Rocket Science

by Emily Mayer

  “Thank you, I guess? It was very unnecessary, and frankly, a little weird, but I appreciate you guys looking out for me. Just please maybe don’t send anymore gummy genitals to anyone without asking me about it first.”

  My words were met with grumbles and mumbled “Fine”s. I figured that was as much of an agreement as I was going to get from this bunch. All the fight I had blown through the doors with left me. It was easy, so easy, to think about all the things your life was missing and all the things you would change about it, to dwell on the negatives. Sometimes I forgot to think about all the really great things and people my life was filled with. It felt melodramatic to say that I had come too close to dying to need reminding to be thankful, but I had come close enough that I shouldn’t need it.

  I looked at Aaron, who had turned his attention back to his sandwich. “Speaking of Sebastian, I was wondering if you would want to go to a Novas game with me.”

  Aaron’s gaze swung to mine, brows drawn down in confusion. “Sure, we can try to get tickets to one of their home games. They’re hard to score this year, but I might know someone who can hook us up.”

  “Great! I was going to bring Paige or Janie, but you actually like soccer.” I smiled at him. “And don’t worry about the tickets; Sebastian said he would send them.”

  Aaron choked on his food, coughing and sputtering so hard that Lou slapped him on the back a few times.

  “Sebastian Kincaid is giving me soccer tickets?”

  It seemed petty to point out that Sebastian was actually giving me the tickets, so I just glossed over that. “He told me to pick a game and he would get the tickets. I thought I would ask you first, so you could pick the game you wanted to see. I obviously don’t have a preference.”

  Without missing a beat, Aaron responded, “Seattle FC. They play here in two weeks.”

  “Okay, I’ll let Sebastian know. Is my brother in his office?” I asked, even though I knew the answer was more than likely yes. If he wasn’t with a client he was usually holed away in his office, trying to get caught up on administrative stuff .

  Lou and Aaron nodded, Aaron still wearing a dreamy expression. Even though a lot of my irritation had fled after Lou’s comment about friendship, I still felt the need to let Harrison know that I was not at all happy about his interference with Sebastian. I loved Harrison—he was the best big brother any girl could ask for, but he did need a reminder every once in a while that I was no longer a child.

  “Great. Kay, I’ll be back to relieve you in however long it takes me to kill my brother,” I yelled over my shoulder as I marched down the hallway. I heard Lou’s “Godspeed” just as I turned the handle on the office door.

  24.

  Did you want to grab dinner sometime?

  I read and reread the sentence. And then I read it again. Each time I read the words, fresh tendrils of fear climbed up from my stomach and wrapped themselves around my lungs. It was ridiculous to feel so anxious about the idea of meeting Patrick. We had been texting all weekend and everything about our conversations had been easy. He was proposing dinner, not marriage.

  “Hey, do you…” Janie paused midsentence, sitting down in the empty chair on the other side of the desk. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling okay?”

  I groaned. I must have looked as anxious as I felt.

  “I’m fine. Patrick sent me a text asking if I wanted to get dinner sometime,” I explained, my fingers tracing the edge of my phone screen.

  “What?” she exclaimed, leaning forward in her seat. “Lennon, that’s great news! Why do you look like a Dementor just sucked the soul out of your body? You should be doing a happy dance and planning an epic outfit that will knock Patrick’s pants off.”

  “I’m just nervous about the idea of meeting him in person. Things have been going so well communicating by email, and we just started texting. Why mess with a good thing?” I resisted the urge to add that I was afraid he wouldn’t measure up to Sebastian when we met in person, and it would put an end to whatever we had going on.

  “Uh, because your phone can’t give you orgasms?” Janie stated, as if the answer was obvious.

  “Orgasms? I can barely handle the idea of dinner with him, let alone any activity that could result in an orgasm.” I lowered my voice when I realized I was practically shouting about orgasms. “Are you trying to make me more nervous?”

