Rocket Science

by Emily Mayer

  “I’m chuffed, even though I’m fairly certain I am the only player whose name you know.” His deep voice was laced with humor.

  “Ha. Wrong.” I smiled up at him, fully prepared to use the knowledge Aaron had imparted earlier. “I know Malone, Ramos, and Harris.”

  “A whole three, I stand corrected.”

  Aaron did some sort of throat-clearing choking thing that had both Sebastian and me turning toward him.

  “Hey, hi,” Aaron said, sounding breathless, his eyes wide in awe.

  I tugged him a little closer. “Sebastian, this is my friend Aaron.”

  The smile slowly faded off Sebastian’s face as his eyes landed where my hand still rested on Aaron’s arm. All traces of the happy, teasing Sebastian were gone and the same Sebastian I’d met that first night at the club stood in front of me. Eyes narrowed and jaw tense, Sebastian finally dipped his chin slightly at poor confused Aaron. His jaw was so tense I was concerned for the integrity of his teeth.

  “Nice to meet you, mate.”

  He did not sound happy to meet him at all. The three of us stood lost in a Bermuda triangle of tension, until I finally did what I do best when I am anxious and have no idea what to do: ramble at approximately the speed of light.

  “Aaron is the friend I was telling you about. He works at Harrison’s tattoo shop as an artist, giving people tattoos. I told you I had a brother, right? An older brother who’s a really talented artist, which is pretty hilarious when you think about it since art was the only class I ever almost failed. The sides of my pot collapsed in the kiln. His name is Harrison, just in case I never told you about him. Fun fact: My mom is a huge Beatles fan, so she wanted to name her kids after the Beatles, but she thought Paul and John sounded too Catholic so she went with their last names instead, which is great because I’m a girl and John is not a good name for a girl.” I took a deep breath. “Anyway, back to the subject, Aaron’s a really big socc—football fan, so I thought he might like to see a game. He’s been serving as my unofficial interpreter while you were busy playing. Manchester United is his favorite team so ignore the scarf. His abuela gave it to him as a joke and it’s lucky.”

  It was either stop talking or pass out from lack of oxygen, so I managed to zip my lips. I shot a quick glance at Sebastian. He was giving me that soft, patient smile that simultaneously made my heart stutter and my cheeks heat. He tugged the brim of my hat gently and then turned the full force of that smile on Aaron. Poor, poor Aaron; he didn’t stand a chance. He bloomed like a morning glory in the sun.

  “You’re a United fan?” Sebastian asked Aaron, who was nodding too furiously to form words. Sebastian looked over his shoulder. “Right. Come on then.”

  We followed Sebastian a short distance until we reached another man in a suit. I didn’t recognize him, but based on the gasp from Aaron he was a player he liked. The player lifted his gaze from his phone and smiled at Sebastian, his gaze traveling to take in Aaron and me. Cue my new signature move, the awkward half-wave, half-hand-flop.

  “Harris.” The two men exchanged some sort of handshake/back-slap situation. Sebastian placed his hand low on my back and guided me forward. Reflexively, I grabbed Aaron and tugged him forward with us. “Tom, this is Lennon and her friend Aaron.”

  All I could think about was Sebastian’s hand, slowly creeping from my lower back to the small dip of my hip and making its home there. Tom shot a smile and wink my way.

  “Lennon, it’s a pleasure. How’d you enjoy your first match?”

  “I had a really good time. The hot dogs were as good as I remembered and our seats were amazing. You guys played really well too.” I figured I should add something about their performance in there, since I was ostensibly at this event for the game. “Aaron’s a really big fan, so I think that made everything more enjoyable.”

  I hoped the last part would get Aaron to return to planet Earth and join the conversation. I mentally high-fived myself when he responded without missing a beat. I stood listening to the three men talk football, adding a comment here or there, but mostly focused on the small circles Sebastian’s thumb was tracing on my hip.

  What a strange and wonderful day.

  31.

  I stopped in front of Paige’s door for the second time in three minutes and then pivoted and walked the four feet back to my door.

  “You are being ridiculous.”

  I marched back to her door. I raised my fist to knock.

  “Are you actually going to go through with it this time? Because it was cute the first two times but now I’m just getting worried.”

  I jumped at Paige’s voice coming from the other end of the hall.

  “Holy macaroni, Paige! You scared me.”

  Paige laughed, walking down the hall to join me in front of the door. She slid her key into the lock and ushered me inside.

  “I feel like Boomer is starting to rub off on you. I need to get you inside and close the door before you escape.”

  “Har-dee-har-har.” I sat down on her couch while she hung her purse on the coat rack and then joined me.

  “So, what’s up?”

  “I hope you won’t be upset, but I talked to Harrison yesterday about hiring you to do all the office work at Bad Wolf. Your classes don’t start for another couple months so that gives you plenty of time to adjust. I bet you could even teach and work at Bad Wolf until school starts,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t be angry with me for talking to Harrison without getting her permission first.

  “Lennon, I don’t know about this.” I fought to keep the alarm off my face. Paige must have noticed my reaction. “I really appreciate your effort. I do. I promise I’m not mad. It’s just that I really don’t think I’m qualified to do any type of office work.”

