by J. L. Leslie
Even though they accept her now, is Kaler right? Will they be so accepting of her as she gets older? Will they understand who I am to her if I’m in a relationship with Brynn? Will they ridicule her more because of me?
I can’t have that on my conscience. Not when that little girl means the world to me.
56
Brynn
I know Kipton has been to my house before but tonight is different. When he comes over tonight, he’ll find out the truth about me. The full truth. That I can’t bear children for him.
He’ll either understand and still love me, or he’ll decide I’m not the woman for him. Either way, I won’t keep hiding this from him. I won’t let it be my excuse for not being with him.
Originally, I made a list of excuses, reasons we shouldn’t be together. Everyone in town would talk. That excuse was quickly crossed off the list. Kaler wouldn’t approve. Another reason quickly crossed off.
It would negatively affect Willow. That reason is actually still on my list as a possibility. I know my daughter may never fully understand our relationship, but she will view us as a family. She doesn’t have the capability to hate anything. What I worry more about is what would be said to her. Would other kids tease her about having an uncle who may one day be her stepdad, too? Is that something I’m willing to subject her to?
Although that reason remains on the list, I also know I will do everything in my power to protect my daughter. I know Kipton will do the same. But the world is cruel at times, and we won’t always be able to protect her from every single thing. This is reality. Whether she is bullied for this or because she’s different, or something else, she isn’t the only child in the world who will be teased. As much as it saddens me, I know my daughter will be all right because she has so much love in her life.
The next reason on my list is that I can’t give Kipton a real family. The more and more I think about that, the more that reason bothers me. Willow and I are a real family. Kipton would only enhance that. Sure, we wouldn’t be able to have more kids, but that wouldn’t be the end of the world, would it? We would still be happy.
Then, there’s the rodeo. It will keep him away from Willow and I ninety percent of the time. Possibly more. He said he would want me to come on the road with him, Willow too when she’s able, but how often would that be? She lives with Kaler and Jenna. Do I really want to spend my weekends with her traveling from event to event?
My answer to that is yes. Willow loves the rodeo. She loves Kipton. We would figure out a schedule that would work for everyone and while I enjoy my job as a journalist, always have, I can freelance.
I can’t think of another reason good enough to add to the list. There is nothing and no one else important enough to keep me from him.
So, that’s why tonight is different. That’s why when I got home with Willow, we had some playtime then I gave her a bath, and put her to bed. That’s why after she fell asleep, I tidied up the house and sat nervously on my couch awaiting his arrival.
That’s why when he didn’t show, I was heartbroken.
57
Kipton
I stifle a yawn and stretch my arms over my head. I regret my decision to leave Chapelwood last night and drive to Georgia for today’s event. I should’ve gotten a good night’s rest, but regardless of whether I stayed at home or in a hotel, sleep wasn’t going to happen.
Will you come to me tonight?
I broke my promise to Brynn. I drove past her house on my way out. Her living room light was still on, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t, not after my conversation with Kaler.
I look over to where my family is seated in the stands, Willow with my parents, and know I did the right thing. It fucking killed me to keep driving last night, but it was the right thing to do. For Willow. It dawns on me that Brynn isn’t with her, and I wonder if she opted not to come.
“You didn’t show up.”
Her voice behind me is my answer. I spin around and face her, finding her with her arms crossed over her chest. She’s pissed, obviously, but she’s also hurt.
“Kaler knows.”
Her face pales, but then she straightens. “He has no right to say we can’t be together.”
“He didn’t,” I shake my head. “He was angry, but he pointed out how difficult it might be for Willow.”
“Do you think I haven’t thought of that? If you would’ve shown last night, like you said you would, we could have talked about it. I needed to talk to you.”
“Every time we’re around each other lately, we seem to have trouble talking, Brynn,” I retort, tugging on my new Wrangler glove. “You were right before. This was never going to happen.”
“What exactly did Kaler say to you?”
I step around her and start walking to the prep area. I’ll be on in a few rounds and need to be ready. “What you should’ve already considered. That Willow comes first.”
The moment the words are out of my mouth, I regret them. I’m sure Brynn has thought about how this affects Willow. She’s admitted that she has already, and me saying that made it sound like she’s been selfish.
“I’m always going to be that person, aren’t I? That mom that left her kid. No matter what I do, I’m incapable of putting her first,” she says. “I’ve thought out all the scenarios. How people will treat her. What might be said. I honestly believe she has a strong enough support system to get through it. What I was more concerned about was you.”
“Me?”
“And how you would feel when you find out I can’t have any more children,” she confesses, tears in her eyes. “Because you are an amazing man and will be an incredible father. I wanted you to have that one day, a child of your own, but I can’t give that to you, and I thought you should know that before things went any further.”
“Brynn ‒”
“I suppose it doesn’t matter. You made your decision, and I will respect that,” she lets me know. “You should also know that I told you the truth when I said I was never dating John. We shared one kiss, a peck, but we are not dating. I have my reasons for spending time with him but please know I would never betray you like that. I love you, Kipton. I think I will always love you.”