  Janie slapped her hands on my desk and leaned forward. “Listen up, Lennon. You are going to put on your big girl panties, and you are going to go on this date and have a really good fucking time. He’s going to buy you dinner and maybe you two will have a couple drinks after. Things might be a little awkward at first, because first dates are always a little awkward. But you’ll get past it and enjoy yourself so much that you might even let him touch a boob when you say goodnight.”

  I sat in my chair, momentarily shellshocked by her aggressive pep talk. I said the first thing that popped into my head.

  “Just one boob?”

  “It’s a first date. Two boobs would be trashy.” She paused before adding, “Unless he takes you someplace really good for dinner.”

  Against all odds, I did actually feel inspired by her speech. Maybe Harrison had groomed me to respond to the overbearing, militant approach?

  “You know what? You’re right.” I picked up my phone and responded to Patrick, simply stating that I would love to get dinner. “Done. What were you about to ask me when you came in?”

  “Oh! I wanted to see if you had any plans this week. I thought we could try to schedule another dinner with Paige and Kay,” she said, settling back into her seat. “The dojo is hosting a tournament this weekend, so most classes have been canceled. I’m a free bird pretty much all week.”

  “I would love to have another girls’ night!” I answered enthusiastically. That would be a dinner I had no anxiety about attending. “Actually, it might be a good time to stage an intervention for Paige.”

  “Why? What’s up with Paige?” Janie sounded concerned, but also surprised.

  “I’m not sure. She got in a fight with her mom, I think, but I can’t get her to talk to me about it. She’s been acting strange ever since.” I went on to list all the ways Paige’s behavior had been off since the phone call with her mom and all my efforts to get her to confide in me.

  Janie was quiet for a minute. “That is all very un-Paige-like. Do you have any idea what the fight could have been about? I can’t remember Paige ever mentioning her parents.”

  “I have no clue. I know Paige isn’t very close with her parents. I think her dad’s some big plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills.” I searched my memory for any helpful details Paige might have provided about her parents, but I couldn’t come up with anything else.

  “Well, this is just one more reason we need a girls’ night,” Janie agreed.

  We made a plan of attack for getting Paige to agree to dinner, since she had refused all my other attempts to get her to do anything, then Janie had to leave for a conference call. I told her I’d talk to Paige at her yoga class tonight.

  I had my speech all prepared as I unrolled my mat in the back of the studio later that night. Assuming I survived the intermediate-advanced class, I was going to ask Paige to dinner under the guise of needing dating advice. No way would Paige turn down a friend in need. Paige was busy talking to a group of women, but she excused herself and made her way over to my spot when she saw me.

  “Hey, Lennon, what are you doing here? This isn’t your normal class,” she asked, a curious smile on her face. “Not that I’m not happy to see you.”

  “I thought I might spice up my normal routine and try something more advanced.” I tried to sound convincing while saying quite possibly the most un-Lennon-like phrase I had ever uttered.

  “Okay,” she responded, sounding not at all convinced. “This is actually kind of perfect timing. Do you think I could stop by after class? I’ve been meaning to ask your help with something for a while now.”

  “Y
es, definitely!” I responded with a frightening amount of enthusiasm. I reeled in the crazy. “I would love to help.”

  “Thanks. I really appreciate it. Enjoy the class, and remember, don’t be afraid to ask for modifications for any pose that’s too advanced, okay?”

  My mouth said “Yes” even though I had absolutely no intention of asking for a modification and drawing attention to myself in this Lululemon-wearing crowd. I was fully prepared to do the minimum necessary to blend in, and reward myself with pizza rolls after.

  25.

  I limped home an hour later with a full body cramp and a craving for pretzels. As usual, I had been a sweaty mess by the end of class while everyone else looked refreshed and energized. I fed Boomer and dragged my carcass to the shower while the oven was preheating. Boomer was sliding his arms under the gap between the door and the floor while meowing his displeasure at being shut out of the bathroom. Such a soothing soundtrack for a relaxing, post-workout shower. I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, wincing at the flash of pain the movement caused. I opened the door for Boomer, who proceeded to jump up on the toilet lid and glower at me as I toweled off and combed my hair.

