Can't Forget: If she can't forget her past, she won't have a future. (Solum Series Book 2)

by Colleen S. Myers

  With a start, I realized he wasn’t the only one angry. “I’m mad at you too.”

  Marin blinked and withdrew his hand. “What?”

  “I’m mad that you didn’t talk to me. That you froze me out—”

  “Just like you did me after the baby died—”

  I poked his sternum. “I was grieving and healing. And I couldn’t talk. You just wouldn’t. You were willing to throw us away over ego.”

  “You think that is what this is about that? You left me. You did not care what that would do to me. All the times my mother went running after her husband leaving her children behind. We were unimportant, forgotten, ignored. I…I had had enough of that growing up.” He stood over me, his breath coming out in pants.

  My heart twisted. “Never forgotten, never ignored.” I kneeled and held out my hand.

  Marin took it and pulled me up so I was kneeling in the circle of his arms. “That is how I felt though. And I...” He shrugged and buried his nose in my neck.

  “Now you are teasing me with Zara—”

  “I am not teasing.”

  He might as well have slapped me. “Let me go.”

  “No. Never.”

  I struggled to get out of his embrace. “Go to Zara, if that is who you want.”

  “No. That was not what I—” Marin tightened his arms around my waist.

  “Go. Get out of here right now.”

  “Beta.” Oh look, he could say my name now. Fuck him. “Listen to me, I did not—”

  “Get out!”

  “You know what,” he said throwing up his hands. “This is ridiculous. When you want to talk, we talk. But when I want to, it does not matter. Call me when you grow up and want to converse like adults.” Marin stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

  I ran my hand through my hair, shaking.

  The dreams that night were vicious.

  Xade sat by his monitor. He held a picture, always that same picture. Why was one face so important to him? He’d spend hours staring at it. The only time I’d ever seen true emotion from him was while he was gazing at that image.

  I tiptoed into the room.

  He glanced up at me coldly and dropped the frame. “Time to do more tests. Are you ready?” His lips curved into a rictus of a smile. A knife glinted in his hand when he stood. The clones grabbed my arms and tied me to the table.

  Another flash, another scene.

  Xade’s blade flashed and I watched the knife sink deep into the chest of the E’mani before me. Again and again, he ripped the scalpel through the dead flesh. His words poured out. “This does not make sense. The DNA is perfect. Why? Why did he die?”

  A spray of clotted blood dripped down my face. I closed my mouth and breathed through my nose. My eyes closed tight.

  “Elizabeth.” I blinked to see Xade glaring at me. “More tests.” He shoved the body off the slab and waved me to its surface.

  Oh god. Not more. Please no, not again.

  Blood, blood, and more blood. I sang a song to distract myself from the upcoming horror as Xade tightened the straps on my head. The drugs should kick in soon. At least they gave us something to forget.

  One strong tug made me gasp. I knew what was coming. My fingers clenched. My father’s favorite song ran through my head. Godsmack, Keep Away. If only they would. The sickness in their eyes, indeed. Then the world went blessedly dark.

  I woke with a start and glanced around.

  No Marin. My hands fisted in the empty pillow next to my head.

  Xade stared at the picture and nearly cried. God, I wish I’d been the one to make him blubber. My lips curved into a grin. My eyes shut, hoping for more sleep, more memories, more ammunition. I got hours of talking.

  “Do you know why I like you, Elizabeth?”

  “I don’t care.”

  “Exactly, you do not care. Most of the subjects, they beg and cry. You, though, you are stoic. I appreciate that. It makes it easier and ever so much more interesting when I break you.”

  Another day.

  “Elizabeth?”

  I hesitated. To talk without permission wasn’t allowed. But Xade waited for a response. “Yes?” My voice cracked.

  “Do you like me?” Oh, god. I hope he doesn’t mean sexually.

  “Uh, yes?”

  He chuckled. “You do not sound like you mean it.”

  Any reply wouldn’t be taken right. I’d learned to hold my tongue or have it cut out.

