It hurt that he gave her what she didn’t need, but teased me with what I did.
“There’s an idea. Blade will like it even more if I tell him you came up with it. He’s got a soft spot for you. It’s got to be the fire thing.” The show was about to start and Rachel gazed at the stage as the lights dimmed. The energy in the room thudded with the terrified pulses of the humans about to take the stage.
“What will you do to get it under control? The negative energy is poison.” Rainey’s voice was hushed in the dark room. The music had changed to something I could barely understand. But it complemented the rhythm of the donors. Quick and hesitant. Their time could be finite.
Rachel shrugged. “Define ‘negative.’ Yeah, there’s fear. Uncertainty. That comes with any change. I was terrified when I first turned. You know what though? I was terrified more by staying the same.” She watched me, sizing me up. She had an air of danger about her, not recklessness, not trouble, but an inherent danger. “Every vampire that comes here leaves fully sated by the blood of their donors.”
Bullshit. “That’s not what happened the other night.”
“Growing pains.” She had an answer for everything. But that wasn’t the real problem. She was being way too nice. Rachel on a power trip usually didn’t think I warranted any explanations for her bad behavior.
Which meant I had something she wanted. I couldn’t imagine what. She already took my fire and put my girlfriend in a trance.
“Why did you call us here?” Rainey asked. The last word was drowned out by the cry of a donor. He fell off the catwalk into the waiting arms of a hungry vampire. Getting bit hurt like hell if they didn’t bother putting a spell on their partner first.
“Because we want you to be a part of this.” Rachel’s grin showed her fangs. “The catwalk thing bores the vampires. That’s why they’re getting restless. They need more than that. We need to get people in here that have real talent if we’re going to keep the crowds happy.”
Oh hell no. But to get the big picture, I’d pretend to play ball. “What would you want me to do?”
Rainey kicked my leg. I wished I could get messages directly into her brain like this bitch in front of us could.
“Teach them how to perform. We wouldn’t get that much out of them, of course. Too much exertion. You could go on stage with them—”
“No.” There was only so long I could keep my game face on. “I’m not letting a bunch of vampires feed from me—”
“Slow down, that’s not what we want you to do.” Rachel rolled her eyes, laughing. At me. She really knew how to throw down the charm. “We want you to dance with them, and incorporate the fire. We don’t want to hurt them, but we want the show to be on the edge. A will she or won’t she mystery.”
“One little problem with that theory.” I glared at her. “You have my fire.”
“I don’t.” She sighed. “I’ve tried to summon it. Blade said it came with extreme emotion. I guess I’ll have to do something that falls under that category.”
Fuck him and it’s all yours, was on the tip of my tongue. She may not know about my relationship with Blade, and it wasn’t any of her business.
But something much heavier came over me. Either Rachel was lying, or she didn’t take my fire away from me. She neutralized it. So playing nice with her to get it back wouldn’t do me any good.
If I couldn’t have what I wanted, neither could she.
“Then I can’t help you.” I waved to Lennon so she could get us a guard. It was time to go. “Sorry. Good luck with your show.”
Rachel grabbed my arm before I walked away from her. “Blade gave you a taste of your fire tonight.” Her eyes glowed red, and I swore she had flames burning deep down inside of her. My flames. “And you liked it. You reek of sex and ash. You’ll do anything to get more. So don’t be so quick to tell me what you can and can’t do. Like I said, things are changing. You can either be with us or against us. There’s no middle ground.”
I DIDN’T WANT MUCH in life; just to dance in a pretty outfit and burst into flames, and maybe have my name fall from people’s lips as they left the theater in complete awe, wondering how I did that. When I wasn’t on stage, I wanted to travel to fantastic places, past and present.
There was no need to ask Rachel about time travel. If she didn’t try to hang it over my head, I assumed she knew nothing about it. It was best to keep it that way. Knowledge was power. As much as chaos blossomed at Embrace, things were actually starting to make a lot of sense. Rachel wouldn’t be able to intimidate Lennon into being one of her foot soldiers. And the one-two punch of that night had been carefully orchestrated. Which meant Rachel and Blade were getting more powerful, and Blade was sharing his secrets, which was the scariest part of all.
Maybe they did have some sort of relationship. I couldn’t indulge myself in any jealousy at that thought.
“I’m sorry.” Rainey kissed the top of my head when we got home. She’d changed into pajamas, but she still had the flower in her hair. “That was a hell of a night. Leave it to us to try to find angels and summon the devil.”
“We should flip our approach.” I took her hand and encouraged her to sit with me in the dark living room. I wound up in her lap with my head on her shoulder.
Rainey tugged my braid. I would’ve done anything to see sparks fly out of it, like energy had gotten trapped between the tightly woven strands. But nothing. We needed Blade. “We’d still summon the devil. It’s how we roll,” she said.
I laughed. “Blade told Rachel that the fire needed extreme emotion. And the few times he’s been able to bring it to me have involved the three of us. You hate him, I...I can’t really explain how I feel about him.”
Rainey stopped playing with my hair and sat up straight. “Try.”
“The fire has a pull over me. I’d say it was an addiction, but I feel broken without it, and when he’s around, I feel whole.”
