Unspoken Words

by K. M. Golland

  “You look absolutely beautiful, Ellie,” she said, her head tilted, her lips pouting.

  I rolled my eyes then blushed and covered my face with my hand. It was just a pretty dress, some makeup, and a blow wave. “Thank you. We’re heading to the garden for a picnic lunch. You should come down and join us. I’ll save you a sandwich.”

  “Maybe I will.” She winked at mum.

  As we entered the elevator, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different. “Where is everyone?”

  “I’m not sure. Maybe having lunch.” Her voice was suddenly singsong.

  I looked up at her as the elevator doors opened and she pushed me out. “What are you up to?”

  “I’m not up to anything, darling.” She stopped the chair and nodded toward the garden, her smile the biggest I’d seen in a long time. “But you may want to ask your fiancé the same thing.”

  Furrowing my brow, I turned forward and froze, my jaw dropping, my eyes wide and fast filling with tears. A wash of emotion flowed through my body, from my head to my toes, and a heavy sob of joy and love tore from my chest.

  “Oh my God!” I whispered, covering my mouth with my hands.

  Wearing a grey suit and standing next to a celebrant at the end of the garden path was Connor, his hands clasped in front of him, a sexy as hell, dimpled grin lighting his face. Chris and Max were standing beside him, also in suits, and Curtis and Raelene were seated on chairs decorated with white, pink, and mint green ribbons tied in bows. Dr Webb, Dr Goodman, some of my nurses, and the four paramedics that saved my life the day of the concert, were also seated on chairs.

  I let out a laugh and stood slowly as Dad stepped forward and helped me out of the chair. “Just a nice lunch?” I asked Mum.

  She handed me the bouquet Dad had been holding and shrugged. “How about extra nice?”

  “You can say that again.”

  Staring wide-eyed at Connor, I didn’t know what to say. I knew this man through and through and, yet, he still managed to surprise me and leave me breathless. “I … I can’t believe he did this.”

  Mum adjusted my off-the-shoulder straps and rested her hands over them. “He had a little help.”

  I glanced from Mum and Dad to Connor and Chris, Raelene and Curtis, a tear escaping my eye and falling to my cheek. “I … I really don’t know what to say.”

  “You say, ‘I do’,” she said while fanning her hands over her face. “No, no, no. No crying. At least not yet.”

  I, too, fanned my hands, wiped my eyes, and willed back any further tears. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

  Mum leaned forward and kissed my cheek, her lips lingering. “I love you so much, Ellie. Happy wedding day.”

  “Okay, Beth, go and take your seat. Connor’s only been waiting all his life for this day. Let’s not make the poor guy wait any longer.”

  Mum laughed, let go of my hand, and made her way into the garden, so I turned to my dad, wiped my eyes—again—and sucked in a deep breath, inflating my cheeks before exhaling.

  “You look beautiful, sweetheart,” he said, his lip trembling like only a father of the bride’s could.

  I hugged him tight. “Thank you, Dad.”

  Pulling back, he puffed his chest, and held out his arm for me, his shoulders stiff, his posture proud. “You ready?”

  I nodded with just as much resolve. “I am.”

  “Then let’s get you married to the only boy who was ever good enough for my baby girl.”

  “So true.” I laughed. “But don’t tell him that.”

  “I don’t need to. He already knows. He’s always known.”

  As Dad and I walked arm in arm along the garden path, my eyes locked on Connor, and I knew deep down to the very core of my soul that what Dad had said was true. Connor had always known he was the only one for me just as I’d always known I was the only one for him. We began at the end, back then and now, and no matter what life had in store for us, we would always begin at the end, like a heart, not a circle. A circle was perfect; no turns, bumps, or corners. Connor and I definitely weren’t perfect—we looped and spun but we always found each other.

  Glancing down at the heart on my wrist, I smiled through my tears. We were definitely a heart, one stronger than my own—one that would not break or fail.

  “Hello, beautiful,” he said, his voice low and full of love. It immediately drew my eyes to his.

