by Maya Daniels
“We can’t have a conversation if I do. It seems like they are protective of you,” he says the last words like that idea disgusts him.
“There is nothing for you here, You should leave.” Lucifer grabs Enki’s arm and propels him away from us, making him stumble.
“Oh, I don’t think I’m going to do that, angel. The tablets were mine before Inanna played her tricks and stole them from me. I’m taking them. You don’t think she exists because I had nothing better to do, do you?” He points at me and my entire existence halts.
My mind, my heart, my blood…everything stops at those simple words. I stare at him, not breathing, searching his face. He looks at me and gives me the biggest grin I have ever seen. I still can’t breathe and I’m starting to get lightheaded. Black spots start dancing in the corners of my eyes.
“Oh, sweet goddess”, I whisper through numb lips, unable to take my eyes off him.
“Alexia, breathe!” Lucifer’s words make me take a much-needed breath.
“He made me, didn’t he?” I still don’t take my eyes of Enki even though I’m talking to Lucifer.
“Yes, I am your creator—or your father. However you wish to regard it is fine with me,” Enki says arrogantly.
Faded memories from when I was a child start playing in my head. That’s why I remembered seeing him. He was around for a little while before he disappeared and left me with my mother. I think I’ve had way too many shocks in the last couple of days, because my entire insides are shaking.
“Okay, Darth Vader, cut the shit! We get it!” Jezzinta snaps angrily at Enki, making him look at her with a frown. “See? You’re nothing to her if you don’t understand what I just said. She’s a nerd and you’re not.”
She says it so matter-of-factly that you would think she just performed a DNA test and announced, “Enki, you are not the father.” Lucifer looks confused, too, and that is all I need to snap out of my shock. I look at Jezzinta gratefully. She nods her head as if that means mission accomplished. In a way I guess it does.
I look at Enki with new eyes. This man, god—whatever you want to call him—is the one that made me. The one who gave me life. I’ve spent my entire life begging silently to whoever would listen to let me meet him. I don’t know what I was hoping that would achieve, but I wanted it so bad that it overtook a part of me that never recovered. Now here he is, standing tall and proud in front of me, as arrogant as anyone I’ve ever known, and I have Lucifer around me twenty-four-seven. I have no idea what I expected. For him to hug me when he sees me, to tell me he missed me or even loved me. Whatever it was, he falls short from all of the above. His first words are about the tablets and only the tablets.
“Oh. Are you disappointed, Alexia?” His look and words are so patronizing, anger bubbles up in my chest.
“I’m just a tool to you,” It’s not a question, it’s a statement.
I don’t think he can read the turmoil in me, because he smiles as if I just told him he won the lottery and sighs. Or maybe he expected more drama.
“That is why you were created, yes,” he tells me proudly. I stare at him.
“She is not a tool!” Lucifer punches him in the face, making him fall on his side in the sand. “She will never be a tool, not if I can help it!” he yells down at him.
I still stand and stare at him. Enki starts chuckling and wipes the blood from his lip with the back of his hand. His eyes sparkle with laughter as he looks up at Lucifer and he almost looks like he is lounging, waiting for us to feed him grapes. He is bare-chested and the blue fabric wrapped around his waist lifted enough when he fell down that his muscular things are on plain view. Luckily his dangly bits stay covered. I don’t think I can survive that image.
“Oh, this is getting better and better by the moment.” He keeps chuckling “Lucifer is in love with my creation.”
With that, he throws his head back and laughs so hard, tears slide from the corners of his eyes and he flops on his back, pounding his fists on the sand. Lucifer’s anger blasts me with his power. The hairs on my arms and neck stand straight, and I see Jezzinta rubbing her hands over her arms, but she says nothing. The longer Enki laughs, the more painful the prickling on my skin gets. My legs start walking without me being aware, and when I reach Lucifer I lean my body into his side wrapping an arm around his waist. Like a switch, the prickling stops and I kiss his chest.
“He isn’t worth it,” I tell him and he searches my eyes to see if I’m telling him the truth.