  I made my way to the kitchen after putting on my pajamas and dumped an entire package of pizza rolls onto the tray. The knock on my door came just as I was piling the steaming rolls onto a plate.

  “It’s open!” I yelled, assuming it was Paige. I grabbed a container of ranch dipping sauce I’d swiped from the cafeteria and made my way toward the couch. “I hope you’re hungry for a gourmet dinner.”

  Paige laughed as she joined me on the couch. “God, I haven’t had pizza rolls in forever.”

  I smiled as she took one off the top of the pile and popped it into her mouth. She moaned. “How is something so disgusting so delicious?”

  “I don’t know what you are talking about. Pizza rolls are quality food packed with goodness. You should try them with ranch.” I waved the container in her direction and watched as she dipped one in the sauce. I was hoping this was a good sign that she was feeling better. We ate a couple more rolls in silence before Paige wiped her hands off and got down to business.

  “Promise me you won’t laugh when I tell you this,” she demanded, suddenly super serious.

  “I promise,” I answered truthfully.

  “I want to go back to school.” She braced herself for my response, which made me feel like absolute garbage.

  “I would never laugh at you for wanting to go back to school! I think that’s great. Why would you think I’d laugh at you?”

  She shrugged. “You’re so incredibly smart, and I’m a high school graduate who teaches yoga and sometimes models. I know it’s kind of ridiculous to be trying college at twenty-five.”

  I sat my plate down and turned to face her on the couch. “Paige, you are smart too, and you can do absolutely anything you want! I have never, not once, thought you were dumb. Going to college doesn’t make you intelligent, and it’s not ridiculous to want to go back to school—at any age. It’s awesome and brave.”

  “Thank you for saying that.” Her posture relaxed noticeably but her eyes were suspiciously shiny. “I talked to my mom about it and it didn’t go well. I let her get to me even though I know better.”

  “What happened?”

  Paige let loose a watery sigh. “My mom’s always had this idea of me becoming an actress or a supermodel. It’s the only time she takes an interest in my life, which is why I was in beauty pageants all growing up even though I hated them. When I told her I wanted to go back to school, she was so upset and disappointed. She told me I would be wasting my time, because I never did well in school and was too pretty for it anyway. Instead, she suggested I let my dad fix some of my trouble areas, because I have a very all-American, girl-next-door look and that’s not what people want right now. They want the Kardashian look. Then it was the usual lecture about my weight, skin, and hair.”

  I instantly hated Paige’s mom with an intensity I hadn’t known I was capable of. I could not imagine a mother ever tearing down her own child, making her doubt herself. All my life my mom had gone out of her way to make sure her children knew that they could do absolutely anything. My very first day of high school was the first day I’d ever heard my mom swear. I cried telling her about eating alone at lunch, and how the girls I asked to sit with had treated me. She sat me down and told me those kids were all a bunch of losers who would never amount to anything, and I was too damn special for them and they knew it. The fierceness in her voice had healed some of the hurt and reminded me that everything wasn’t as awful as it felt at that moment.

  “Okay, well, your mom is kind of the worst.” Paige laughed a little at my words, so I continued. “Although people do seem to be really into the Kardashians. But I think you should follow your heart, and if it’s telling you to go back to school, you should go for it. I’ll be here to help however I can. I feel very confident that if you can master King Pigeon pose, you can do anything.”

  “Thanks, Lennon.” She gave me the first genuine Paige smile I had seen in at least a week. “The thing is, I don’t care what she thinks anymore. Or I’m trying not to care, anyway. I’ve spent twenty-five years trying to be her version of the perfect daughter, and the idea of trying for the next twenty-five years is horrifying. I hate acting and modeling, and honestly, I’m not great at it either. As much as I like teaching yoga, it’s not what I want for my life.”

