Where Grace Appears

by Heidi Chiavaroli

  “We need to talk about this, Finn.”

  “I thought that’s what we were doing.”

  Josie’s gray eyes landed on Tripp and he couldn’t place what he saw there, but it wasn’t welcome. Surely, not resentment? Had she been about to accept this guy’s proposal?

  Josie shook her head, as if to clear her thoughts. “Tripp, this is Finn Becker. Finn, this is my friend, Tripp.”

  She may as well have rammed a metal bat into his gut. Friend. Did you kiss a friend how Josie had kissed him in the bookshop? Did you entertain offers of sharing your life with a friend, of allowing a friend to be the father of your fatherless child?

  Friend.

  And yet, at the core, that’s the relationship they knew best. Maybe he’d been a fool to believe otherwise.

  He looked at the guy he despised more than any other, now on his feet. It dawned on Tripp why the man looked familiar. He had been one of Amos’s charity cases. He’d spent several Thanksgivings with the Martin family when Tripp was a teen, had visited once after Tripp graduated high school.

  Tripp could still remember him and Amos and Josie discussing some random theory on the human brain on that last trip, how Josie’s eyes had sparkled at the conversation, at Finn’s witty words. He’d wanted to make her eyes sparkle like that. He remembered how long he listened to their debate on quantum mechanics and its possible role in consciousness, how he’d searched for an opening for something brilliant to say, but how in the end, he’d kept quiet for fear of making a fool of himself. For fear of Finn looking at him in a way that said, “Best keep to the tool belt, son.” Yes, he remembered the man well now. He had taught at the local college. Psychology. Had been transferred to some big wig school in New York.

  It all came together. Well-respected professor preys on much younger, vulnerable graduate student. Perhaps uses his past relationship with her dead father to get close to her. To sleep with her.

  Everything within Tripp clenched tight. He wanted to sock the lowlife in his pretty little face. Old man probably wouldn’t be able to make it back on his feet for a comeback.

  But…friend.

  “Nice to meet you.” The man named Finn held his hand out, seemed not the least bit intimidated by Tripp, didn’t even seem to remember him.

  Tripp ignored the hand, crossed his arms over his chest, and stood tall, taking childish satisfaction that he had a few inches on the guy. “You’re the father, I take it?”

  The man pressed his mouth together, creating dimples on either side of his face. He nodded.

  That was all the confirmation Tripp needed. His anger bubbled hot and fast, boiling over until all he could think about was wiping those pretty little dimples off the shmuck’s face. He pulled a fist back hard and fast, propelling it forward until it made a satisfying connection with pretty boy’s face.

  Josie screamed. The guy reeled back, cursing, holding a hand to his eye.

  “Who do you think you are, coming back here after all these months? What kind of a lowlife gets his girlfriend pregnant then abandons her?” Tripp raked a hand through his hair, his body humming with something like justice, something like hurt. “Let me tell you something, buddy. This is the best woman you’ll ever lay eyes on, and if you couldn’t recognize that back then, you don’t deserve her now.”

  “Tripp!” Josie’s voice snapped him from his anger. He turned to see her bunching her fists and gritting her teeth. “You need to leave. Now.”

  He took one last look at the professor, then shook out his hand. Josie crossed her arms above her belly, searing Tripp with a glare.

  “Sure. Whatever you want, friend.” He walked around the house toward his truck.

  He grabbed his keys from his pocket, climbed into his truck, and peeled out of the driveway.

  It wasn’t until he got home that he realized the damage he’d done. All this time, he’d told himself he showed Josie unconditional love. He showed her the kind of love God gave.

  But it was a lie.

  Because unconditional love didn’t rush in and hurl fists. It was patient. Kind. Gave free choice. Trust.

  Tripp leaned his head against the steering wheel and groaned. Maybe he and Josie simply didn’t belong together. If one woman made him feel such crazy emotion, maybe it was a mistake to surround himself with her day and night, night and day.

  Love in the hard. He was supposed to love Josie in her chaos.