I’m speechless as she walks away, disappearing between the travel trailers. All this time, I thought she was pushing me away because she was worried about what people would think. Worried about everyone in town gossiping. She was trying to protect me.
She can’t have any more children. That big house, big enough for all of our kids to have a room of their own, isn’t needed. I’ve always wanted kids; thought one day I would have my own.
But will that house ever be a home without her and Willow in it?
58
Brynn
I stop and lean against one of the travel trailers, wiping the tears away that roll down my cheeks. I confessed it all to him, and he just stood there, dumbfounded. I’m not certain what I was expecting. Silence wasn’t it, though. With a huff, I push myself off the trailer and start toward the stands.
“Brynn! Brynn!” Kipton jogs toward me. “If two bedrooms are all we need, then fine.”
“What?”
“Our house. We don’t have to build this huge elaborate house for kids we aren’t going to have. Two bedrooms are fine. One for us and one for Willow.”
“What about Kaler? What about what he said to you?”
“And what about what you said? You’re her mama. You know how to take care of her, too. We all love her and will do what’s right for her. I think having two sets of parents who will do anything in this world for her is what’s right.” He reaches up and cups my face. “I love you so damn much.”
I laugh. “I love you, too.”
He lowers his mouth to mine ,and when we kiss, my broken heart is mended. There will be gossip. There will be dirty looks. There will be backlash. Our reckless love will have consequences. Bring them on.
I wrap my arms around his neck and lean into him, deepening the kiss. I kne
w the moment our lips touched; he would own me. I tried to fight it, tried to keep from falling for him, but like he said, it was inevitable.
We break apart, and I press my forehead to his chest, feeling his heart pounding. He blows out a breath and chuckles.
“What’s so funny?”
“Just thinking about how many times Tauren is going say he knew this was going to happen. He’s already been giving me hell.”
“Do you think your parents will be all right with this?” I ask.
“Mama has been wanting me to settle down for a while now. She might be surprised, but happy, I think. What about your parents?”
“I told Mama I met someone. She doesn’t know who it is. They want me to be happy. You make me happy.”
“It really is that simple, isn’t it?”
I shrug. “It should be.”
I see Stuart waving Kipton over, letting me know he’s up. Kipton gives me a chaste kiss. “I have to go. Tonight’s a big deal. If I do well, it can put me in the top twenty.”
“You’ll do great. I’ll be rooting for you.”
He kisses me once more, and I stand there and watch my cowboy run off to conquer a bull.
59
Kipton
Stuart is shaking his head at me as I approach, and I shoot a smirk at him. He rolls his eyes, making me laugh.
“Keep laughing, Holt. This bull is going to kick your ass. You have to save that shit for after your ride. Fucking around with a Buckle Bunny before getting on a bull is bad luck.”
“Hey, she’s no damn Buckle Bunny,” I scold.
“Was that…is that the reporter? Holy shit! I thought she looked familiar.”
“Yeah. Don’t be looking.”
Now, he laughs and then wishes me luck. I’m called up, so I climb over the gate where my opponent, a mean two-thousand-pound bastard, waits for me. I’m lowered onto his back, and he begins bucking before the gate is even opened.
This happened my first ride, and Mama told me that was a clear sign I wasn’t supposed to do this and should choose another sport. Something less dangerous, like football. That wasn’t the last time it happened, and this won’t be either.
My rope is tight, digging into the new glove I haven’t quite gotten used to yet. I guess now is as good a time as any. I pound my fist on my hand, getting my grip as tight as I possibly can so that I can make the eight. The bull bucks beneath me again, and I shift my weight to readjust.
I look up, giving a nod, and the gate flings up. Twist of Fate, the bull, is out of the gate and bucking like a motherfucker. Saliva spews out of his mouth as he spins and kicks, doing everything in his power to sling me from his back. He isn’t giving up, and neither am I.
He jumps and kicks, slamming to the ground so hard it jolts my entire body, sending a shockwave of pain up my back. The buzzer has to be close. It has to be. I can’t hold on much longer. When I’m on the brink of giving up, I hear it. Relief courses through me, and I attempt to tug my hand free.
Usually, one tug is all it takes, or the bull has thrown me by now. This time, that doesn’t happen. I desperately tug, but my hand is stuck, which is a fucking nightmare for a bull rider.
The rodeo clowns try to distract the bull, calm him down, but he’s enraged. If I can hold on, rescue riders will come in and get my hand free. I just need to hold on.
Unfortunately, that isn’t in the cards for me. Twist of Fate bucks and kicks, and the lower part of my body is thrown off the bull until he’s dragging me. I try to stay on my feet, but I can’t with the way he’s still bucking. I attempt to get back on, but that’s fucking useless.
Finally, the rope loosens, and my hand slips free. I fall to the ground, exhausted. I inhale dirt, struggling to get to my feet when the most excruciating pain I’ve ever felt explodes on my left side.
I tell myself to move, to get up. I have to get out of the way and get to safety, or I’ll die in here. But when I try to move my legs, nothing happens. I’m in so much pain, agony. My breaths are shallow, and performing that task hurts so much.