  “You’re pretty much one of the best human beings I know, so I don’t think you should try to be anyone else’s version of Paige. I like my Paige.” I hoped she felt the sincerity of every single word.

  “But will you still like me after you help me with my calculus homework?” Her eyes looked pleading and slightly panicked.

  “Totally! It’s going to take more than calculus to break up this friendship,” I reassured her. I’d spent many years helping with—and then just doing—Harrison’s math homework. If we still loved each other, there was no chance calculus could come between me and Paige.

  Over the remaining pizza rolls, Paige told me about the classes she was planning to take and her game plan. She was going to get all the core classes out of the way at the community college, then see about finishing her degree at a traditional university. I offered lots of encouragement and promises to help. I think we were both feeling relieved by the time Paige left. She even sounded excited about a girls’ night.

  My phone rang from the couch, causing my heartrate to accelerate in response. The only two people who actually called me were my mom and Sebastian, since Patrick and I were still strictly texting, and my mom would still be working. I tried to make my way toward the couch casually, as if every cell in my body wasn’t screaming for me to move faster.

  “Hi,” I breathed into the phone, trying not to sound giddy. I sounded like I had a wheeze instead.

  “Hey, what’re you up to? You sound out of breath,” Sebastian asked. I could almost hear the smile in his voice, which did absolutely nothing to improve my current state.

  “Ummm, just…” My eyes searched the room until they landed on the furry bump behind the curtain. “Chasing Boomer around. You know how he gets after eight o’clock.”

  His rich chuckle hit me right below the sternum. “How was your day?”

  I took a second to reflect on the day. I know the expected reply was to give a generic “good” or “fine” and then reciprocate with the same question, but I didn’t feel like social niceties were always conducive to meaningful exchanges. So I went with the truth.

  “I don’t know. It was kind of weird.” I felt the strain of holding the phone up to my ear with my noodle of an arm and added, “And a little painful.”

  “Painful?”

  I fought back a sigh at how concerned he sounded. Why, oh why, was my body working against me?

  “I’m fine. I think. I went to Paige’s intermediate-advanced class this evening. And then I ate a lot of pizza rolls.”

 
“That was a bold move. Just felt like a little light torture on a Monday?”

  I could hear rustling in the background, and I instantly imagined him shirtless in bed. I was developing a very active imagination at twenty-six, and it was apparently dirty.

  “Ugh, no. I needed to talk to Paige, and she’s been avoiding me. So it was more about desperation than the desire to be tortured.” I tried to focus on the conversation instead of the images of shirtless Sebastian floating around my brain.

  “Are you two having a row?” His question was followed by more of the distracting rustling.

  “Having a row?” I asked, my mind still more focused on trying to discern the source of the rustling.

  “Are you fighting?” he clarified.

  “Oh no, we aren’t fighting. I think she just needed some time to process some stuff, and I was worried about her. We talked tonight though, so my plan worked.” My ears still strained to hear the background noise. Did naked have a sound? Focus, Lennon, focus. “How was your day?”

  “Long. Practice was grueling, I had meetings all afternoon, and then a photo shoot. I’m absolutely knackered,” he said, his words ending on a yawn.

  My mind was running through a list of all the really important questions, like: What kind of photoshoot? Was it for underwear? Were you in underwear? Can I see you in underwear? Thankfully, there was some part of my brain that was still functioning rationally and forced an appropriate response out of my mouth.

  “I’m sorry you had a long day. Afternoon meetings are always the worst, and I’m sure they are extra miserable after a long practice. What was the photoshoot for?”

  Please say underwear. Please say underwear. Please say underwear.

  “Rolex. Not my favorite, but better than standing around in my knickers.” I disagreed strongly but kept my lips zipped. “I didn’t call to complain, though. Wanted to see if you picked a game yet.”

  “Yes! I did, actually. The game against FC Seattle—or Seattle FC; I can’t remember where the FC part goes—if that’s okay.”