  Dad and I stopped, and he placed my hands into Connor’s. “I don’t need to say ‘look after her’ because you’ve been doing that nearly all her life.”

  “And I’ll continue to do it. Forever,” he replied.

  “I know you will, son.” Dad wrapped his arm around Connor’s shoulder and hugged him tight while patting his back. “I know you will.”

  I choked back a sob, as did Chris. And as I looked around the garden, there wasn’t a dry eye in sight.

  “Oh, wow,” I said, wiping my eyes. “So much pollen.”

  Laughter erupted throughout the garden, and Dad and Connor pulled apart.

  “How are you feeling?” Connor gently caressed my cheek with his thumb.

  “Fine. A little overwhelmed, but fine.”

  His eyes crinkled and shone like diamonds; he was so goddamn handsome.

  “I could eat you right now,” I whispered.

  He chuckled, quietly. “Want me to find some sour cream?”

  Our celebrant stepped forward. “Good morning, everybody. Welcome. Please take a seat.”

  I directed my attention to him, a tall man with one of those moustaches you could use to steer a motorbike. It really was impressive. I had the sudden urge to reach out and touch it, instead gripping my bouquet of pastel roses a little tighter and pressing my lips together—he reminded me of Tom Selleck crossed with the Monopoly man.

  “Connor and Eloise are so glad to have you here on this beautiful summer day, to celebrate the love and devotion they share with one another and to witness their unity in marriage.”

  And if they pass go, they will receive two hundred dollars.

  I giggled to myself, which caught Connor’s and the celebrant’s attention.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t get out much.”

  Our friends and family laughed, and it eased my nerves.

  “Please continue.” I ran my pinched fingers across my mouth. “My lips are now sealed.”

  Connor performed the same action, except backwards, unsealing them before kissing his fingertips and pressing them to my lips. I smiled, my cheeks warming at the love he so boldly showed me. Love without words.

  “Very well,” the celebrant said, clearing his throat. “Love is a winding path best travelled with a person who will hold your hand at every turn. Love is discovery. It is courage and, at times, it is often pain. Love can strip you to your core and leave you euphoric, fragile, or perhaps defenceless and afraid. It is a leap we take blindly or with open eyes. And it is the everlasting bond we seek to share with a soul mate who will protect it as madly and as deeply as only two soul mates can.

  “Today, in front of you: their families and friends, Connor and Eloise wish to nurture and strengthen their love with the sanctity of marriage. They believe that, in doing so, they not only promise to love today but also to love tomorrow, the next day, always and for ever after.”

  Releasing my hand from Connor’s, I wiped a tear descending my cheek. He, too, collected a tear with his finger and then took my hand in his and kissed my wrist.

  Unable to wait a second longer, I broke the rules and caressed his jaw, gently guiding his face to mine and kissing him softly, my eyes closed, the world closed. In that moment, it was just the two of us. No family, no friends. No hospital, no illness. Just Connor and I, his body and mine. Our precious baby between us.

  “As you can see, true love cannot be harnessed. But it can be guided just as it guides.”

  We pulled apart but did not look away from each other, not even for a second.

  “Do yo
u, Connor Bourke, take Eloise Mitchell to be your beloved spouse, knowing in your heart that you will be a faithful friend and give your sacred vow that you will always be with her and support her in times of sickness and health, and in times of joy and sorrow? Do you promise to love her completely, to console and comfort her, to laugh and to grieve with her? Do you promise to share her life’s simplest pleasures, to be truthful and honest, and to cherish her for as long as you both shall live?”

  Connor nodded. “I do.”

  “Do you, Eloise Mitchell, take Connor Bourke to be your beloved spouse, knowing in your heart that you will be a faithful friend and give your sacred vow that you will always be with him and support him in times of sickness and health, and in times of joy and sorrow? Do you promise to love him completely, to console and comfort him, to laugh and to grieve with him? Do you promise to share his life’s simplest pleasures, to be truthful and honest, and to cherish him for as long as you both shall live?”

