by J. L. Leslie
“I see him, honey,” I say, my eyes glued to the screen.
An announcement scrolls along the bottom of the screen that his sponsor, Wrangler, has released a new line of underwear and that he’s their spokesman. Yeah, I saw the photos, and so did everyone else in Chapelwood. There was a special prayer at church for him last Sunday, and I thanked God for him as I brought myself to two orgasms with my vibrator.
“I still cannot believe my son posed for those photos,” Angie chides, shaking her head. “Bless his heart.”
“God blessed him with something all right,” Jenna jokes, nudging my side. “Hey, weren’t you there during the photoshoot?”
I feel my cheeks flaming red. “Yeah, it was something else. The paper wanted the exclusive, but I couldn’t take any photos.”
“I didn’t know Kipton had it in him,” Helene said. “He’s always so quiet.”
“I admit, I was a bit surprised myself,” John agrees. “I had to discourage the women at the firm from hanging up posters of the ads.”
Dear Lord. Those number-crunching spinsters ogling my man. Maybe that was mean. In essence, Kipton is a number cruncher, too. The thought of that rugged man crunching numbers almost makes me laugh out loud.
“Wrangler ought to be ashamed of themselves for asking my baby to pose like that,” Angie says, disdain clear in her voice. “That kind of posing is meant for the bedroom only.”
Of course, she has no idea that those poses were meant for the bedroom only. I’m pretty sure that Kipton simply got caught up in the moment. He didn’t really think it through that those photos were going to be seen by the world.
“He’s a big boy. He can make decisions for himself,” Neil tells her.
The giggle escapes my mouth before I can help it, and I’m grateful Jenna and Helene follow suit, earning them both scowls from Kaler and Tauren, which only makes the three of us burst out laughing.
“Mama, I wanna ride bulls!” Willow says, crawling into my lap. She points at the television where Kipton is about to be up. “You wanna ride Kipton again?”
I nearly choke on the beer I’m sipping. I know exactly what she means and how innocent it is, but now there are several questioning eyes on me.
“Kipton gave her a piggyback ride one day,” I explain. “Not me. I mean, he didn’t give me a ride of any kind. No piggyback ride or anything. Whatsoever.”
So that I don’t dig myself in any deeper, I take a sip of my beer and glue my eyes to the television. Willow is running around with one arm in the air, pretending like she’s riding a bull.
I watch Kipton and try to form the words in my head of what I’ll say to him when I see him in the flesh next weekend. I know telling him he can never be a father if he carries on a relationship with me, not a real one, is not a conversation to have over the phone. If we decide to make our relationship public, that’s a conversation to have in person.
After that, I have this fear he may not want a relationship with me anymore. I’ve pushed him away. Hell, I’ve made him believe I’m in a relationship with John, when in truth, John and I have shared one kiss. Sure, we have a meal together occasionally, but there is no sexual attraction there for me. He’s a job, and it’s getting more and more difficult for me to view him as that. He’s a good man.
Something tells me I’m going to wind up hurting him as well. I’m just not sure how to keep that from happening.
51
Kipton
I stand in my old bedroom and button up the light, blue shirt I’m wearing for Kaler and Jenna’s wedding. I know Tauren is wearing a matching shirt along with khaki pants. Simple. No penguin suit. Thank you, Jesus.
My door opens, and Tauren steps inside. He’s grinning, which isn’t uncommon for him since he’s always up to something.
“Are you tapping that? Because damn.”
He’s referring to Laura. Why I asked her to come along, I’m not sure. She was traveling to the event this weekend, and I mentioned the wedding. She said she loved weddings. I issued the invite. It was impulsive and probably idiotic since I turned down her advances. She hasn’t made another move, though, and our friendship hasn’t been awkward. Not like the strained relationship between Brynn and me.
“No.”
“Why the fuck not?” he asks. “If you aren’t doing Brynn, you should definitely be doing her.” I don’t respond as I start past him. “I knew it. I fucking knew it.”
“You don’t know shit.”
“I know you barely speak to Brynn anymore, and she used to be your best friend. I know she blushes at the mention of your damn name.”
“She does?”
“Fuck, Kipton. What are the two of you worried about? It’s not like Kaler hasn’t moved on.”
I shrug as I open my door. “Ask her.”
Coming home is supposed to be a reprieve. It’s supposed to be an enjoyable time off from being on the road. Instead, it’s a fucking nightmare.
“Your family is very nice,” Laura says, finding me coming down the hallway. “Everyone is so proud of you,” she says. “Not so pleased with the underwear ad, but still proud of you.”
“They’ll get over it.”
“And your niece is fantastic. She told me she wants to ride bulls.”
“Is that so?” I chuckle. “She’s not a girlie-girl, that’s for sure.”
“And what does her mom think about that?” she questions innocently.
Before I can reply, my mama steps inside and announces it’s time for the wedding to start. The wedding is taking place in my parents’ backyard. I know Mama wanted them to get married at church, but Kaler insisted on having it here. He even joked that Tauren took his other favorite spot, and he didn’t want to be a copycat.
I hold my arm out to Laura and she places her hand at my elbow, allowing me to escort her outside to an empty seat. Despite moving the date, the backyard is full and standing room only.