  It was my turn to rush to reassure her.

  “Yes, you are! You would be a huge asset to Harrison. I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t think you could do it. And I’ll teach you how to use all the software programs you might not be familiar with.”

  “I don’t know. I don’t want to embarrass you.”

  My head snapped back like her words were a physical blow.

  “Embarrass me! Paige, you could never embarrass me. Why would you even think that?”

  She let out a tiny puff of air that could have been a sigh and tugged on the end of her ponytail.

  “I’m not smart. No, it’s okay. I’m not being mean, just honest. You’re a genius, so I’m sure learning a new program is easy for you, but to me it sounds really freaking hard.”

  I crossed my arms and glared at her in my best disappointed-mom act.

  “First of all, you are smart and I will do something really awful if I ever hear you say that about yourself again. Second, you’re going to have a really super awesome teacher—me—so your odds of success are higher than normal. Third, you’re so good with people. Maybe you don’t notice it, but I do. I’m very envious of the way people are just naturally drawn to you like bugs to a fluorescent light.”

  “What a strange but nice compliment.” She laughed.

  “Okay, so maybe the bug zapper wasn’t the best analogy, but the point is still valid. You have this amazing ability to connect with anyone and make them feel comfortable. I mean, look at me! I have an entire social group because of you, and we are very different people.”

  “You have friends because of who you are, Lennon. I didn’t make people be friends with you.”

  I held up my hand. “This is your pep talk, lady. Don’t try to change the topic. How about a compromise? You come with me to the shop for a couple weeks, just to try it out. If it goes badly, you don’t have to do it.”

  She nodded her head, dragging her teeth over her lower lip.

  “Okay, yeah, that sounds like a reasonable plan.”

  I clapped my hands together. “This is going to be so great, you’ll see!”

  She laughed, shaking her head at my obvious glee. “Did you really think I was going to be mad at you? Is that why yo
u were doing that whole routine out in the hall?”

  My mood took a drastic dive. I looked down at my hands.

  “No. I mean yes, I was worried you might be a little upset with me, but that’s not why I was nervous about talking to you.”

  “So…?” She dipped her head down trying to make eye contact with me.

  I took a fortifying breath, bracing myself for her reaction.

  “I like Sebastian.”

  There was a long pause before Paige spoke.

  “You were nervous about telling me that you like Sebastian? You two are friends so that’s not exactly breaking news, babe.”

  “Right, that’s true. The thing is that I… I like Sebastian as more than a friend.”

  As soon as I released the words into the universe, it was like they became a living thing. They had weight and significance. They had the power to make me very happy or very sad. And they wound their way around us, filling the space with an almost tangible heaviness.

  Then Paige let out a maniacal laugh.

  “Finally! I thought you were literally never going to admit it.”

  And then, much to my horror and amazement, I started sobbing. At first, it was just a few tears, but once the dam broke, there was no turning back. Paige let out a startled noise and then launched herself at me in a move straight from the WWF.

  “Lennon, what on earth is going on? Why are you so upset?” she asked, rubbing a soothing path up and down my back.

  “How could I be so stupid?” I managed through sobs. “I like him so much, Paige.”

  She hugged me tighter and made some more of the incoherent hush noises until I was all cried out. She released me to grab a handful of tissues and shoved them into my hands. I wiped at my face furiously, mad at myself for the excessive display of emotion and for what I had just admitted.

  “All right, sweetie, are you ready to talk this out?”

  I would never be ready to talk this out, but I nodded my head anyway.

  “I’ve been trying to convince myself that Sebastian is just a friend. Well, that’s not exactly true—I struggled, I still am struggling, with why he even wanted to be my friend in the first place, but here we are. I thought if I adhered to a strict system of classification everything would be fine. But it’s not working. He just keeps forcing himself into my life and doing really nice things and I don’t mean to sound superficial but he’s very attractive and I find all his muscles extremely appealing. And then there’s the whole Patrick variable. He’s exactly my type, but he doesn’t make me light up like Sebastian does.” I dropped my hands into my face and groaned. “That sounded ridiculous even to me.”

  Paige let out a soft laugh. “It doesn’t sound ridiculous at all. The thing I’m over here struggling with is the whole ‘classification system’ you’ve got worked out.”

  I perked up. The classification system I had devised was territory I was much more comfortable with.

  “Oh, that’s easy. After collecting a significant amount of data on Sebastian, I was able to place him into the friend category, whereas the same exercise resulted in Patrick being placed in the potential boyfriend category. Categories are useful when thinking about relationships, because they allow you to create expectations that are manageable within the classification. Additionally, biologists and psychologists examine the process behind relationships differently, but they have largely reached the same conclusion: that emotional responsiveness is critical to a successful relationship. We’re the most emotionally responsive when we are able to practice empathy with our partners. Empathy requires some shared basis of understanding. For example, I can sympathize with your distress over having to take a math class, but I can’t empathize with it because I love math. However, if you said you were nervous about making friends at school, I could empathize with you, because I’m always nervous about entering new social environments. If you collected the data on two people and used it to create a Venn diagram, the space where those circles would overlap is where the two individuals shared similar data points. Patrick and I would have a huge portion of our circles overlapping, but Paige, I don’t think Sebastian’s circle would even be touching mine.”