  “And after then,” I said, nodding as well. “I do. Always.”

  The celebrant turned to Chris. “May I have the rings?”

  “That’s us, buddy,” Chris said to Max as he picked him up and sat him on his hip.

  Max waved to Connor then to me. “Hi, Dad. Hi, Ellie Head.”

  We both laughed and gave him a high-five before Chris pulled our wedding rings out of his pocket and placed them in Max’s hand. “Now, give those to the man,” he directed.

  “Why?”

  Chris paused, one brow high, one brow low. “Because we have to,” he murmured.

  “Why?”

  “Because Daddy and Ellie can’t get married without them.”

  “Why?”

  Again, the garden erupted into laughter, apart from Chris who looked about ready to handball his soon-to-be step-nephew to his grandparents.

  “Because they are magical rings of love,” I explained.

  “Cool! Do dey shoot lasers or fire?” He pointed them at our guests and made action sound effects with his lips and mouth as he pretended to fire the rings while bouncing in Chris’s arms.

  “NO!” Connor exclaimed, taking them from Max and handing them to the celebrant. He then grabbed Max’s chubby cheeks and kissed his forehead. “They don’t shoot anything.”

  Max crossed his arms over his chest. “Dey are stoopid.”

  Chris stepped back to the side of the garden. “Come here, you little wiggle worm.”

  “I not a worm. I Iron Man.”

  “Okay, yes, you’re Iron Man.”

  “And you the Hulk.”

  “Shush.”

  “Okay.”

  Biting my lip, I couldn’t help but giggle again, especially because Connor’s eyes were closed and he appeared to be counting.

  “Ellie and Connor have chosen to write their own vows—”

  “We have?” I exclaimed. “That’s news to me.”

  Connor burst into laughter. “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that.”

  I gave him a friendly nudge. “It’s okay. You’re forgiven. I’m sure I can whip something up.”

  The celebrant continued where he’d left off. “Connor, and now Ellie,” he said, gesturing to me, “have chosen to say their own vows and give each other these rings, a symbol of their unbroken circle of love.”

  “Heart,” I stated, interrupting him again. “Sorry. But we’re an unbroken heart not a circle.”

  “An unbroken heart it is.” He handed Connor my ring and nodded for him to start.

  “Ellie McWife Head.” Connor slid the ring onto my finger, and I burst into laughter. “The very day I met you by the river, a piece of my soul broke free and attached itself to you. Of course, I didn’t know it at the time. All I knew was that the colourful goddess of giant hair bows and emerald eyes did exist, and she was loud, proud, and could somehow speak for me when I couldn’t. Ever since that day, you’ve radiated warmth when I was cold, projected joy and happiness when I was sad and angry, and when you weren’t near, I felt incomplete and utterly lost.” He lifted my hand and pressed it to his heart then placed his hand over my heart. “We’ve hurt. We’ve cried. We’ve said our goodbyes. We’ve set each other free only to fight our way back, because that’s where we belong, together, for ever … after.”

  I nodded, tears streaming down my face.

  “Ellie, you’re my world, you’re my soul. And together with Max and Christina,” he said, dropping his hand to caress my tummy. “You’re all I know and want. We both know the road ahead is rocky and steep, but if you’ve taught me anything it’s to travel it regardless, to enjoy and appreciate each step because each step is a gift. So that’s what we’ll do, baby. We’ll take each step together, one at a time. We’ll face anything and everything before us, and we’ll do it together.”

  Nodding like a crying car dashboard bobblehead, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight, terrified for what lay ahead, for the uncertainty of not knowing when or how. I’d been bottling up that fear because I needed to be strong for Connor, for my family, and for our unborn baby. I needed to pretend to be strong for me, because I didn’t know what else to do. But fear feeds off loneliness, and to fight it alone only amplifies its strength. I wasn’t alone. I never had been, and I never would be.

  “Connor McHusband Head,” I said, releasing him and stepping back. I took his ring from the celebrant and slid it onto his finger. “That day by the river when I first heard your voice, you spoke to me on a level I didn’t know existed. All I knew was that there was a boy whose smile lit me up from the inside out, whose words were unspoken and, yet, I could hear them. I could feel them. I shared them.