I hated the look in her eyes. “I know that. It’s the only reason I tolerate his existence. There has to be a place you draw the line. You’ve tried, but you keep crossing it. He’ll ruin you, and everything you have because the emotion he loves the most is misery,” she said.
She was right.
“It’s easy for him to cause pain. He doesn’t know how else to express himself as a vampire. He knows he ruins everything he touches and he hates it. He wants to be happy, but he doesn’t know how to do it anymore.”
“That’s sad.” Rainey didn’t say anything else for a long time. “You can’t fix him.”
“I wanted to, at first. I thought I’d be enough to make him happy. I don’t think he was using me. But he doesn’t have to rely on anyone else when he creates misery.” It was finally starting to make sense. “He can do it on his own. Other people let him down. Including me. I can’t give him what he wants.”
“No. He has to find it for himself.” She sighed. “And so do you. You can’t rely on him to give you your fire, especially after tonight. You have to find it within yourself.”
The problem with that theory was I knew what made it rise inside me, and Blade was part of that equation. I still believed love could conquer darkness.
Chapter Twenty
SIN CITY VAMPIRE CLUB stood dark and cavernous since the members of Immortal Dilemma bid it farewell by slicing their throats. It had been weeks since the show closed. A few mourners remained in the hallway outside the theater, clutching signs and black roses, desperately looking for closure and for a place to belong. I sympathized with those women. I understood how it felt to find my sanctuary and have it ripped away from me. We were here for the same reason.
Gaining admission required signing on the dotted line. The contract was simple and straightforward. For a term of one year, I performed four routines, and I ignited for the grand finale. I got thirty-three percent of the net profit from the show. Thirty-three percent went to Tristan, and the remaining portion of the proceeds went to the band he hired.
We had ye
t to announce the show. Everyone thought Tristan was six feet under. We decided to call our venture The Afterlife.
Blade wasn’t given a chance to counteroffer. The only thing he had to offer was my fire, and he still couldn’t interest me in that debacle. I didn’t consider myself superior to anyone, and I was interested in bringing humans joy rather than agony. So Rachel and Blade had nothing for me. All they wanted to do was punish Callie, but I refused to be a pawn in their game.
Sin City Vampire Club was three times the size of Cirque Macabre, and it came with expectations. No one had known who Holly Octane was the first time I took the stage across the street. This time, they’d come to see me, and I had no idea if I could give them what they wanted.
The air tasted like stale blood. So much of it had been shed in this building, for pleasure and pain. I had to learn to embrace it, like I did my fire. The blood would give me my life back. We all needed it to survive.
A lyra ring waited for me in the middle of the stage. I’d been dying to add the aerial ring to my routine at Cirque Macabre, but it was too similar to another performer’s routine and I was told to stick to what I knew best.
“It’s rigged for fire.” Tristan grinned at me. “There’s a switch you can hit and the ring will ignite. I tested it to make sure it worked.”
Leave it to Tristan to play with fire.
“I told him you won’t need it.” Callie threw down the first challenge. I hadn’t expected an audience for my first rehearsal. They met me in the lobby and showed me around, and I thought they’d leave after that. Nope. They came to see what they paid for.
“I don’t have a full routine yet. I have to get used to the new equipment before I design something.” I felt naked. I asked for silks, too. But knowing Callie, I probably had to prove my worth on the lyra before I leveled up to another prop.
She grabbed Tristan’s arm and groaned. “She’s got no idea what she’s doing.”
“How could she? She hasn’t heard the music yet.” Tristan walked to the side of the stage. “We never broke down my stuff from Immortal Dilemma. All my stage guitars are still here. Want me to play while you practice?”
It was the same stage, soaked with the blood the vampires couldn’t capture.
I ignored Callie’s grimace. “That would be awesome.” Once I got lost in the music, my body would move effortlessly. I didn’t understand how to write a song, but I definitely knew how to react to it.
“There’s an operator for the ring, and the silks.” Callie approached me, pulling something out of her bag. “Here’s an ear piece. You can clip the transmitter onto your costume, and you’ll be able to communicate with him while you work on your routine. He suggests you wear it during performances, too, especially while you’re doing aerial routines. Just in case.”
She was the last person I expected to be concerned with my safety, but she probably also didn’t think I was worth wasted time with a lawsuit.
“Thanks,” I said, looking for a place to clip the boxy transmitter. “I’m worried I’ll knock it off during a routine.”
Or it could burn. And I hadn’t decided how much I wanted to wear during my opening number. Immortal Dilemma’s shows had started with a circus-like skit, and I thought that was the best place for me to do something old-school Vegas, and finally get to wear a freaking headdress. Tristan suggested I do my first routine topless. It scared me to bare all to a roomful of strangers. We had some time, and I was leaning toward doing it. I pictured myself coming down a set of stairs in a feather headdress and matching wings that I covered myself with until I was ready to reveal more. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
Like us.
It was honest and sexy, having nothing to hide.
Callie rolled her eyes. “We’ll work it out. But it will give you a chance to learn to work with the operator.”