  “I might not be an expert on biology or psychology, but I do watch a lot of Dr. Phil and your theory is absolute garbage. Being emotionally responsive doesn’t require empathy; it requires you to acknowledge the other person’s humanity and accept it. Good relationships are about validating each other’s feelings and building each other up. You don’t have to have tons of things in common to do that. I love you even though I can’t always empathize with what you’re going through.” She paused, reaching over to take my hand. “I think, if you were to be honest with yourself, Sebastian is your own personal Everest and that scares the absolute shit of you.”

  I sniffled. “And you said you weren’t smart.”

  “Do you want to know why I made that terrible, awful attempt to set you two up?”

  Finally, an easy question that I had no problem answering.

  “I would love to know the answer to that question.”

  “I grabbed a drink with Sebastian one night after our yoga class, and by ‘drink,’ I mean a smoothie, just so that imagination of yours isn’t running wild. I think we really bonded over the horror of a seaweed-mango smoothie, and he confessed that he was having a hard time meeting people here. In England, people flock to him—especially women—because he’s Sebastian Kincaid, and LA hasn’t been much better. And while I definitely can’t empathize with that problem, I can imagine how hard it would be to tell if someone was interested in you or your fame.”

  I waited for her to continue. When it became evident that she was waiting for me to respond, I couldn’t keep the confusion out of my voice.

  “And that made you think of me because…?”

  “Because you’re one of the realest people I know. You are one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met, Lennon. I know it can be hard for you, but you wear your heart on your sleeve and it’s such a big heart. Sebastian struck me as someone who needed that big old heart in his life.”

  I fought back a fresh round of tears. “That might be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. I’m really lucky you’re my friend.”

  “You sure are.” She let out a laugh at the surprised expression on my face. “The question is, what are you going to do about this development? Are you going to stick to your Venn diagrams telling you to go with the safe choice, or are you going to light up your life?”

  “I’m going to get lit!” I exclaimed. Paige and I looked at each other and burst into laughter.

  “I mean, that’s not a terrible idea either,” she said through laughter.

  By the time I left her apartment, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Paige was right. I was scared. I had big feelings for someone who was so far outside my comfort zone that it was terrifying. It didn’t help that this person also had to be an international soccer star who could probably have any woman he wanted. But talking to Paige made me feel like no matter what happened with Sebastian, I would be okay—because I had friends who would make sure of it.

  32.

  Kay: You know what’s been super fun this week?

  Kay: Listening to Aaron talk non-stop about his new pals Sebastian Kincaid and Tom Harris.

  Kay: OMFG! He got the picture of the three of them framed and is currently trying to get Harrison to let him hang it in the waiting area.

  Paige: LOL that’s kind of precious.

  Kay: We’ll see how precious you think it is Friday.

  Harrison: Lennon, I forbid you from ever speaking to any of my employees again.

  A few days later, some of my initial enthusiasm for operation “Get Lit” had faded and the rest was quickly being murdered by an exploding engine. My appearance was starting to rival Boomer’s for most frazzled. Today, I was sporting a black pencil skirt and a white button-up blouse that I had spilled latte all over when I tripped walking down the stair
s. Not going upstairs—nope, I literally fell down the stairs. When I rushed to the bathroom, I noticed that I had missed a button somewhere, and was one button off all the way down my blouse. To complete the look, I was rocking one navy shoe and one black shoe.

  So, Wednesday was going great, thank you for asking.

  Janie had texted me that I was on my own for lunch, so I was perusing the contents of the cafeteria solo.

  “Hey, Lennon.”

  I turned toward the voice of the one person I absolutely did not want to see today.

  Holy HAL, could this day possibly get any worse? I tried to muster up a smile and turned to answer.

  “Hi, Theo.”

  “It’s been a while. How have you been?” he asked, sounding sincere because he was a perfect human being who of course would care about his fellow humans.

  “Good, I’ve been good. And you?”

  I took the opportunity to study his face. It was the same face that had starred in all my daydreams for years, but I was surprised to find that it didn’t hurt as much to know that those daydreams would never come true.

  “Things are good. Did you want to join us?”

  Such a nice guy. I followed his thumb to a table where Sam was seated. It might have hurt less to know that Theo and I were never going to happen, but I would still rather go swimming with piranhas than have lunch with him and Sam.

  “Thanks, but I’m super busy right now, so I think I’m going to work through lunch today.”

  “Sure, maybe next time.”

  We said our goodbyes and I proceeded to load my tray up with pasta salad, French fries, and chicken nuggets before heading back to my office. I had planned on working through lunch, but I found myself on the internet searching for “How to break up with someone you’re not actually sure you’re dating.” After scanning the results, I decided to refine my search and entered “How to tell if you are dating someone.”

  I clicked on the first link that sounded even remotely useful. My eyes darted to the top of the page, where a shirtless Sebastian was trying to sell me a razor. Are you freaking kidding me? My life had to be some sort of cosmic joke to whoever was running this show. I set my head down next to my plate of food and contemplated just going home.