  “Why would you?” He laughed. “You are just meat.”

  Another conversation.

  “Elizabeth. Why do people seek death so wantonly?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Why do people do unhealthy things? Your world, mine, we had people with vices, smoking, drinking, drugs, violence. Why? What was the draw? It does not make sense to me.”

  I opened my mouth.

  Xade waved me off. “No, no. Do not answer that. I know why. Because people are weak, they seek to escape reality, do something naughty, try to change the course of their life with the wrong means. So stupid.” Xade slammed his hand onto the desk. “You want to know something, Elizabeth? I am not weak. I refuse to acknowledge failure.”

  “Failure is not an option.”

  “Exactly. Good girl.” Xade drifted toward me.

  That happy tone meant pain. Fear quickened my heart. I shot straight up in bed. The room was still dark. Light didn’t leak under the doors. Why couldn’t I sleep? My tears scorched the covers. This sucked. All these memories. My head buzzed. I covered my face with my hands.

  Xade caressed the picture before him, his thumb slowly drawn down her visage. I swore he had tears in his eyes, but crocodiles didn’t cry, right? He was a predator. Not prey. I would not feel sorry for his ass. Yet, this could be a weakness.

  “Who is she?” I asked, then cringed expecting pain.

  Surprisingly, Xade answered. “My wife.”

  “You had a Fost mate?”

  “Yes, but she died long ago.” Another finger slid down the frame.

  “How?” No pity. Information.

  “The more important question is why? Why did she have to die in such a senseless way? We know so much, but not enough.” He threw the image onto the desk.

  “How?” I repeated.

  “Cancer,” he said. “She is the only person I ever cared for. It was perfect, but then she got sick. Where was the Fost’s precious land then? Such worthless faith. I will solve this with science and maybe one day, I can bring her back.”

  Oh great. Now he wanted to make zombies. I shifted on my feet.

  Xade’s attention turned to me, a cruel gleam in his eyes. There was the Xade I knew, nothing pitiful about him. “Why so many questions, Elizabeth? Are you so eager to have my attention?”

  Oh shit. From the smile, the white-knuckled grip of his hand around the knife that he tapped against his thigh, I’d made myself a target. I ran toward the door. Not quite quick enough.

  His hand laced through my hair, jerking me back. “Why run? Do you have any more questions? We can find our answers out together, shall we?”

  Xade threw me against the table. Its cold surface glimmered in the lights of the sterile room. Two of his copies entered and grabbed my arms, attaching me to the surface yet again.

  “Prepare her for the brain samples. Those are the fun ones. It will be ever so interesting to see how long it takes you to come up with any questions at all.”

  I regretted opening my mouth.

  Thirty

  The picture, the woman. She was the secret to understanding Xade. He’d called her his wife. She’d obviously meant something to him at one point. How long ago was hard to tell. He’d been fucking around with human genetics in the seventeen hundreds. I didn’t know how that was possible, whether it was time distortion or magic or something, but he’d been alive a long, long time.

  I needed to focus less on the E’mani history in regards to Earth and their tampering, and more on the E’mani people
themselves. How did they get this way? What event happened to change the course of their history? I refused to believe the E’mani were pure evil. Sometimes I saw the clones and the dull look in their eyes and felt…less hate. That was all I would admit to.

  How did they get this way. What were they doing exactly, and why? Once I figured that out, I would have the answers I sought.

  I sat up on the bed. Marin didn’t come home last night. Not that I expected him to. With a grimace, I got to my feet, lifted my armpit and sniffed. I was fine. Yesterday’s clothes were good enough for me.

  The suns were peeking over the horizon when I exited the room. A quick pass of the cafeteria and I was off. The path seemed eerie in the gloom of the morning. I should have gotten Zanth or Finn, some friends. Not Marin. I’d probably not like where he spent the night. Jesus, this was creepy.

  They’d kept the fire going through the night. Rael and Prog lay on their bellies, arms and wings spread wide, faces in the dirt. They almost looked like they were swimming on land. Dela and Erin cuddled. Roger leaned against a nearby tree, snoring. Vale slept by his feet.

