by Maya Daniels
“I will not be the devil for humanity. I shall be the devil the gods will fear.” I do not even recognize the voice coming from me.
“Oh fuck!” Marduk says. My head swivels in his direction and he lifts his hands in surrender. “I came as fast as I could. I am sorry,” he tells me.
“I do not need your sympathy,” I snap at him, then turn to Inanna. “You will stay away from her from this day forward”
“Your wings…” she points towards me, shaking her head, but I have said all I have to say.
With one last look at Enki, who nods gravely at me, I open a portal and go into the abyss to fight a battle I am not sure I can win.
43
The abyss
Alexia…
It’s all darkness around me and I feel peace like I’ve never known before. The strangest thing is that I have no body and I feel like I’m everywhere and everything. It’s a little overwhelming at first, but I start getting used to it. All the inner turmoil and conflict I battled my entire life is gone and all I feel is love. Contentment and peace. It’s beautiful and all-consuming.
I have no idea how much time has passed since I’ve been like this. It could’ve been a second or hundreds of years and I realize it doesn’t even matter. I feel complete. It feels like home.
Some unwanted feeling nags at me, trying to get my attention, but I ignore it. Nothing can compare to this bliss. I’m not a tool here. I have no one I need to protect and no one needs to protect me. Everything is as it should be. I don’t even know why I still think of myself as Alexia. I have no name; I am all names and none of them at the same time.
That nagging feeling is getting persistent and it distracts my peace. I try to will it away but the harder I try, the more annoying it becomes. Something is trying to push me into tight confines but I won’t let it. I’m infinite; I can’t be contained. A tugging feeling starts somewhere on my non-existent body and even as I struggle to free myself from it, it sucks me in like water through a straw. Bright light blinds me and I close my eyes to stop the headache that it causes. I freeze. I have eyes? What the fuck!
Blinking rapidly, I do my best to clear them so I can see where I am. What on Earth happened? One moment I was looking at Enki and the next I’m here. I have this feeling still inside me of being infinite but it fades so quickly that I convince myself I imagined it. Finally the light gets bearable and I slowly open my eyes.
It’s not bright at all. I’m standing in a huge round room with only one big ass chair, like a throne, in the middle of it. I’m also alone. I’m debating if I should go sit on it to see how fast someone will show up to claim it. I snort. I bet it’ll be less than a second, if I know the arrogance of gods as well as I think I do.
“What is funny?” A beautiful melodious voice reaches my ears, and I twist around, looking to see who spoke. There is no one there.
“I was thinking of sitting on your throne to see how fast you’d show up,” I say truthfully. “Obviously very fast, since just thinking it made you speak,” I add for good measure.
“Go on then. Sit,” the voice says.
“Ummm, I don’t think so. There’s always a catch. I’m good standing, but thanks for the offer.”
“You think I need tricks to get what I want?” it asks.
“Isn’t that what you are doing now? Hiding while talking to me?” I ask without a trace of sarcasm. I’m so proud of myself.
“Very wise indeed,” the voice says and I can hear a swishing of fabric right before I see who was talking.
I can’t tell if it’s a male or a female. The body looks like the universe was given a shape. It’s dark with stars sparkling all over it. Tiny planets move around it and galaxies pop in and out. But it has a body, along with arms, legs and long, dark blue hair flowing to its feet. It also has eyes that are scary as fuck because they look like two pebble-sized suns staring at you, glowing. My knees go weak, and without my control, I drop down onto them like I’m worshiping whatever it is that’s standing in front of me now.
“Oh, stand up, child. There is no need to kneel before me. Not after you wished to sit on my throne.”
“I don’t want to sit on it. That is all yours, thank you. I was just thinking of a way not to wait too long for whoever it is to show up,” I talk to the ground because I don’t seem to be able to lift my head.
“You are in a rush, then?” it asks me.
“Well, I did leave my sister in the middle of a fight and she might get hurt. Plus I think Lucifer needs me, too, before he and Enki kill each other.” I have no fucking clue why I’m rambling but I can’t stop the words from spilling out of my mouth every time I’m asked a question.
“And why did you all find yourselves in that predicament, child?”
“Because of some stupid destiny, that’s why. Gods play games and humanity has to pay for it.” My word-vomit continues, spilling everything that comes to mind.
“Hmm. You speak of the tablets of destiny?”
“The very same, yes. We had no other option but to find them,” I say angrily. “It was my destiny,” I add.
“You always have options; you just chose to follow that path.”
“Really? That’s the best you’ve got? I always had options? You think I chose to see my grandmother get killed? Or my sisters sacrifice themselves so we are not hunted like animals anymore? Or maybe you think I chose for my own mother to hate me and call me a freak while my so-called father, or creator as he calls himself, tells me I’m a tool? Are those the options we are talking about? If that’s the case, why don’t you pick an option, too? Let’s say pick a fucking gender so I know how to address you. It’ll make shit a helluva lot easier.” I finish my rant, breathing hard like I was sprinting. As soon as I’m done, I wish I could take everything back, because I don’t even know who this is, and I just insulted it. The silence is deafening.
“You want to say that you don’t want to possess the tablets?”