I go stand at the back of the makeshift aisle with Tauren and wait on Helene and Brynn to come outside. I know there’s no chance I’ll be walking Helene down the aisle, so I steel myself.
When I see her step outside, she takes my breath away. Yeah, coming home is supposed to be a good thing, but I’ll be damned if this trip isn’t going to fucking rip me apart.
52
Brynn
I place my hand at the crook of Kipton’s arm, feeling his warmth right to my toes. He looks good in his button-up shirt and khaki pants. I know I shouldn’t be thinking of peeling it off him, but I am.
“You brought Laura?” I whisper.
“You came with John?” he counters.
The music begins, and we slowly walk down the aisle, our family and friends surrounding us for Kaler and Jenna’s big day.
“I didn’t know you were seeing her now,” I lie, desperate to gauge his reaction.
“It’s none of your business, Brynn,” he hisses and releases me once we reach the altar.
I stand across from him, and he glares over at me, his eyes cold. I know the heat they can hold, the desire, the love. I see none of that in his eyes at this moment. How can I talk to him when he’s being so hostile?
Tauren comes to stand beside him, and I see him give him a nudge before leaning over to whisper something in his ear. When he’s finished, Kipton’s eyes soften a bit. Whatever he said to him, I’m grateful.
The wedding march begins, and I watch my best friend walk down the aisle to my ex-husband. Sounds strange, right? Truth is, I couldn’t be happier for the two of them.
I married Kaler because I thought I was supposed to marry him. We had been high school sweethearts, dating most of our teenage years. Neither of us knew a life outside of each other or outside of Chapelwood.
I don’t regret marrying him. We wouldn’t have Willow. But I know he was never the one for me. I was simply afraid to admit it before.
He belongs with Jenna. I belong with Kipton.
They exchange their vows, and as they kiss, the crowd erupts in a ch
eer. Instead of Kaler escorting her down the aisle, he throws her over his shoulder and carries her. She’s laughing and squealing in delight.
Helene shakes her head at Tauren, but of course, he doesn’t listen and carries her down in the same fashion. I step toward Kipton, doubting he will follow in their footsteps. He barely wants to touch me, much less carry me.
I reach for his arm and yelp when he bends and lifts me over his shoulder, making the crowd laugh and clap. His strong arms hold me in place as he trots down the aisle after his brothers.
When he places me on my feet, my face is flushed, and there’s a nice throbbing between my legs. I push my hair back from my face and stare up at him. He’s almost smiling, but then that fades, and he walks away.
He finds Willow and picks her up, telling her it’s her turn. He marches around with my daughter over his shoulder. Her laughter is all I hear, and for now, that’s enough.
53
Kipton
I tell Laura to have a safe trip and close her car door. She has some business to take care of before tomorrow’s event so staying the night in Chapelwood isn’t an option for her. When I get back to the yard, the reception is in full force. Food has been served, and music is playing. Willow is dancing her little heart out. I walk over to her and pick her up, dancing with her to the upbeat country song.
I try not to let my eyes stray over to where Brynn, John, and Shannon are all dancing together. Try not to watch the way Brynn’s sundress rides up her thighs as she sways her hips. Try not to watch the way her eyes sparkle as she laughs.
“Mama! Mere!” Willow hollers.
“Come here,” I correct her.
“Come here!” she yells over to Brynn. “Dance!”
Brynn obliges, and the three of us dance together, me taking Brynn’s hand and turning her around. For a brief moment, it feels like the old us. Christ, I miss the old us.
“I can’t do this,” I mutter, releasing Brynn’s hand.
I lower Willow to the ground, and without missing a beat, she runs off to play. I leave Brynn standing there and go inside the house. I open the bathroom door and step inside, but before I can close it, Brynn pushes her way inside, closing and locking the door.
“Get out,” I order.
She shakes her head defiantly. “I need to talk to you.”
“Go talk to your date.”
“And where is your date? Waiting back at your place?” she asks, her eyes narrowing.
“Naked, I hope.”
It’s a low blow, but as far as I’m concerned, she deserves it. And I guess as far as she’s concerned, I deserve the slap she delivers. My fucking cheek stings, and her chest heaves, nostrils flaring. She raises her hand to deliver another blow, but I catch her wrist and spin her around, pinning her back to my chest.
“You’re fucking my boss, Brynn,” I remind her. “You have no right to be pissed at me.”
“I’m no ‒”
“I hate being here,” I confess, my stubble rubbing against her neck causing goosebumps to rise on her flesh. “I hate seeing you, hate knowing I can’t kiss you, touch you, tell everyone how I feel about you.”
I slowly lift her dress, skating my fingertips up her bare thighs until I reach the apex of her legs. I cup her sex, and she gasps, her pussy dripping wet.
“You can kiss me now. You can touch me.”
I unbuckle my jeans and push them down just enough to free my dick. I rub it at the cleft of her ass, and she grips the counter, bending over slightly and pulling her panties down.
I don’t stroke her pussy, don’t delve my fingers inside her warmth, don’t lick her seam. I simply thrust inside her without warning because fuck me, I need to be inside her right this second. Need this connection with her. I fucking need her.