  One of the twins, the belly scar one, Werner, tossed a branch into the crackling flames. His red eyes turned to glisten at me.

  “Hello, Beta,” he whispered so as not to wake the others.

  The heat from the blaze drew me, along with the smell of burning wood, and the sound of the flames. I went to sit next to him.

  As soon as I sat, Werner nudged me. He spread his fingers out in front of me. The webbing was so delicate I could see a pulse cascading through the fine layers of skin. I touched the tips of my index finger to the membrane.

  He squeaked.

  I yanked my finger back, eyes flying to take in his face. “I am so sorry…”

  He was grinning at me. “Just playing, Beta.”

  I huffed, my lips curving. “Do you know the computers?”

  “No, that is Dela’s thing. I can get you into the E’mani bassess. So much of theirr technology is bassed off ourr crrysstal.”

  My foot poked at the edges of the pit. “The translucent rock, the stuff the desk is made of, the tubes?”

  “Yess, it iss mined in the Cairrn Isslandss easst of herre. The whole issland iss crrysstal, mountainss of it surrounded by ssome dirt. The prroperrtiess of it arre rremarrkable, nearrly indesstrructable.” Warren broke a twig and threw the wood into the fire. It popped when it hit.

  Rael cursed and rolled over, barely missing crushing Prog beside him, to sit straight up. He crouched, his eyes scanning the woods.

  I pointed at Werner. “His fault.”

  Rael’s head tipped to the side and he pivoted to crouch next to us. “What are we talking about?”

  “The E’mani crystal, I was being polite and letting Dela sleep for a bit before he gets me into the computers again.” I stretched out hands to the flames.

  Rael nodded and perched at my side. His wings brushed my back. The feathers tickled and there were such a wide array of colors all in one. I reached out and stroked my hand down his arm. His skin visibly tightened and he let out a near coo. I lifted my eyes to his purple ones.

  Werner threw the last bit of his branch into the fire. “Ssince you arre awake, Rrael, I will ssleep.” He inclined his head to me then hopped under his blanket near Roger’s at the forest’s edge.

  Rael plucked a feather from his wing and held it out. “Here.”

  He took the stalk and drew soft filaments down my nose. I couldn’t stop my answering smile and question. “How close were we?”

  “You do not remember anything?” Rael peered at the ground.

  “No, well, some, I remember Xade mostly and fighting and pain, lots and lots of pain.”

  He grunted. “There was a lot of that for all of us.” He reached out and warmed his hands. “Xade liked to put some of us together to see what happened. He would pit us against each other in games. That was how Erin lost her eye. You and Erin were the weakest physically, so he had me train you, and Dela train Erin. We became friends, but we were never intimate like Erin and Dela. You remind me of my baby sister, Seri. She never listened to me either. Once Xade realized that the contact gave us comfort, we never fought again. I have not gotten to talk to you for close to fifteen years—”

  “Wait,” I interrupted. “How long was I in there?” My heart raced, mind whirling like a Ferris wheel. How was that even possible? I remembered when they took me. It couldn’t have been that long ago. Yet so many memories crowded my head.

  Rael’s voice gentled. “I am sorry, Beta. We have been their prisoners for many decades. Out of all of us, you suffered the greatest. Xade favored you. Most days they were too busy to bother with us and we slept in the tubes. But Xade never left you alone. Every day there was some pain, some test.” His hands clenched, knuckles cracking. “I tried to help you, make you strong. It did not help, the training only made you bolder and more reckless.”

  I was stuck on the fifteen years, but…how. My mind stuttered and then the memory of a Xade’s voice in my head, not just my nightmares.

  “Get in the tube, Elizabeth,” he commanded.

  I huddled in the corner of the room, keeping my back to the wall, hiding my battered face. “No, no, no, no, no.”

  “The tube will make the pain go away. The crystal heals you.” He reached out a hand.