  But looking at what had happened today, he’d been wrong to think Josie was the only one who had trash to clean up.

  “Finn, I’m so sorry.” I led Finn toward the kitchen door. “Let’s get you some ice.”

  I pulled open the screen door, still shaken from the events of the afternoon—Finn’s proposal, Tripp’s outburst, Tripp’s hurt. I pulled out a chair for him at the dining room table, opened the freezer door, and scrambled for an ice tray. Miracle of miracles, the kitchen was actually empty. I wondered if Mom planned it that way.

  I broke the ice over the sink, slid it into a plastic sandwich bag, put a paper towel around it, and held it out to Finn.

  “Thanks.”

  “You need a doctor?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

  I sat down at the table and rubbed my eyes, exhaustion creeping over me.

  “He’s in love with you.” Finn gazed at me out of his one good eye.

  “Tripp. Yes. For a long while now, before…us.”

  He pressed the ice harder to his face. “And how do you feel about him?”

  “I—” How was I having this conversation with Finn? And how to answer that question? Yes, I loved Tripp. I’d always loved him. But it was only recently that I’d fallen in love with him.

  But right now I was so mad at him. Tripp had been my rock these last few months. My solid safety and security. But to have him come barreling in to save me without even asking if I needed to be saved? Would he ever be able to trust me?

  Still, could I blame him for his temper when mine was enough to rival his? How often did we fall short? How often did we need to forgive one another?

  Maybe that was the nature of real love.

  I clasped my fingers on top of the table, knowing one thing for certain. “Finn, I can’t marry you.”

  He placed the icepack down, stared at the worn wood grain of the table. “I know.”

  “You do?”

  He nodded. “It’s probably a good thing, actually. I don’t deserve you, Martin.”

  I licked my lips, swallowed hard. “It took a lot for you to come here. I just think—well, we messed up. And I think this baby will be something beautiful to come out of that mess. But I don’t think our child should be the reason we get married.”

  “And you love Tripp.”

  I nodded. “Yes, I do.”

  “I’m not sure he knows it.”

  “Because I haven’t told him.”

  He put the ice back on his face.

  “We can work this out, Finn. Somehow.”

  The eye that wasn’t swollen glistened, surprising me with the sincerity that went along with it.

  “What made you change your mind about being involved?”

  He shrugged. “My conscience. God. Who knows? Maybe they’re not mutually exclusive.”

  I squeezed his hand. “I will let you know when the baby’s born. I’m not saying it will be easy, because it won’t. My home is here now. I’m helping Mom start a bed and breakfast and—”

  “A bed and breakfast, huh? Psychology grad turned hospitality specialist? Are you sure this is what you want, Josie?”

  “Yes. I’ve never been more sure of anything.” I reached into my pocket, slid the envelope with the check in it back toward him.

  He shook his head. “No. That was yours regardless of your answer to me. Use it for whatever you need, or start a college fund for the baby. I’ll set something up so you have regular payments out of my paycheck.”

  “Finn, I don’t—”

  “Josie, please. Let me do
this.”

  I swallowed, in awe at the change in the man before me. I wondered what our fate would be had it come sooner. Would we have stuck it out for the sake of our child? I exhaled a breath, relief filling me. Crazy, but I was glad our journey brought us here, moving forward together, but separately. “Thank you.”

  The kitchen door opened and Bronson stormed in red-faced and ready to take on the world. “Lizzie told me—” He looked at Finn, chest heaving. “Josie, is this punk bothering you?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at my twenty-two-year-old brother calling a forty-year-old college professor a “punk.”

  “Put your fists away, Bronson. He’s cool, okay? Besides, Tripp already took a swipe at him.”

  Finn stood. “Guess that’s my cue to leave.”

  I walked him to the door.

  “I guess I shouldn’t worry if you’ll be well taken care of around here, huh?”

  I smiled. “I’ve missed my family.”

