Too Dangerous: The Lewis Cousins, Book 5

by Bethany Lopez

  Dillon and I danced around the floor, along with not only Shane and my mom, but half the town as well.

  When the music turned upbeat, I was happy to let the tears go and dance to the Y.M.C.A. with my family and friends.

  After the song stopped, Reardon took to the stage to say, “Dinner is served,” and hopped back off. They had a table set for us at the front of the barn, and since we didn’t have anyone in attendance with us, it was simply a long table with seats for everyone who would have been in our wedding party, if we had.

  Gabe, Zoey, Reardon, Chloe, Dillon, Laurel, Jed, and Serena.

  These were our people. The people we turned to in good times and bad, and I realized how lucky I was to be married to a man who shared this love for the same people I did. I couldn’t imagine being with someone who didn’t get along with my best friends.

  Shane and I went first, starting the line of the massive buffet and taking our seats.

  “This is amazing,” Shane said, although I wasn’t sure if he meant the food on his plate, or the whole event.

  “It really is,” I agreed, because regardless, it all was.

  “Your mum started on me about kids,” Shane whispered as he put garlic-roasted potatoes on his fork.

  “Laurel did the same thing to me,” I whisper shouted back. “What the heck is with these people?”

  Shane shrugged.

  “I think it’s kind of sweet. Don’t you want kids?”

  “Well, yeah, but not now, and not like this,” I replied, not realizing what I’d said, or how it came across, until I saw Shane’s face fall.

  “Right,” he said, pushing back from the table and throwing his napkin down.

  “Shane,” I called, even though I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say.

  “I’m going to get some air,” Shane said, and I watched him as he weaved through the crowd, stopping to accept congratulations on the way, until I could no longer see him.

  Shane

  The rest of the night I went through the motions.

  I smiled. I danced. I had shots with the guys. But any joy I’d been feeling at the party held in our honor was gone when I finally got it.

  Jasmine didn’t want me. She never had, and that wasn’t going to change, no matter how much I wanted it to.

  When we got home, Jasmine went to bed, but not before apologizing for hurting my feelings at dinner. Like that’s all it was … hurt feelings. Fuck, hurt feelings is what I got every time I’d heard her say she wouldn’t go out with me because I was a player, or scoff when her friends told her she should give me a shot.

  What I’d had tonight was more like … clarity.

  I couldn’t do this. No matter what I’d said, or promised, I couldn’t keep getting in deeper with Jazzy when there was no chance of her feeling the same.

  I’d thought I could, truly, but that was before I really got to know her, tasted her, been free with her.

  After Jazzy went to sleep I sat at the dining room table, and that’s where I stayed until she woke up the next morning.

  “Hey, you’re up early,” she said, her face soft with sleep. Then she looked me over, saw I was still in last night’s clothes, and asked, “Have you been up all night?”

  “Why don’t you have a seat,” I said, rubbing my hand over my face.

  God, I was tired.

  Jasmine watched me warily as she sat across from me. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “I can’t do this?” I told her bluntly.

  “What?” Jasmine asked, furrowing her brow. “Work tonight? I’m sure Aunt Annabeth would understand…”

  “No, I’m not talking about work. I mean this,” I said, gesturing back and forth between us. “I can’t keep up this charade.”

  “I don’t understand…”

  I sat back in my chair and took a deep breath before laying it out.

  “I thought I could pretend to be married to you, but I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I was fooling myself because I hadn’t felt you beneath me, hadn’t heard you come apart beneath my hands … my mouth,” I began, watching her face as each word penetrated. “That was before Daisy, before camp, before I felt you laughing in my arms. I was a fool to think I’d last a month, let alone five years.”

  “Shane,” she protested, sitting up in her seat, but I shook my head.

  “I’m in love with you, Jasmine, I probably always have been. I think that’s the reason why I jumped on your crazy scheme, even though I knew deep down it would crush me. You would crush me.” Her eyes filled with tears, and as much as I wanted to shut up and go comfort her, I had to do this, for my own sanity. “I can’t spend another day in this house with you if you’re not mine. I want to go to bed with you at night and make you breakfast in the morning. When our friends and your family talk about us having kids, I want it to be an option for us. I don’t want to lie to my mates, or your parents, and I’m not, when I tell them I love you, but the rest of it…”

  “Shane, I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “I know you don’t, Jazzy,” I assured her. “You’ve a heart of gold. That’s just one of the million things I love about you. But, you’re doing it all the same.”

  “You promised,” Jasmine tried, changing tactics, and I had to smile at her will.

  “I know, but you’ve got your house, Jazzy. The deal is done and they can’t take it away from you now, so I don’t feel bad about going, because you got what you wanted.”

  She shook her head. “That’s not fair, what about you?”

  “I’ll be okay. Look, as much as I wanted to stay here, to be close to my friends, the people who’ve become family, I do love my country. Going back won’t be a hardship, and maybe I’ll have a better shot getting a job there than I have here. I’ll look up some of my old mates from school … Plus, we can visit. You guys can come down under, and maybe I can come back to Cherry Springs someday.”

  “Shane, this isn’t what I want. Stay here and let’s keep our arrangement. We can give this thing between us a shot,” Jasmine pleaded.

