My Hockey Romance

by Julia Bevan

  Chapter 9

  Josie

  "Luke!" I gasp, the name escapes my lips before I even realize what I'm saying. I close my eyes then open them, willing him to disappear. My heart thuds against my ribs, picking up steady rhythm until I can barely hear my own thoughts between the loud beating. He stares down at me, his lips screwed to the side. He hesitates for just a second before bending down and starting to throw the Puma jerseys back into the box. "Are you alright?" he asks, "I wasn't paying attention, I'm sorry." I grab at his hand, my fingers tingling where I'm touching him. He goes instantly still, sucking in a sharp breath and staring down at the jerseys. "No, Luke, it's me who should apologize. I'm really, really sorry." "Are we still talking about who bumped into who?" he murmurs, half a playful smile tugging on his lips, though his eyes are downturned with unhappiness. "Um...Not exactly." He sighs, settling down next to me on the sidewalk outside the dry cleaners where I'd just dropped off Peter's underwear. Never once did I think I'd be in charge of my employer's undergarments. Oh, how far I'd fallen. A few people step around us, shooting critical glances, but I ignore them. It's worth it just to be next to Luke for a minute longer, knowing this minute could be our last one together. Then again, I'd thought that I'd never see him again as I was rushing from his hotel room this morning. Had my life really changed so much in a single day? This time yesterday, I was sitting in my office, planning just how much work I'd be able to cram into my weekend. Now my head was full of thoughts of Luke's naked body and remorse for my brother. "Don't apologize for that," he says firmly. Luke pushes aside the box, glancing at me from the corner of his eye as though he's afraid to look me full in the face. "Last night was... it was the best night I've had in a long time, and I'm not just saying that to make either of us feel less guilty." His words settle in my core, warming my entire body like I was standing in front of a fireplace in the midst of a chilly winter. "Me too," I hesitantly agree, twirling a lock of tangled hair around my finger before releasing it. "Ugh, and it's going to be my only night of fun for a very long time." "What do you mean?" "I was late to work today," I shrug, glossing over the entire story. No need to dig myself a deeper hole. "Now I'm basically the office's slave." He gazed up at the clouds, watching one float by before turning back towards me. "You know, Ben's always talking about how you're making it big in the architecture world, and I know this firm you're working for is supposed to be amazing, but it doesn't sound to me like you're all that happy about it. " "I knew it would be tough. I was expecting that. Peter Tullamore is known to be ruthless. But this... sometimes it feels like I don't exist outside of the office, like I'm just a shell of myself. Last night was just a reminder that I'm a human, that I'm a woman, that I can enjoy life." It was so bizarre to be saying this aloud, things that I had barely ever let myself even think, much less speak about. I'd never even told my brother about this. There's something about Luke that just makes me want to bare my heart and soul to him. Luke gazes at me quietly, his face grave. A woman tries to push a cart around us, and we scoot back to let her by, our shoulders brushing. His face is so close to mine that I can all but smell the intoxicating scent of his skin again. It makes my head dizzy. "You should always enjoy life, Josie," he whispers, eyes laser-focused on mine. I exhale slowly, glad that I'd chewed a whole pack of gum while I was waiting in line at the dry cleaner. His eyes are so deep and so gorgeous, they're like black holes that suck me farther and farther in. I can't say for sure who moved first, but both Ben and I slowly lean in towards one another, our mouths desperately seeking another taste. His fingers twine in my hair, his other arm wrapping around my waist and pulling me against him. We collide roughly together, lips crashing, teeth knocking, but neither of us cares. All we want is more. His fingers slip under the hem of my shirt, grasping at my flesh to drag me closer against him. "Get a room!" someone shouts in disgust, making us break apart into a laugh, though we remain close beside each other. "Was that the last time?" he asks distractedly, eyes glassy. I swallow hard, knowing I should agree with him, knowing that I should get up and walk away... but completely unable. "No," I murmur, "come over. Tonight."