“What’s your pleasure? Acoustic or electric?” Tristan considered a rack of guitars.
Purely to stall, I walked over to the rack to see if any of his instruments spoke to me. I knew what he could do with them. I needed him to create music that touched me in a place that very few people had ever been able to reach. Our gazes locked; we shared something much deeper than sex.
Passion. The raw need to speak to people through our art and blow their minds.
That was the kind of energy I wanted to create. Rainey and Callie would never understand it, even though they both supported it. Something else fueled them. I wished it satisfied Blade. But instead, he thrived off chaos.
Tristan had let me into his world, and to satisfy my end of the commitment, I had to do the same for him.
Some of these guitars were works of art. One looked like it had been cut from amber. The bare spotlights that hung over the stage illuminated its irregularities, and the things that were forever trapped inside. But that wasn’t the one. It held the memories of Immortal Dilemma, and we were creating something new.
“Acoustic.” One lonely guitar that could honor that request sat at the end of the rack.
“I hoped you’d say that.” There was a reason why Tristan had been chosen for Immortal Dilemma. He drew people in. I wanted to be near him. Not in a sexual way. He had a way of making people feel like they belonged. That’s why fans held vigil, weeks later, without one sign of hope. I had a lot to learn from him.
“I watched videos of your show,” he continued as he positioned himself on a stool on the edge of the spotlight. The lyra commanded most of it. “Never made it over there since we worked the same schedule. I wanted to get a feel for how you moved and what your performance was about.”
“Thank you.” I held on to the lyra, blown away by that. No one had given Tristan any credit for being anything more than a pawn in Talis’ game. Human reviewers disregarded his talent and dismissed him as man candy. But I was learning he was beautiful inside and out. “I didn’t have total control over my routines.”
He shook his head. There’d been no need for a disclaimer. “Tell me about it. I’m stoked to see what you’ve got.”
I watched for his cues. Before he strummed, he looked over to Callie and winked. Business as usual, she sat on her road case on the side of the stage, her feet swinging as Tristan plucked the first few notes from the guitar.
Rainey took a seat in the audience, front and center. I asked her not to wear a dress tonight. I couldn’t get distracted. That could wait for opening night.
The lyra was different than the pole, but they both required huge amounts of core and upper body strength. I squeezed my eyes closed as I pulled myself up, grateful for the hours I’d logged at the gym. I’d worked up to upside-down crunches for this reason. With a pole, I had to work around something—with the lyra ring, I worked inside it.
The operator kept the ring low to the ground. I tested the earpiece. “Is there a safety net with this thing?”
“No,” he answered.
I was immortal, and a fall wouldn’t kill me.
I swung back and forth, getting a feel for working with the new equipment and Tristan. He was nervous, too. He poured all his attention into his guitar as the song flowed from him, haunting and hopeful at the same time. I didn’t have the luxury of watching his show when I had my own to put on. I scooted my butt back, holding onto the sides as I adjusted myself.
No playing it safe tonight.
When the metal hit the crook of my knees, I released the bars and let myself fall back.
“Lift the ring,” I instructed the operator.
The lyra swung as it moved upward. My stomach lurched and I reached for the bar to steady myself. The operator was timid, he only went up about ten feet, but it might as well have been a mile. I kicked off from the bar and the lyra swung wildly from one end of the stage to the other as I glided below it like a pendulum.
My arms burned and my head spun, but I wasn’t done yet. I pulled myself up again to somersault around the hoop. The motion steadied the ring and I stopped swinging. Good to know. Tristan’s song built to a
crescendo. There was no way he’d known what I’d do. Like me, he was making it up as he went along. I straddled the metal, lounging on the ring like it was the face of the moon.
The operator brought me back down to earth as the song ended.
“That was fucking amazing.” The room spun even though I was back on solid ground. “I felt like I was flying.”
“You scared the shit out of me.” Tristan put his guitar down and hugged me. “I can’t believe you’ve never done that before. Could you hear the music?”
“Some of it. To be honest, I was so wrapped up in trying to maneuver the ring that I blocked everything else out. Can I get a copy of it to rehearse to?” I didn’t expect Tristan to be there every time I wanted to practice. Plus, I wanted to listen to it on my headphones when I was by myself, in a safe place where my mind could wander. My routine would be born there.
“Yeah, it’s still rough, but I can get you something.” Tristan reached for Callie as she joined us at the middle of the stage. “I’m thinking of keeping that one acoustic, but the rest of your stuff will be electric.”
“That makes sense.” The lyra was the quietest number of the night for both of us.
“What about the fire?” Callie asked. “Are you practicing that? Do we need to do anything special to the stage to make sure the place doesn’t ignite?”
“Yeah, it needs to be fire-proofed, usually with concrete. The hotel should know what to do to keep the audience safe. I need a chemical shower at the side of the stage or someone waiting with a blanket.”
“When will you do it?”
Good question. “The finale.” I swallowed hard.
“That’s what everyone wants from you, the fire. It better be good.” She tugged Tristan’s arm but he didn’t budge. “One more thing,” she added.
She loved shooting her gun before she walked off into the sunrise. She couldn’t let the evening end on a good note. “What’s that?”
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