“Why do I need them for? I’m neither a god nor a goddess.”
“But you are something else. Are you not?”
“The vessel,” I tell it dejectedly.
“You almost sound as if you wish you were not, when many would do everything to have a clear path in front of them.”
“I don’t want it when it comes with losing everyone I love.”
“Ah, I see. You think this whole thing was about you.”
“Well, it happened to me, so yes, it kinda is about me.”
“Are you certain?”
“I thought you don’t need manipulations,” I snap at it, my anger getting the better of me.
“Okay. Let us see then if this was about you.” With those words I hear the fabric moving again and I see it sitting on the throne.
“Can you at least tell me if you are a she or he? I don’t know what to name you, and calling you ‘it’ doesn’t sound very nice,” I tell it. A tinkling laughter echoes around me, making me smile involuntarily.
“I am both and none of them. But let us see what this was all about, shall we?”
Bright light blinds me for a second, forcing me to close my eyes. When I open them, I can’t believe what I’m seeing. It takes me a second to recognize him. Lucifer looks like a man possessed. His hair is wild, sticking out this way and that all over the place. His clothes look like he had been walking through thorn bushes, ripped in so many places I wonder how they still stay on his body. His wide, bloodshot eyes glow yellowish and they look too big for his face. Most of all, I can’t take my eyes away from his wings. His beautiful wings are pitch black, shimmering in the dim lighting with blood-red tips on every single feather. They are as beautiful as they are terrifying. What the hell happened to him? I gasp.
Lucifer…
It feels like an eternity that I have been searching and there is no sign of Alexia anywhere. I cannot stop. If I stop, I feel I will destroy everything in my path, including the humans for which she gave her life. Rage and anger suffocate me, and the only thing k
eeping me sane is the ruby around my neck that slowly fades but still holds a spark. I do not know how much time has passed, but I must find her.
Out of nowhere, the ruby flares to life so fast that the bright red light from it blinds me. I wrap my fist around it, my heart beating fast, like it will break through my chest. Something is happening, and I shall go mad if I don’t have something going right for me finally. A bright light blinds me and I stumble into a big round room. A gasp makes me turn around and my knees go weak when I see Alexia kneeling on the ground looking up at me. I drop down, opening my arms to her. Without missing a beat, she crawls towards me and throws herself at my chest. I take a breath for the first time in eternity.
“I found you,” I say hoarsely, burying my face in her neck, breathing her in. My hands are trembling but I squeeze her tight to my chest. “I’m never letting go of you again,” I tell her.
“Okay, don’t, but I can’t breathe,” she wheezes and I loosen my hold—not by much, I’m not ready for that yet.
Pulling back her head, she searches my face, and I drink in her face with my own eyes. She has her eyes open, the blue orbs glowing brightly as she is looking at me. That is all I want.
“Jezzinta?” she says the name as a question. Closing my eyes for a second, I shake my head slowly and she moans but doesn’t say or do anything.
“Hello, Lucifer,” a voice speaks and I jump up, pulling Alexia flush to my back. “There is no need to fear. I am the one who brought you here.”
“Nyx?” I frown, not sure that it is her.
“I have been known by that name, yes.”
“The goddess of the stars?” Alexia pokes her head around my shoulder. It makes me warm all over to see her animated even when she still won’t let me protect her as I want to.
“One and the same.”
“Can I call you that? It’s much easier,” Alexia says and I wonder if she has been here the entire time I was searching.
“If you wish. Naming things is human nature. We are boundless and endless. We don’t need labels.”
“How very nice for you,” Alexia quips and a laugh bursts from my chest, startling me. I did not think I will ever hear myself laugh again.
“You are here for a reason, Lucifer.” Those glowing eyes settle on me.
“Yes, I know. I am here because I am taking Alexia with me.”
“That will be a little difficult.”
“There is nothing to discuss; she comes with me where she belongs.”
“Is that so? And where does she belong, angel?”
“With me!” I say with everything in me. “I will either take her with me or follow wherever she goes. It is that simple!”
“Are you so desperate for power you will do anything to keep the tablets of destiny?” The entity before me watches me with so much intensity the tiny hairs on my body stand on end.
“The tablets? I do not care about your god-forsaken tablets. If you can take them from her, it will be better. She, however, comes with me.”
“I see.”
“Listen. I don’t know what you have heard or what you think you know, but Lucifer has helped me a lot throughout this whole damn thing. He is not trying to keep the tablets, of that I am one hundred percent sure,” Alexia says as she steps out from behind me and I want to weep from the conviction I hear in her voice.
“Very well,” the entity says and Alexia crumbles at my feet. The weight of the ruby becomes lighter around my neck.
“No!” I scream and drop down, pulling her to me “Bring her back,” I say desperately.
“Did you not say you don’t want the tablets?”
“But I want her! I need her!” I whisper, lifting Alexia’s head and pressing her under my chin.
“Even if she is mortal?”
“Yes!”
“Even if she is human and has no power?”
“Yes!”
“Even if she does not remember you when you take her back?”
“Ye…wait, what?” I frown.
“Will you want her back if she doesn’t remember who and what you are to her?”