I let him see it all. The hope, the expectations, the disappointment, the pain and the acceptance of it all. And I really do accept it all. His eyes soften and he pulls me closer, giving me a gentle kiss on the lips.
“You are not a tool,” he tells me.
“I’m not?” I snort ungracefully.
“No. You are not. He may be your creator, but he knows nothing of who and what you are, my love. We all know nothing. He may have planted a seed, but he did not know what would come of it apart from it being a tree. If it would grow to be an oak…” He kisses me again. “Or an apple tree,” he finishes quietly, brushing his fingers on the apple shaped brand at my wrist.
I search his eyes, my mind whirling to figure out his cryptic words. Can he be telling the truth? Can I truly be more than what I have been told I am my entire life or lifetimes for that matter? His ancient, star-filled eyes watch me, unblinking, with so much love and acceptance, it makes me want to cry. I want to believe his words so badly that my hands start shaking around him.
“I have been a blind fool for many lifetimes. I do not care who or what you are, Alexia. I love you for it all. Everything that you are, everything that you will become. All of it. Whatever that is, it is mine and I will fight to keep it. Even if I have to fight you for it.”
“How sentimental! Unfortunately, I don’t have time for this. Come along, Alexia, we are leaving.” Enki’s bored voice breaks whatever magick Lucifer was waving with his words. Unfortunately for Enki, everything the angel said took root deep in my core.
“And where exactly are we going?” I ask him.
“Back to my realm, where you belong. The tablets are mine and they will stay with me.” He speaks slowly, like I’m stupid.
“Oh, okay, then. I’ll get right on that!” I shake my head at him.
“In all seriousness, you should just go home and reflect on your choices,” Jezzinta speaks to Enki and I turn to look at her. She’s been standing there watching everything quietly.
“You are coming with me!” He snaps at me, and I take a step away from Lucifer.
“You’ll have to make me,” I tell him simply and push fire as hard as I can out of my hands towards him.
It engulfs him completely, and for a second, I almost sag in relief until I see him walking out of it, steam coming off his skin but otherwise unharmed.
“You can’t fight me; I made you,” he says through clenched teeth.
“Maybe she cannot, but I can.” The words haven’t left Lucifer yet, when his power slams into Enki, propelling him into the air and tossing him away.
Like an acrobat, he twists his body in the air and lands on one knee thirty feet away, making a cloud of sand and dust puff out around him. He lifts his head slowly, his hair wild around his face and gives Lucifer a feral smile.
“I haven’t had a good brawl in a long time,” he says.
He stands up, and a powerful blast of water comes out of him, hitting Lucifer in the chest and surrounding him like a bubble. I can see him struggling to push out of it, his wings making it more difficult to twist and turn in the water. I reach a hand in it and pull the water to me and away from him. Turning around, I send it back to Enki. He frowns at me as if he thinks I’m betraying him or something. The arrogance of these entities is mind-blowing. Lucifer doesn’t hesitate. His rage is almost palpable, and he sends his power towards Enki at full force. It’s almost too painful to stand this close to it, and I hear Jezzinta gasp as she drops to her knees. I lift my hands and star
t placing a barrier around her to protect her from it all. There is thunder and lightning splitting the sky that a second ago was light blue with not a cloud in sight. In the middle of all the noise I feel a strong ripple in the veil between realms, like a rubber band just snapped, but I can’t concentrate on it because I’m almost done placing the protective bubble around my sister.
The thunders are getting louder, the blood rushing through my veins pounds in my ears, making it sound like I’m standing on the coast of the ocean in the middle of the storm surrounding me, but I ignore it all. She will be protected before I join Lucifer. Just as the dome closes around Jezzinta, she lifts her head to look at me and her eyes widen, looking at something behind me. As I’m about to turn, a clawed hand as big as my body wraps around me, squeezing the life out of me.
“Stop!” The booming voice makes my ears pop and all the noise stops the same second.