  He looked back toward the kitchen through a hallway of stacked boxes, a wistful look on his face. “Your family was always something special. I remember thinking during my Thanksgiving visits that if I ever had a family…” He cleared his throat. “If I ever had a family, I’d want it to be like the Martin family. Now, our child will be a part of it. That’s something special, Josie.”

  He lifted a hand to my face, and I put my fingers over his, squeezed lightly. “You’re a part of it too now, Finn. Okay? Family’s more than marriage ties and bloodlines, and I want you to come visit our child as much as you want.” The words left my mouth, surprising even me, but they felt right, this extending of kindness.

  “I think I’d like that.” He bent, kissed my cheek. “Thank you, Josie.”

  And then he was gone, leaving me with overwhelming gratitude and hope. As I watched him walk down the front steps on the last day I would be standing in my childhood home, I felt this was the beginning of a new chapter—a chapter I could never have written for myself, but one more creative than I could have orchestrated.

  There was only one thing left to do.

  25

  “So you punched the guy?” August leaned against Grandpop’s 1941 Packard parked in the garage.

  Tripp waxed the antique car harder. He came out here looking for something to build but could only glare at his workbench, finding no motivation. Instead, he’d picked up some wax and a rag. “I don’t know what got into me—no, that’s a lie. I do. When it comes to Josie, I’m a wreck.”

  August nodded. “You’re a lovesick puppy, that’s for sure.” He placed a firm hand on Tripp’s shoulder. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, dude. Women mess with our best intentions.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “You sound like you’re talking from experience.”

  August sighed. “I’m not coming home on the weekends because I enjoy the drive.”

  Tripp’s brother had started classes back up more than a month ago. “You seeing someone from Camden?”

  “Trying to.”

  “Trying? Are you telling me a woman is resistant to August Colton’s charm?” Tripp feigned surprise, and his brother punched him in the arm.

  “Just one. The one I want.”

  Tripp sighed. “The problem with love. Guess we’re both done for, huh?”

  “Guess so.” August went to the workbench, scooped up a few papers. “So Big Bro, I started a drafting class this semester. Tell me what you think.”

  Tripp shifted toward the light, took in the drawing of the house, one elevation on each page, the proportions spot on, the design original and tasteful. He flipped the pages, his gaze sweeping over the rustic barn doors, the wide columns and extensive porch, the gabled windows. “These are incredible, August.”

  His brother grinned. “I’m enjoying myself. You know, I felt kind of like a drifter in my art classes until I worked for the company this summer. The building…it inspired me. Like it’s a kind of art, you know? I’m thinking of taking more classes, maybe becoming an architect.”

  Tripp slapped his brother’s back. “That’s awesome. You’ll have a job waiting for you at Colton Contractors, that’s for sure. You tell Grandpop yet?”

  “Nah. You know how he’ll get. I just want to stay chill about it, see how it goes.”

  “Well, you’re talented, that’s for sure. I’m proud of you. You’ve really straightened up your act.”

  August put a hand on Tripp’s shoulders, a mock look of seriousness on his face as he shook his head. “Now if we can only get you to straighten up yours.”

  Tripp wrapped him in a headlock but let go of him at the sound of a car door. August scrambled away and grabbed up his drawings. “Gotta run. Good luck with the missus.” He scooted out before Tripp could get another punch in edgewise.

  Not that he had a mind to do so with Josie standing fifteen feet from him, looking all types of surly with her hands on her hips, the setting sun like fire behind her, the sunflower he’d brought her almost wilted in her fist.

  “Hey.” He took a tentative step closer.

  She didn’t speak.

  He flung his hands out to his side. “I’m sorry, Josie. Really. I shouldn’t have barged in like that. I lost it. Way lost it. You have a tendency of doing that to me.”

  “Don’t you dare turn this around on me, Tripp Colton. You’re the one who screwed up.”