I look down at Alexia’s face. I cannot let her go. I will not let her go, even if that means she has to get to know me and trust me all over again.
“Yes,” I say as I bend down and kiss her, one tear trickling down my face. Who knows how long it will be until I can do that again?
“And what will you give me?”
“Making her powerless, mortal and not remembering me is not enough?”
“What will it be, angel?”
“Anything. Everything. Take anything you want but her!”
“That was all you had to say. Only the one willing to sacrifice everything for love can be the keeper of the tablets. She was always willing to do that. You, on the other hand were not, not until now. The tablets were always meant to be in her. She is a woman, after all. A vessel for the feminine. Their words are written in her DNA and in her bones. Her destiny was to bring you back to your heart, for you, as a vessel of the masculine, had lost your way. She has succeeded in that very impressively if I may say so, even when she had to suffer to achieve it. Your destiny begins now, however. You must bring her the light. It will be a difficult path but I do have faith in you. Until we meet again, Lucifer”
With those words a force pushes me through the veils, and I tighten my arms around Alexia, not chancing that she may slip away. When the spinning ends, I look around and see that we are in Alexia’s house. It’s empty and quiet. I hope she will not hurt too much when she awakens, but I promise myself I will be there every step of the way. An ear-splitting scream makes me cringe and my mouth drops open when Alexia flails her arms and legs in her haste to get away from me.
“Alexia, please. I mean you no harm,” I lift my hands in surrender, praying silently that she does not ask me to leave.
She pants, holding her hand on her chest over her heart. Frowning, she looks around.
“I didn’t hit my head, Lucifer. I know you don’t mean harm. I had a feeling I couldn’t breathe,” she huffs. I stare at her dumbfounded. “What?” she asks.
“You remember me?”
“Did you hit your head? It’s been you and me against everyone for a long time. Of course, I remember you! Why? What happened? And how did we get here?”
“Nyx said you wouldn’t remember me if I took you back. At least you remember all of us. That’s a good thing”
“Huh? All of who?”
“Your sisters, me…” I trail off as a look of confusion crosses her face, blood trickling slowly from her nose, and my heart squeezes painfully in my chest. “Remi? Jezzinta?…” I stop talking because she looks more confused.
I see now what I have waiting for me. Nyx erased the memories of her sisters, and I feel in my soul that it is my path to make her remember—to make her hurt again by doing so. I cannot face that for the moment, so I change the subject.
“She said you will be mortal and have no power.”
She flicks her wrists and a flame pops up in one palm as a bubble of water forms in the other. Lifting an eyebrow, she looks at me. I shrug my shoulder. I could not care less about any of it, as long as she breathes.
“I was told it was never about me. What else happened?”
“I was asked what I was willing to give to have you back.” At my words Alexia gasps. “I told her what I was willing to give.”
“And what was that?” she whispers.
“Everything,” I tell her simply, and she jumps in my arms kissing me so deeply my entire body heats up.
“I love you,” she says, looking into my eyes, and I can see it there, making my chest hurt.
“As I love you, Alexia.”
“Don’t ever leave me, okay?” she says solemnly.
“Never! Not in a million years will I let you go.” I close my lips on hers, sealing my promise.
THE END
…OR IS IT ??
Acknowledgments
Finally, the tril
ogy is complete. All the readers who have followed me on this journey are the reason I keep writing. You will never know how grateful I am and how much your reviews, emails and comments mean to me. I have a lot of people to thank that have stood by me in all this; Angela Haworth, Lisa Peart, Arpi Galfayan, Carolee Samuda, Tabatha Adams, Tanya Barichevic, Cindy O'Sullivan, Terry A Gordon. None of this would've been possible without you! It was a long year with a lot of ups and downs. I learned that no matter how badly I want to control everything, things always come to be at their own pace. It's always for a reason. Thanks to a lot of stress and unsavory situations, I met wonderful people that I'm proud to call friends. I don't want to bore people with sad stories, so I'll get to the point.
The beautiful cover for ”The Vessel” was created by the amazing Anika Willmanns from Ravenborn - Book Cover Designs. Thank you, Anika, for giving a face to my main character. I couldn't be happier with it! Pauline Jim Creeden, I can never express how much it means to me that you took from your precious time to go through this book. I can't imagine editing it was fun but you gave me a bigger gift than I ever expected, your friendship. AJ Kohler, my gratitude has no bounds for having you as part of my team and for making the trilogy as it is today. The beasts will never be the same again, I believe. LoL The amazing poet and a good friend of mine, Thanasis Stamelos, was kind enough to let one of his poems be the opening for the last book of my trilogy and I’ll be forever grateful. You are amazing, my friend. Mandi Murphy, your amazing talented fingers and your beautiful animations made completing this trilogy more than I could ever hope for. Like a two-year-old, I was bouncing on my toes. I couldn't wait to show it off! All this was not going to be possible without Logan Keys, obviously, and I can't find the words to express my feelings. Logan, you are one in a million, and unfortunately for you, but, very fortunately for me, you're stuck with me for life. It helps a lot that you're in my head, too! I'm humbled by all of you and although it's not even close to enough, all I can say is thank you! From the bottom of my heart, thank you!