My eyes go straight to Enki and as our eyes meet, his widen before they narrow, as if I have done something wrong to him. I feel warmth drip down my body and look down to see my blood flowing freely where the claws are digging deep into me.
At this very moment, I understood why they say, ‘be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.’ I used to think what a load of crap. Why would I be careful if I want it? Well…sometimes what you wish for at the time is not what you want. I know it now that I’m staring at his face and see my life flash before my eyes while my blood soaks the dirt at my feet. A self-deprecating smile tugs at my lips and I close my eyes, surrendering to the darkness that is too happy to take me into its embrace, thinking how uneventful my death is after everything.
42
Lucifer…
I do not think anything can feel like this moment in time. Seeing Tiamat in her dragon form, holding Alexia like a toy in her claws while her head, arms and legs are dangling, overwhelms me with so many emotions that I feel frozen in place and empty of everything. There is no anger, joy, rage or…anything. Emptiness overtakes me and I stand, staring at nothing in particular. I hear Enki panting next to me but it sounds muted somehow, and I ignore it.
“Where are the tablets?” she booms, shaking her hand holding Alexia, making blood spray all over the sand. Saplings start growing immediately.
I look at Enki, and he presses his mouth in a thin line, saying nothing. A blinking light gets my attention and I see a barrier that Alexia must have placed wink out of existence around Jezzinta and it feels like a nail in a coffin. I don’t need to see it to know that her connection with the light workers no longer exists. They will soon leave the realm of the living as well. I still cannot move, overwhelmed by the silence in me, and I see Anzu and the other creature are the same. Like stone gargoyles, they don’t even blink.
“We don’t know and you better end me, too, you bitch, since you just took my sister!” Jezzinta speaks bravely or stupidly, I cannot decide which, while making boulders fly out from the under the sand towards Tiamat.
Tiamat’s huge head twists to look at her and in a swift move she grabs Jezzinta, stabbing her body with her claws and flings her away like she is a pebble.
“Where are they?” she roars, shaking Alexia’s limp body at us and the only thing I can think off is how much Alexia will hurt when she sees what happened to her last remaining sister.
“You should not have done that.” My voice is so soft and hoarse, I can barely hear it myself.
Enki jerks his head towards me like I have screamed the words, and widening his eyes, he takes a step away from me. I do not know why; I still feel nothing. The silence in me after everything Alexia woke in me is defining. Tiamat stops shaking her hand and leans her head down, closing in on my face.
“And why should I have not, angel?” Her voice hisses out of her lips, her calculating eye zooming in on my face with a glee clearly visible there.
“She will hurt when she sees her sister is gone. She has suffered much. I do not like it when she hurts. It makes me want to destroy things.” I still speak softly and evenly, wondering how I am even capable of speech.
Enki takes another step back but Tiamat is still too focused on me. I move my eyes from Alexia’s body to look at Tiamat’s eye that is looking at me with her head tilted to the side so she can see me clearly. Her vertical pupil expands and contracts, scrutinizing me and I stare at it numbly.
“You mean to tell me you care about this thing and not the tablets of destiny?” She lifts back up and waves Alexia in my face.
Her hair swings around, sending the smell of jasmine and roses in my nose and I take a deep breath. I feel a pressure in my chest, like she is squeezing me with her claws and not Alexia.
“I do not care about your damned tablets, or any of you, for that matter. Give her to me!”
“I don’t think so, not until you tell me where they are.” She pulls her hand close to her body.
“They were not here,” Enki speaks for the first time.
“You lie!” She hisses in his face
“I don’t lie, Mother. They are not here. No one knows where they are,” he tells her and if I had not known better, I would’ve believed him.
“You all lie! You killed my consort and stole them, greed for power fueling your hatred. Didn’t you think you would all pay for your actions?” Tiamat gets her face close to Enki, hiding Alexia from my view, and that is when something breaks inside me. I feel it like someone has broken a bone.
With a roar louder than any sound ever coming from my chest, I grab Tiamat’s head, twisting around and flipping her entire body over. She lands on her back. As the ground shakes from the impact, I pull her claws, breaking them apart. Then I pull Alexia to my chest, dropping on my knees where I stand.