“We got you, Holt! We got you!”
I don’t know who speaks those words. Don’t know who is here to save me, but a brace is placed around my neck, and I’m slowly rolled onto my back and onto a stretcher. That movement nearly makes me pass out.
I’m lifted and carried out of the arena. All I can think about as I’m loaded into the ambulance is about my family. My parents were here watching. Brynn was here. Most importantly, Willow saw what happened.
Twist of Fate ‒ you take the win tonight.
60
Brynn
I sit in the hospital waiting room beside Willow, iPad in her hands. She was hysterical back at the arena, watching Kipton being drug around like a rag doll. She cried while we rode with Angie and Neil as they followed the ambulance, not liking the sound of the sirens. Once we got inside the hospital, she settled down. I promised her Kipton would be all right. I pray I didn’t lie to my daughter.
Angie paces, on the phone with Tauren. She already left a message for Kaler, but he and Jenna are on their honeymoon, and there’s no telling when he might return her call. Laura has already called multiple times, but I’ve already told her we don’t know anything. She informed me she will be here as soon as she can. I can guarantee, she’ll probably know more about his condition sooner than we will.
“We don’t know anything yet,” Angie says tearfully. “No one has told us a word. They just carried him out and took him by ambulance.”
Neil walks back over from speaking with one of the nurses. “He’s in surgery. They believe he has a ruptured spleen. Possibly other internal damage. The doctor will be out to talk with us as soon as he can.”
“Oh, Jesus!” Angie cries out, and Neil takes the phone from her.
I get up and go over to Angie, slowly enclosing her in a hug. “He’s going to be all right. Kipton is the strongest man I know. This will not beat him, no matter what it is.”
She lowers her hands from where she’s embracing me and steps back, studying my face. “Why did you come here, Brynn? Why did you come to the rodeo? It wasn’t for a story, was it?”
If I lie to her now, it’ll make telling her the truth later that much more difficult. She loved me once, and I broke her son’s heart. When I came back, I could see the distrust she had. I could see how she didn’t quite welcome me back with open arms, but over time, she found forgiveness and accepted me back. She became that woman I used to know, the woman who treated me as though I were her own daughter.
“No, ma’am. I’m here for Kipton,” I answer honestly.
“One of my boys wasn’t enough for you, was it?”
Now, I see the woman who wishes I had stayed gone. The woman who sees me as someone who is going to break her son’s heart. The woman who believes I will wreck her family again.
“I’m sorry for what happened between Kaler and me. I truly am. I can’t change the fact that I left him and Willow. At the time, I thought I did what was right. I thought I was protecting Willow. As for Kaler, you and I both know we weren’t happy. Kipton makes me happy, and I make him happy.”
“Angie, it’s Kaler,” Neil interrupts our discussion, holding up the phone.
I go back to sit beside Willow. Back to waiting. Back to wondering if Kipton is going to be okay. Back to feeling like an outsider.
61
Kipton
I thought getting my hand stuck on the bull was a cowboy’s worst nightmare, but I take that back. Waking up in the hospital is worse. Waking up and not being able to feel my legs is worse.
A nurse stands at the foot of my bed, typing away on a laptop, oblivious that I’ve woken up. I clear my throat and try to shift on the bed to sit up, but that doesn’t happen.
“Oh great, you’re awake. Your family has been asking about you.”
“I’m not ready to see them yet,” I say quickly and then swallow, my throat dry. Without asking, she brings me a cup of water, and I gulp it down. �
��I need to know what happened. Why can’t I feel my legs?”
She frowns. “Let me get the doctor.”
I relax against the bed and wait, replaying tonight’s events through my head. My hand got stuck after my ride was finished. I couldn’t get off the bull. When I did, I couldn’t get up quickly enough. I felt the worst fucking pain I’d ever experienced. The bull must’ve rammed me. Then, I was carried off on a damn stretcher.
“Mr. Holt, I’m Dr. Lowenstein. How are you feeling?”
The doctor is an elderly man with a comb-over. He doesn’t extend his hand out to me, so I don’t bother extending mine. Maybe he’s a germophobe.
“I feel like a bull slung me around an arena,” I reply dryly.
“I suppose that’s always a possibility when you choose to live that sort of lifestyle.”
Ah. So, he’s opposed to me being a bull rider. Not everyone is a fan of the sport. Some people believe it’s cruel to the animals and others believe it’s a mindless sport done for an adrenaline rush. We definitely aren’t cruel to the animals, and it sure as fuck isn’t mindless. I don’t disagree that it’s an adrenaline rush.
“With all due respect, I don’t need your approval on my lifestyle for you to be a good doctor.”
“Understood,” he says with a tight smile. “My apologies. You seem like a man who doesn’t want things sugarcoated, so I won’t do that. You ruptured your spleen, Mr. Holt. We removed it, but you can survive just fine without it. You had some internal bleeding, which we stopped. You had a contusion on your spinal cord, which has caused some fluid and swelling. That is our main concern.” He lifts the blanket up, exposing my bare feet. “Tell me what sensations you can or cannot feel.”