  I glanced up at the words. My body still shook and blood still streamed from my nose to stain my lips. “Why did you take me?”

  “You remind me of her.”

  “Who?”

  “My wife, she was perfect except one fatal flaw. I need to fix that. The tubes help. In there, the tissue heals regardless of the damage. I could break your back, sever your spine, it would grow back. But I cannot correct the flaws already there in your DNA. Now.” Xade wiped his blade on his pants, the dark fabric obscuring the stain. “Either you get in the tube or we start again.”

  Nothing could keep me away from that tube, my refuge and my tomb.

  He kept people alive for centuries and he’d been around for longer than that. When he talked about reviving his wife, he wasn’t talking as a zombie. She was suspended in one of those tubes. This was all about her.

  But how does this help me? Saving her was his motivation. Maybe we should find out where she rested and hold her captive? And that would make us no better than him, keeping slaves. My stomach rolled at the thought. No, imprisoning her wasn’t the answer, but the information was interesting none the less.

  So the tubes they kept us in suspended cell death. Did they erase time? Because Xade spent the majority of his time supervising and running experiments, most of them on me. Given that I still looked and felt in my early twenties, the crystal was pretty freaking effective, but like anything, it had to have a power source.

  Before I came here, I knew it was urgent. The land told me that the people couldn’t survive in there much longer.

  “Werner,” I called out. Nobody fell asleep that fast.

  He rolled over in response. “Yess?”

  “Where do they get their power?” I threw a branch into the fire, watching the wood char and ignite.

  “Hrrm, Therre used to be powerr plantss. They’d disscoverred a new type of rock in the island that could storre enerrgy better. They’d had me worrking on it prriorr to theirr leaving.”

  A new crystal or metal that conducted and stored electricity.

  “Elizabeth.” Xade’s voice woke me. I jerked in the tube.

  His beaming face waited outside. Ugh. The tube’s walls zipped back and I fell. Xade kicked me. “I have excellent news, the quarum is ready. Unlimited power. The universe is obtainable again. Now we are no longer leashed to this world of ours and those closest. Is that not exciting news?” His eyes glowed, arms spread wide. “We must prepare. I want to test something.”

  No, please, not again.

  “It's quarum,” I said.

  “I do not know.”

  “It means they can go anywhere. No wonder they
haven’t been back. They’d learned all they could here. This is their home base, but he didn’t find the answers here.”

  Thorn sauntered up to the fire. “That correlates with what we know. For the past ten or twenty years, we have seen little activity. The bases we watched in our other form, they were deserted. The E’mani left most of it. There are still a few big cities, Bretelyn, which is about five hours to the north of here. It is still standing.”

  That name meant nothing to me, but it was a start. We were safer than I thought, but Xade would be back for me. After all, I was his favorite.

  I studied the monitor in front of me. The E’mani documented everything. And they’d been around for a long time. The files seemed endless and so freaking boring. Focusing on Xade Corinthian yielded more information.

  Born, however long ago my time, he was the star of their society, the cream of the crop. He’d mastered physics and math at a young age then focused his attention on biology. This subject held unlimited fascination for him, discovering the how’s and why’s of things.

  Xade was the definition of a people watcher. He enjoyed observing what made people tick, then crushing them with the information. He’d used these “powers” wisely in his meteoric rise to success. Already a key member of society, his advancements in genetics helped them eradicate multiple diseases in their populace and improved their life span, which was significantly longer than humans. The discoveries rocketed him to the head of the Science Department of their people. He spearheaded their search for new technology and instigated a turning point in their history. The discovery of the see-through rock, it was conductive, strong, and impenetrable. It could withstand any temperature and its structure didn’t degrade. In other words, it was the perfect material for a spaceship. In less than a decade, they were airborne, their only limit, power. For the past few centuries, their race had traveled searching for specimens nearby.

  Before that, Xade focused his studies at home. The histories state Xade pushed for cloning. At first, the clones were used for spare body parts. Then they started using them for labor. Soon, most jobs were delegated to the “disposable.”