  Chapter 10

  Luke

  Twenty-seven minutes have passed since I promised Josie I would meet her at her apartment. I've been standing just down the road from it, close enough to see the peeling pink paint on the outside but far enough that she wouldn't spot me if she glanced out a window. My hands dig further into my pockets, watching the sun go slowly down behind the building as evening approaches. All day long I've been thinking about this, about whether I would actually come to her home. I wonder if that's how she felt last night when I gave her my hotel room key. If she's acting in any way similar to how I had last night, she's pacing around, making sure everything is perfect, and stealing sips of alcohol to ease her nerves. Every sound from outside will make her stop and wonder if it's me approaching. I know I should make up my mind, will I walk to the door or will I walk away? There are just so many thoughts going through my head, like a whirlwind is spinning out of control between my ears. What in the world am I really doing here? Am I truly willing to risk my friendship with Ben over a girl that I only just met? There's no way that we'll be able to keep this secret forever. At some point, it's going to come out just what's going on between Josie and myself, and Ben is not going to be cool with it. So what is it about Josie that makes me want to take that gamble? Is it like Ben said, that she's special in some way? I've never felt as magnetically attracted to anyone as I am to her, but is it just her outward beauty that's drawn me in? Am I that shallow? No... there's something else to her. There's something in the way she laughs, the way her smile crinkles her eyes, the way she says my name. It just makes me feel alive, like a fire has been lit inside me after being extinguished all my life, a fire I'm not ready to let be blown out just yet. Walking away would be easy. Or should I say, the motion of moving would be easy, because it would be the hardest thing I've ever done to actually convince myself to take that first step. I could turn around and forget Josie's address and delete her number from my phone and try and clear her face from my memory, but I know that would never be truly possible. It's like I'm addicted to her now, like I'm dying to get my next fix. So, instead of doing what is probably the smart and right thing to do, I hesitantly approach her apartment and ring the doorbell. The sound echoes inside, cheery and light. A bird stops its own song to listen. There's a flurry of movement inside as the bolt is drawn and the door swings open. Josie stands there, dressed in a simple tee and a pair of pajama shorts. Her outfit is adorably mismatched, but her shy smile seems to tie it all together. "I didn't think you were coming," she says shyly. She gazes up at me through her long lashes, my heart swelling at just the sight. How is it possible that this woman has such an effect on me? Why does she have to be my best friend's little sister? Why can't this be easy? All my life I waited for the one woman who would make me feel a sense of wholeness like this, and when I didn't find her, I gave up. I didn't think she was out there. But with Josie, all I want is to spend every second at her side, talking and kissing and laughing. But, as long as I value my friendship with Ben, that can never be. "I'm sorry I'm late." She just shrugs, her smile twitching slightly larger as she steps back and welcomes me into her modest apartment. It's decorated simply, with an assortment of floral paintings on the wall and freshly cleaned hardwood floors. She lingers to the side, watching me take it in. "It's very you," I have to chuckle, arms folding over my chest. She scoffs, locking the door behind me, "What's that supposed to mean?" I glance around, taking in the white leather couch and the lilies in a vase on a small round table. "Delicate, sweet, lovely..." I take a step towards her with every word, until I stand only inches away. She trembles just slightly, her chin tipped up towards me, her eyes half closed as though she's basking in the warmth of my body. "What happened to having to work late?" I ask, the air crackling between us as though a field of electricity has formed inside her living room. "I told him no," she says simply, "I said I
wasn't going to let him boss me around, that I wouldn't be demoted to an errand girl. I'm an architect, and I'm good." "And your boss accepted that?" She laughs, taking her own step forward and closing the distance between us. "No. He told me if I didn't stay tonight that I'd get in trouble. But the trouble just seems worth it, I guess." Her arms slowly loop around my neck, drawing me down towards her. Before my lips can drink in one of her delicious kisses, however, the doorbell rings. "Ignore it," she breathes, leaning up on her tiptoes to capture my mouth. We slide backwards, hitting the wall behind her. My hands cup around her thighs, dragging her up against my body so that I can press my hips to hers. She gives a quiet moan, nibbling lower lip as the doorbell rings again. Her fingers tangle in my hair as my mouth suckles at her collarbone. "Josie!" Ben's muffled voice calls from beyond the door, trying the locked knob, "Open up. I know you're in there!"