  “Connor, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted and needed. You’re the air I breathe, the tears I cry, the words I write. You’re the reason I smile every day, and soon, very soon, you’ll give me the greatest gift I’ll ever know—our daughter.”

  I reached up and cupped his tear-streaked face. “For most of my life, you’ve been one half of who I am. You’ve laughed when I’ve laughed, cried when I’ve cried, and hurt when I’ve hurt. You’ve taught me that no matter what happens in life, we can find a way to love and move on, a way that only we know how and, because of that, I know that with whatever lies ahead, we’ll be okay, because we have each other, for ever … after.”

  “Connor and Ellie have shown to you all the love they have for one another. They have pledged to be what the other needs in good times and in bad times, and I have faith in going forward that they will hold true to the commitment they have made today. So, by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”

  Connor bent forward and cupped my face in his hands, his glossy grey eyes twinkling like stars as he pressed his lips to mine, so soft and sensual. I sunk into his kiss, my world fading, my knees buckling just as he slid his arm behind them and gently lifted me into his arms.

  “I’ve got you, Mrs Bourke.”

  And he did. Then, now, always.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Ellie

  “I can’t believe you organised a surprise wedding.”

  Connor moved a tendril of hair to the side of my face and kissed the tip of my nose. “You wanted to get married, so we got married.”

  I shuffled onto my side, the hospital bed creaking with my movement, and snuggled into his warm chest, the scent of his woodsy aftershave igniting my senses. He was still in his suit pants and white shirt, and I hadn’t yet removed my dress.

  “Wait a minute,” I said, playfully narrowing my eyes at him. “We got married ‘cause I wanted to?”

  “No. We got married because I wanted to. The fact that you did, too, was a bonus.”

  I giggled. “Wow! So selfish.”

  My husband lifted my hand, both of us inspecting the yellow gold and diamond wedding band for probably the hundredth time.

  “Married and preggers at age twenty-four, who’d have thought, huh?”

  He kissed my knuckles. “Me.”

  Conn
or’s answer was very matter-of-fact, so I whacked his chest then closed my eyes. Our eventful day had taken its toll, and I was incredibly exhausted and sore.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked, as he closed his hand over mine and laid it upon his chest.

  “Fine. Just resting my eyes.”

  He chuckled and moments later whispered, “You’re beautiful when you rest, Mrs Bourke.”

  “Shh.”

  “You’re beautiful when you ‘shh’, Mrs Bourke.”

  “And you’re noisy when I’m shh-ing and resting, Mr Bourke.”

  I felt him shuffle down the bed until his hand came to rest on my hip. “Fine. I’ll talk to our girl instead.”

  “She’s asleep.”

  “No, she’s not.”

  I felt the tip of his nose nuzzle my tummy.

  “Psst, baby girl,” he whispered. “It won’t be long till you come out of there and meet us, so I just want you to be prepared for Mummy’s beauty when you first see her. She’s very, very, beautiful. But it’s okay, because you’re gonna be just as beautiful. I promise.”

  Christina moved and my tummy bulged.

  “See? She’s awake and listening to her dad.”

  I smiled but kept my eyes closed—she was definitely listening to her dad. I also made a mental note to add this to her notebook. I wanted her to know that her father spoke to her even before she saw the light of day, and that his words were never unspoken when it came to her.

  “Mummy doesn’t know this,” he continued, “but I finished my song last night. The one I wrote for you both.”

  I opened one eye and peeked down. “You did?”

  He ignored me and kept talking to Christina. “It’s called ‘My Girls’. Wanna hear it?”

  “She said, Yes,” I blurted.

  “Shush. You’re supposed to be resting.”

  “Don’t ‘shush’ me.”

  Connor cleared his throat and began to hum a melody.

  Strawberry hair, sweet kisses

  Breathe in and count my wishes

  I reach out, touch your skin.