“I love you, Brynn,” I say. “I love you so fucking much.”
As I pound into her, she says it back over and over. If she hadn’t already torn my heart to shreds, I would believe her.
54
Brynn
Kipton collapses against me, resting his head on my shoulder. My legs are wobbly, but he holds a firm arm around my waist, keeping me steady. My heart is pounding so hard in my chest, I’m afraid I’ll pass out.
He slips out of me and reaches for a hand towel. I stand still as he reaches around me and runs warm water on it before wiping it between my legs to clean me. He’s quiet, and his silence speaks volumes. It creates a distance between us that I know I originally wanted. Now, I’m desperate to close it.
“I’m not sleeping with John.”
He doesn’t look at me but tosses the dirty towel into the hamper and steps beside me to wash his hands. He buttons his jeans, his gaze still avoiding mine.
“It’s not my business if you are.”
“But I’m not. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“No? You would just fuck me, tell me you love me, and then leave.”
I sigh. “I was afraid,” I say. “I am afraid. I have Willow to think about, and I don’t want her getting hurt, and there are things you don’t know about me that would make you think of me a lot differently.”
“Brynn, I don’t care how many other guys there have been or what you did while you were away from here. We all have a past.”
“It’s more than that. What do you see for our future together? Be honest.”
He leans against the counter beside me, crossing his arms over his broad chest. “I see us here in Chapelwood, building a house together on the land I own because mine is probably not big enough. You would decorate it the way you want to because I’m no good at that shit. Willow would have a place to run around freely outside without the fear of traffic. She would have her own room, and we’d build something big enough for any other kids we would have together. We can have as many as you want. I know I’ll be traveling a lot, so we’ll invest in a travel trailer so you and the kids can come with me sometimes because I can’t bear to be without you. I would give you a good life, Brynn. A happy life. And I will love you for the rest of my days.”
Kids. We’d build something big enough for any other kids we would have together.
It’s on the brink of my tongue to tell him I desperately want that with him. All of it. That had I known I would fall in love with him, it’s possible I would’ve made a different decision. I wouldn’t have been so terrified before because I know he would’ve been there with me.
But it’s too late for that now. I can’t change anything. I can’t turn back time.
“Will you come to me tonight?”
“If you don’t want that from me, tell me now. I can’t keep watching you walk away from me.”
I lean over and press my lips to his. “I want you, Kipton. Only you.”
“Then, I’ll be there.”
I ease the bathroom door open, making sure the coast is clear, and then I slip out and go back outside to the reception. I dance with my daughter. I laugh with my friends. And I hold onto the hope that my happiness is right around the corner.
55
Kipton
I wait a minute before exiting the bathroom, giving Brynn time to get through the house and back outside. I assume no one noticed we were both gone, much less in the bathroom fucking.
I’m an idiot for assuming that. This is Chapelwood, after all. People are damn nosy in this town. Everyone loves to be in everyone else’s business as if they have a right to know what’s going on.
“Tell me I didn’t see what I think I saw.”
I could lie to him. I could tell him he saw nothing. Of course, he wouldn’t believe that. He’s my brother. He knows me too well.
“Kaler ‒”
“How could you do that?” he demands.
“You have no fucking right to be angry with me,” I reply, my voice low.
“I don’t? How long has this been going on? High school? While we were married?” he questions.
“You know damn well I wouldn’t betray you that way. You’re my brother.”
&
nbsp; “I don’t know anything right now.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“You fucking Brynn is ridiculous! Did it even occur to either of you how this could affect Willow? How confusing that could be for her?”
“Willow is always our top priority, her wellbeing the utmost importance to both of us. You know that. You know I would never do anything to hurt her.”
He nods. “And you don’t think her uncle and her mother being together would hurt her? How would she process that? How would a typical child process their uncle playing stepdad? Jesus Christ, Kipton!”
“She would only think of us as a family, Kaler. There would be no confusion.”
“Until one of those little shits at school calls her the retard with an uncle daddy! When she gets older, becomes a teenager, and they accuse you of being her daddy and not me or when they say we were both fucking Brynn!” he yells. “Because kids ‒ teenagers ‒ are fucking cruel, and she already has a life of being bullied, being different than everyone else in this fucking town, ahead of her! This shit with you and Brynn will only make that worse!”
I swallow, realizing I never thought of it like that. Never thought that far into the future. It never crossed my mind that her classmates would make fun of her for what Brynn and I are doing.
Sure, I know the people in town will put their two cents in, but I don’t give a damn about what they have to say. Their opinions don’t matter. They’ll gossip for a bit, and then they’ll find someone else to gossip about.
“I didn’t think ‒”
“Neither one of you did,” he hisses. “Willow comes first.”
I nod. “You’re right. I’m sorry, man.”
“Fix it.”
My brother stomps off, and I slump against the wall. Willow has already been through so much. I don’t mean Brynn leaving her when she was a baby. I mean facing adversity at school already. Her classmates accept her as she is right now, but there was a time not too long ago that some of the parents didn’t. They didn’t even want her in the same classroom as their children.