  Chapter 11

  Josie

  Luke's mouth freezes against mine as my brother again bangs on the door with impatience, our bodies stiff as garden statues. "Josie!" Ben calls, "Hurry up! What's going on in there?" "He's not going to go away," I groan, hating my brother for the first time in my life. What great timing he has. "Dammit..." Luke finally whispers, just as reluctant as I am to let go of him. Very carefully, he sets me back down against the carpet as my legs unwind from his hips. We linger in each other's arms, embracing like if we hugged tight enough, we might both just disappear and not have to worry about this anymore. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen, and Ben continues wiggling the doorknob and knocking. He's getting more and more insistent, like he knows that I'm up to something. "What should we do?" Luke asks with a frantic glance around, probably trying to pick a window to fling himself out of. I squeeze him a little tighter just to make sure that doesn't happen. I may only be on the first floor, but thorny rose bushes are waiting under every sill. I'd found that out firsthand when I'd accidentally locked myself out one night after work and had to climb in through a window I'd left cracked. I still had the scars to prove it. With a deep breath, I take a moment to clear my thoughts, make a plan, and memorize the way Luke's muscular body envelopes my own. "You go to my bedroom and close the door," I say as quietly as possible, "I'll get rid of Ben, he won't even know that you're here." He nods, frowning when I slowly pull my arms free of his body, though my palms ache to once again press against him. His fingers glide along my face as he pulls me in for one more kiss then escapes across the wooden floor into my bedroom. I stare after him, a strange sense of dread blooming in my heart with every step that he takes. When Ben knocks again, Luke shuts the door, and the dread in my heart seems to solidify, weighing it down like cement. Is this how it would be with us if we tried to make this relationship into something more real? Would we constantly be running and evading my older brother? Just what kind of relationship could that even be? "Josie!" Ben calls again through the door, "I've got food!" I whirl back around, inhaling deeply, then crack open the door. "Hey, sis! I knew mentioning some grub would get you to open up," Ben says cheerfully, holding up a greasy to go bag of French fries and a burger, "I figured you were still so busy working that you didn't have time for dinner..." he blinks once, his eyes suddenly narrowing on me. My entire face starts to get hot, and I clutch the door a little tighter, hoping that nothing of Ben's was sitting right in sight. "Why are you looking at me like that? I ask demandingly. "Is that a hickey?" he asks, pointing at my neck with the bag of food in his hand. My hand flies up, cheeks burning even brighter. "Oh my god," Ben mutters, almost dropping the bag as he thrusts it through the door into my hand, "do you have a guy over right now? Are you serious?" He peers around me, trying to see any hint of my male guest, "Do I have to beat somebody up?" he asks, only half joking. "If I did have someone over, it wouldn't be your business. Why do you care anyway, Ben? I'm an adult now, I can make my own choices." Seeming a little taken aback by my words, his only partially teasing smile fades into a stern frown. "I just don't want to see you caught up in some guy that won't treat you right, Josie. Men are dogs, and you're so naive sometimes. It'd be too easy for someone to take advantage of you. Somebody's got to look out for you, and that somebody is me." "Ben, you're a good brother and a great guy, but I can make my own choices." My brother lifts his hands towards me in surrender, shrugging his muscular shoulders. "I get what you're saying sis, but I'm your big brother. It's literally in the job description for me to hate anyone you're dating." I roll my eyes, choosing instead to drop the argument. Right now isn't the time or place, and Ben is way too stubborn to see reason, especially about a topic like this. "Thank you for dinner," I say instead, knowing that I have to get rid of him before Luke starts feeling antsy. "I do really appreciate it." "I guess I should've gotten you the large fry," Ben adds bitterly, sending a pointed look at my closed bedroom door before shaking his head. He starts to take a step away, then stops and looks back. "Josie?" he says quietly. When I nod, he continues speaking, "No guy is ever going to be good enough for you, at least as far as I'm concerned. Just know that." Again I don't answer, instead choosing to quietly say goodbye and then push the door closed. I lock it once more, just in case a very nosy Ben decides to try again to open it. A few moments later, the sound of his car leaving the front of the apartment reverberates through the walls. I peek through the window to be sure, making sure that Bens actually leaves. When I turn around, the bag of takeout in my hand, Luke has emerged from the bedroom. "I should go," he says quietly, running a hand through his hair and averting guilt-ridden eyes. I want to argue with him, I want to beg him to stay, but the mood between us has been soured, and the reality of our situation is unavoidable. No matter what, Ben is going to be hurt, and it's going to be our fault. The weight of that is just too much, smothering out any chance of something growing between Luke and myself no matter how badly we want it. Luke walks towards me, his arms slowly lifting. I sink into his embrace, his arms tight and comforting around my body as his lips press against the top of my head. I cling to him, eyes squeezing shut to staunch the tears I know are about to start falling. The last thing I want to say is goodbye, but I know it's our only choice.