  “I—I know. I’m so sorry. I saw red. Knowing you loved another guy enough to sleep with him after you turned me down is one thing. Having an accurate mental image of the guy, of what he did to you, and with you…it put me over the edge.” He walked out of the garage doors until he was close enough to touch her. “But I know that doesn’t make it right. I told you I loved you with no strings attached, but then I sweep in like Captain America ready to take on Red Skull.”

  She shook her head. “We have got to get you some better reading material.”

  He cracked a smile, but sobered quick at the memory of the professor and his ring. “So…what’d you say?”

  “What do you think I said? I’m in love, Tripp.”

  In love. His heart twisted. Maybe it was better this way. Josie’s child would have its father—its real father and mother together, under one roof. No splitting the child between them for weekends and holidays. No competing between parents. Just one big happy family.

  He tried to be happy for her—if he really loved her, he would be, right?

  He sniffed hard, desperate to keep his emotions in check. “I—I see. Well, I hope you guys are happy together. I can’t say I’m not devastated. Will you go back to New York or—”

  “Tripp, shut up.”

  He blinked. “What?”

  She stepped closer, those gray eyes holding the power of a wild sea squall approaching shore. “I’m not in love with Finn. I’m in love with you. I told him no.”

  He let out a sharp breath, blinked, tried to comprehend her words. He bent his knees to be eye level with her, put both hands on either side of her arms. “Wait, really? You said no? You love me?”

  The corner of her mouth twitched. “All I could think about when he showed me that gaudy diamond was the bookshop, the crib you spent hours putting together, how wonderful it feels to kiss you. You opened up the door for me to hear the whisper of God’s Spirit again. You reminded me why I need Him so desperately in the first place. And I do. We both do. Let’s face it—together, we’re a hot mess.”

  She blinked before looking up at him. “But you know who else I need? You. Tripp, I need you so much.”

  Her words sent a wave of hope and gratitude coursing through him. He was really hearing these words. She was really saying these words.

  He scooped her up, and dipped his head, softly kissed her until her arms came up behind his neck, pressing him closer. He inhaled the smell of her—wind and lilacs and everything good in life. His body responded, warming, and all he could think to do was make her his as soon as possible.

  His Josie. Bright and beautiful and full of light. He pull
ed away. “What does this mean? Never mind, I know what this means. We need to go ring shopping.”

  She stepped back. “Hold on there, Captain, I didn’t say I was ready for wedding bells.”

  His stomach twisted. “But I thought—”

  “Just because I said no to one proposal today doesn’t mean I need to say yes to the other.”

  “You said you loved me.”

  She reached for his arm. “I do love you. That’s why we need to wait. Let me have this baby first. I don’t want you signing up for anything you’ll regret.”

  “You remember all those times you walked over to my house, asked me if I wanted to do something?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Did I ever say no?”

  She smiled. “Not that I remember.”

  “Because it didn’t matter what we did. Whether we had a grand adventure getting lost in the State Park or dodging boats around Curtis Island or putting up a lemonade stand or just sitting in your apple tree, looking at the clouds. Even when Amie tagged along, or you just wanted my help with homework. It never mattered, because I was with you, Josie. Always. A baby is not going to change that. If anything, it makes me want to care for both of you all the more.”

  “Oh, Tripp…” She scrunched her brow. “Wait—you helped me with homework?”

  He grinned. “Okay, maybe it was the other way around.”

  “I’d think so.” She inhaled deep, contemplating. “Still, I think we should stick with waiting. Finn’s proposal shouldn’t change that. It shouldn’t change us. But now, he wants to be a part of the baby’s life. I don’t know how that makes you feel. When you offered to love me, he wasn’t in the picture. I can’t pretend it won’t be complicated.”

  Yes, he supposed it would be. “We’ll work it out. And I’m okay with waiting if that’s what you want. I’m going to need some time to figure out how I’m going to compete with a college professor anyway.”

  “Tripp, there’s no competition. I was lost this past year, searching for something to fill the loss of my father. First, it was a career, then it was Finn. Now, I realized something. I realized that everything I wanted was right in front of me. Here, with my family, with you.”