nights with Jace and Edd.

  In the dark, I kept flashing to my first day with the Fost. Ute’s cabin. Finn. He watched me at dinner and shunned advances from others, while deftly helping me get more information today. Something to think about.

  I curled onto my side beating my pillow into my preferred shape. Marin made an excellent headrest. My eyes squeezed shut and I ran my hand down my mating band.

  “Marin.” I sounded sad even in my mind.

  No answer.

  My heart twisted in my chest. I didn’t expect one anymore. It was a bad sign that he didn’t speak to me. Of the two of us, I was definitely the more inclined to silence. Marin was resolute. Once he decided on a course, little swayed him. I feared the course we were on now. It felt like he had given up on me, too much work. Maybe he had. Maybe it was for the best, but it didn’t feel like the best. It felt like ashes in my mouth. Tears dripped down my face onto the pillow. I sniffled and gradually fell asleep.

  Sweat dripped down my face. Everything hurt. A light breeze blew all around my naked body, hot along my skin. Bright light filled my vision only slightly blocked by the goggles I wore. My hair was damp and hung below me.

  Was I in a tanning bed?

  My hand twitched and stabbing pain skyrocketed through me. I couldn’t prevent a shudder, which led to another wave of pain. It felt like needles underneath my skin, ripping and tearing as my muscles came alive. My arm jerked starting the process all over again. My voice was hoarse from my screams. It took hours until my skin and bones righted themselves and the agony receded enough to focus. I lifted my hand up to touch my face.

  It hit against glass. I brought my other hand up along my body to my face and ripped off the goggles. Bright light glowed from the walls all around me. I turned my head. I could just barely see forms moving outside the yellow glass. My hand slid along the surface, leaving smeared fingerprints.

  At least it was warm. The urge to rest threatened to overwhelm me but I had to fight it. Where was I? I bashed my hand against the glass. A body moved closer.

  White eyes stared at me through amber glass, E’mani eyes.

  The man studied me without expression. He peered down at something in his hands and grimaced. “You failed your testing, Elizabeth. What do you think we should do with you? You are not progressing as fast as we would like. We do not have time to coddle you. You must improve.”

  I nodded, mystified. That seemed to please him, and that pleased me. And why was that?

  I didn’t move. I didn’t blink, while he looked me up and down. It was safer that way. Xade was scary. He was the only E’mani I had ever seen who appeared old. Not in body, in mind. And his eyes, those eyes, he enjoyed the pain he inflicted, even more than the results.

  My gut churned at the sight of him. I flashed to cold hands slapping me. I sobbed. My eyes begged. He nodded, pleased, and hit a button. The tube retracted and I fell to the floor.

  I watched him walk out the room.

  He tossed back “Get up, time for your next lesson.”

  Another sob wracked me. I vomited on the floor. My eyes were swollen and my nose stuffed in the morning. Xade, always my nightma
res featured him, all my memories were of him. The nausea he engendered in me still twisted in my belly. A draft buffeted my body. I saw eddies of air swirling around me. I was the center of the storm. When I took a deep breath in and relaxed, the wind died down.

  With a resigned sigh, I got up and dressed. I was going to have to find out where they bathed and washed their clothes. Ours were rank from the journey. My skin crawled when I put them back on. The door swished as I exited my room. Finn slept sitting up, next to my doorway. I toed him and he fell over with a crash. He glared at me. There was grumpy gills. I raised my brow.

  “You were yelling in your sleep,” he said. “I rested outside in case you needed something.”

  I offered him a hand up. He took it and leaned into me. His fighter’s body pressed against me, hip to hip. My eyes remained glued to his chest, smooth, hairless, rippling. I’d always loved his chest. I waited for heat to fill me and felt nothing. Huh.

  His arms bracketed me. “Did you sleep well?”

  My breath shuddered out as his head dipped toward mine. For a second, I considered letting him kiss me. Marin’s eyes flashed in my mind, golden and smiling, trusting. Finn’s lips were a millimeter away when I turned my head.

  Finn whispered in my ear. “You are wavering.”

  “Not in this lifetime, buddy.” And I meant it.

  Zanth exited his own rooms nearby and glanced over at us cuddling.

  I stepped out of Finn’s arms and walked toward Zanth. “Sleep well?”

  “Yes,” Zanth answered curtly.

  “I want to explore later today, you up for it?” I brushed the back of Zanth’s hand.

  ‘Yes,” Zanth said, as loquacious as ever.

  We followed the smell of food.

  Zanth’s next words stopped me. “Are you done with my brother then?”

  I didn’t glance at him, my cheek twitching. “Your brother is done with me. His silence proves it.”

  “Does it? He follows us even now.” I whirled but Zanth had darted into the dining room.

  Finn walked up from where he’d been blatantly eavesdropping. “If Marin gives you up, then he is a fool.”

  “Just like you then?” I remarked.