  “I can’t. Look, this way you don’t have to feel guilty anymore, and you don’t have to lie to your family. Blame it all on me, say it was a mistake and I decided to take my chances back in Australia.”

  “No one will believe that. They won’t believe you left me.”

  I let out a harsh laugh.

  “It’s true, pretty much everyone knows how I feel about you, but you can sell it, Jasmine, I know you can. Simply say we got caught up, made a mistake, and are getting an annulment. They’ll buy it, because most of them thought we were crazy anyway.”

  “But last night,” Jasmine said, thinking of the beautiful reception the gang had given us.

  “Jed and Gabe knew I was upset when they found me outside; they’ll tell the others and everyone will assume I had second thoughts.”

  I stood up, ready to go. My things were already packed and by the door.

  “I don’t want this, Shane. I don’t want you to go… you can’t just drop this bomb on me, totally blindside me, and expect a snap decision.”

  “Your heart, your feelings for me, they aren’t something that can be decided with a handy list. Either you feel it, or you don’t,” I told her, frustrated that she couldn’t see as clearly as I did that we were great together.

  She got up and rounded the table, throwing herself into my arms. I hugged her back; I really had no choice.

  Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and savored the moment. Memorizing the way she felt against me.

  “Do me a favor and find Loki a good home … Jed may be willing to take her, now that their place is squared away.”

  “Don’t go,” Jasmine begged, her breath hot on my neck.

  Leaning back, I looked down, deep into her eyes, and asked, “Do you love me, Jazzy? Do you want this marriage to be real?”

  When she hesitated, again, I had my answer.

  Jasmine

  Shane left.

  After he grabbed h
is things and walked out, leaving me, Daisy, and Loki wondering what was happening, he’d walked out the door without looking back.

  I probably stood there for five minutes, stunned, still half-asleep, wondering what the hell just happened.

  I haven’t even had my coffee yet.

  I finally got moving once Loki started crying at the door. I opened it to let them both outside, then wandered around the house, looking for evidence that he was coming back. But, all of his stuff was gone.

  Poof.

  It was like he’d never been here.

  I looked around the house and realized the house was completely mine. Even though Shane had taken his things, it looked exactly the same. He’d never really lived here in the first place.

  I’d never ordered his bedroom set, so he’d slept on the couch. He used the guest bathroom upstairs, and hadn’t brought any furniture, knickknacks, or personal items from his studio apartment.

  I never made him feel like this was his house, too. It was always mine.

  God, I was an asshole.

  I kept running his words over in my mind. All day it was all I could think about.

  I got what I wanted, and Shane left empty-handed. All because I was a big-ass chicken who couldn’t appreciate what was right in front of me. He’d been completely transparent with his feelings, and, as usual, I’d guarded my heart like it was the hope diamond.

  I walked out into the front yard, still in my pajamas, my eyes lingering on Shane’s normal parking spot, which was empty.

  Sinking to the ground, I hugged Daisy close while Loki jumped round us, wanting to play.

  “What am I gonna do?” I asked them, wishing they could answer, since there was no one else I could ask.

  I didn’t want to call around and ask my cousins or Jed if they’d seen Shane, because I wasn’t ready to admit something was wrong. I couldn’t see him going to any of their houses, not unless he wanted to answer a ton of questions.

  He had to come back … Where else would he go?

  I moped around all day, hoping he’d show up and let me explain my side of things, give me the chance to apologize and tell him what a coward I am.

  When that didn’t happen, I decided to be that girl and go find him at work. I figured he’d have to listen to me there, and if not, I’d get Aunt Annabeth on my side and we’d double team him.

  I’d just tell her we had our first fight.

  With my get Shane back plan solidified, I kept myself busy by cleaning the house.

  I was really going to town, vacuuming the couch cushions, when I lifted the middle cushion and found a notebook. I turned off the vacuum and set it aside, before sitting on the sofa and opened it.

  After reading a few lines, I realized it was Shane’s and closed it.

  I laid it on the couch next to me.

  Are these his songs?

  It read more like songs or poetry than a journal, so it wouldn’t really be an invasion of privacy if I read it, right?

  I picked it back up and started flipping through.

  There were hundreds of songs. Songs about friends, songs about lovers, and even a cute one about Loki.

  But, it was the one on the last page that had my heart in my throat.

  He wrote a song about me.

  Her laughter runs through my veins

  With sea glass eyes and sunset hair

  She takes me back home to a place of peace and love

  Surf’s up and the tide is high,

  But as long as she’s by my side, I don’t need land

  The ocean may be my mistress, but she is my life

  There was more, but I couldn’t see it. My heart was pounding painfully, echoing through my soul and beating along to his lyrics.

  This was what Shane should be doing. Not bartending, not becoming a biology teacher. No, he should be playing music, or at the very least selling his songs. I wasn’t sure why he hid this side of himself.

  If I had one ounce of his talent, I’d be screaming it from the rooftops.

  I looked at the time and saw he should be getting to work soon, so with the notebook clutched to my chest, I went to get ready.