“Open your eyes, Alexia. Look at me…please.” My voice cracks and I clear my throat.
Her eyes are closed, like she is sleeping, her dark lashes making crescent shadows on her cheeks. Her lips are slightly parted, and she looks so peaceful I cannot help it, I bend my head and kiss her. Her lips don’t move. They are soft like petals but there is no life in them. They stay as they are. I watch for any sign that she is still with me. I hear Tiamat move and Enki starts fighting her, but I cannot think of why he is doing that or that they may turn on me at any time. Smoothing Alexia’s hair from her face, I pull her closer to me still.
“Come on, my love. Open your eyes. Look at me.” I keep begging her, but her eyes stay closed and the color on her face starts fading a little. For a moment her face becomes blurry and I panic, only to realize it is because tears are falling down my face. I do not care. Blinking fast, I clear my vision, because it feels like she will disappear if I’m not looking at her. If the tears of an angel are a curse, then let me curse all the realms and everything in them. My heart starts beating painfully fast as I continue holding her limp body. The sounds of battle rage around me but I am frozen in time and space, unaware of anything.
Then I remember the ruby around my neck and reach to pull it out of my top. It has faded in color and I can barely feel it vibrating, but it’s not empty. Hope blooms in my chest and I lift my head, looking for Tiamat. I see her fighting Enki in the distance. He must have led her away from us. I cannot concern myself with his motivations, so I concentrate on the woman in my arms.
Calling on Inanna is easy and she appears in front of me within seconds. When she sees what I’m holding in my arms, she drops on her knees next to me.
“No! This can’t be!” Her shocked voice stabs me more deeply than any blade.
“Stop talking like she is gone! She’s not; I feel her!” I snap at her, dangling the ruby in her face.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Lucifer!” she says angrily.
“I know exactly what I am talking about,” I say through clenched teeth. “And you are going to help me.”
“I’m not going to the abyss. You are on your own.” She rocks back on her knees. “This shouldn’t have happened,” she adds as if she is talking to herself.
�
��Don’t you think I know that!” I yell at her face, my powers getting erratic around us.
A ripple through the veil stops our arguing and we see another entity joining the fight between Enki and Tiamat. In the meantime, hordes of demons have joined in and it looks like they will overpower Enki at any moment, no matter how much he tries to keep them at bay. It is almost as if we are in a realm of our own while the battle is all around us. Inanna squints at the newcomers and takes in a sharp breath.
“What is Marduk doing here?” she mumbles.
“The city god of Babylon? I don’t know and I don’t care, Inanna. Will you help me or not? She has done everything for you; you at least owe her this much!”
“I can’t go, Lucifer. I did that once and disrupted many things. As much as I love her, I will have to let her go until she is born again,” she says sadly. “I truly didn’t think this would happen.”
“Well, I am going and I…”
A thunderous roar shakes the ground, flinging us into the sand, and I curl my body protectively over Alexia. A shadow covers us and Tiamat’s head sits above me with a spear sticking out from her forehead between her brows. The spear is glowing bright and it embeds itself deeper as I watch. She has lost and she knows it, but there is still fight left in her. Her eyes are almost unseeing and I smile a feral smile in her face. I hear Inanna screaming my name and in slow-motion watch as one clawed hand hits me in the head as another grabs Alexia from my arms. A portal opens next to Tiamat and with a satisfied smirk, she flings Alexia’s body through it. Anzu and the other creature become animated and fly through it after her but before I move, it blinks out of existence. As she releases her last breath and drops onto the sand, a roar rips from my chest, bursting my wings from my back. It goes on forever and I believe I hear Inanna scream and there are male voices, but all I see is red in front of me. There is pain in my back like it’s on fire but I ignore it. It’s nothing compared to the pain in my heart. Everywhere I turn to look, there are rivers of blood flowing over everyone and everything. Burning pain intensifies at my shoulders but I welcome it. Then silence.