  Once I’d showered and took care doing my hair and makeup, I told the kids I’d be back, and promised Daddy would be, too. Notebook in hand, I’d locked up behind me, sent up a prayer that Loki and Daisy wouldn’t destroy the place while I was gone, and went off to get Shane back.

  I’d parked and was walking down Main Street when I passed one of Cherry Spring’s oldest residents.

  “Evening, Mrs. Dingle,” I called, but kept moving, hoping she wouldn’t want me to stop and chat.

  “Jasmine, dear, so good to see you,” she said with a pleasant smile. “I’ve heard congratulations is in order.”

  “Oh, yes, thank you,” I said, stopping next to her so as not to be rude.

  “That handsome young man from England is sure to keep you on your toes.”

  “Yes, I’m sure he is, but Shane is from Australia, Mrs. Dingle.”

  She waved her hand like they were the same thing. “You be sure to play it smart, not like your father did with your mother.”

  I frowned and asked, “My father? What do you mean?”

  “Well, when they were courting, your daddy was dragging his feet, afraid to commit. So, your mom had to take things into her own hands. She went on a date with Peter Ferguson. Once your dad saw her with another man, he realized what he had with your mom and staked his claim. They’ve been married ever since.”

  Mrs. Dingle laughed, delighted with the memory.

  “Well, I guess we don’t have to worry about that since you already married your man,” she said, but I swear her eyes carried suspicion.

  “Yes, ma’am. I’m actually going to see him now,” I said, nodding toward the door to the bar. “I’ll see you later, Mrs. Dingle. Have a good night.”

  “You too, dear.”

  I waved goodbye and turned to go inside.

  It was a typical weeknight crowd, one that I would have been a part of when I lived in my apartment down the street.

  Funny, I don’t miss it at all.

  Once my eyes adjusted to the darker room, I swung my head around, looking for Shane. He wasn’t behind the bar, or anywhere in the dining room, so I walked over to where Becs was filling a glass at the soda fountain.

  “Hey,” I said in greeting.

  Becs looked up at me and her face froze, then turned positively hostile.

  Before I could ask what was up, she said, “Shane called in,” and stormed off, leaving me standing there, hope bleeding out of me.

  Shane

  I slept for sixteen hours.

  I guess staying up for thirty-six hours and dealing with a broken heart will do that to a man.

  I woke up and swore, my body protesting sleeping on another couch that was too small for me. I needed to find a fucking bed to sleep in. Maybe once I got to Australia I’d find a place that was furnished but cheap.

  Fuck, who was I kidding, I may have enough for first month’s and a deposit on an apartment, but my savings wouldn’t stretch that far. Flights to Australia were not cheap. I’d probably end up falling on the mercy of one of my old mates until I found a job.

  Christ, I thought holding my head in my hands, I’m a grown man in his thirties and have absolutely nothing going for me. No wonder Jasmine didn’t believe my shit, she deserves a sharp-dressed man with a 401k and assets of his own.

  I pushed up off the couch, grimacing at the way my jeans felt, and shuffled to the kitchen to get coffee.

  Once the coffee was ready, I poured it in my cup and added a healthy dose of whiskey.

  I was about to flop back on the couch when a pounding on the door made me pause mid-crouch.

  Having no idea what kind of lads Becs may have coming around her place, I decided not to open the door and finished sitting down.

  That’s when I heard Jed calling my name. “Shane, open up.”

  I blinked.

&nb
sp; I hadn’t told anyone I was here, and I doubted Jasmine had already mentioned I was leaving, so what in the hell was Jed doing here?

  Standing once more, I crossed to Becs’ front door and opened it.

  We both looked at each other for a beat, before he asked, “What the fuck’s going on, man?”

  I stood aside and motioned for him to enter.

  “How’d you find me?” I asked, wanting to know how much he knew before answering.

  “After the reception, I talked to Reardon, who would neither confirm or deny my suspicions, which gave me the answer I was looking for. I drove by the house and saw your car missing, then went looking for you at the bar. Becs told me you were here, but swore me to secrecy.”

  Fuckin’ Becs, so much for giving me a place to crash and hide until I left.

  “What’s up?” I asked being purposefully thick.

  “What’s up?” he repeated, his tone incredulous. “What the hell do you think is up? Did something happen between you and Jasmine? I mean, I may not be the brightest bulb in the shed, but I’m pretty observant, and it was obvious that you and Jazzy got married so you could stay in the country.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  He gave me a dry look.

  “I’m sure you know how to satisfy the ladies, but not even you could convince Jasmine Lewis to go on a whirlwind trip to Vegas and get married, unless there was a something mutually beneficial happening. When Rena told me the stipulation on buying the house Jasmine wanted, it all made sense.”

  “So, you thought it was a ruse from the beginning?” I asked, flopping down on the couch and taking a healthy drink.

  “No, not exactly. I believe one hundred percent that married to Jasmine is right where you want to be.”

  “But not her to me?”

  “I don’t know her as well as I know you, but what I do know translates to her not being the love at first sight, let’s get married in Vegas and not tell any of my family members, type. She’d more … guarded. Hell, I’ve seen her talk to a couple guys in the bar, maybe hookup, but she’s never been serious about anyone.”